110 - Rusty Gaillard : how to enjoy life

LFTP_S2_E110_RustyGaillard

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He was, uh, with apple for 13 years, exited from there and started coaching, huge heart and, you know, When you're looking for somebody that's gone through that transformation, that transition from where they were to where they are getting that higher level of life. That's what you want is somebody with a heart, but also with the knowledge.

And so I'm excited to share rusty with you today. So rusty, how are you doing today? My friend.

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But the, um, you know, where I am today is I work with small groups of people and I also work one-on-one with people and it's really about helping them to. Grow themselves to fill the shoes of the role that they're in or to, to step into the kind of success that they want. Um, you know, I think most of us look around and we say, well, this is what's in my way.

r my boss is holding me back [: 00:02:00

And if you can cut through that stuff and actually start taking steps, you can have what you want. I've been on that journey now for the last several years. And it's just been amazing.

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the fall, before the fall of: 2020

So, um, you know, for me, that's just, that's just one of these examples of things can move really fast when you get clear on what it is that you want to do. And. Put your energy behind it and go do it. That's a

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Well, let's not overlook the fact of, uh, firing somebody. Like that's a large hurdle for a lot of people. Um, you know, and going through the whole process. I mean, it seems like if you've not published a book that it's like, yeah, you just sit down and you release it, but a nice cover. Uh, way it goes. And that's the furthest thing from the truth.

towards the end of our time [: 00:04:00

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I also really good. Uh, I got married last fall, uh, and I'm in an amazing relationship. Just. The thing that I most treasure about our relationship is our ability to talk about what's going on in our lives and what's going on in our relationship and work through it together.

Um, so that's just beautiful and a huge blessing. She's a huge blessing in my life. Um, my son, I have a son who's a freshman in high school, which is a whole new transition. Uh, you know, up until this year, every year I was involved in getting him to school. When he's with me, I'm also divorced, which we'll talk about later.

happened? We just crossed a [: 00:05:00

And so that was a little bit of a personal journey, but, um, it's just such a blessing to have him in my life and to be a dad. It's, it's, uh, one of the highlights

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So congratulations. That's a huge thing. Thank you. Well, if we could let's let's um, talk about kind of the experience you had. Let's go back to, you know, where things were at tech, because there's, there's stuff that went on during that time and had built up to. Puts you on a different trajectory, right. To see a different opportunity.

So can we kind of go back to what that looked like and some of the challenges that you were facing at that time?

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I worked at apple, which is like, everybody knows apple. It's a great company. Um, so, you know, externally things looked really good. But internally, there was definitely some challenges. Uh, and so the first piece of that, I would say that's the first challenge that started to come around. When my son was born, I had just been promoted.

I was a director of finance at apple and. I was leading the global sales forecast. So how much are we going to sell? The iPhone was relatively new. The iPad was just coming out. It was a huge job and it was global, which meant mornings evenings talking to people all around the world. Well, my son was. And I wanted to be there.

alues. And I had this really [: 00:07:00

And he says to me, the one regret I have is that I wasn't around more for my kids. And I remember that conversation. I remember where we were sitting. I remember the view from the table. I mean, it just like, it resonated with me in this way that I remembered. And so I found myself here in this important job at apple, and I had invested everything in my life at that time.

Up to in my career, right? It was all about advancing and reaching the next step and progressing. And here I am, where that comes. Face-to-face in conflict with this other value that I have, which is being present as a father. And that was a really challenging time for me because I wanted to do it all. And honestly, up until that point in my life, I was able to do it all.

This was like the humbling [: 00:08:00

And because so much of my identity was tied up in my career. That was a real turning point for me in who I am.

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Is our identity is so [: 00:09:00

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It was not, I agonized over that decision. I did not do it well with my boss, my boss wasn't happy with me. Um, and I kinda just swallowed hard and said, this is what I want, but I was really nervous about it. And that the carry over from that was that for years, I did not like to talk about. Here I am. I met him working at the, like one of the best companies in the world.

uch. So it was, it was safe. [: 00:10:00

And I was embarrassed because I was. You know, I had taken this step back and, you know, back to this identity thing, I was no longer climbing the ladder. I didn't see myself as important. Um, all of these kind of self doubt and this whole story about who I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be accomplishing in my career.

It was all in conflict. And I was in this inner turmoil. So I, I didn't really deal with it. I kind of just showed up, did the best that I could at work. And then when I went home, I pushed it away, but it was there kind of turning in the back.

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Um, back then, you know, like you said, you have different tools. What would you have done differently? If it, if it were to be something you just did, like tomorrow.

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Uh, and

you know, that sounds like a simple thing on the surface of it, but it really takes strength to find that clarity internally and then stand up for it and stick to it. And I just would have been a little bit more firm in setting boundaries, both at home and. This is what I will sign up for. This is what I won't sign up for so that I can.

Um, just be more clear about how to navigate it. There was so much overlap between home and work and it was just a mess and I didn't navigate it. Well, I didn't set clear expectations with people, so it was disappointing. People left and right. It was just fundamentally, I don't like to disappoint people.

, there's a good shot that I [: 00:12:00

It would have taken some extra effort and ruffled some feathers along the way I get that. But it's the tolerance of being, being willing to do that. And I have much more of that tolerance for discomfort now than I had at that point.

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How would you, you know, if I'm making a change like that, how would you guide me to do that in a, in a manner that's healthy and respecting to my wife? Because I mean, I can come home and go, this is the way it's going to be. That's going to go over so well, um, you know, it's just going to create more attention, but how could I do something like that and make it.

It communicates, Hey, we're on a team. I respect you. I love you. I care about your feelings in this, in this situation.

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So you can tell how that went. Um, you know, if I were to face that situation in my relationship today, you know, It's just being clear, first of all, about priorities. Um, and just because my wife and my son are my priority today does not mean there are times when I choose to stay longer. That's fine. Right.

Just because I've made that choice and I'm going to be late at work and I have to work late that doesn't or I choose to work late, rather not. I have to, that doesn't mean that my wife and my son are not my top priority. So I think making sure that message comes across. Look, you're still my top priority.

moment, I have to work late. [: 00:14:00

You're choosing it because your boss expects it of you expected of you. Whatever the reason is, it's your choice. And owning that choice, I think is just critical in navigating these decisions. Absolutely.

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Like you talked about, you know, that you're struggling with at work. It just creates a situation where you go from one tough situation to another and you just go back and forth. Drains you even faster while you're even struggling with your identity. It's like, let's just make this that much harder.

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t, it was a very challenging [: 00:15:00

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Now you've got, you know, um, more time with the family you're moving along. How did things progress from that?

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of the therapy things I did [: 00:16:00

So I, I went, uh, I actually went and I lived in a place for a while and I was, it's a kind of did this extended therapy work, which was. Again, one of those decisions, like I never thought I would do this in my life. Um, and I had to swallow hard, but because I, Hey, it's either this or get divorced, it's worth trying.

Um, and so I did it and ended up getting divorced anyway, but the thing that I took away from that experience was, um, the value of connection and having a peer group. And so when I got back, I got back home and I started a men's group. And this way there was five or six of us. And we met every week for six years.

ir challenges, sharing their [: 00:17:00

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Where did, where did the, the desire to become a coach? How did that.

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I had been in the, I mentioned from the time I took this new job at apple, until the time I left apple, I didn't, I was in the same job. And that was, I think it was eight years. So it was a long time. Um, again, very fortunate in many respects and Apple's a great company and I was very lucky to be in that job.

And I knew I wanted to do something else. I sat there. I'm like, okay, Apple's a big company. If I disappear. Is anyone really going to notice that I'm gone? Does it make that much difference? Do I want to just sit here and earn a paycheck for the rest of my life? Or do I want to do something that, to me is meaningful.

make any progress on my own [: 00:19:00

I couldn't figure it. Uh, it came together because I had been going to the same church as my ex-wife and that became untenable. So I was looking for a new place. I was just started dating someone. Uh, and so the two of us decided, Hey, let's go find someplace together that we want to have, uh, join a community.

So we joined a spiritual center. It's really more spiritual center than it is a religion or church. Uh, and about a month or two after we started, there was a guest. And this guest speaker came through and asked us to think about what kind of life we would want to create for ourselves, not love, you know, 10% better kind of thing.

yself that question. And she [: 00:20:00

If you can get there, what your friends or family would think, how much money you would make, are you qualified for this? What kind of education do you have? Like put all that stuff aside and just imagine you could rub the lamp. The genie comes out and you get your wish. And it's like, this is the life that I want.

And when I heard her describe that, the first thought that came to me was what if this men's group that I formed that has been so powerful for me. What if I could do that as a job? And that was the first idea and that led down this path of becoming a coach?

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this is the point I need to [: 00:21:00

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And I worked in finance, which is kind of like left brain. Analytical thinking, and I'm gonna drop all of that. Walk away from a stable paycheck. Go become a coach, which I've never done before. It's more right. Brain kind of work. I'm going from an expert in my field to a beginner. I had no idea how it was going to go.

ry step along the way, I was [: 00:22:00

So that was when I got trained as a coach. Then when I go in and tell my boss, Hey, I'm thinking about leaving. Then I went down to part-time and then ultimately left, but each step along the. The fear came up. What are you doing? Why are you doing this? Are you sure this makes sense? It would be much safer to stay at apple.

All of those thoughts and the, uh, the tool that I used in those moments is what I've since started calling the rocking chair test, which is, imagine yourself. Sitting at 85 years old in a rocking chair on your front porch, rocking back and forth and just reflecting on your life. And from that vantage point, look back at this moment and ask yourself what is the right choice?

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We don't progress. We don't move forward because what if, but. You know, you're talking about a, what if, but from a perspective of, okay, um, I'm 85 years old, I'm sitting on the rock and you know, in the rocking chair on the front porch, I don't want regrets. What am I glad about? What am I joyful about what satisfaction and fulfillment has have I brought about in life?

And I love the [: 00:24:00

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What is the life experience you want to create? And that's what I love about that. That rocking chair test. Yeah, it

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Like you said, you moved to part time. How did you continue to step away and step into, uh, the dream and then begin fulfilling?

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It's too big. And you know, how do you make a transition from working in finance, at apple to becoming a coach? Some people will look at that and say, I can't make that transition. It's too big. And so I just think it's important to know where you're going. First of all. And then. That's all you have to do.

You just have to start. So for me, the first example was where am I going to get certified? You know, I found a place, started talking to them on the phone. Okay. I'm nervous. Am I going to let that stop me? No. Okay. Get trained, sign up. Then actually get through the training, which was, you know, takes time and energy and investment, all that, but it's just step-by-step.

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I've built enough momentum. And. That I can see myself carrying through. I can see myself, I can see a path to success. Great. So I, I, I was ready to jump in full-time at that point. Now some people will go even further in parallel they'll build, uh, operating practice, coaching practice while working full-time.

That's great. You do what's right for you. You will know when the right time is, as long as you're paying attention to how you're making that decision and not letting fear control the decision.

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Like what, what was going on and how did you get there?

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So one of the things I learned there is this phrase, which I love, it says you can't think your way into right. Action. You have to act your way into right. And I just found that to be the case, you know, like in terms of internal changes, it's, you know, they, they go hand in hand, I get that, but it's a willingness to take the next step.

That is the right thing. And as I did that, the, some of the changes I noticed in myself is I'm willing. I'm the kind of person who's willing to go for. What matters. Yeah. I had some peak moments of having done that, like taking the lower level job. Right. I could do that in those peak moments, but it wasn't a skill that I had on a sustained basis.

ecisions that we have to do. [: 00:28:00

So I started to see myself as not just a. Uh, not just broken and trying to fix myself, but somebody who is, has everything I need to move forward. And just one other thing about that is, you know, I, I mentioned I'd done, I did a lot of therapy, many, many years in many different formats. And my I'm not saying this is the way therapy is, but my experience of therapy was that I was trying to fix something that was broken.

for me is I, you know, as I [: 00:29:00

And coaching is all about. Wholeness and being complete and having everything you need. It's forward-looking what is your goal? What are the steps you're taking again, act your way into right. Thinking, starting to see yourself more and more as the person who can achieve what it is that's important to you.

So for me, there was also this transition of seeing, not seeing myself as broken and seeing myself as complete and whole and capable of achieving what it is that I want to.

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okay? Sharing the other two? [: 00:30:00

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And, uh, you know, I, I use the three wishes just as an example, to get people to think out of the box. Cause most people think in a constrained way, right. They think, what can I achieve? Uh, what's possible for me rather than what would you really like? So I actually, she did not use the genie example. That's something that I brought in, but I will say that that picture that you craft is not just your career because everything's in.

picture of what does it look [: 00:31:00

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elationships and how happy I [: 00:32:00

Like there was a part of me that said, yeah, that's fine. So the biggest resistance wasn't about a particular element. It was just this whole thing of can life really be that good.

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people in releasing like the [: 00:33:00

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I think just most people are taught to do what you think is possible. Right. And to think increment. Uh, what I've, you know, for me to go from working at apple, to becoming a coach that was not an incremental change that required thinking out of the box, thinking creatively and most people like that's trained out of us.

Right. I mean, think about, I actually have a, my son, I mentioned as a freshman in high school and I was talking to another dad. And, uh, and this kid went to a different high school and he said, Hey, you know, he started getting BS and CS on his writing assignments and English. I was like, that's surprising.

se this kid was super smart. [: 00:34:00

Giving people a lower grade because they're coloring outside the lines are a little bit more creative. They're not exactly following the rules now. Of course, there's a time and place for following the rules. I understand that. But if you're always following what you think are the rules in your life, you never get there.

And so for analytical people, for smart people, even for those of us who are just grew up in this society and went through this education system that says, do what you're told to do. That it it's, it does take a little bit of time to stretch yourself out of that. And it's like, huh? How can I think in a different way?

he right, going in the right [: 00:35:00

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Upgrade your life to something to career your life, your work, all of that does something that's motivating for you. It's so important to have the right person there with you in that journey. Um, so for me, it's, it's the people. And I think for me, the, the other really important thing is, is to notice when my discomfort is getting the better of me, because when we get uncommitted, What do we do?

We try to get comfortable again, and that might be playing it safe. Might be, oh, I'm not going to do this thing today because it's just, I better just show up and do my job. Or, you know, sometimes we see comfort through drinking or through eating or through Netflix, you know, even exercise, right. Something that is ostensibly good for you.

People can see comfort through that. So just notice, start to notice. And this is so powerful for me. It's like, where am I seeking comfort? And what am I running? Because if you're willing to embrace some of that discomfort, that's usually the path to growth.

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Um, to, to one. You know, see your book. If, if they're like, Hey, I love reading, which is a vital habit. If they're not already a reader work on it, it's something I had to grow into, chose to grow into, caught myself there, not example there. Um, but w how can people connect?

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One is you can check out the book, breaking the code. You can get it on Amazon. If you do go to Amazon search for breaking the code rusty, because there's other books with that title, that'll pop this one up to the top. So that's one thing go to Amazon. Second is go to my website. It's rusty gaillard.com.

y social platform I'm really [: 00:38:00

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And I absolutely will share it in the show notes, so done deal. Awesome. Well, rusty, thank you so much for joining me today to share how you've. You didn't lose your identity, but you went beyond that, found it and achieved your dream. And they're continuing to push into that. Um, so rusty, thank you so much for joining me and sharing all that.

I really appreciate it. My

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