How to Reconnect With Your Spouse When Life Gets Crazy with Larry Pruett

Mike Forrester: 00:00:01

Well, hello and welcome back, my friend.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:04

Uh, this week we're gonna be talking quite a bit about marriage and the

Mike Forrester: 00:00:07

challenges that come with it because if you're married or you've even

Mike Forrester: 00:00:11

even been in a relationship, dude, there is all kinds of expectations.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:17

Some of 'em spoken, most of them unspoken unless we're really clearly communicating.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:22

And it's like there's the day to day with work business, You have

Mike Forrester: 00:00:26

children, there's an additional level of, level of complexity to it all.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:31

I mean, I think we can all come and say like, yeah, that

Mike Forrester: 00:00:33

doesn't smooth things over.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:34

Make it any easier.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:36

It, it is just like you're trying to fill all these buckets equally.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:42

Keep yourself in a great place and it can just be overwhelming.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:46

And today I've got Larry Pruett, who, he's a, um, marriage counselor coach.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:52

He and his wife Sue.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:54

You know, they're, they're helping entrepreneurs.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:57

And so whether you're an entrepreneur or not, you know,

Mike Forrester: 00:00:59

you're working nine to five, or sometimes it's nine to nine, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:01:04

Regardless of which space that you're in.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:07

These are truths that can help us as men to both improve ourselves

Mike Forrester: 00:01:12

improve our relationship, our marriage, you know, as being a father.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:17

dude, just really looking forward to jumping in here.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:19

So Larry, how are you doing today, my friend?

Larry Pruett: 00:01:22

Doing great.

Larry Pruett: 00:01:23

Mike, thank you so much for having me on.

Larry Pruett: 00:01:24

I really, appreciate the invite.

Larry Pruett: 00:01:27

Um, really looking forward to digging in and just providing value and help

Larry Pruett: 00:01:32

and hope for anybody who's listening in.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:35

Yeah, I appreciate it.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:36

And just from the, the talks that we've had, you know, it's one of those that.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:42

There's so much similarity, uh, between like the experiences and, and

Mike Forrester: 00:01:47

I think a lot of it is just universal.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:50

It's, it involves more than one person.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:52

Right.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:54

So, um, I'm really looking forward to, to hearing from you in where you've

Mike Forrester: 00:02:00

gone and how you've changed and where you're at today, and let's actually

Mike Forrester: 00:02:05

use that as the, the starting point is, what does life look like for you today?

Larry Pruett: 00:02:10

Yeah.

Larry Pruett: 00:02:11

Um, and like you're saying, so much of our story lines up and I find that in, in

Larry Pruett: 00:02:17

a very common thing when I'm talking to guys and, and we've been married a little

Larry Pruett: 00:02:20

bit longer than, um, most people, like I've been married for 36 years, um, and.

Larry Pruett: 00:02:26

We're entrepreneurs.

Larry Pruett: 00:02:28

And so that may be a little bit different than what other people's

Larry Pruett: 00:02:30

journey is, but, but there's just a lot of connection points along the way.

Larry Pruett: 00:02:35

Uh, so for today, my wife and I run a business together, and it's

Larry Pruett: 00:02:38

called side-by-side business.

Larry Pruett: 00:02:40

And we are coaching, helping married entrepreneurs in their

Larry Pruett: 00:02:44

journey of, of adding a layer of.

Larry Pruett: 00:02:49

Amazing amount of stress entrepreneurship on top of a relationship that just has

Larry Pruett: 00:02:54

natural stress and strains and struggles that, that are already built into it.

Larry Pruett: 00:02:59

And so we really, um, primarily focus on the marriage relationship itself.

Larry Pruett: 00:03:05

And, um, what we have found is just, it's, it's not a magic.

Larry Pruett: 00:03:10

Switch or anything like that.

Larry Pruett: 00:03:11

But when couples can get that foundational relationship developed and they are

Larry Pruett: 00:03:17

communicating well and things are going well in the home, the business has

Larry Pruett: 00:03:21

a tendency to grow and to take off.

Larry Pruett: 00:03:24

And again, I can't guarantee that to people, but it's, it's something we've

Larry Pruett: 00:03:27

seen as a common thread throughout the, the couples that we work with.

Larry Pruett: 00:03:32

And this is a new endeavor for us.

Larry Pruett: 00:03:35

Really, we've been, we've been entrepreneurs for over 20 years.

Larry Pruett: 00:03:39

Uh, the last 12 and a half years have been full-time, but we we're in

Larry Pruett: 00:03:42

the e-commerce space, and so that's something I could, I could talk

Larry Pruett: 00:03:45

about today if that's of interest.

Larry Pruett: 00:03:47

But just that transition, it's like we're starting over again and it's really just

Larry Pruett: 00:03:51

the last several months that we have been on this journey of moving from.

Larry Pruett: 00:03:57

Um, primarily e-commerce as well as coaching people in e-commerce space to

Larry Pruett: 00:04:02

now we're still doing some e-commerce, but we've sold off part of that business and

Larry Pruett: 00:04:06

now we are really focusing in on helping the married couples who are entrepreneurs.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:12

Oh, man.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:13

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:14

Whether you're running the business or transitioning it, there is all

Mike Forrester: 00:04:18

kinds of things that pull and tug and just create all, all kinds of stress.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:24

Right.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:24

It's opportunity, but.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:26

It can also be stressful.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:29

Well, let's, let's jump back.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:31

So you have five adult children at this point in time.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:35

Um, so 20 years, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:04:38

You, you're not always, uh, you, you've been at the point of having

Mike Forrester: 00:04:43

younger kids, uh, you've guys were homeschooling 'em, you've got the

Mike Forrester: 00:04:46

marriage like Larry, that's a lot.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:50

How do you keep that balance in life and yet not?

Mike Forrester: 00:04:55

Sacrifice yourself in the process, because that's a lot of different plates to

Mike Forrester: 00:05:01

keep spinning and then also to make sure you're still there to spin those plates.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:07

Yes, for sure.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:08

And we use that analogy of spinning plates all the time and get one of

Larry Pruett: 00:05:12

those plates going and, and then you can move on to something else.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:15

So I think that there's a lesson just in that.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:18

Just alone is you, you get one thing under control.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:22

And we would always say to be working on the marriage

Larry Pruett: 00:05:26

foundational relationship first.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:28

Um, as that plate is spinning, you gotta keep coming back and touching

Larry Pruett: 00:05:31

that up every once in a while.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:32

Okay.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:32

So it's not like you get it going to, like, I'm now an expert at this.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:36

Um, there's still miscommunication that my wife and I have, you know,

Larry Pruett: 00:05:40

after being married all these decades.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:42

Um.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:43

And so if you, if go back in our story though, I had a full-time job that where

Larry Pruett: 00:05:49

I was about 30, 32 hours a week, and I don't think they make those anymore.

Larry Pruett: 00:05:53

Right?

Larry Pruett: 00:05:54

I worked for a dentist office and the dentist office was closed on Fridays, and

Larry Pruett: 00:05:58

so I was working four days a week and I, I literally had free time in my hands.

Larry Pruett: 00:06:04

at that stage, our kids, our oldest would've been like 10 years old.

Larry Pruett: 00:06:08

our, our youngest wasn't even born yet, and so my wife was very busy

Larry Pruett: 00:06:13

with taking care of the kids and homeschooling and just trying to put

Larry Pruett: 00:06:17

food on the table and everything.

Larry Pruett: 00:06:18

And so I thought, I've got this extra time, I'm gonna start selling some stuff

Larry Pruett: 00:06:22

on eBay, and it was very part-time.

Larry Pruett: 00:06:26

I, I work very close to home.

Larry Pruett: 00:06:28

And so I would literally come home during my lunch break and I would go

Larry Pruett: 00:06:31

down to my office in the basement and I would check to see if anything had sold.

Larry Pruett: 00:06:36

And if so, I would box it up and then I would just have to eat

Larry Pruett: 00:06:39

really fast and go to the post office on the way back to work.

Larry Pruett: 00:06:42

So it was complete hustle stage for our whole family.

Larry Pruett: 00:06:47

And, uh, fast forward then to, um.

Larry Pruett: 00:06:51

So we had been doing that for, for several years.

Larry Pruett: 00:06:55

I, I needed to leave my day job.

Larry Pruett: 00:06:57

It was just such a stressful, toxic environment.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:02

And at one point my wife just said, you know, you gotta

Larry Pruett: 00:07:06

stop doing this to yourself.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:07

She knew that I was doing it for the family.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:10

But she was like, you're not present when you're home.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:13

You're just this blank stare.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:15

Like, I'm talking to you.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:16

You're not hearing me.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:18

And I can't, she was just like, I don't wanna keep doing this.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:21

I don't care what the consequences are financially or whatever.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:25

And so I'm very fortunate.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:26

My wife is very risk tolerant and so she was like, let's take that leap off

Larry Pruett: 00:07:32

the, the cliff here and try to build this plane as we're going down the hill.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:35

Um.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:37

And so I turned in my notice at at my job, and I literally gave six months notice.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:44

So that's a very unusual circumstance, but I knew a lot of things that

Larry Pruett: 00:07:49

no, nobody else knew there and I wanted to take care of my employer.

Larry Pruett: 00:07:53

And I didn't know though if they were gonna say, just leave right now, or

Larry Pruett: 00:07:57

they, they end up using, it's kind of funny, they used every day of the

Larry Pruett: 00:08:01

six months and then they hired me as a consultant to continue, uh, to help

Larry Pruett: 00:08:05

out the transition time period, but.

Larry Pruett: 00:08:08

We, we, during that six month time period, we ramped up our e-commerce business.

Larry Pruett: 00:08:12

We had, um, six months worth of savings in the bank.

Larry Pruett: 00:08:16

And we said, we're gonna give this a six month runway and see what happens.

Larry Pruett: 00:08:20

And, and we're approaching 13 years now.

Larry Pruett: 00:08:23

Um, and so it's, it's worked out.

Larry Pruett: 00:08:25

It has not been the best financial decision, I'll be honest with you,

Larry Pruett: 00:08:30

but it has been the best decision for my family, for my relationships

Larry Pruett: 00:08:35

that are the most important for me.

Larry Pruett: 00:08:37

So.

Larry Pruett: 00:08:38

No regrets.

Larry Pruett: 00:08:39

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:08:41

Well, and dude, just you saying no regrets.

Mike Forrester: 00:08:44

Yeah, man.

Mike Forrester: 00:08:46

Like how many of us are stacking up regrets, almost like a deck of cards as

Mike Forrester: 00:08:52

we go further and further through life.

Mike Forrester: 00:08:54

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:08:54

And what I think is interesting is You had communication with your wife, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:09:00

And that then helps us to determine what we can do, what we can't do, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:09:05

I might not be able to do that with my wife, but you were able

Mike Forrester: 00:09:08

to do that with yours because you know of her risk tolerance level.

Mike Forrester: 00:09:14

How do we figure out like who our spouse is and where they

Mike Forrester: 00:09:20

stand, not just in risk, but.

Mike Forrester: 00:09:23

Overall, you know, because if, if I'm working, like you were talking about

Mike Forrester: 00:09:27

Larry and I don't know who my spouse is and I decide to make a decision,

Mike Forrester: 00:09:33

I can really screw things up, right.

Larry Pruett: 00:09:36

Yeah, for sure.

Larry Pruett: 00:09:37

And, and I would say that the, one of the first things that we do with any

Larry Pruett: 00:09:41

couples that we work with is we will, uh, walk them through a personality test.

Larry Pruett: 00:09:47

And, and I know that probably everybody in the, in the corporate

Larry Pruett: 00:09:51

world has done one of those disc uh, personality assessments, but, you know,

Larry Pruett: 00:09:55

have you applied that to your home?

Larry Pruett: 00:09:57

Have you apply that to your marriage relationship or whatever

Larry Pruett: 00:10:01

relationships they're in, you're in.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:03

Um, I don't have like my best friends take that and then analyze them that way.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:07

But I, but I'm always thinking like, I bet that that guy, he seems

Larry Pruett: 00:10:11

like he's a dominant personality and so I'm going to approach him a

Larry Pruett: 00:10:16

little bit differently as a friend.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:18

And so, so as husband and wife, it's really important that

Larry Pruett: 00:10:22

you understand each other.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:23

That's actually a scriptural concept.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:26

Um.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:26

It's a, it's a verse.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:28

If you look it up, it's one Peter three seven and that's an instruction

Larry Pruett: 00:10:31

to husband still live with your wife in an understanding way.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:35

And sometimes we look at that and we think, God, is this some joke

Larry Pruett: 00:10:38

I'm supposed to understand my wife?

Larry Pruett: 00:10:41

Like there's a lot going on in that in her head space that

Larry Pruett: 00:10:44

just makes zero sense to me.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:47

Um, so we we're never gonna fully get there, but we need to

Larry Pruett: 00:10:50

do our best and to understand.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:53

That the female brain thinks differently than the male brain.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:57

It just does.

Larry Pruett: 00:10:57

She processes information differently.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:00

She's much more relational.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:02

Men are much more factual and, and big picture things.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:07

And those are general statements.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:09

There's, there's room for movement within that.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:12

You don't wanna pigeonhole somebody.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:14

Um.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:15

But we, so again, getting back to the personality types, so we'll, we'll get

Larry Pruett: 00:11:19

a good understanding, help help couples get a good understanding of their spouse,

Larry Pruett: 00:11:24

but then to take it to the next level and say, I'm this personality type,

Larry Pruett: 00:11:28

my spouse is that personality type.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:30

What's the best way to communicate with, with that, with my spouse?

Larry Pruett: 00:11:34

And just to give you an example, I am, um, I'm an introvert.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:40

I am that conscientious type personality.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:43

My wife is the more dominant personality.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:45

She's an extrovert.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:47

And so, um, so I handle the finances when it comes to the business, and I do all the

Larry Pruett: 00:11:53

spreadsheets and all the detailed stuff.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:54

I love it.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:56

My wife.

Larry Pruett: 00:11:57

She, her eyes just gla glas over whenever she's looking at a spreadsheet and I used

Larry Pruett: 00:12:02

to talk to her about the finances and I would be starting at the top of the

Larry Pruett: 00:12:06

profit loss statement, working my way down and then go through the balance sheet.

Larry Pruett: 00:12:10

And she is just checked out.

Larry Pruett: 00:12:12

She has no idea what I'm talking about, and I, I learned that I need

Larry Pruett: 00:12:16

to jump to the bottom line for her.

Larry Pruett: 00:12:19

Like, here's the bottom line of where we are, cashflow is

Larry Pruett: 00:12:22

down, or whatever the, you know, there's always a challenge, right?

Larry Pruett: 00:12:26

So I, I jumped straight to that, and then here's like three possible solutions.

Larry Pruett: 00:12:30

So what, what's your thought on this?

Larry Pruett: 00:12:32

Because we're gonna make that kind of decision together.

Larry Pruett: 00:12:35

And so that is, was a valuable lesson that we learned in how to communicate

Larry Pruett: 00:12:40

with one another and to be intentional about it and to not just, um.

Larry Pruett: 00:12:47

For me, not just start to try to bore her with all these facts and

Larry Pruett: 00:12:50

details and she'll ask questions.

Larry Pruett: 00:12:53

She'll want me to fill in some gaps on some things before she can, um,

Larry Pruett: 00:12:58

you know, help in that as we're making this decision together.

Larry Pruett: 00:13:02

Um, yeah.

Larry Pruett: 00:13:03

So, yeah, it's really important that you understand each other whenever

Larry Pruett: 00:13:07

you're making these, these important decisions when you're communicating

Larry Pruett: 00:13:11

just on a day in and day out basis.

Larry Pruett: 00:13:13

And then whenever you see a, a reaction, you're like, okay, I,

Larry Pruett: 00:13:17

I kind of get an idea where that reaction is coming from now.

Larry Pruett: 00:13:19

And it just helps you to understand a little bit better.

Mike Forrester: 00:13:23

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:13:24

Almost like how you study yourself for self-awareness.

Mike Forrester: 00:13:27

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:13:27

You're also studying your spouse to be.

Mike Forrester: 00:13:29

Spouse aware, I guess.

Mike Forrester: 00:13:31

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:13:31

Oh, that's a great

Larry Pruett: 00:13:32

point.

Larry Pruett: 00:13:32

That's a great point, Mike, because along the way I've learned so much

Larry Pruett: 00:13:35

about myself and I've learned so much about like that's why I do this.

Larry Pruett: 00:13:40

And sometimes I see things that are like way out of balance.

Larry Pruett: 00:13:45

Like I should not have overreacted to that situation and like to kind

Larry Pruett: 00:13:50

of be a little bit self-aware and, and to, um, to improve yourself.

Larry Pruett: 00:13:55

Like, why did I do that and how can I handle that situation better next time?

Mike Forrester: 00:14:00

One thing that we were talking about before, um, when

Mike Forrester: 00:14:04

we're talking about self-awareness here, I wasn't self-aware, nor did

Mike Forrester: 00:14:09

I think I had like a responsibility.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:12

Or Uh, reason to work on myself when I had my marriage was totally jacked up, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:14:18

I was mad at myself.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:20

I was like that angry young man.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:22

Um, I wanted to, to have a better marriage and so I thought that I could

Mike Forrester: 00:14:28

work on my marriage without working on myself, and it's something I've seen

Mike Forrester: 00:14:34

plenty of other times with other men.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:36

Is that something that you see and.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:39

If so, does it work out

Larry Pruett: 00:14:41

well?

Larry Pruett: 00:14:42

I see that all the time, and no, it doesn't work out very well.

Larry Pruett: 00:14:46

Um, I, I do think that you need to be working on both, right?

Larry Pruett: 00:14:51

So if your marriage is at a, at a bad position.

Larry Pruett: 00:14:56

You can't 100% focus on yourself and 0% on the marriage.

Larry Pruett: 00:15:00

I don't know what the right percentage is, but you, you have to show up in,

Larry Pruett: 00:15:06

in the right way for your spouse.

Larry Pruett: 00:15:09

And so there, there has to be a time of introspection and, um, you know, we, my

Larry Pruett: 00:15:15

wife and I, we do everything together and, and as soon as I say that word,

Larry Pruett: 00:15:19

everything, but there's moments where we do need just a little bit of downtime.

Larry Pruett: 00:15:23

A little bit of time alone, time for a walk, a time for, um, like actually

Larry Pruett: 00:15:30

one of the things that my wife has asked for, for, um, mother's Day

Larry Pruett: 00:15:35

or her birthday or something like that, is a night alone in a hotel.

Larry Pruett: 00:15:40

And at the beginning I was a little bit offended by that, but then I

Larry Pruett: 00:15:42

realized, you know, what she needs, she needs some alone time too, right?

Larry Pruett: 00:15:47

And so we, we did that a few times.

Larry Pruett: 00:15:49

That was whenever the kids were really young and she was just like, you know,

Larry Pruett: 00:15:52

she was like all day because, uh, she's not having any adult conversations such.

Larry Pruett: 00:15:58

And so, um, I think it's really important that we are working on

Larry Pruett: 00:16:04

improving ourself day in and day out.

Larry Pruett: 00:16:08

That is a scriptural concept as well, that we are to be examining

Larry Pruett: 00:16:11

ourselves and then working on that, because then you're gonna show up much

Larry Pruett: 00:16:16

better in all of your relationships and most certainly in your marriage.

Larry Pruett: 00:16:20

So you need to work on both at the same time.

Larry Pruett: 00:16:23

And that's a, that's a forever thing, by the way.

Larry Pruett: 00:16:25

You, we never arrive, we never get to the point where like, okay, I got

Larry Pruett: 00:16:29

that whole marriage thing figured out, or I've arrived as an individual.

Larry Pruett: 00:16:34

Um, it's a lifelong pursuit.

Larry Pruett: 00:16:36

Um, but.

Larry Pruett: 00:16:38

Constantly working on improving yourself, constantly working

Larry Pruett: 00:16:41

on improving your marriage.

Mike Forrester: 00:16:44

I was hoping you would tell me like, Hey,

Mike Forrester: 00:16:46

read this book and you're done.

Mike Forrester: 00:16:47

But it sounds like I'm gonna be reading and learning and practicing

Mike Forrester: 00:16:51

and, and doing it until the end.

Mike Forrester: 00:16:53

I'm both on myself, my marriage, and, and also as a father.

Mike Forrester: 00:16:56

So

Larry Pruett: 00:16:56

sorry to disappoint.

Mike Forrester: 00:16:59

There's no shortcut or cheat code.

Mike Forrester: 00:17:01

Darn, no.

Mike Forrester: 00:17:01

Um, yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:17:04

So.

Mike Forrester: 00:17:06

With having, you know, your, you're both, when you're working and then

Mike Forrester: 00:17:11

you're running your own business, um, that's a certain amount of stress.

Mike Forrester: 00:17:15

You're raising five children.

Mike Forrester: 00:17:16

That's another level of stress.

Mike Forrester: 00:17:18

Um, how did you ensue find space to work on your marriage

Mike Forrester: 00:17:26

in the midst of all of that?

Mike Forrester: 00:17:27

Because I mean, that's, that's a lot of strain on a relationship.

Mike Forrester: 00:17:32

You know, it, it.

Mike Forrester: 00:17:34

Doesn't, unless you're really working on it and being intentional, it doesn't

Mike Forrester: 00:17:39

create the space that you need to create a marriage that flourishes.

Mike Forrester: 00:17:44

How did you like set that aside and invest without, you know, depleting the stores

Mike Forrester: 00:17:52

either for your business or with the kids?

Larry Pruett: 00:17:56

Yeah, I absolutely love the question because you have

Larry Pruett: 00:17:58

to be very intentional about this.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:00

It just doesn't happen naturally.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:03

Naturally.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:03

Everything is gonna go the wrong direction for sure.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:06

And so we, we put a few things into place.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:09

Um, we had something that we called connection time, and this was very simple.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:14

Anybody can put this into place today.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:17

And it's, um.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:19

You know, we had a, a situation where Sue was staying home with the kids and I was,

Larry Pruett: 00:18:24

was working a day job outside the home.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:26

But it can work in any environment if you're both working outside or whatever.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:30

But whenever you're both come home.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:33

Whenever you're both home at the very beginning of that time.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:37

So again, in my situation, Sue's at home, I come home, uh, the kids jump

Larry Pruett: 00:18:41

up and down and say, daddy's home.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:42

Daddy's home.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:43

I give them hugs.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:44

I miss those days.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:46

I give them hugs.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:47

Uh, I spend just a couple of minutes with them, and then Sue and I would

Larry Pruett: 00:18:50

sit down on the couch together and we would have 15 minutes of a conversation.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:54

We would literally set a timer and that did a number of things.

Larry Pruett: 00:18:59

Uh, number one.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:01

It gave Sue and me an opportunity to connect and to have a conversation.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:06

It was be like, how was your day type thing.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:09

Maybe there was some griping and complaining on both

Larry Pruett: 00:19:11

ends about what happened.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:13

Um, maybe it was like, Hey, I had a fantastic day.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:16

If that actually whatever happened.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:18

Um, but we just, we had a time of connection.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:21

And, but, but secondly, and this was crucial, is that the kids saw

Larry Pruett: 00:19:27

us sitting down talking together.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:29

Because if you think about it, um, in the craziness of the days, the k the kids

Larry Pruett: 00:19:33

may never see you connect as a couple.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:36

And it's really important for for us to model that kind of a

Larry Pruett: 00:19:40

relationship for our children.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:42

And I don't think we're intentional enough about that.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:45

Um, sure you can put the kids to bed and then you get an opportunity to talk,

Larry Pruett: 00:19:49

and that's really important as well.

Larry Pruett: 00:19:51

But for the kids to observe that, um, and I'm, I'm picturing, I'm, I'm hearing

Larry Pruett: 00:19:57

in my head these questions that some of these young dads have right now.

Larry Pruett: 00:20:00

Like, how in the world is that possible when the kids are young and they're

Larry Pruett: 00:20:03

bouncing off the walls and everything?

Larry Pruett: 00:20:05

And so what we would do is we, would, we train the kids and it

Larry Pruett: 00:20:08

did not happen very smoothly.

Larry Pruett: 00:20:11

I would say it was a rare occasion that we went 15 minutes

Larry Pruett: 00:20:14

with it being uninterrupted.

Larry Pruett: 00:20:16

And so the first time, it's gonna be a minute or two, but we sat 'em down and

Larry Pruett: 00:20:19

we explained to them what we were doing.

Larry Pruett: 00:20:22

And that would be a time, it'd be a great time for a video to go

Larry Pruett: 00:20:25

on the TV for them to watch or a coloring book or something like that.

Larry Pruett: 00:20:30

Um, and then we, we always told them if, if.

Larry Pruett: 00:20:35

Nobody's bleeding and or you know, a bone sticking out or something like that.

Larry Pruett: 00:20:40

Just do not interrupt us.

Larry Pruett: 00:20:43

Alright, so this is our time and.

Larry Pruett: 00:20:46

Surprisingly, after a week or two or three or 12, you will start

Larry Pruett: 00:20:52

seeing that, that time expands out, that you get uninterrupted.

Larry Pruett: 00:20:57

And that was a pattern we had for years and by, you know, a year or two into it.

Larry Pruett: 00:21:02

And of course then the older kids got it and they would

Larry Pruett: 00:21:04

hope the younger kids and such.

Larry Pruett: 00:21:06

And it was just a, a beautiful time.

Larry Pruett: 00:21:09

So that was just one thing that we did that connection time.

Larry Pruett: 00:21:12

We're also very intentional about date nights.

Larry Pruett: 00:21:15

Um.

Larry Pruett: 00:21:15

We're very fortunate that my parents were always willing babysitters.

Larry Pruett: 00:21:19

So, um, but at times where they weren't available for whatever reason, we would

Larry Pruett: 00:21:23

share babysitting with other couples.

Larry Pruett: 00:21:25

Um, and then a third thing that I'll add was on a, on a bigger scale is we

Larry Pruett: 00:21:31

would get away at least once a year for a weekend, Where we would dream together,

Larry Pruett: 00:21:35

we would plan together goal setting.

Larry Pruett: 00:21:37

we talk a lot about developing a mission statement together as a family, and that's

Larry Pruett: 00:21:41

when we would work on that type of thing.

Larry Pruett: 00:21:43

So, so those three things, like on a daily basis, that connection time

Larry Pruett: 00:21:47

on a weekly basis, that date time, and then on a longer term basis, at

Larry Pruett: 00:21:52

least once a year and quarterly, if we could, uh, a weakened away just to

Larry Pruett: 00:21:57

really focus in on just us as a couple.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:00

And that is so powerful and I'm sitting here laughing because

Mike Forrester: 00:22:03

it's like, I can think back and we literally called it couch time.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:07

Uh, doing same practice.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:10

There's gonna be times where the kids come in, But it's like you talked about sharing

Mike Forrester: 00:22:15

with them the why, you know, encouraging them, Hey, you know, give us some space.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:20

And it does provide like a security A sense of belonging, but it's like

Mike Forrester: 00:22:24

comfort and just knowing that hey, mom and dad aren't, aren't getting divorced.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:30

Right.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:31

And it's so prevalent.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:33

I mean, our kids were asking us, you know, like, Hey, I saw this going on

Mike Forrester: 00:22:38

with my friend and and their parents.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:40

Are you guys separating?

Mike Forrester: 00:22:42

Are you guys getting a divorce?

Mike Forrester: 00:22:43

I mean, that stuff, they're young, but they still get it at one level.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:49

Right.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:51

Um, yeah, the getting away as well, you know, setting that up, planning as much

Mike Forrester: 00:22:56

as you can, and, uh, just super powerful.

Larry Pruett: 00:23:01

I'm sorry.

Larry Pruett: 00:23:01

One other thing I just wanted to add to this is it also really

Larry Pruett: 00:23:04

strengthens the marriage throughout your entire years together.

Larry Pruett: 00:23:09

So like the number one time where couples get divorces in those first 10 years is

Larry Pruett: 00:23:14

just a difficult time for for couples.

Larry Pruett: 00:23:18

But the second most common time for divorce is as the couple is empty, nested.

Larry Pruett: 00:23:23

Because if you've had a child centered home, then the kids move,

Larry Pruett: 00:23:28

you know, they move out and the husband and wife look at each other

Larry Pruett: 00:23:31

and go like, now who are you again?

Larry Pruett: 00:23:33

And so we have to be intentional during the years where the kids are at home.

Larry Pruett: 00:23:38

I always talk about this, that when a husband and wife, when they get

Larry Pruett: 00:23:41

married, a new family is formed.

Larry Pruett: 00:23:44

And whenever kids come into the family, they are welcome additions to that family.

Larry Pruett: 00:23:49

But you are raising them to be responsible adults who are not

Larry Pruett: 00:23:53

gonna be sitting in your basement whenever they're 45 years old.

Larry Pruett: 00:23:57

Right.

Larry Pruett: 00:23:58

And so you're, you're raising them to move out of the house.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:02

That's a real challenge.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:03

We're at the stage where, uh, four of our five kids have moved out.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:07

Our fifth child, he's 19 years old.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:10

He's busy, he's rarely ever home.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:12

And so Sue and I are reconnecting at a, at a fun level.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:17

Um.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:18

And we are really looking forward to empty nesting.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:21

I was dreading it for a long time, but now we're looking forward to it.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:25

We've been told by older couples that we will enjoy it.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:28

You will get used to it and you will enjoy it.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:30

And so we're, we're trusting that, but that was, we were building the

Larry Pruett: 00:24:34

foundation for that during the time where the kids were young and we were

Larry Pruett: 00:24:38

focusing and making sure that the marriage relationship was priority.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:42

The kids were very close.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:43

Second, well, God's first marriage, second kids third, and then

Larry Pruett: 00:24:47

everything else falls after that.

Larry Pruett: 00:24:50

So these things that I've outlined here that we coach on and such is, is

Larry Pruett: 00:24:54

laying foundation for today and laying foundation for the future as well.

Mike Forrester: 00:24:58

when you're talking about laying foundation, there is

Mike Forrester: 00:25:02

no better word for it because as our relationship for our children, you know

Mike Forrester: 00:25:07

that they're, when they're growing up.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:09

That is the foundation that's being laid because when they become

Mike Forrester: 00:25:12

18, that is another transition.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:15

Because if, yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:16

You know, like the path that I was on, I was alienating them, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:25:20

They become 18, guess what?

Mike Forrester: 00:25:22

They don't wanna come back for more of what they were getting

Mike Forrester: 00:25:24

growing up if it wasn't healthy.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:26

Um, same thing like you alluded to with Sue.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:30

You know, like, hey, you get to empty nesters.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:32

Do you know each other?

Mike Forrester: 00:25:34

You know, yes.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:35

You wanna build that foundation.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:37

And so what you have just shared is gold that I don't think most of us

Mike Forrester: 00:25:42

are even looking to the future to go, what's that next season gonna look like?

Mike Forrester: 00:25:47

Am I still married?

Mike Forrester: 00:25:48

Do do I know my, my wife do my children still want me in their life?

Mike Forrester: 00:25:54

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:54

what you shared there, guys, take note.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:57

Make sure this is what you are walking away with and taking action on is because

Mike Forrester: 00:26:04

what you're setting up both with your children and with your wife, this is

Mike Forrester: 00:26:08

the launching pad for what comes next.

Mike Forrester: 00:26:11

Um, you had mentioned something else really powerful in there as well,

Mike Forrester: 00:26:16

Larry, is you said you had a mission statement and I think we all know what a

Mike Forrester: 00:26:20

mission statement is for a corporation.

Mike Forrester: 00:26:23

But what does that look like for a family?

Mike Forrester: 00:26:26

Like what you, you and Sue have done?

Larry Pruett: 00:26:30

Yeah.

Larry Pruett: 00:26:30

And since we work with married entrepreneurs, we, we always, we kind

Larry Pruett: 00:26:35

of reference the business mission statement and like you said, everybody

Larry Pruett: 00:26:38

kind of gets an idea of that, right?

Larry Pruett: 00:26:41

But the family mission statement informs the business mission statement.

Larry Pruett: 00:26:45

So, uh, so whether you're an entrepreneur or not, I think this is super valuable.

Larry Pruett: 00:26:49

And honestly, even if you're single, I think this is super valuable.

Larry Pruett: 00:26:53

And you may call it a purpose statement or something a little bit different, but, um.

Larry Pruett: 00:26:58

It's, we try to, to, um, make things more complicated than what they need to be.

Larry Pruett: 00:27:05

And we, we've taken all kinds of training on how to write a purpose statement.

Larry Pruett: 00:27:09

Mission statement.

Larry Pruett: 00:27:10

We have had times where Sue and I have spent days working on it, and

Larry Pruett: 00:27:14

we walk away with nothing because it was so overly complicated.

Larry Pruett: 00:27:18

So we have whittled this down to something very simple, and I've actually even

Larry Pruett: 00:27:23

written a custom GPT for our clients that.

Larry Pruett: 00:27:27

They can do this entire process in half an hour.

Larry Pruett: 00:27:30

And so, um, even with a manual process, um, it can be done in an hour or

Larry Pruett: 00:27:36

maybe two hours, something like that.

Larry Pruett: 00:27:38

And it just, it involves kind of coming up with who I am, who we are as a family,

Larry Pruett: 00:27:45

and what we're trying to accomplish.

Larry Pruett: 00:27:47

At its most core, uh, level, that's what you're wanting to do.

Larry Pruett: 00:27:52

Um, and there's a process to go through.

Larry Pruett: 00:27:54

I can walk through that if you'd like.

Larry Pruett: 00:27:56

Um, there's a process to go through to develop that in a relatively simple way,

Larry Pruett: 00:28:00

but one of the main points I wanna make about this is when you come away with

Larry Pruett: 00:28:03

that mission statement, most of the time people will take that and if they print

Larry Pruett: 00:28:07

it out, it's like, that's very nice, and you stick that in a drawer somewhere.

Larry Pruett: 00:28:10

I don't know what I'm gonna do with that.

Larry Pruett: 00:28:12

Um, but you need to use that as a filter.

Larry Pruett: 00:28:16

And to filter out good ideas because we're inundated with so many

Larry Pruett: 00:28:21

good things that we can be doing.

Larry Pruett: 00:28:23

But if we're busy doing good things, then we'll miss the right ideas or the

Larry Pruett: 00:28:28

excellent ideas, um, the things that are really on mission, if you will.

Larry Pruett: 00:28:32

Right.

Larry Pruett: 00:28:33

And so, um.

Larry Pruett: 00:28:35

What we do, and again, we use a, um, custom GPT for this.

Larry Pruett: 00:28:39

You can literally put in your mission statement, you can give it a little

Larry Pruett: 00:28:42

bit of context about, you know, here's who I am and here's what I'm

Larry Pruett: 00:28:45

trying to do, and here are my goals.

Larry Pruett: 00:28:48

And then I've got this opportunity that that has come up.

Larry Pruett: 00:28:52

And I have been shocked at how good these ais are about really filtering through

Larry Pruett: 00:28:58

and saying, should I do this or not?

Larry Pruett: 00:29:01

And these can be for big things.

Larry Pruett: 00:29:03

They can be for big career changing type of decisions, or

Larry Pruett: 00:29:07

it can be really smaller things.

Larry Pruett: 00:29:09

I think it works better with the big things, but even little things like, um.

Larry Pruett: 00:29:14

One example is I had a friend who was, he asked me to take him to the

Larry Pruett: 00:29:19

airport, so he was flying out of town.

Larry Pruett: 00:29:22

Uh, we live 45 minutes to an hour away from the airport.

Larry Pruett: 00:29:25

And you know, I think most of us would just say, well, like, of course I'll

Larry Pruett: 00:29:29

do that if I've got the time to do it.

Larry Pruett: 00:29:31

But thinking about my, my mission, what is my purpose here in life?

Larry Pruett: 00:29:36

What am I supposed to be accomplishing?

Larry Pruett: 00:29:38

Part of that is to build into other people's lives.

Larry Pruett: 00:29:41

And so that could be an opportunity where I can serve a friend.

Larry Pruett: 00:29:44

I don't wanna be a jerk about it, right?

Larry Pruett: 00:29:45

And leave my friend high and dry with this.

Larry Pruett: 00:29:47

But I start thinking, why is he asking me?

Larry Pruett: 00:29:50

Well, he's asking me 'cause he's an entrepreneur and I hate to say it,

Larry Pruett: 00:29:53

but kind of the common thought is like you just sit around all day,

Larry Pruett: 00:29:57

you're rich because you own your own business and you really just

Larry Pruett: 00:30:00

don't have anything to do all day.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:02

Nobody knows that I work, you know, some weeks or 60, 70, 80 hours a

Larry Pruett: 00:30:06

week on this business, and it's hard to shut it off actually.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:10

And so.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:11

So again, in that process, and again, I don't want people to think I'm a jerk.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:14

I've many, many times I've taken people to the airport and helped them

Larry Pruett: 00:30:18

with, with various things, but when it comes down to it, does that really

Larry Pruett: 00:30:23

help me accomplish my goals today?

Larry Pruett: 00:30:25

Probably not.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:27

And so.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:28

Is there another alternative?

Larry Pruett: 00:30:29

Can I suggest, am I in, in this situation with my friend, I did.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:33

I said, Hey, did you think about Bob?

Larry Pruett: 00:30:35

Because he, he just retired and he's a driver and he's actually

Larry Pruett: 00:30:40

kinda looking for things to do.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:42

He loves to, he loves to drive and do things like that.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:45

He was like, oh, yeah, I hadn't thought about him.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:47

And I said, if he can't do it, let me know because I, I can.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:50

Right?

Larry Pruett: 00:30:51

And then, but he was able to find somebody else.

Larry Pruett: 00:30:54

Had I not been intentional in my thinking about who am I and what am I trying

Larry Pruett: 00:30:59

to accomplish and what's gonna happen?

Larry Pruett: 00:31:01

So it's a 45 minute drive, but it's half a day.

Larry Pruett: 00:31:04

You know that I am, I've lost my momentum or whatever I was working on, and by

Larry Pruett: 00:31:10

the time I drive over there and back, and maybe there's a traffic situation

Larry Pruett: 00:31:13

and all that type of type of stuff.

Larry Pruett: 00:31:16

I've lost half of the day.

Larry Pruett: 00:31:19

And to be honest with you, that just means I'm gonna be working

Larry Pruett: 00:31:22

until 10 o'clock tonight.

Larry Pruett: 00:31:23

Now, I was gonna be able to stop at five or six, but now

Larry Pruett: 00:31:27

I'm gonna have to work till 10.

Larry Pruett: 00:31:28

Does that help me in my relationships?

Larry Pruett: 00:31:30

And so sometimes you've, you've got to say no to things that are good opportunities

Larry Pruett: 00:31:35

or maybe they feel right initially.

Larry Pruett: 00:31:38

Um, but using that mission statement as a filter to just.

Larry Pruett: 00:31:42

Really focus in on what you're really called to do.

Larry Pruett: 00:31:45

You'll be just shocked at how much more progress you'll be

Larry Pruett: 00:31:48

able to make toward those goals.

Mike Forrester: 00:31:50

when you were talking about the mission statement, Larry, that

Mike Forrester: 00:31:53

sounds like an ideal with it being an hour or two, that sounds like the ideal thing

Mike Forrester: 00:31:58

to do during like a date night, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:32:00

To maybe go grab a dinner.

Mike Forrester: 00:32:04

That could be a nice dinner.

Mike Forrester: 00:32:05

It could be, you know, you go grab.

Mike Forrester: 00:32:07

Sub sandwiches, whatever the case may be, to, to fit your time,

Mike Forrester: 00:32:11

your budget and what's around you.

Mike Forrester: 00:32:13

But delving into that stuff on a date, you know, or date night rather, um,

Mike Forrester: 00:32:19

you know, to, to flesh that stuff out and then figure out, hey, how do we

Mike Forrester: 00:32:23

implement this dude that, that's gold.

Mike Forrester: 00:32:26

I love that.

Mike Forrester: 00:32:27

So, yeah, absolutely.

Mike Forrester: 00:32:28

Thank you for sharing that as well.

Larry Pruett: 00:32:29

And you know what's, what's funny you said that.

Larry Pruett: 00:32:32

It was a real struggle for us to have our date nights for a long time, and so we

Larry Pruett: 00:32:36

started doing a Sunday night date night.

Larry Pruett: 00:32:39

So after church, we would get home, we'd put the kids to bed.

Larry Pruett: 00:32:43

You know, we're looking at, it's probably eight o'clock, maybe eight 30.

Larry Pruett: 00:32:47

I would run to the local sub shop and get us a sub sandwich and we would just

Larry Pruett: 00:32:52

sit down and the two of us and have this.

Larry Pruett: 00:32:55

Mostly uninterrupted conversation.

Larry Pruett: 00:32:56

You know, you know, kids get out of bed, you, you don't just put

Larry Pruett: 00:32:59

'em in bed and they're just there.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:00

Um, but it was a mostly uninterrupted conversation, but

Larry Pruett: 00:33:03

we were intentional about it.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:05

And that is the perfect time, like what you said, to do a family

Larry Pruett: 00:33:10

mission statement type thing.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:12

Just don't overthink it.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:13

Just get it down.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:14

You're gonna get something on paper.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:15

You're gonna end up going like that doesn't feel very inspirational.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:19

It's okay.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:20

You can change it later.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:21

You can revisit it in three months and you're like, okay, I got a

Larry Pruett: 00:33:24

little bit more clarity here.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:26

And you, you tweak some things.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:28

We, we just changed our mission statement within the last year or so

Larry Pruett: 00:33:32

here as we've added this coaching, um, into what we wanted to accomplish.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:37

And so we've had our mission statement, I think we did our first one 25 years ago or

Larry Pruett: 00:33:41

even longer, uh, before we had a business.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:44

We did this family mission statement and that kind of informed what we

Larry Pruett: 00:33:48

were doing and how we were gonna go about starting our business.

Larry Pruett: 00:33:51

But yeah, it's, that's a great date, night or date, weekend activity for sure.

Mike Forrester: 00:33:56

and I think the important thing is as we're

Mike Forrester: 00:33:57

talking about date night, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:33:59

You could have young kids, you could have older kids.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:02

Like there is still the chaos of life.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:04

As we're talking about date night, Larry, I can think about some of

Mike Forrester: 00:34:07

the times I have four children, you know, we homeschooled, we.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:11

All four of them, they're now adults.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:13

Um, but man, there were times Larry life was so chaotic that it was like date

Mike Forrester: 00:34:18

night grocery shopping that was just, you know, you go to get something and

Mike Forrester: 00:34:24

you at least have time without somebody, you know, going, mom, dad pulling at you.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:31

Right?

Mike Forrester: 00:34:31

And you're able to.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:33

Accomplish something but still have that time together.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:36

And it's like, I just, I don't want people walking away and going, it must

Mike Forrester: 00:34:40

be the ideal thing for date night.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:43

There are gonna be exceptions times of life.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:46

But you know, it's like the importance of it is there to have that time

Mike Forrester: 00:34:51

and communicate you know, setting specific, Time aside to, to create

Mike Forrester: 00:34:57

this mission statement, work through it, and then, you know, go from there.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:01

But yeah, I was just thinking back on some of the, uh, date nights during

Mike Forrester: 00:35:06

crazier seasons of life and, you know, those, those exceptions out there.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:10

So I.

Larry Pruett: 00:35:11

Well, that just, you absolutely wanna keep it as

Larry Pruett: 00:35:14

simple as possible and just being intentional about getting it done.

Larry Pruett: 00:35:18

Um, you do not need to spend much money.

Larry Pruett: 00:35:21

We'll, you know, we'll still do this actually we'll to the library

Larry Pruett: 00:35:24

and, and rent a movie there.

Larry Pruett: 00:35:27

You don't have to have the streaming services and all

Larry Pruett: 00:35:29

that stuff, you know, for free.

Larry Pruett: 00:35:31

You can just get a movie, sit down and watch it together.

Larry Pruett: 00:35:34

Um, pop some popcorn.

Larry Pruett: 00:35:35

You know, you've got a date night for a dollar 25 cents.

Larry Pruett: 00:35:39

You know, I mean, it's, yeah.

Larry Pruett: 00:35:41

What can be better, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:35:43

Totally.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:44

every date doesn't have to be that Disneyland experience, so to speak.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:49

Um, you know, I've, I've heard this from many of the guys I've worked with.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:53

I was actually in this space and, you know, operating from there.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:00

Larry.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:00

There was a time where it was like, I looked at it and said,

Mike Forrester: 00:36:03

I am providing for my family.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:05

I'm going out and working.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:06

I've earned this time of intimacy.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:11

The challenge that I found and that I've seen in other, other marriages is when

Mike Forrester: 00:36:17

that communication isn't there, like the health of the marriage isn't there.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:21

The intimacy.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:23

Almost seems like a chore.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:26

It's not.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:27

The way we see it as husbands is not the way the wives necessarily see it.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:31

Right.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:31

Because we're different and unique.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:34

Is that something that you see in your clients is when you know the, we're

Mike Forrester: 00:36:39

working intentionally on the marriage and the communication is coming together.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:43

Does the intimacy seem to kind of follow suit or is it something like.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:49

You know, you just lay down the law and it miraculously comes about.

Larry Pruett: 00:36:55

Yeah.

Larry Pruett: 00:36:55

This is, this is a great example of what I ref referenced earlier about

Larry Pruett: 00:36:59

just the different way that the, the male mind works versus the female mind.

Larry Pruett: 00:37:05

And, um, one of the things that my wife has even, uh, talked to me

Larry Pruett: 00:37:09

about is that men many times want to have intimacy to clear their mind.

Larry Pruett: 00:37:17

And it's a way to get rid of all the troubles of the world.

Larry Pruett: 00:37:21

And, and because you can just focus on, on this very, uh, ful act, right?

Larry Pruett: 00:37:27

And, but for women.

Larry Pruett: 00:37:29

It's the total opposite.

Larry Pruett: 00:37:30

She needs to clear her mind and clear the cares of the world before

Larry Pruett: 00:37:34

she can, uh, enjoy that action.

Larry Pruett: 00:37:38

And so as men, sometimes we think, yes, I quote unquote have earned

Larry Pruett: 00:37:43

this because I'm the provider.

Larry Pruett: 00:37:45

And, and we don't recognize that emotional connection that she needs.

Larry Pruett: 00:37:53

And so, um.

Larry Pruett: 00:37:54

We've had, we've had clients before who have said, um, it's the men.

Larry Pruett: 00:37:59

It's always the men and, and the situation who will say something about like,

Larry Pruett: 00:38:02

well, you know, we're having all these troubles and, and all that's going on.

Larry Pruett: 00:38:06

We're working through that with them.

Larry Pruett: 00:38:08

And then he'll say, well, she doesn't wanna be intimate.

Larry Pruett: 00:38:10

And it, sometimes I'm, I'm even as a man, I'm thinking, how could you

Larry Pruett: 00:38:16

possibly think she's considering that right now with some of the words

Larry Pruett: 00:38:19

you just said to her and about her?

Larry Pruett: 00:38:22

Um, and, and so yes, there there is a, uh, mentally emotional connection that needs

Larry Pruett: 00:38:28

to happen before the physical connection.

Larry Pruett: 00:38:31

And I think if guys can understand that a little bit better, and

Larry Pruett: 00:38:35

this is where just really honest open communication is so helpful.

Larry Pruett: 00:38:41

Um, we, we even consider that taboo sometimes within

Larry Pruett: 00:38:45

marriage relationship and.

Larry Pruett: 00:38:47

Guys, open up your minds on this.

Larry Pruett: 00:38:49

Ask your wife the question, what does she need before becoming intimate with you?

Larry Pruett: 00:38:55

Ask her directly.

Larry Pruett: 00:38:56

She will love that question and be prepared.

Larry Pruett: 00:39:00

There may be a list, right?

Larry Pruett: 00:39:02

And there may be some that, some things that feel like you can't

Larry Pruett: 00:39:05

deliver, at least not today.

Larry Pruett: 00:39:07

Just be honest with that.

Larry Pruett: 00:39:08

Just say, this seems a little overwhelming to me.

Larry Pruett: 00:39:11

Can we, can we come up with a compromise and you know, can I

Larry Pruett: 00:39:14

get half the list or whatever, whatever works in your relationship.

Larry Pruett: 00:39:18

I think that there's a lot of room for negotiation and communication there.

Larry Pruett: 00:39:23

Um, but going into it with an open mind saying, I understand

Larry Pruett: 00:39:27

that you're different than me.

Larry Pruett: 00:39:29

But this is something that is, is, um, that we need to have together.

Larry Pruett: 00:39:34

It's very important aspect of a marriage relationship.

Larry Pruett: 00:39:37

So how can we solve this problem together as a couple?

Mike Forrester: 00:39:43

And the one thing I know neither of us want to glaze over

Mike Forrester: 00:39:46

is, hey, we could be that husband that does wanna bring about the change

Mike Forrester: 00:39:50

and there's the other spouse that is unwilling, may have become so distanced.

Mike Forrester: 00:39:56

Is there like an episode or a resource that you would guide them to, like an

Mike Forrester: 00:40:02

episode of, of your podcast, side by side business or some kind of resource that

Mike Forrester: 00:40:07

could help men if they're in that spot?

Larry Pruett: 00:40:10

Well, that's really a tough one and um, I, I went into this

Larry Pruett: 00:40:15

making an assumption that if I can get the husband on board with relationships,

Larry Pruett: 00:40:20

that the wife is just naturally going to.

Larry Pruett: 00:40:22

To jump on board.

Larry Pruett: 00:40:24

And I have been shocked that that just doesn't always, always happen.

Larry Pruett: 00:40:29

Um, and I'd have to stop and think about some resources to make available.

Larry Pruett: 00:40:33

I know that on our podcast, uh, we, we talk about foundational things

Larry Pruett: 00:40:38

that will lead to helping with this, but I think the, the, probably the

Larry Pruett: 00:40:43

primary concept, or the word that I would speak to any of the guys who are

Larry Pruett: 00:40:47

facing on that right now would just be to say, you need to work on yourself.

Larry Pruett: 00:40:51

First, it, you just cannot control your spouse.

Larry Pruett: 00:40:57

Honestly.

Larry Pruett: 00:40:57

Sometimes I feel like I can't even control myself, but I, I

Larry Pruett: 00:41:01

need to work on that, right?

Larry Pruett: 00:41:02

I need self-control in my life.

Larry Pruett: 00:41:04

Um, so to the best of my ability, I need to control myself and I need

Larry Pruett: 00:41:08

to be working on myself to make myself the better version of me,

Larry Pruett: 00:41:12

uh, better than yesterday, right?

Larry Pruett: 00:41:14

And, um, and then along that way, I think you will see progress with your wife.

Larry Pruett: 00:41:21

Along the way, it's hard to just again, guarantee that.

Larry Pruett: 00:41:26

It's definitely hard to put a timeline on it because I think that's another

Larry Pruett: 00:41:30

thing that's common for us men is, is like, I did this yesterday.

Larry Pruett: 00:41:33

Why is it not better today?

Larry Pruett: 00:41:34

And, and real just realizing that it's going to take time,

Larry Pruett: 00:41:38

especially if you've got years of not communicating with your spouse.

Larry Pruett: 00:41:43

You're just not gonna fix that overnight.

Larry Pruett: 00:41:46

Um, so I would just encourage you to, uh, to work on what you can and,

Larry Pruett: 00:41:52

and take control of what you can and take responsibility for what you can

Larry Pruett: 00:41:57

and that all lies within yourself.

Larry Pruett: 00:42:00

And then just be really open and honest with your wife and, um.

Larry Pruett: 00:42:04

And be patient.

Larry Pruett: 00:42:05

Show grace, um, give her the time that she needs and maybe the space

Larry Pruett: 00:42:11

that she needs for a little time.

Larry Pruett: 00:42:13

And if she knows that you're on board, it's just gonna help tremendously though.

Mike Forrester: 00:42:18

Well, Larry, as we're wrapping up here, I wanna make sure that,

Mike Forrester: 00:42:21

you know, guys can connect with you if they're like, yep, hey, this is what I

Mike Forrester: 00:42:26

want, but I don't know how to get there.

Mike Forrester: 00:42:28

Maybe it wasn't something, you know, like that was modeled for

Mike Forrester: 00:42:31

us, you know, in our parents or the relationships that are around us now.

Mike Forrester: 00:42:36

How can men connect with you outside of this podcast to get that information

Mike Forrester: 00:42:41

about, you know, hey, what does a marriage that's healthy and strong and vibrant?

Mike Forrester: 00:42:46

What does it look like and how do I get there?

Larry Pruett: 00:42:48

Yeah, boy, I would love to connect with, with everyone.

Larry Pruett: 00:42:52

Um, I am online, I'm on LinkedIn.

Larry Pruett: 00:42:54

I'm on Facebook.

Larry Pruett: 00:42:56

You can find me there.

Larry Pruett: 00:42:57

But I would also like to give a gift to any of your listeners here today.

Larry Pruett: 00:43:01

Because we've talked about the family mission statement

Larry Pruett: 00:43:04

and it's just so crucial.

Larry Pruett: 00:43:06

Um, and we have provided a, a resource, a guide that will walk you through those

Larry Pruett: 00:43:11

steps and give you some questions to ask.

Larry Pruett: 00:43:14

And again, this can work for an individual.

Larry Pruett: 00:43:16

It definitely is.

Larry Pruett: 00:43:17

It's designed for a couple for sure.

Larry Pruett: 00:43:19

And so in order to get that resource, if you would just go

Larry Pruett: 00:43:22

to sidebysidebusiness.com/family.

Larry Pruett: 00:43:26

For, because it's a family mission statement, so

Larry Pruett: 00:43:28

sidebysidebusiness.com/family, uh, you'll, you'll see, uh, the

Larry Pruett: 00:43:33

access to that resource there.

Larry Pruett: 00:43:35

That'll get you on our email list as well.

Larry Pruett: 00:43:37

And there'll be an opportunity to, for us to connect, um,

Larry Pruett: 00:43:41

further down the line as well.

Mike Forrester: 00:43:44

Awesome, Larry.

Mike Forrester: 00:43:44

I will make sure to have that in the show notes so that guys don't have to, uh, you

Mike Forrester: 00:43:49

know, try and type that in while they're driving and create another situation.

Mike Forrester: 00:43:53

So we'll be sure to have it easily and readily available for guys.

Mike Forrester: 00:43:57

So, Larry, thank you so much for your time today, all the

Mike Forrester: 00:44:00

information you've shared and, uh.

Mike Forrester: 00:44:03

Super grateful for it.

Mike Forrester: 00:44:04

So thank you Larry.

Larry Pruett: 00:44:05

Oh, Mike, thank you so much for having me on.

Larry Pruett: 00:44:07

This has been a great conversation and uh, really I, this is part of my mission

Larry Pruett: 00:44:13

is to help and to encourage and to equip couples and, and especially the men.

Larry Pruett: 00:44:18

I just have such a heart for men.

Larry Pruett: 00:44:20

If you're, whether you're in a great relationship or whether you're

Larry Pruett: 00:44:24

really struggling either way, um.

Larry Pruett: 00:44:27

There's hope and, and there is, uh, there's hope for the future

Larry Pruett: 00:44:31

and, um, I just love to connect with anybody that would reach out.

Mike Forrester: 00:44:36

Fantastic.

Mike Forrester: 00:44:37

Thank you, Larry.