From Fear to Fulfillment: Secrets to Overcoming Uncertainty ft. Adam Hill

Well, hello and welcome back, my friend. Man, I could not be happier this week. Adam C. Hill is joining me and his story is so amazing. Um, you know, if, if you like reading, you like cycling, you like triathlons, you want to go grab his book, Shifting Gears, cause dude, you will be just, his imagery in it is amazing. His story is so relatable. And so super stoked to have Adam with me. He's a speaker, bestselling author, uh, host of Flow Over Fear, just an amazing stellar dude, super encouraging. And, uh, yeah, I, I'm sure you're going to be able to connect with him just like I have here. So Adam, how are you doing today, my friend?

Brother, I'm doing great. It's always, always a pleasure. I mean, it's always a good day when I get to connect with people like yourself and in your audience. Thank you, man.

I appreciate it, bro.

Yeah.

Well, let's start out here, Adam, talking about like, what does it look like today for you on, on the side of life, professionally?

years now. Uh, we started in: 1923

Yeah. You've got a powerful message. I mean, um, dude, just the way it's like, you recognized fear um, as you were, were healing and coming through your journey, I can totally relate. Now, I haven't gone and done a triathlon,

especially not an Ironman. I'll be doing one of this, not an Ironman, but a triathlon in the spring. But dude, you're crushing it. And that's where I'm just like, I can totally see where it's like been that thing that transforms you and just that you're not sitting, in a place, just letting fear overwhelm you. Instead, you're like, I'm going to do it in spite of it. So absolutely love that.

Well, here's the beautiful thing about that, man, that the fact that you're doing a sprint triathlon, I mean, and, and any kind of activity whatsoever is that the majority of the population won't get off the couch to do it. You know, so we were either expanding our comfort zones or our comfort zones are compressing upon us and our comfort zones are getting smaller and, you know, to, to take that step to do the sprint, that's something 99.99% of people will never do. And so, yeah, I mean, that's just an impressive feat, my brother. So that's awesome.

I've wanted to do since, like: 1988

Yeah.

as getting ready to do one in: 2000

ough it plants a seed in like: 1988

And the ironic thing is like, you and I talked about this when, when we were first, you know, meeting, was that like Mark Allen was the guy that I was watching, dude, in Hawaii. It was like, holy mackerel. Look at this dude go. You know, that was Tour de France, you know, Ironman. I was like, Man, if I could be that kind of man, that caliber, and then you and I were talking and he was one of your coaches, you know, you're like, Hey, I want to get coaching from him because this is the path I'm going to go. I was like, this is way too small a world.

Yeah.

And, uh, I think it just, to me kind of. It strengthens the thing, like the concept and the actual need for men to be in relationships with other men because it's like your experiences are different than my experiences. There's similarities, but we can both bolster each other and speak into each other if we allow that to you know, to be the case, right? Because oftentimes we're like, don't say anything negative about me, you know, Adam, I don't want to hear it. Whereas it's like, Hey, Adam, this is what I want to do. You know, this is where I want my life to go. What do you see? And I, I think that is just like the biggest gift we can give ourselves. If we put ourselves in that position of openness and vulnerability is to say like, all right, bring it on, Adam. What am I doing?

Right. Well, yeah, there's, there is so much power in it. I mean, and, and to find the group of men, and I always, I always, like, before I got sober, I always felt like the idea of a bunch of men to getting together, it's like a fraternity. It's an unhealthy, it's toxic and all this kind of stuff. And, but I, I kind of got the, I got the message when I got sober, like, because I started going to men's stags meetings like for, for, for in Alcoholics Anonymous. And learning that, finding that person or finding that group of people that have this thing that you want and building a relationship with those people. That's the most powerful, that's the most powerful leverage we can ever get in this life. Finding the people that have what we want. And in AA for me, it wasn't like the guy who was driving a Maserati or, or, or the guy who was, you know, but at that time, like the biggest thing to me was like, I just don't want to be miserable in my own head. And like, and, and, and I'm looking at another guy who's in there, who's a kindergarten teacher who, you know, is just the happiest guy on earth. And he's every single day he's there and he says this, you know, I've never had it so good. That's what he was saying. And like, it's like, that's going to be my sponsor because I want to figure that out. I want to get the Kool Aid that that guy's drinking and figure it out. Yeah. And by, by God's grace, he, he, he guided me through, you know, my, my experience in, in AA and, and kind of set the tone for how I would try and find those relationships in the future and how I would come to like, look at Mark Allen and think the same, that guy has it made. He's like, I would exercise before I, you know, before I figured the exercise thing out, I would always like, listen to the conventional wisdom of you gotta, you gotta lift to failure. You gotta give 110%. You gotta go hard all the time. Stay hard, all this kind of stuff that we hear. And he was saying, he was saying, no, I put on a heart rate monitor and I, and I give about 80% consistently. And I'm like, what? And you're that fast. So people were winning world championships are giving 80%? That doesn't make sense. But I want to figure that out. And that appeals to me. And so it's like, you find those things that are, that are like, you get curious about, especially when they come from people that have what you want. And then you just like, seek it out and that's just, it's just worked, you know?

Yeah, that's, that's amazing, especially when it's contradictory to what most of the stuff out there is saying and, and like the beliefs that are being spoken.

Yeah.

Well, let me jump back, cause I rabbit trailed us, so let me jump back there.

It was probably my fault, too.

Nah, dude. Um, so as far as we talked about professional, but what does it look like personally in, you know, like today, what does personal life look like for you?

Yeah. I mean, personal life is, is great. I live in Denver, Colorado, um, not without our, our challenges and this is an important thing. I mean, like, you know, I've achieved a lot of what I've wanted to achieve in life, you know, I've, I've made it to the top of the triathlon world stage. I've, you know, I'm running a company. I'm truly blessed, but it is, you know, challenges still seem to find us, you know, whenever we experience those things. And, um, and so I'm finding, you know, it's, it's a daily thing for me to be working and, and trying to manage my mindset, my mental health and, and the overwhelm the, you know, the, the, the constant relationship with fear that I, that I have, because I've, I've learned over the years. And I think that that's, that's one of the ways in which my personal life is, is really doing well today is that I no longer fight fear, no longer battle against it. I have learned to embrace it, build a relationship with it. And start to have more of a, of, of, of an active relationship with it, that, that, that brings greater harmony to my life, even despite how big the challenges might seem on, on certain things. And, um, yeah, so personal life, you know, I'm married, I have 2 kids, um, you know, and, and, um, and, and both of them are in school now, and there's some challenges certainly there with mental health and everything that a lot of kids are going through, but, uh, it, it kind of, it gives me the motivation to continue sharing that message of there's hope beyond hopelessness. Things feel hopelessness, hopeless, a lot of times in our lives, but if we just keep persevering, there's there's hope beyond hopelessness.

And do you see that sometimes that hopelessness is just like that, that inner voice, that critique, or those experiences just kind of being flashed back and being like thrown, not so much, I guess, thrown in our face, but shown to us to kind of keep us in the place that we're at? Do you see that?

I, Oh, I absolutely. Yeah, I absolutely do see that. And I think it's, it's, it's kind of, it's almost like a, a, a wired connection and a false wiring between, you know, that, that feeling that we feel of hopelessness of, of, of dread of fear of whatever, however, that may be showing up of like this, this, this challenge that's wired into our, our primitive, primitive brain that shares that anytime you feel fear, that's something you should get away from as quickly as possible. So our brain is screaming at those moments like, uh uh, this isn't, you know, this is hopeless. You, there's no way out. You should just get out now. And, and all of that, you know, all of those, all of that messaging coming in, coming into our brain. And so, yeah, I absolutely feel that, that hopelessness. And in those times, this is, this is like the most, the, the, the simplest solution we can come to on this is, is mindfulness and mindfulness is very simply awareness plus curiosity and awareness and curiosity equals mindfulness. So when, when we have those moments of hopelessness and we feel this like sense of dread coming in our minds and, and there's no solution, you know, now, and this is never a perfect science because you feel in the moment, you've got to, you can separate the feeling from the, what your brain saying, and you say, oh, I'm aware this feeling of hopelessness. What is that about? Is that really true? Is, is that, you know, is, uh, and start asking those, those, you know, why questions or those how questions of like, what, what's really going on there? And, um, and that starts to separate it out and separate you out from the actual feeling. You are not the feeling you're not the emotion. You're the person experiencing that. And there's a purpose behind every single fear that we have. And the question is, now let's look at that fear and break it down. Fear, evolutionarily speaking, is danger related. Don't go into the cave because there's a bear in there. We want to avoid that bear. But within the last few hundred years or so, we haven't been facing a lot of bears. We haven't been facing a lot of like serious danger, but that fear is still triggered by something. And I, and, you know, I may be jumping around here, so I apologize, but, um, but there's, there was something I learned through the process of sobriety. When I met that sponsor, I went through a fourth step inventory. And part of that fourth step inventory was to come face to face with my fears. Literally, he put a piece of paper in front of me that had a, had, had the words fears written on big, bold letters in the top of it. He said, I want you to write down every single fear you have, like, you know, from the fear of spiders to the fear of like nuclear war, doesn't matter, write down those fears. And then when I wrote him down, I realized, you know, after really assessing that a lot of the fears that we have, or that I had, and I think we generally have, are not related to danger. But, and so when I looked at that, I was like, okay, they're not really a danger. What are they related to? And as I went through my list, and I think this applies to most people, that list that I saw were related to really three root fears, aside from danger. And those were uncertainty, meaning you're, there's an uncertain future. There's something you don't know that's going to happen there. You know, you're, you're afraid of what you don't know. And the second was overwhelm. Like, you're just overwhelmed. There's so much on your plate. So much is is feeding on you. The result is panic. You have panic. And then the third, which is a big one, everybody gets this one. The, uh, self doubt. And that one leads to shame. Those are the three root fears that you look at. But when you can look at those in, in that curious, in that curious space, what you can come to is you can realize, what are these telling me? And then when you really look deeply at that, it's just that you're pushing up against the edge of your comfort zone. That's all it's telling you. You're just pushing up against the edge of your comfort zone because your comfort zone is right there. Now, the question becomes is, is that a healthy way to keep pushing a little bit further to grow your comfort zone or do you want to just kind of go in a different direction? So now you can look at it as an opportunity. So it's not danger fear. It's opportunity fear. And that's, that's what kind of shifts that, that idea of if it feels hopeless, get curious. Find out what that is. Are you overwhelmed? Are you, are you uncertain? Are you feeling self doubt? Now, flip it. Where's the opportunity?

No, it makes sense. And the, the other thing, and I, dude,, I don't know about you, I was very creative. If you asked me, I wouldn't have considered myself that, but this imagination that I would have of like would run wild. It's like a train going downhill, no brakes, pedal to the metal kind of thing.

Yeah.

Where I would think up the worst scenario. And that became the most likely scenario until like, you're talking about the curiosity. Um, I was taught like step back, on a scale of one to 10, how likely is this to happen? And it would be like a two or three. And yet I'm sitting there like, oh my God, there is no other option that's going to happen except this worst case scenario.

Yeah.

And so I'm setting myself up for that to be the only possible outcome and life is hopeless, right? At that point, it's like, I can't do anything about this. Oh, what, how am I ever going to recover? Oh, you can't recover.

Yeah.

Great. Now what? But like, when you're talking about this curiosity aspect, dude, we can step back and just okay, great. The brakes have gone out. I'm afraid of what's that's going to do to the budget. Where's that going to be? And you know, like, what's that going to affect my marriage? And are the kids going to be able to eat? And just everything runs rampant instead of stepping back and looking at it kind of detached. Like once you're actually looking at it, I love that how you've described it going, okay, wait a minute, how likely is this? What other options are there? What can I do? And once we kind of take tame, I guess it's almost like the lion, right? We're taming the lion and circus.

Yeah.

Uh, we tame our fear a little bit. It can totally change us, um, to seeing other things that we're, we were blinded from before.

Yeah.

And, uh, So I want to, I want to kind of, since we're already talking about fear, jump into, um, talking about alcoholism because that was from, from our conversations, dude, it was like the, the fear was what really led you to alcoholism and was kind of like the, wouldn't call it a gateway drug, but it was a gateway or a path that led you to that, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, I didn't know how to deal with it. I mean, so I, I grew up in the, in the eighties where, where, you know, our society cared more about keeping kids off of drugs than their own mental health. Um, they, they ignored the mental health and they, and they, they talked a lot about drugs. And what happened? More people on drugs because of mental health. So, you know, that's just, that's the war on drugs in a nutshell. But, um, um, but you know, when, when I was growing up, you know, obviously we didn't talk a lot about that. I was considered something of a worry wart, which means that I was just worried about everything. Like anything that we would do, it's like, Hey, we're going to go drive to, you know, Arizona. It's like, oh, well, isn't it going to be hot there? Are we, are we going to, you know, that kind of like, you know, just constantly rumination on this kind of stuff. My brain was always going. That translated a lot into my social life as a child, too, where I just generally was afraid. I really, really cared deeply about what people felt about me, which always works out. Um, but, uh, you know, I, I, you know, so I had a fear of talking to girls and it wasn't like a completely debilitating thing at that time. It was just the social awkwardness. Um, and, but it went unchecked for a long time and, you know, I, I just didn't really lean into it or try to focus on the mental health aspect of just pushed it down. I pushed it down. I kept, every experience that I had. Playing baseball, I stepped away from pitches because I was afraid of being hit by the ball. I never tried to get better. I never tried to see what it would be like to learn to lean into it. But I let my comfort zone collapse on me a little bit, you know, in those cases. And so I lived a relatively kind of comfort zone-y kind of childhood. Got to college. First time really outside of my comfort zone, and I discover alcohol. And I realized for the first time, that first sip that I take of alcohol, I was, I was at a party, uh, with some friends, you know, and I wasn't a partier or anything like that growing up. But this was like when I was 18, go to a party, keg of Mickey's lager on hand, which at the time was the fancy beer and, um, and I got the red solo cup and I took a sip and it was like, you know, kind of that, that instinct we all have when we have our first sip of beer. It tastes like, tastes like, you know, um, It tastes disgusting.

Yeah.

Then the feeling hits and I'm just like, oh my gosh. Warm hug from the inside out. And I just felt like everything like just was solved in that instance. It was like, you know, you know, those moments in a movie where it like just flashes and like everything is solved and you're like, Oh my gosh, that's the answer. That's like how it felt because it was like, I was immediately, I was more social. I was talking to girls. I was, I was doing all of the things that I wanted to do that normal kids were doing and there were no consequences. I had, you know, I had the equivalent of like two beers, went home, got a great night's sleep, didn't wake up with a hangover and remembered the entire night. And so that was like my first experience. And it was just like, and I didn't feel the urge to like, I wasn't like going to go like, Oh, I need to go get my fix now. It was like, no, I thought about it. I would have loved to have repeated it, but it wasn't like I was thinking about alcoholism because alcoholism just didn't enter my mind. My visions of alcoholism kind of going back to the D.A.R.E. Program. My visions of alcoholism, were people sleeping in dumpsters or people that were, that had traumatic childhoods or were abused, certainly not well adjusted people, but that is happening all over the United States where people are having this experience and that there's no light shot, there was no light shined on it. Fortunately, I think today we're doing better with that. But the, the insidious path that happened was like, you know, gradually I was keep drinking, you know, keep kind of resolving my anxiety out of it, but by the 3rd year of college, I started experiencing these severe panic attacks, like, and I didn't know what they were. I just, you know, was studying for an exam for the 1st, you know, uh, when I've had my 1st one and I experienced this, like this, this sensation that I had this horrible, deadly disease. And, um, and it was so certain in my mind, it was the only thing that I was ever really certain about and I collapsed to the floor and I couldn't breathe and I just started sobbing uncontrollably. And those, that was the first of many, many panic attacks. And the thing that I found that would work for it obviously was drinking more. And I didn't want to tell anybody about my panic attacks because I knew in my heart that I was crazy about it. I knew that wasn't true. I didn't have a horrible, deadly disease, but I was just, why am I so certain about this? Why is this happening? And so alcohol became a bigger and bigger problem for me in that time.

And were you seeing like other friends, other college classmates that were struggling with the same stuff? Or was it just like you were the only one that was having the panic attacks and, and, you know, amplifying the fear of, Hey, these test results and, and, you know, other daily, uh, situations. Was it just you, or did you see like friends that were having the same struggles?

I didn't really see a lot of people, I mean, not outwardly having the same struggles. And I think if they, if, if they were, it was probably a similar internal struggle that I was having that, you know, it was just, they didn't want to talk about it. And I, and I, you know, mentioning the test results and things like that, I, I went to the doctor a number of times because I'm just like, I just have to make sure I don't have cancer. Right? You know, I just have to make sure.

Yeah.

And so I'd go and I would say like, well, I'm just, what are your symptoms? Uh, I don't know my lymph nodes, they're giant. You know, I've got this like sore throat. It's, it's, the symptoms are there. It's cancer. And, uh, and the doctor would kind of shrug it off and say, no, it's you, you've got a cold. And even there it was ignored. It was like in, in the doctor's office where it's supposed to be a safe place where maybe looking at deeper, why do you think like asking the questions again, getting curious, never got the curiosity, like, why do you think you have cancer? Maybe that would have led down the path of, I just, it just so certain. No, no, no. Sounds like you're having a panic attack. Sounds like you're, sounds like you have having some, a hypochondria or anxiety around this. Maybe you can talk to somebody. I was not advised that I talked to anybody until I was like, well, into my twenties. Um, and, um, and by the way, best thing I've ever done for myself was, was find a therapist that I could resonate with. I've been with the same therapist for 15 years. Uh, she's been with me when I was in my alcoholism and outside of it. It's just huge accountability. Um, but yeah, it, so I never saw it outwardly from, from other people in, in that terms. And certainly not in my circles. And it led me to believe that I was just crazy and I was alone. Uh, but I know now 40 million people, at least, and this is pre COVID numbers. So 40 million people, I guarantee it's more now, have some form of anxiety, uh, disorder or some kind of a, some kind of daily anxiety experience that is, that is strong enough to be debilitating. And, uh, so it's, it's, it's very pervasive, very prevalent.

Yeah. I would say like with the last three years, dude, the, the escalation of like violence and different ways to medicate, right?

Right.

There's no way to like say that stuff hasn't come to the forefront because otherwise there's really no need for, you know, medicating and, and coping with those anxieties and our depression and fears. It's like, if, if it was, you know, decreasing, you'd see less people on, you know, like antidepressants and stuff, right?

Right.

And we're seeing just the opposite. So it's like, this has been, you know, you talked about things compressing, for me, it, I think of like Star Wars, man, sorry, movies and pictures, you know, I see like, the trash compactor scene, right?

Oh, yeah.

Everything gets a lot more amplified and confined and just, uh, taken up that, those extra couple notches, right? So, um, yeah, it's, it's definitely one that we have to be mindful of that stuff. And like you shared earlier, look at it with curiosity and just kind of step back. So as you, you know, graduated from college and continued on, how did the, the need for alcohol in dealing with anxiety. How did that continue to play out?

Yeah. Well, I mean the, the progression of the disease, it's very commonly said that first it's fun, then it's fun with problems, then it's just problems. And that's definitely the trajectory it took for me. And that's why it is so, I would say insidious because you have this thing that there's no indication that it's going to be a problem for you, that you're going to be a problem drinker. You're gonna use it as a coping mechanism. And I, and so, and and there were no consequences. It was fun for a period of time. Within a few years, it became fun with problems where it was like, you know, well, now I'm starting to get in trouble a little bit with the law I got a minor possession with alcohol, you know, I, I, I got a drunk in public and, you know, it's just like, these are things that happen more, less commonly with college kids now and, and now I'm like, okay, well, so those are problems. I got to keep that stuff in check, but, you know, it's still fun and people still know me as like, you know, the guy and it's like, I'm starting to get hangovers, but you know what? It's just like, you know, I, I, that's not, it's just the one time. And so you're trying to convince yourself, trying to fight to get back to that point where it was like, just fun and where, where you had that moment. Then it's problems. And that for, so after graduating from college, trying to get into the workforce, that's really when my life just became this, this, this vicious cycle of white knuckling it through the day to get through workday to prove that I was quote unquote functional. And drinking myself into a stupor, um, on the weekends. I was, I was a weekend warrior when it came to drinking and those weekends gradually got longer. It used to, it started like Friday and Saturday, then it was Thursday through Sunday. Then maybe I'd include Monday from time to time. And then maybe it turned into the whole week. Um, and that's, that's kind of how it went, but like, I would always set those rules for myself to prove that like, you know, or just to, just to prove to myself really that, you know, I had some semblance of control and I can manage my, my fear, my anxiety and, and, and, and, and not go over the deep end or not compromise my career or anything like that, where I'm working. But it was just the effort, the energy, I mean, it was, it was a living hell because my whole life was just like either complete and utter fear and, and, and wanting to get to that next drink, just dreadful, or being in that stupor of like, you know, just numbness. And that all came to a head when I broke the very last rule that I said I would never, ever, ever break. Um, when I was 32 years old. So this is, you know, going on almost 15 years of drinking. And, um, I, um, I promised myself I would never drink and drive. Never get behind the wheel after drinking. And then, you know, um, even that rule, I started to break and, uh, it came to a head when I got into an accident, a DUI accident, you know, by grace, by whatever you want to call it, uh, nobody was hurt and thank God. I mean, um, and, um, um, but, you know, it proved to me that I had no control. Zero control over my life, over that, over alcohol, over my fears, over anything. And as I sat in the jail cell, my two options were that I could end my life because I was a danger to other people. And, and, you know, I didn't care about myself, but I was, I was like, I was no good to this world. I was a danger to everybody. I was a danger to people just by living on it. Um, or I could get help and go to, go to AA, um, which I had tried from time to time in the past, but I always thought that they were different than me because, you know, they were all the guys behind the dumpster kind of thing or this or that, that was my justification. This time, I was willing, I did it, I went in and that, you know, that was the last time I drank and then I did the work in getting sober and that's where I say that there's hope beyond hopelessness. Because my attitude of being in that jail cell, my, my, my point of view of being in that jail cell was that this is the end. I didn't know whether I'd hurt anybody or whether I, and, and at that point, it was just like, I, you know, I was, I was the worst person on the planet. I was something I hated and, and everything was hopeless after that. But that little glimmer of willingness to heal, um, that's what made all the difference. And here today, because I walked into those rooms and I just gave myself over to it.

So at that time, when you kind of hit that, that last ditch, you know, kind of situation, were you married? Have kids? Like, what did life look like for you at that time to kind of be at that crossroad of, do I just end it all or, you know, here's option two, you know, like going to AA, which I've gone to before, and I'm not the guy in the dumpster that I saw in D.A.R.E. And, you know, you're, you're still not at that point, but you, you're willing to go to AA, what did the rest of life will look like for you?

Yeah. So, I mean, I, so I did have, uh, my wife, I had my two kids. They, my, my son was one years old. My daughter was about four at the time. And, um, and, I, you know, life looked relatively normal and, and I made sure of that because I wanted to make sure that the lifestyle that we were living was as cookie cutter, plain as possible. There's nothing to see here. There's nothing wrong. Everything's okay. Um, and you know, meanwhile, you know, put the kids to bed and, um, and you know, the wife and I just, I would start drinking heavily and it, wine was my thing because I knew that like hard alcohol was just, it, it, it, it was too quick for me. And like, that was like where I would just like my, my panic, my everything would go crazy. And, but wine was like where I could drink, and still maintain sanity in some, in some ways, even though I would still drink into a blackout. Um, and all of it was insane. And so I'm not even going to even pretend that there was any sanity related to it. But, um, but that's the way life looked. I made sure that I was, I was living, trying to be the best dad that I could, trying to be the best worker that I could and, and everything. Um, meanwhile, I was, I was drinking to kind of numb myself. My, my goal, you know, even, even then it was, it was like, I, I desperately cared about other people and what, what they thought of, of me and, and, and, you know, that's a very selfish thing to think a lot of times it's like, well, I want everyone to like me. But that's the way I felt and, and that was true of like, you know, all of my family, all of my, my kids and everything. So I just put on this charade, this, this, this charade of like, I'm functioning. I'm not drinking a lot. And then boom, it came comes to a head when I lose complete control of that last rule that I ever had.

So I want to ask from a different perspective.

Sure.

From conversations that you've had with your wife since that time, we can often look and believe that we're putting on this facade, you know, this veneer of, hey, I've got everything together when nobody else around us believes that, right? We're only fooling ourselves and that belief carries us and allows us to continue in those, those actions, those behaviors that are, you know, medicating and helping us cope. Was your wife, at that time, was she fooled or was she seeing what was going on? Or where was she at, um, in like how she saw that things things were with you?

I think at the, at that time, and, and we've certainly gone through a lot of work and, you know, she's been, she's an amazing woman, my wife who, um, who stopped drinking with me and um, and has been sober ever since as well. And, you know, we've, we're, we've have one of those relationships where we've been able to grow together, especially beyond that. But I definitely was not able to hide it from her. I think she was just resigned to it at that time. That it was just like, there's, there's nothing you can do with an active alcoholic who's not willing to heal, as somebody who's not willing. And so it's just kind of like she was surviving, too. And I was holding her hostage.

Yeah. And we can fool ourselves, but it's like our, our belief of what we're portraying out there, it's almost like the, uh, the Emperor's New Clothes kind of thing, you know, where it's like, Hey, look, I'm dressed in, in furs and robes and everything like that. And it's like, nah, dude, you're, you're, you're in your underwear kind of thing. And uh, people can see the truth, even though we think we're fooling them.

Yeah.

Um, so you went to AA and like you shared earlier, you knew you looked for the guy that had what you wanted, right?

Yeah.

What does this dude have that I don't? Cause he's living out the life I want.

Right.

So you're going to AA, like how does AA provide the path for you to bring about the, the change in your life? Cause you didn't stop with just, Hey, I'm going to get sober. You then continued on to, Hey, what's this triathlon thing? And I'm like, what, that's a, that's like a paradigm shift, man. Just, um, you know, how did, how did that get you from point A to point B?

ive, so it was probably about: 2006

Dude. Yeah. And I will 100% agree with you that the consistency is the key factor of that, where it's like putting in those small, high effort spurts doesn't carry us through to, to where we want to get to.

Right.

Well, as you've continued along, what are like some other tools that have gotten you, you know, AA got you to that point, and then you've got the triathlon that you, you're absolutely crushing it. What are like some tools that have continued to help you, you know, do that, that huge, you know, mental and physical feat of an Ironman, and then continue on to, to, to, to today where you're at, like, what are some tools that have helped you out in, uh, making those transitions?

Yeah, I think, I think one of the biggest ones that I've, I've kind of turned into something of a formula for myself. That, uh, that is a philosophy on how I look at fear, because again, going back to fear is, is fear is opportunity is really uncertainty, overwhelm and self doubt. And so uncertainty can, you know, kind of get, get managed by really visualizing that, that future, like really visualizing your future self. And there's, there's a problem that we have with how we approach time. And I want to tell everybody how we can become a very healthy time traveler. Uh, the way, the way we look at time now is, is we tend to dwell on the past, we tend to obsess about the future, and we tend to ignore the present. But if we could turn that into, we reflect on the past and we learn the lessons from the past. We reflect on it. We, um, and we visualize the future that we want. We practice it with intentionality, and we have gratitude in the present. That's the healthiest form of time traveler that we can be. So that's an important tool that like, if you can incorporate that into your daily habits, it's, it's really a game changer, really helps you to bring that mindfulness, that awareness and curiosity to your life on a daily basis that helps you get some level of certainty of where you want to go and where you want to be. So helps with that uncertainty piece, even though you have to also recognize that uncertainty is okay. It's okay to feel that. And, and it's okay to go anyway. Um, and then the second piece I like to, to tackle those, those other two, the overwhelm and the self doubt. A lot of those times those come because we're reinforced with these messages that we have to go hard, go home, no pain, no gain, give 110%. Um, and that's where my formula for flow comes in, which is the 80%-5% formula for flow. The 80% represents exactly what I mentioned about what I discovered through Mark Allen's work of giving 80% consistently. Find your 80% in everything you do, regardless of whatever achievement you want to go after, um, it could be a fitness pursuit. It could be a new business. It could be, uh, be, you know, an investment, anything that you want to pursue, give 80% consistently. If anyone tells you they're giving 110% they're, that's, that's dangerous. Because the beauty about 80% is that you build endurance with that 80% while giving yourself the capacity you can, you can, you can, uh, uh, you can grow your energy, while not depleting it all. You can improve your capacity, without depleting it. And over time, your 80%, becomes everyone else's 110%. And at that point, everybody thinks you're giving 110%, but you're really not. You're still giving the same 80% you've always been giving. And the second part of it is the 5%, which is how much past your comfort zone you have to push. Cause a lot of times we might think that we have to do a massive swan dive beyond our fears to get over them. But in reality, it's, it's just simple, small steps beyond our comfort zones. What is that next 5% beyond your comfort zone? Uh, if I use an example from my own triathlon journey, I had no clue how to swim. And my biggest fear was swimming in the ocean past the breakers. But in order to compete in a triathlon, in an Ironman, I had to swim past the breakers and do it with a hundreds of other athletes that were punching and kicking and submerging each other. Hundred levels of fear beyond just swimming past the breakers. So I took it to the next 5%. I had to learn to float in a pool. And so I learned to float and once I got comfortable that once that was my comfort zone, the next step was swim 25 yards without stopping. My next comfort zone. So on and so forth. But so that by the next year, the next 5% in front of me was like, okay, there's that, there's that, uh, uh, there are the breakers. I'm going to swim past them, punch and kick my way through the, through the race, and then I'm going to make it through because that's just 5% more. Uh, so those that's really the 80%-5% rule. And it's really a lot more art than science because you learn to feel it, but it's good to connect with that in your own mind of like, When you feel like you're feeling overwhelmed or burning out, or you're starting to, starting to really, uh, you can like, look at that, look at how much you're giving, you say, maybe I just back it off 80%. Okay. Give that 80%. When you're feeling that self doubt about like the massive thing, well, what's just that next step right in front of me, that next 5% step. That's all it takes. So that's, that's the formula for, for flow.

Super powerful. And I love the fact that it's like you're, you're growing almost, you're almost talking about like you're 80% being somebody else's 110, right? Their, their beyond max. Um, you're sustaining that. That's like going to the gym and it's like, Hey, I started just bench in the bar. And now, you know, two years later, while everybody else has been here for January and maybe June, you've been there the whole time. And now you're doing, you know, 200, you know, pounds and pushing what they're doing, so. I love that, man. That's super powerful. Well, let me, let me ask you, how can men connect with you outside of, you know, Living Fearless Today? How can they, they get in touch with Adam Hill?

Absolutely. Yeah. So, um, I would. Uh, I have a podcast where I talk to other people who have done the same thing. My podcast is Flow Over Fear. So, uh, check that out, subscribe, give it a listen, after you listen to this show. Um, and, um, and, um, if you want to find me on the, uh, on the socials, I'm on Instagram and TikTok @TheAdamCHill. Uh, that's the Adam C Hill. If you want to remember the Adam chill, that's, uh, that's one way to look at it, too, so.

I love it. Well, Adam, thank you so much for joining, uh, joining me today and sharing your story, and dude, just encouraging to like, be consistent and play it as a long term to be present in where we are today, not just like focused in our past and, uh, or look into the future, but keeping them in a perspective. So appreciate your insight and your story. Thank you, my friend.

I appreciate you, too, brother. Thank you, Mike.