167 - Jim White : navigating the hurricanes of life

Mike Forrester 0:02

Well, hello, and welcome back my friend, man this week, this is going to be fun, especially as a parent. And we as dads need all the help we can, you know, so Jim White is a man, a man, just that I'm really encouraged because of where he is what he's gone through. He's a father of six dad's grandfather to 12 has been married 40 years. So in navigating that, I think he's figured a few things out, guys. So Jim's, an author recently wrote a book about parenting your teen, and we'll get into that. And so Jim's just really got a great story. And, you know, tells it like it is. So we're gonna jump in here. Jim, how are you doing today, my friend?

Jim White 0:50

I am awesome. Thank you. And it's a pleasure to be here.

Mike Forrester 0:54

Glad to have you join me. Hey, if we could Can we start out? What is the professional side of life look like for you today?

Jim White 1:02

So I have a coaching practice. It's Family Enrichment Academy. And as the name implies, and my focus of my practice is around working with families, and again, primarily around parenting skills. And so that it's coaching and educational products. It is really, it's about communicating wisdom, if you will, which actually might take a few minutes and give you a little bit of background on how I how I got here, to this point. So it's it's, as you mentioned, I've been married for 40 years. And so I like to say I've spent the last 40 years studying the topics of personal development, marriage and parenting. But more importantly, I've spent those 40 years applying the lessons learned as a husband and a father to the six children. And actually, I like to use the analogy of a heroes, two journeys, I'm kind of an example of a heroes two journeys. And for your audience that's not familiar with that. It's a storytelling technique. If you go to watch a movie, or a book, the main character, the hero, the way they write the story, typically is that hero is on two different journeys. There's a, they're trying to accomplish a task or a goal. And that's known as the outside journey. It's the journey of accomplishment.

And, you know, the character pursues that goal, and they overcome obstacles, and they, you know, run into difficulties along the way. But what and that makes the story interesting, but what makes it really compelling is the second journey. And what that second journey involves is that that character is also going through an internal transformation, you know, they're discovering new things about themselves new principles, values, and beliefs, that just make their life work better make them a better person. And so I like to use that analogy for myself, because my, my life as a husband, and parent has kind of followed that path as well. As you can imagine, being a parent of six children, there was a lot of tasks for us to accomplish a lot of outside journey to get through, you know, there was homework, there was places to be, clothes to buy, dinners to make, I mean, there's just all kinds of stuff to do. I like to say I was we were six kids busy, if that makes sense. You know, just doing stuff. And we had a lot of obstacles. And I know, that's part of your format here. But we overcame a lot of obstacles along the way. We dealt with everything from, you know, one of our children, struggling with like a learning disability. So you go from simple issues with homework all the way to learning disabilities, we dealt with everything from a scratch on the knee to one of our kids having some issues with drugs and alcohol, you know, when their high school and college years from we talked about professional from a business standpoint, we had a family business that my father had started, that I was working at, and we went through a bankruptcy with that business. And as you can imagine, being married for 40 years. You know, not every day was a sunny day, we had our share of cloudy days along the way as well. In fact, I like to say we have and when I think about it, we had three distinct hurricanes, if you will, over our 40 year marriage where, you know, it was touch and go. I mean, there were times where we talked about the possibility of divorce. So and all families go through that I'm sure all of your listeners have their, you know, their obstacles that they've overcome as well. But the second part of it is, as all that I was always going through and doing all the stuff that a husband and father of six children, you know, that they we do, I was also experienced in an internal transformation as well. And it was through my interest in personal development, marriage and parenting and really just studying those topics. I was discovering new ways to approach those topics and, you know, learning new values and principles and beliefs that just made our family work better. And, in fact, I wrote actually a book about 20 years ago where I put together almost like think of it as like a vision statement for our family. It was sort of like an ideal, you know, here's what I would like for the family to look like. And it talks about, you know, the family that respects each other and honors differences, empowers each other, they enjoy being together. Another key component is the ability to overcome obstacles and issues that come their way, and yet still enjoy the, you know, the good times. And finally, the kind of the key is that the home is always filled with peace, joy, warmth, and love. And so that was sort of like an ideal that we we would work towards. And you know, the family doesn't always look like that. But we do more often than not, and more importantly, over those, you know, this internal transformation, I've gotten to the point where I feel like if we start to get something happens, and it knocks us off our game, if you will, or things get a little challenging. I know how to bring us back. That's the key, you know, there's this process of coming back. And so the where I'm at now, our youngest child is off in college. And I just over the last several years, I've felt called to share insights and wisdom learned over those 40 years. And so I formed the Family Enrichment Academy as a vehicle to help fulfill that calling. And so the book is a part of that. As you mentioned, I've written a book that's really directed at parents with teenagers. Again, I do coaching, I have a 28 day parenting boot camp that I run people through. And so all of that is just an effort to help share, again, insights and wisdom that had been gained over 40 years. So that's kind of a 40 year journey, and like a five minute description on how I how I got to where I am today. Anyway.

Mike Forrester 6:49

That's awesome. Yeah, it's like having a rocket and just doing a high level overview.

Jim White 6:55

Exactly.

Mike Forrester 6:56

What does life look like for you on the personal side right now?

Jim White 7:01

So again, I mentioned our youngest child is now off in college. So our wife and I are we're kind of almost like empty nesters, which is a little bit unusual for us. Because again, we had six children, our oldest child is what is he 37 now? And again, we have 12 grandchildren, and one new one on the way. So we'll have 13 in the fall. So our you know, our life now is spent, you know, visiting, it's like, you know, we used to have everybody was here. And we were doing you know, the stuff that we would do, whether it was helping with school or going to games or you know, just different activities, but it was all sort of in the house. Now we end up going places. And actually three of our kids are not local. I have one that lives in Virginia, and we're in Indiana, so we're Midwest, and one in it's in Florida, actually two in Florida. Now I got two of them are military, so they kind of move around a little bit. So we end up going and visiting we do a lot that's travel is more a part of our daily, daily life. And it's interesting with the way things have changed since COVID, it's a lot easier to do that and still engage in work. And you know, we just take our stuff with us and we're mobile and can do, you know, we can be anywhere and still do what we do. So that's just a quick overview of where we are.

Mike Forrester 8:21

That's cool. Well, let's start off you said like that you've gone through three hurricanes in your marriage. Just so we're on the same page, what what does a hurricane look like in a marriage? I mean, we're all going to go through rough patches. But what's a hurricane flesh out like?

Jim White 8:39

You know, it's, I like to say it gets almost feels like a breaking point. I mean, you're in a marriage, you can have disagreements, and in times where you don't feel as connected to your spouse. And that happens with like, with kids and parents go through this. You know, when they have a lot of kids, they're busy doing stuff with the kids, and it's easy for the husband wife relationship to take a backseat. And so there can be a little bit of a disconnect. And while that's not good. It's not always a volatile scenario. And when I say hurricanes, I'm talking about scenarios where it became more volatile, if you will. And to be honest, one of those was around the training, I mentioned that our family business went through a bankruptcy. So there was just a lot of stress financially for us as a family. And there's a lot going on at work and actually it was a family business. So you can imagine it disrupted the family as a whole. And, you know, you start to question Okay, what does the future look like for us as a family? and when you get to that point, that's where it can get kind of scared to be quite honest, it becomes scary. It becomes fearful, you know, my wife becomes fearful is you know, is this really going to work for us kind of, you know that and that's what I mean, when it's more of a hurricane at that point, it becomes a little bit more emotional.

Mike Forrester: 10:05

Okay. Makes sense. I just wanted to make sure it's like I'm on the same page. And yeah.

Jim White: 10:10

Right.

Mike Forrester: 10:10

We go through those kinds of challenges, and some are bigger than others. So,

Jim White: 10:15

Absolutely.

Mike Forrester: 10:16

So you've had six children that you've raised, you've gone through, like, the whole thing of juggling the balls and keeping them in the air. And now they're out on their own. And a lot of, you know, married couples, you know, when, when the kids go out, and it's an empty nest? Who are you? You know, we don't we don't recognize our spouse? How did you guys go about keeping that fresh and alive and, and focused? So no, it's aren't there, you're still connected?

Jim White: 10:50

Right? In we I will say, and this is a theme through a lot of my conversation with parents as well. But we were very intentional about it. And what I mean by that is, starting when we were when we were married, without children, it wasn't a challenge. But when the when the kids started coming, every Saturday night, I mean, every Saturday night, we went out on a date. And it was just part of our process. And you know, and I think a lot of times what happens with husbands and wife, they again, they start to let that stuff, take the back door, or the back seat, if you will, and they don't keep that a priority. And so, you know, we had a commitment to that. Now, you know, you have to get a babysitter, or you have to, you know, you have to find a way to make it work. So that's why I say you have to be pretty intentional about you have to plan a little bit when the kids are younger. But that was something that we did. And the other thing that we did was that we tried to do a regular I'll call it a vacation slash trip with just us rather than the whole family. Now, we did stuff as a family as well. But we again, we were intentional about having that time for each other. And, yeah, it's just a matter of priority. And if you if you think about it, and actually part of my message to parents is 80% of what your child learns, and what they take with them to their life, they really learn through just watching you model things. And you know, you demonstrate through your example, how to have a marriage. And again, we were just very intentional about that, we knew that our relationship was the first priority. And part of what we were sharing with our children was, you know, how does a married couple interact. And so it's, so that's the bit, you know, the practical stuff, you know, we went on a date, but then you got to be engaged at that point, as well. So, and just as another, something to share. It's interesting. And actually, I just wrote a blog post that kind of focused on this as well that couples get married in the beginning. Our perspective is completes love based, if you will, and when we look at our spouse, all we see are the awesome qualities that we love about them. And what happens is, is you start into the marriage, and then things you progress, sometimes we shift that perspective, into I call it it's more of a fear based perspective, or a fearful perspective. And then what happens is, we start to see the flaws in our spouse, and our attention becomes focused on, you know, those flaws rather than you know, so we're not looking at what we fell in love with, we're looking at everything that's wrong about them. And part of the process of keeping the marriage vibrant, is to shift your focus back to what you fell in love with originally, though, if you think about those flaws were there before you just weren't looking at them, right? I mean, we all have our flaws. And it's a matter of refocusing your attention, which again, is something that you can do, it's a choice, you know, you can choose to see the beauty in your spouse, or you can choose not to, and I'm just telling you, the marriage will work a lot better if you choose to see the beauty, you know, that'll that'll make things work a lot better.

Mike Forrester: 14:14

Absolutely. I agree. 100%. So, as you were going on these dates, you know, you're you're taking your wife out, you're making sure that your marriage is your first priority, where so many of us will make our children first priority, right? You're making your your wife first priority. What would a date look like? Because I mean, if I go on a date to the movies, I'm assuming I'm not going to get the conversation that you're talking about that needs to really occur. So what does that what does the date look like that you were going on?

Jim White: 14:47

You know, it's funny you mentioned movies because we are movie people so we would go, you know a movie would be a common thing. But we would you know, go to dinner or maybe go have some appetizers before you know something along those lines where you would have an opportunity to have some conversation. But you know, it's as much about the intention of it, it's about spending time together and saying, Hey, you're a priority in my life. So, you know, we would do movie and a dinner or movie and an appetizer, sometimes we would just go out, you know, to dinner with, and it's, it could be with friends, too, it's about having adult time, you know, another thing that parents deal with, is they end up spending all their time talking to the children, and they feel like they don't have adult time. And so the other piece of it is, is spend some time with some other adults, and, you know, have those kinds of conversations as well. So, you know, and we, you know, there's just a, we might go for a walk, you know, that could be, you know, go where we live, there's a downtown area, so we could go down there and and walk and move and maybe go to a couple of different places, if you will, and have an appetizer at one and dinner at another. So it was just matter of just going out, just like you would if you were going out on on a date, you know, we would go to it with a lot of communities around us have free concerts in the summer, for example, you know, where they bring in a local artist and it's, it's like an outdoor amphitheater type of a thing. So we would go to one of those and you sit with a little picnic, you know, in those kinds of scenarios. So that's what they look like.

Mike Forrester: 16:21

Gotcha. So it wasn't just a one format, you're going out on a date, and it's going to fit this flow and this kind of diagram, it's let's have some variety. Let's have fun. We're going to make room for conversation, but we're also going to make time to just enjoy ourselves, right?

Jim White: 16:38

Yeah, absolutely. And we're, we're not super planning, you know, we don't plan a lot in the future. So sometimes we get in the car on Saturday night and say, Okay, what are we doing? And we would figure it out from there, which spontaneity is sometimes it's fun, that brings a little bit of variety to things as well.

Mike Forrester: 16:57

Gotcha. You mentioned about as far as like the family business bankruptcy, like, what happened? How did that come about? And then how did you navigate that? So that it was a hurricane that you got through, you know?

Jim White: 17:13

Right. Yeah. And that was actually early on in our marriage. We were married maybe eight, 9, 10 years, when, when that happened. And it is, it's a challenge, because you know, it, you know, you feel there's a responsibility, you know, you feel some responsibility, oh, how did I did I help cause this and, you know, there's that, it's, there's a sense of failure that goes with that. And that's part of, you know, this, the struggle with the relationship is me going through that process of feeling like, oh, maybe I failed in this situation, which, you know, affects your self esteem, and then you're just not the same person you're not as giving in is connected to your spouse at that moment. And you had to find a way to recover from that. And so, but, you know, we went through a, you know, the business filed a Chapter 11, and then it was eventually sold. And so then it was a point where I had to, okay, shift direction, not not, that's not my employer anymore, either. So I had to kind of regroup from a career standpoint. So and that's a challenge, you know, for a man, you know, trying to find that new place to be and again, from a self worth standpoint, feeling like, Okay, where can I go and, and, you know, earn and have value, and feeling like I'm providing, you know, the holding up my end of the bargain from a family standpoint, as well. So all of that kind of stuff was, you know, came up during that time. And, you know, the, the way you get through it, and the way, you know, when it comes down to it, it's, it's a mindset, you just have to start to shift that mindset into more of a positive frame. And I think we were talking a little bit before we started the record. And you mentioned the idea of not being a victim. And that's, that's a huge shift in perspective, when you can start to shift from taking responsibility and saying, Okay, I'm not a victim here, I can go out and have some impact. And it's a shift in mindset that you have to go through. And to be quite honest, sometimes we have to go through something difficult. And it sort of wakes us up to that. And then we're able to move forward. And actually part of my message to parents, and I'll just, I'll share this now because I think it fits. I like to encourage them to think of the fact that we all have two competing mindsets that reside within inside of us. And the two competing mindset. One of them is love based and one of them is fear based. And in any given moment in time, we're either coming from that love based mindset or perspective, if you will, we're engaging with the world from a loving perspective or with love or we're engaging with the world from a fearful perspective. And that's really the only two choices we have. And part of the process of personal development growth is being able to be much more intentional about choosing which mindset you're coming from. And what happens in those example of the bankruptcy, you get sort of thrown into a fearful mindset, because you're worried about things you feel, you don't feel like, you know, you don't know where your future is going, you're, you know, I need to find a way to do this, just there's a lot of fear built in there. It's interesting, when you're coming from a fearful perspective, you tend to be, you know, whatever you do tends to be destructive, it doesn't move things forward. It's not healing. But if you can start to shift to that love based mindset, which one of the things you do when you do that is you forgive yourself, right? I mean, this happened, this circumstance to happen with our business, there had to be, I had to go through a process of forgiving, you know, sort of letting go of that negative judgment for myself, so that I could then start to look forward. And then the other big piece is gratitude, you know, there still was a lot to be grateful for. And you still you start to focus on those attributes, which are more love based, and then it opens up possibilities, okay, now I can act in a different way, and you see hope out in front of you, I mean, that's what starts to create some hope of a future that you can move towards. And so that's what you go through. And it's the same thing with parents, parents, who, especially with teenagers, you think about they can be fear based or love based. In the, in the other words I like to use that parents with teenagers really connect with is sometimes parents with teenagers try to control everything that they're teenagers doing. And that is a fear based approach. You know, they're worried about what the teen is going to do. And so they're fearful. And they try to control everything, as opposed to a more love based approach is where they try to empower the teenager. So there's this shift from control to empowerment. And that's huge when it comes to parenting, your teenager, if you can make that, and parents that hold on to control. That's where 99% of the conflict comes in with their teenager, is because they're over controlling and trying to control everything that that team does.

Mike Forrester: 22:24

When you're talking about, like, love versus fear. Is it in the same scope is like, believe it was the prince? That was written by Machiavelli? Is that right? I believe that the book was called the prince, is it in that same vein as far as like being a ruler? And how would you rule a kingdom? Because I mean, in essence, you are you're caring for your family? Does it come from that same same line?

Jim White: 22:52

Yeah, I would think that it would, and if you're love based, I like to, to suggest to people to think of, you know, being love based love heals scenarios. And it's, it's so it's, it has a healing component to it. And it provides hope for the future. I mean, that's it, the big thing is that heals, we're fear, you know, being coming from that fearful base is always destructive, it tends to damage the relationship. So in your home, whether it's your, the husband and wife, or your as a parent to a child, whenever you come from a fearful perspective, you tend to damage those relationships, and, and they're not empowering, if you will, they don't help things move forward. Whereas if you come from a love based mindset, it's going to tend to heal any damage that you created. And it's empowering, in that it helps that person to develop and grow and move forward. So it, yeah, and I can see how it's, it's just it's an approach, you know, it's how do you how are you approaching things? And where are you coming from? And it's hard to be quite honest, it's different, because things happen, that pull you into that fearful mindset. I mean, every if you're a parent of a teenager, every time they get in the car and drive out of the driveway, you get confronted with it, right? I mean, it just happens, you start to worry about them, and what's going to happen and what choices are they going to make? And so it's it's, you know, it's just happens, you know, it's very common. So, in but I like to encourage parents to think you know, but you can make a choice. That's the point is you do have an opportunity to choose, but you have to be intentional about that. And, you know, try to learn, and that's part of the personal development component is how do I learn to be aware, first of all, when I'm in that mindset, and then if I catch myself there, what are some strategies I can use to shift and if I, you know, if I want to shift to be more love based, how can I do that? So that that's personal development in It's, it's a great, you know, and that's what we all the journey that we're all on is learning to do that.

Mike Forrester: 25:06

Now you had talked about, as far as, you know, like, when you had the bankruptcy with a business, kind of like your identity when you sold the business, right? With the economy, the way it's been the last couple of years, you know, identity has become something that, you know, either as we're quitting a job or, you know, being laid off or, or, you know, the company is downsizing. How did you, like recenter, on what your identity is, after you've gone through something like that?

Jim White: 25:42

Yeah. And it is a challenge in I would say to your listeners, it's not like there's this super simple two second fix for this sort of thing. I mean, it's, it's a challenge. And, and the other interesting thing is, everybody's circumstance is unique. And what I mean by that is that, you know, their life history, I mean, where it how they got to where they are, is distinct. I mean, you know, I have one brother, and my family has a certain dynamic, but you may, you know, you may have different siblings, different family dynamic, all of that contributes to who you are at that moment. And that's why everybody's circumstances unique. But the solution lies in being able to manage first thing is to manage your mindset, or your your perspective, where you're coming from. If you know, as you start to gain, you know, the ability to make that choice, intentional, because what happens is, like, you say, you lose the identity. So let's say somebody they they've been laid off, and so they kind of lose that identity and that sense of purpose in effect. You, as you shift, if you can, that becomes fearful, that's what I'm saying, you become fearful. And then it's when you're there, it's hard to see a future with any hope. Because you don't, you know, it just, it's amazing. It's perspective is so powerful. You know, when you're in that mindset, you just don't see the opportunities that are there. They can be right in front of you, and you just won't recognize them. And I know that seems odd to think. But it's, I think there's a lot of truth to that. And so if you can shift your mindset, to more of a love centered, love based mindset, you're going to start to see things will open up, you'll see possibility and opportunity there that you would that you don't see otherwise. And part of that brings hope. And part of the love based mindset is the idea of service and contribution. And that starts to bring back purpose. And so it's a quote, you start to think, okay, how can I contribute here? How can I find a place where I can be of service and you think that direction, and all sudden, the job opportunity will pop up around that. And it may not be one that you ever thought about before, but also it'll be there. And it's like, oh, I maybe that would work for me. And then you start again, you see a future that has some possibilities, some hope. But it all starts by shifting that mindset and having okay, because then you start to think more in terms of how can I serve? How can I contribute? Actually, Tony Robbins, I heard him once say, the key is you, if you want to be feel happy and sense of purpose, you got to either be learning or growing or serving somebody. Those are the two key components. And I think there's a lot of truth to that. And those are critical components to that love based mindset, you know, how can I serve? And how can I grow and learn? Because there's always new stuff to learn.

Mike Forrester: 28:35

Yeah, there is, there's a ton of stuff with, with a different angle and perspective on it. Now, as, as you were going through your personal growth journey, and you're finding your identity and readjusting as you're going through, how did you see your growth impact your family's like, inside of like your marriage? And, and then with your parenting? How did things change?

Jim White: 29:01

Yeah, so from the from the marriage standpoint, you know, essentially, you go through struggles, and if you work your way through them, you're stronger after the fact. It's part of the character or the substance of our marriage. And, you know, it's by going through those struggles, and that's part of, you know, being married for 40 years you have, you know, that's the you become more fortified, and I feel like our relationship is stronger now than it's ever been. And it's because of what we went through. So it's, again, going through a difficult time. While it's challenging. There's a lot of benefit from that. And in some ways, you're grateful for going through that because you learn and grow and you become closer as a result of that. From a parenting perspective, you know, I went through a lot of personal growth. And so, back to what I was saying, you know, the our kids see that if we model a different way of approaching situations, problems, you know, how do you solve an issue? How do you address a problem? You know, as we grow personally, we we model a, maybe a more effective way to do that. And so they see that and they learn it. And then that personal growth also puts us in a different position, when we engage with the child, you know, who in one of the ways was, you know, that that mentioned control, you know, you start to, you know, be able to shift from fearful to love based and sort of being comfortable and letting go of a little bit of control around the child and focusing on empower them, empowering them. A simple example is, you know, your fourth grader comes home, and they have homework to do, you know, our approach started to be well, you know, would you like to do homework, right when you get home from school? Or do you want to wait till after dinner? You turn over a little bit of that decision making and that responsibility to them, and with the idea of coaching them through that. And as they get older, you give them a little bit more responsibility. And, you know, there's that, because part of the goal, it's interesting part of the goal is you want them to be able to go, you know, launch at some point to be able to go and be an effective adult. And in order for them to be there, you got to start giving them some responsibility and coaching them through that. And so in that example, the fourth grader says, I want to study after dinner. So you, here's the risk, you've may feel like, well, that's maybe not the best plan. But you know, he wants to try it. They do it for a week, and they come home at the end of the week with a bad grade on the math test, right? Because there's the their plan didn't work out as well. But as a parent, you got to let that happen sometimes, and then you go back to them and say, Well, how did that, you know, how did that work for you this week? And they'll go well, it didn't go very well. Well, how else could you approach it? Do you want to try a different plan next week? And you see how through that process, we're helping to have the child become thoughtful, you're helping them to be able to be responsible, and to be resourceful in solving their own problems. And so as I developed and saw the value and those kinds of skills, then you start trying to teach it, transfer it to your kids at the same time.

Mike Forrester: 32:21

So you're, you're through opportunities and experiences, equipping them with critical thinking skills, so that they can kind of skin their knee, when it's not as crucial. It's not going to be like life threatening. You're giving them that opportunity to discern what they want to do, and how the results kind of weigh out. Is that right?

Jim White: 32:46

Yeah, yeah. So you turn that over. And it's it's not just what they're doing. It's back to the heroes two journeys. It's who they are being in that circumstance as well, and, and we coached, you know, and we've done a lot of coach, we model a certain perspective, again, we try to be as love based as possible. But we also coach on that. I'll give you a specific example. You if you I don't know if you have kids that are teen years through high school, but there's no way to get a teenager through high school, without them coming home at some point and telling you they have a bad teacher, you know, that teachers awful, they don't know what they're doing, they're terrible, right? It mean, it's just going to happen. And if you think about it, that's a perspective. You know, they're seeing that teacher through the lens, it's a fearful perspective, it's judgmental, if you will. And we had that happen. In part of our coaching. There were two pieces to it, one of them was okay, that's a circumstance that you have to learn how to to work with so that you can still accomplish the goal of a good grade, you know, they just have to work their way around that. But then the second part of the coaching was, in a we had these specific conversations where you say to him, you know, that teacher got into teaching because they were passionate about teaching kids. If they're struggling now, it's because something's going on in their life that's holding them back. And maybe we should have some compassion for that person, and how can we support them and help them rediscover their passion for teaching? I mean, that, it's sort of encouraging your child to be a catalyst for somebody else moving forward, and taking, and taking on that role of like, say, it's like a hero in some way, taking a stand. And that's, that's a perspective shift. And when you shift that perspective, then they can go see that teacher the next day, and have some compassion for them. It makes the whole thing work better. You know what I'm saying? It just it makes them in a better place. They can receive information there'll be more effective and so that it it helps on the grade component as well as just the way they feel you know how they feel as they're sitting there in the class.

Mike Forrester: 34:58

Yeah, cause that teacher won't be the last person that they're confronted by, I mean.

Jim White: 35:02

Absolutely.

Mike Forrester: 35:03

Step into work and it could be a co worker, it could be a manager, so.

Jim White: 35:09

Right, it's a rather than yeah, rather than being say, you know, complain and a victim of the situation and back to the victim conversation one way as well, I'm not a victim, but then how can I make a difference in this situation? How can I be served, you know, we talked about service, how can I be of service to that person, and sometimes, you know, with that teacher, it may just be going in and having a smile on your face and saying, Good morning, hope you have a good day, you know, something along those lines. Because you're are showing some gratitude for that person. It's just amazing what you know, how we can heal and accomplish a lot more from that love based perspective. And so that my point is, that's part of what we were teaching and coaching on as well. And the reason we did that is because we were discovering how well that worked for us, as we went through all the challenges that we went through in our life, you know, our own personal development sort of taught us, that was part of that second journey of self discovery, if you will. And then you want to share that with your children to help. Hopefully, they can, you know, learn that lesson and be able to apply it in as they move through life as well.

Mike Forrester: 36:17

Yeah, that absolutely makes sense. I mean, it's, you want to have your kids in a better place than, you know, where you went through and not find all the potholes you have in life.

Jim White: 36:28

Right, exactly.

Mike Forrester: 36:29

I totally get that. What would you say are like two to three resources, that as you were going through, you know, the bankruptcy, the hurricanes, you know, the struggles with, you know, raising children, and, and just navigating a family. What are two or three resources that helped you to successfully do that and grow more towards the love side than the fear side?

Jim White: 36:55

So for me, I started you know, I, I've always read, so for me, I would just say, books are resources. Now, I know, in today's world, we have YouTube and other places, we can go to the internet, and, you know, look at a blog post or whatever. But reading, constantly reading was always a part of my process. And, you know, there and I would encourage your audience to think in some books will speak to them more than others, some authors will speak to you more than others. So just because, you know, I mentioned like Tony Robbins, you know, I followed him and listen to some of his work and read some of his books. And he speaks to me in some ways, but that doesn't mean he's going to speak to everybody. So I would just encourage your audience to if you go to look for resources, you know, you glanced through it, you look at the table of contents, some things are going to, you're gonna be more attracted to others. And it's interesting, I've found over the years, you know, a book I looked at 10 years ago, I may have thought, I'm not really interested in that, but today I might be. And it's because I'm in a different point in my journey. And so, you know, I'm now ready, if you will, to listen to or to consume that information. So, you know, start where you are, if there's something of interest, and again, that's part of it, I put together a book, my book might be of interest to some of your, some of your listeners, and they can look at it, you go to Amazon, and you have they always show you the first 2030 pages, you kind of read through that and say is this, you know, does this seem like a message that's resonating with me. So for me, reading was always a part of that personal journey for myself. But then the other piece for me, is I started writing as well. And it was a form of like journaling. But it was a way for me to process what I was thinking about, and, and put onto paper, what was going through my mind. So I started writing. It just that became another way for me to grow and learn and be it was insightful, you know, you start to learn and you become, you know, you have those moments like aha moments, if you will, where you something kind of hits you. And a lot of times for me, it happened when I was writing about it. And it's the process of trying to explain it to somebody else, you know, if I was going to share it with somebody else, how would I say this? And that forces you to really get it at a deeper level. So those were the two primary things, or activities that I engaged with, that I think really helped move me along. And other than just dealing with my day to day stuff. And part of I guess maybe a third thing is then you got to be very intentional about how do I apply these lessons in my day to day life in the moment. Another I like to use the idea of you know, life will put the squeeze on you. Something will happen. It's it's an issue or concern will come up and that sort of life squeezing you a little bit. And so then the question is, can you be intentional about oh, let's try to apply a lesson that I've learned and how can that then, you know, move me forward and pass that particular circumstance. So, so it's that third, I guess component would be very intentional about, you know, trying to apply those lessons on a daily basis.

Mike Forrester: 40:11

Yeah, that makes sense. Well, Jim, outside of this podcast, how can people get in touch with you?

Jim White: 40:19

So the business, my coaching practice is Family Enrichment Academy. So they can go to the family enrichment, it's just familyenrichmentacademy.com on there, I have a contact page with my email address, which is Jim@familyenrichmentacademy.com. So, you know, come there, I have a blog, I have a YouTube channel as well, with, you know, I'm producing content on a regular basis, around parent primarily parenting teenagers. So especially your audience that has teens or preteens, or maybe they're starting to move and think, you know, into those teen years, I think they would enjoy and find value in the content that's there. Which on that point, I do have a resource that I'd like to offer to your to your audience, as well. It's a free resource, and what I have, it well backup, one of the most common issues that I hear from parents with teenagers, is they start to feel disconnected from their teen, and like their teen won't open up and talk to them. You know, there's ya know, it's a one word answers, there's no conversation. And part of the solution to that, I always suggest is you have to ask better questions. If you start to ask better questions that helps to open that teen up. And so the resource that I have, I have 10 Questions You Should Never Ask Your Teenager. These are like conversation killers, if you will, there's ones that you know, shut them down. And then on the flip side, I've got 10 Great Questions, you know, the conversation starters. And so that's the resource, it just sort of gives people a place to start. And you know, they start using these questions. And they might be amazed at how quickly their teenager will open up to them and start to open up. So and I can provide a link, but if you go to the website, you'll see it right at the top of the homepage, but I'll send a link to you as well, that goes directly to the place where they can download that resource. So anyway, yeah, it's I'd love to have people join the community. And, you know, we're just all trying to help each other and move each other forward. That's the key.

Mike Forrester: 42:20

Well, perfect. And Jim, I'll be sure to put the link in the show notes. So it'll be there as well. Well, Jim, thank you very much for joining me and sharing your journey, your insights and man, just 40 years, have not reached there yet. But that is super encouraging. So I appreciate it, my friend. Thank you.

Jim White: 42:40

Absolutely. And it's pleasure to be here.

Mike Forrester: 42:43

Thank you.