Episode 197

197 - Zach White : The Risky Business Of Staying In Your Comfort Zone

Published on: 25th April, 2023

Burnout can build for years behind a career that checks every box, especially for a man who thinks his way around hard feelings. My guest Zach White grew up hearing that school was his job. He was valedictorian and won so many class awards that classmates nicknamed the event the Zach-ademic awards night. In seventh grade his parents divorced, and his father disappeared from his life. His baseball coach became the closest thing he had to a dad. Whenever Zach didn't know how to handle something, like dating, he retreated to what he was good at and studied harder. He built an identity around always having the answers, and his biggest fear was being found out. He graduated from Purdue, married his college sweetheart, and joined Whirlpool's engineering leadership program. Then the recession brought deep layoffs. Zach kept his job and took on more work with fewer people, afraid to say no. About five or six years in, he crashed into burnout and depression.

Zach traces much of it to one habit. When he and his wife argued, he'd leave the room and turn the pain into a project. He'd buy Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, make an action plan, and tell himself the marriage was handled. The feeling faded, and nothing got fixed. Now he leans on three things when pressure stacks up. First are courageous conversations, the 10-minute uncomfortable talks his coach says stand between him and his next level. Second are his commandments, a few non-negotiables in each area of life. One of his is at least 15 minutes of exercise every day, no matter the deadline. He keeps them small enough to fit into any week. Third, he draws smaller circles and works only on what's right in front of him. He believes how you do anything is how you do everything.

The turning point came when Zach hired a coach. He realized most of his mind was working to keep him safe and comfortable. Everything he wanted sat outside that comfort zone. He decided to give up the straight-A image and accept failure, because failure teaches more than success. He also names the lone wolf ego many engineers carry, waiting until rock bottom to ask for help. Mike shares that he never set out to have his marriage on the rocks or to be distant from his kids either. Mike Forrester lives and teaches that a man should quit trying to fix himself by himself. Zach's change started the day he stopped going it alone. Today he coaches engineering leaders to build the careers they want inside the lives they want. If you're a husband and father carrying work stress home and calling it handled, Zach's story is worth your hour.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

  • Recognize when you're turning marriage problems into a project so you can avoid facing them.
  • Use 10-minute courageous conversations with your boss, your wife, and your kids to move through stress faster.
  • Set a few small non-negotiables, like 15 minutes of daily exercise, that hold even in your busiest weeks.
  • Draw smaller circles so overwhelm at work doesn't spill into everything at home.
  • Spot how surviving a layoff can burn you out when you're afraid to say no.
  • See why failure teaches more than success and how stepping out of your comfort zone changes every area of life.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:01:20 - helping engineers build careers without sacrificing family and health

00:05:46 - growing up after your father disappears from your life

00:09:24 - how a missing father shows up when you leave home

00:11:18 - avoiding what scares you by burying yourself in work

00:13:56 - how a fixed mindset and the need to look smart hold you back

00:16:50 - when checking every box leads to burnout and depression

00:20:39 - why intellectualizing marriage problems doesn't fix them

00:24:53 - the hidden burnout of surviving a layoff

00:30:17 - how work stress spills into your home life

00:32:19 - three tools for handling pressure at work and home

00:39:52 - why getting out of your comfort zone changes everything

00:42:20 - why waiting until rock bottom to ask for help costs you

.

Connect with Zack White

Website:

https://www.thehappyengineerpodcast.com/

.

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/thehappyengineerpodcast/

.

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/thehappyengineerpodcast/

.

LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thezachwhite/

.

Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

Transcript
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About the Podcast

Living Fearless Today
Helping men break generational cycles, heal the father wound, and become a better husband and dad.
You swore you'd be a different kind of father than the one who raised you. Then one day you caught his words and tone coming out of your mouth. You felt the same distance creep in at home, and wondered how much of him you're still carrying despite the promise you made to yourself.

Living Fearless Today is a podcast for men who are done repeating the patterns they grew up with. Host Mike Forrester has stood where you're standing. Every week he brings honest conversations and practical tools for the parts of a man's life that rarely get said out loud: the father wound you never named, the anger that shows up with the people you love most, the marriage that's gone quiet, and the man you still want to become.

The show helps you understand the past that shaped you. Then you take an honest look at where you stand today as a husband, a father, and a man. From there you start building the future you actually want, one choice at a time, instead of drifting into the one you were handed and currently living out.

Episodes cover identity, anger, shame, marriage and fatherhood, relationships, self-worth, courage, emotional intelligence, legacy and purpose, and the brotherhood that the vast majority of men are missing. If you've looked for how to break generational cycles, face a father wound, handle anger as a dad, or become a better husband and father, start here.

The cycle can end with you. Press play and take the first step toward becoming the man you needed when you were young.

About your host

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Mike Forrester

Mike Forrester is a men's transformation coach, founder of the Living Fearless coaching programs, and host of the Living Fearless Today podcast. His insights, methods and stories of overcoming childhood trauma, dyslexia and loss of loved ones have been featured on various podcasts, including Hanging Onto Hope, Extreme Health, Own Your Life Own Your Career and Think Unbroken.