53 - Justin Brien : self-reflection is the key to improving mental health

Mike Forrester 0:01

Well, hello, and welcome back my friend, man today I have Justin Brien with me, Justin and I have started getting to know each other just, you know, from mutual mutual friends and just he shares so openly. I mean, what he's, he's gone through where he's at what he's traversing now. Justin is just a source of encouragement, whatever he's, you know, going through and doing. So he's a speaker, a life coach, dude is just awesome. And he's a hockey player too. So someday when I when I get to that point, I'll be like Justin, teach me hockey because growing up in Southern California, that was not a skill set our game. So Justin, how are you doing today? My friend?

Justin Brien 1:34

I'm doing very well. Thank you very much. I'm Canadian. So British, your most of us play hockey?

Mike Forrester 1:41

Yeah, it goes with the territory, right? Yeah. Well, hey, if we could today, can we start off on where are things on the business side for you?

Justin Brien 1:51

Well, on the business side, so I'm a mental health advocate and inspirational speaker and a professional executive coach, well, life coach, basically, with that, you know, I actually kind of put my coaching aside for a little bit to kind of take care of me, but I still go around and I speak on mental health addiction and workplace wellness. I mean, I'm going to start coaching. back up again, in January, I have the stronger new project, which is a 12 week personal development program that I came up with, through my experiences from dealing with addiction dealing with mental health and depression. And I put it into a 12 week program, where I help people navigate their life and find a little more clarity and direction on where they want to go. I'm also going to come out with a men's group, because I think that's what I kind of want to focus on is you know, because I, I was very hard on myself, and I carried that man up stigma around like you wouldn't believe it, you know, it got to my internal dialogue. And then we know how that kind of how you talk to yourself. And then you know, your thoughts turn into beliefs, your beliefs, and actions and like I goes downhill. So I want to make a men's group starting up in January. But I want to take a little bit time out from my own mental health because I've had a lot of things happened to me recently in my life and a lot of things. You know, that happened to me previously, that led me to 16 years of addiction and like a lifelong battle with depression. And you know, I just had a baby girl whose it was unfortunately, she's in the NICU right now, but she's gonna be okay. But we are wrong mcdonald house and the Children's Hospital and they're taking very good care of us. So I figured, you know, now's a really good time to take care of my family, my own mental health and kind of put some other things on the backburner. Yeah.

Mike Forrester 3:31

And we kind of talked about that leading up to this, you know, just, hey, is this a good time for you? And you're like, No, this is where I'm at. And so you're actually being proactive and wanting to share? Hey, this is what real life looks like. And so we had some, some great dialogue going back and forth. And yeah, I'm excited to, to hear from you. Because it's like, man, what, what we have talked about, I mean, it's just, it's a lot to take on, but you're cognizant of what's going on and where you're at. And I think that's what so many of us lack is that awareness, and then what to do about it. So I'm excited to talk with you about that today.

Justin Brien 4:12

Yeah, me too. And I appreciate you taking time out of your day to allow me to share my perspective, my story and, you know, hopefully bring some value and give people some insight and hope into better days. Totally.

Mike Forrester 4:24

So can we transition on to the personal side, what's been going on for you recently, as far as personal stuff?

Justin Brien 4:33

Well, personally, right now, you know, I have a daughter in the NICU. And, you know, before this year and a half ago, we you know, we went through a miscarriage, and we weren't prepared for that. We went in and, and we actually had one previous probably 12 years ago, but, you know, we went into this one, we're just happy that we were pregnant. And you know, we didn't we didn't expect it. And you know, I think a lot of people need to think maybe realize more than it's very common to have Have miscarried, but that wasn't even in our mind. So that kind of blew us away. And then we got, we got pregnant again. And then we found out that a baby's gonna have Down Syndrome and right, okay, awesome, like, we're ready to go. But with Down syndrome comes complications. So 50% of babies have heart complications. So with our baby girl, she has a hole in the heart. But she also had a web in her office called DMA region, and her testing. So two days after she was born, she had to have surgery. And she's recovering now she has a feeding tube, and she has a breathing apparatus. And we're waiting to hear on cardiology to see what they kind of next week is up, but she's doing she's doing pretty good. She's canoes. her middle name is Lula, which means warrior because we thought that was very fitting because she she's a fighter, you know, as she obviously, I think I like her to be honest.

Justin Brien 5:50

: 2019

Mike Forrester 9:47

and, and it's like, part of what I've been discovering is my diet will impact my sleep, which is part of that whole you know, like gut brain. I mean, it just impacts everything. You know, if I'm not sleeping well, I want to go towards the stuff that's unhealthy for me. And it just becomes like this vicious cycle of, of, you know, going downhill, which is not what you want to do. So I'm trying to climb out of decades of abuse, just not caring, not really being invested in it. And now we're going to climb out of that deficit. So know exactly what you're talking about is, is the way we need to go about it is going after those healthy activities. So as you're getting back into this, like doing your healthy patterns and behaviors and everything, like now that you've seen yourself transition out of doing that stuff, and now you're going back into it, what, if anything, would you do differently? To kind of give yourself that safety net to make sure you stay in that going forward? Is there anything like that you would do?

Justin Brien: 10:55

Yeah, you know, it's pay attention to you, I preach, you got to take care of you first. Because, you know, a lot of people are like, well, we got to take care of this person, and then we'll get to me later. But imagine, what could what could you give your spouse, if you're only at 50%, you're giving 100% of your 50%. And that's what I was doing? You know, I'd take care of everybody else first, what if you got to yourself, and that's what I teach all my clients, take care of yourself first. And they started doing that, because everybody has a hard time doing that, you know, because it's hard, when you have to ask yourself those questions you do not want the answer to? Because then once you get the answer, you're not gonna like it. But then you got to do something about it. It's harder to do that. So what do you do? You know, you go help somebody else, because their problems are easier to help. Because you can just, you can speak and then you don't do anything about it. So what if you add yourself to 100%? or less sorry, let's just say nine 80%, or 90%? Well, if you're given 100% of your 80%, you're still doing so much better. sort of realize that I need to start going back to the little things, things that helped me in the beginning, and what were those kinds of things? Well, it was the biggest one I like to tell people is find your why. So I had to go back and think about what is my why. Now, a lot of people are saying you got to do it for yourself, you got to do it for yourself. I know as an addict. I know a lot of addicts that couldn't do it for themselves. I can't speak to all of them. But some that I personally know and love people, they can't do it for themselves. So what do you do you find that person to do it for? You know, when I was at the I was at that point where I wanted to take my life because I thought my son deserved a better father, someone who's going to be there for him, teach them the ways of life, that's not going to miss time because he's drinking and doing drugs. So I made him my wife with that as a case of I have my why. And a credit finding my way to being listening to you guys like Trent Shelton, Inky Johnson, Eric Thomas, Les Brown, and all those guys who had no idea who they were. I do now though, but they all talked about finding your why. And so once I found my why I had to make my why my anchor. Okay, so this is why I'm going to do things. There's my son, this is what I'm going to do things. So if I get better for him, I get better for me. And if I get better for me, I can help other people. So what do I have to do? Well, then I had to go to rehab, do these little things. But I tell people, you got to figure out your why. Make it your anchor, and then figure out the how because the whys the belief but the how's the action. So like I said, it was a little thing like journaling and gratitude and exercise and diet, but the biggest thing is talk about it. If there's something bothering you stop, you know, I'm putting it down. You know, you got to, there's no shame in talking about it. It's unfortunate that 75% of suicides are men, but men are I forget what the stat is like 80% less likely to talk about it. So to realize is that you got to talk about it. But then I had to figure out what my three A's were. So I like to tell people about the three A's which is admit except ask for help. So I had to take a look back. Okay, what's my problem? You gotta admit the problem whatever it is, okay, well, I'm struggling with my mental health again. What's what's my what else in my bra? Okay, well I have a bad diet and I you know, my negative self talk right now. I'm not loving myself like I should be not taking care of myself like I should be very hard on myself. I'm not giving myself any grace. Okay, well then that comes the next part. So I admitted that now the next part is acceptance part. Now, that is the hard part. You know, in the beginning, I had to admit that I was depressed and that I was an alcoholic. And I thought I accepted that in the beginning back in the day, but I didn't because I'd stopped going to my counseling I would be at have one or have a drink thinking oh, I can just have one. So except okay. You know what? Yes, just in your coach. Yes, you know, all these things, but hey, you're here, fallen back. So accepted that you need to take a look back at yourself. Okay, I accepted it. Now I gotta ask for help. Now I have a coach myself and then I partnered with Canadian Mental Health on a couple of things and you know, I have people that I can reach out to, and instead of bottling it in to say, hey, you know what? I need a little help with this, can you put me in the right directions give me a little bit of guidance. And then the third thing I like to tell people is

Justin Brien: 15:25

your self love, compassion and your internal dialogue. You got to love the person staring back at you and not me because I started to get a little hard on myself again, like HS and you got two kids got a kid in the NICU. Like you should not be struggling but I'm like, taking away from my own struggle. Like Katie Oh, hey, it's okay to struggle. And then that's when your internal dialogue you got to have compassion for yourself. Right? Just because you shouldn't be struggling doesn't mean that you know, you're not going to struggle. But then that's when your internal dialogue so switch, and then you got to look at something hey, that's and that old cliche saying comes in, it's okay to not be okay. Because it is and then you got to do something about it. So that's kind of how I got to where I am now taking taking that little step back from I'm still gonna speak take that step back till January get my family situated back home for and then start that coaching up again.

Mike Forrester: 16:20

When you did the exercise, like initially figuring out your Why did your y remain the same? From when you first did it to now or has changed along the way

Justin Brien: 16:33

it has changed my way to get better, was my son right? He they will my family will always be my why? To keep going. But my why now is to help people that are struggling like me, to help people that turn to addiction to cope that you know they don't see the light at the end of the tunnel My why is to speak the word of hope and truth and vulnerability and authenticity and and hope that they find their way and they don't give up because like I was I ended up becoming an organ I got milk thistle for my liver kidney flush because I was preparing to die because I the way I looked at myself and other people I'm like someone deserves some deserves my body parts because I do not. And I you know, I actually cut my wrists a couple times. And I'm very lucky that I'm silly, but I don't want anybody to get to that point. I want them to realize that you know, you can get better at it. Yeah. Is it tough? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's tough life's life's a journey. You know? What's your listen to the book Green Book by Matthew McConaughey.

Mike Forrester: 17:46

Yeah, oh, it's

Justin Brien: 17:47

a phenomenal book. He got to get the audible because he narrates it. But he talks like start, like it's not easy. Like, never has never will be accepted. But that being said, to get out of that feeling, you got to do something about it. Because you know, they say knowledge. Plus, people said knowledge equals power. Well, it's knowledge plus action equals power, I like to say is, hope isn't power, but hope plus action equals power. You got to kind of make that first step. Is it the whole call friend? Is it you know, you can't get out of your room, you know, is it go outside for five minutes, it's little things like that. It doesn't have to be bad, big grand, I get to go to appointments every day. Or if you're an attic, it got to, you know, 80 or something, but it's little things over time. And I just want to show people that there's light at the end of the tunnel if you just keep on walking and so you know, people who are struggling with mental health or addiction they essentially are my ya know.

Mike Forrester: 18:51

It's awesome. That's super powerful. So as you're also starting to re implement your your habits and and get back into those routines. Have they changed at all? Or are they still the same and it's just a matter of, you know, putting them back into place.

Justin Brien: 19:10

Now it's just putting them back into place. It's you know, get rid of the late nights sweets, you know, ever since I quit drinking, I got this sugar to them. I've had it's kicking that that late night sweets, it's meal prepping, it's getting up doing things that I'm grateful for doing my positive affirmations thing. I don't I am strong. I am powerful. I am kind I matter. You know, I am a speaker. I am a father. It's affirming those things that you actually are saying, hey, look in the mirror. I love you. I freakin love you man. Like it, you know, and people are like, Oh, don't fake it till you make it. What if you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself? Because you always should, no matter what. But if you have to just keep looking in the mirror and tell yourself to believe it. Oh, then you got to do that. But it's it's going and doing the things that you don't want to do. And and doing them anyways, because you'll feel way better after.

Mike Forrester: 20:09

Yeah. And it's awkward and uncomfortable when we're doing new stuff, especially when it's like, I don't know that this is going to work or this isn't something that, you know, I've, I've known anybody else to do. And if you're learning it like vicariously, or from like a book, a podcast, a coach, there's, there's always kind of that well, will this work for me? And you'll never know, because some stuff may work for you, Justin, that doesn't work for me. I've got friends that are late evening workouts that I struggle with that because I'm, I'm amped up, and then I don't sleep as well. So for me, it's like, I get up and I go work out. But it's, it's that awareness of going through the learning process to say, Does this fit for me? You know, is this who I want to be in? Is this what I want to do in order to get to my best place? So I I mean, it's, it can be really awkward.

Justin Brien: 21:07

Yeah, no, I 100% agree with you. And that's why when it comes to recovery, there's a there's Na, there's smart recovery. There's there's rehab, there's counselors, you got to find what what works for you. Right. I know, a didn't, wasn't my thing. Rehab, you know, helped me out a lot. But it right, it's finding out what works for you and I, what you said, Who do you want to be that reminded me of the four questions I came up with. And I wrote them down last night is what is your why? Who do you want to be? Why do you want to do it? How are you going to get there? So those were questions I asked myself all the time. And I got away from that. Who do you want to watch anyway? Well, my why are people that are struggling? Who do I want to be? Well, I want to be an impactful life coach, and inspirational speaker. But why do I want to do it? Because I don't want people to suffer like I did. I want them to find their worth and know that there's nobody in this world that gives them their worth, but then, and there's nobody that can take it away. And well, and how am I going to do that? Well, it's by sticking to her simple small habits, and keep going and stopping comparing myself. So it had to get back to those four questions. And it's just it's stuff I know. And it's the little things and paying attention to those.

Mike Forrester: 22:25

And those comparison and, and self imposed expectations that we've usually inherited from somebody else, like will will adopt them from somebody else, and then take ownership. Those, those can really undermine us. And so like you're going through this exercise, and going, Who do I want to be? And I think that's so vital to be in touch with and just be aware of, okay, is this really what I want? And is this something that somebody else is telling me I need to be rather than something I need to be? So as you went through that exercise? Did you then talk it through with with Rene just to say, hey, is this in alignment with you where we're going and what you see for our family? Or were you just doing this and then it's kind of like kept just in your head or on paper by yourself?

Justin Brien: 23:19

Well, this is a this is somebody I've wanted to be since before we even got back together. It was just a reaffirming it. It was bringing it back, bringing it back to life. Because it kind of kind of died a little bit. So it's reaffirming it getting back to the forefront of like, Hey, you're not being who you want to be. Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 23:45

And so can we jump back to like, how did you get to where you were and kind of like the journey that you've talked about going, you know, going through the depression and the addiction to go through rehab and and walk through that? Can we can we jump back to kind of where things began and progressed through?

Justin Brien: 24:08

Yeah, so you know, I growing up, I was smaller. I was kind of weaker than all my friends. I hit puberty till grade 11 So I can add a girly voice. You know, my sister said I moved away in grade 10 I talk like this. When I got back after the summer 11 I talk like this so she likes to make fun of me that way. And I call my friend and his mom and ask her and be like, Hey, Calvin, it's either Justin or girl on the phone.

Justin Brien: 24:37

So yeah, it was it is what it is. But I always grew up always wanting to be someone else. You know, I still had I had good friends. But I was behind my friends sports wasn't as big as people. I would really I looking back on it. Like I was really hard on myself. Like I had a lot of people that liked me I was a funny guy, but I made fun of myself a lot. And I think you know, it's good to make fun of yourself. Sometimes you shouldn't be able to, if you can't make fun of yourself, you should be able to make fun of anybody. When you start to believe the things that you see about yourself, that's when you really start to get into trouble, right? Like, I would make fun of myself to make other people laugh. But I compare myself I started the comparison game way back early when I was young, and I always wanted to be other people. And then I moved away for hockey. And, you know, I found alcohol. When I found Oh, boy, I found that fake confidence right away, I became an alcoholic, I didn't really drink much in high school, maybe a handful times, that'd be that guy that took a four pack of coolers to the party and some soul cups, so no one would see me drinking that. And then I would give to awake as I'm gone after two of them. So I didn't really drink much in high school. But when I moved away for hockey, I found alcohol more in who it may be. Think I was in the false conference that it gave me I kind of just started my downward spiral from there by 21. Us. It's probably a full blown alcoholic, I moved to Vancouver bar tensor bartending downtown. And a 24 years old, kind of graduated to drug use cocaine use. I still remember where I was walking, I looked up, I'm like, Man, I alcoholic. And now there's no way I'm too smart for that. I'm not and I start to correlate, okay, well, alcoholics are lowlifes. They're guys that can't pay their bills. So 24 years old, or that's how that's my thought process. But I was like, I have alcohol to make me feel good. But then I also have cocaine to make me feel even better. So now I have his two vices, right there. Six months later, I moved back home. So I'm an alcoholic and drug addicts. Kind of not realizing it, but I kind of knew I knew deep down. I knew. But as I started having this conversation on depression with a friend of mine, and I looked at him, you know, I met depression for the week. So excuse you need to mad at me go to work, you pay your bills. And I still remember where we were. So remember driving. So remember the conversation. And I said it because I wanted to be a man. And I wanted to look, I looked up to this guy. I just wanted him to think Oh, think highly of me. Because I thought solo live myself. So 24 years old. I thought depression was for the week, and I demand up and that alcoholism drug use was for lowlifes if you're an addict. Those are my two biggest problems. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety, ADHD, and I was a drug and alcohol addict for years, all those problems through my way. And I just went on this downward spiral of drinking and using no crashing vehicles and losing friends losing jobs to where girl pregnant, and she had to leave me with our son. I went to rehab. Before he was one for the wrong reasons I went to get out of town. I went worked out twice a day went to class, six hours of counseling all every day. But when I got out, I look to my uncle pick me up is like, Yeah, I'm not done drinking. Like, what kind of attitude is that? Because like, I'm not done drinking forever, because I still have that glimpse of hope, where I could hold on to it because I kept thinking that I'm not normal, because I can't drink. Because I can't be like everybody else have one and put it down. So then I got out. My son was born a month after he was born two months, after three months after he was born, I'm back hitting the ball again. So three months after that, she left me, you know, it was the right decision. But I went down that rabbit hole and then I started becoming suicidal for six straight years. And turmeric became the organ donor and stuff like that. And, you know, I went I went back to rehab for the second time, but I went with my why. And the anchor, and I figured out the how but there's something called the pink cloud. It's when you know you come on a rehab, you feel great. Like I just went to rehab, sober three months, you know, I have everything under control. Boom, I didn't. So after three months of being out, I had my son and I went upstairs as a minimalist. Basically a mom, you need to take my kid because I didn't drink what happened.

Justin Brien: 29:29

For the three years that we were broken up, I think I drank three, maybe three times. But I were with people like I was at a wedding or like I had somebody take care of my kids. But when it was just me and him I refused to drink but I gave to my mom on my drinks. I didn't know what to do. Like my thoughts were bracing so badly. What do I do? Oh, no, it's gonna call me down. And then I went back down that rabbit hole again. But then on January 4 2019. I finally cut my mom take me off school. I'm like listen, you need to ignore school. So come just take me. So we get to the hospital, they put us in this room. And I have my, my dad's my left, I have my mom in front of me and a counselor to the right. And I sort of said, Listen, I have a plan a plan is to and I don't want to die, but I can't do this anymore. Like, I tried to tell that people, what do you mean? Like what it feels like, if you're a parent, you have a kid choking. And such, you can't grab that out of their out of their throat and just slowly watch them die. It's that's what felt like. It's I was just ready, I was just over it. I just couldn't live like that anymore. But on that day, finally committed to making myself better. And that's kind of how two months after that, I went spoken for school. And like, wow, this, I could really make an impact. When I get up and speak. It's people are looking at me, and they're listening to what I'm saying. And I was good feeling, it helps me just as much as it helped that. So then I was like, You know what, so what I want to do in life, I got to chase it. But a little bit along the way, I started to kind of lose my why. And neglect myself here to where I'm like, You know what, kind of get back to that, because it was it was to just over two and a half years ago where I was ready to go. It's not that long ago. So I had to remind myself, Hey, listen, you got the tools that he isn't?

Mike Forrester: 31:33

Yeah. And and I think that's what's so much of us, like, learning. And when you're talking about the action part. That's the part that I think a lot of us don't utilize, you know, it's not lack of knowledge. It's, it's lack of moving forward, because we're insecure or unsure. And it's like, take a chance you're worth it and find out does that action get you where you want. If it doesn't find a different action, you know, it's like there's there's plenty, there's plenty of routes to get to health just as hers. There's lots of routes to go downhill. But yeah, I mean, it's like my addiction, you know, people look at it and go video game addiction is not that bad. Guess what? That is? Exactly. And that's where I'm like, it's usually coming from somebody that is addicted themselves to it. And the thing is, it's like, man, I was checking out over 12 hours a day. And so I wasn't engaged with my family, I was just honestly, I would play the game, knowing the results, that would give me a hit because I'm able to complete something successfully. So it gives me a feeling of completion. But the baseline logic was I'm wanting to data pass, hoping that tomorrow is going to be different. And I'm not taking any action like we've talked about. So what do you think the result is the next day? It's almost like Groundhog Day. It's the same thing

Justin Brien: 33:09

for no doubt. Well, the guilt and shame, right? Yes. It I would like to think I would almost say most most addicts know what they're doing is wrong. Yeah. And they feel a bit better. The guilt and shame is just guilt and shame starts to wear off because it's like, this makes me feel better. But you know, I used to work at a casino a bartender at a casino and they did a study at Harvard. I think that playing slots is the same thing as doing cocaine. If your mouth to slot it's same kind of hit in the brain is doing cocaine. And when I went to I would partner up with a drug and alcohol counselor youth drug and alcohol counselor in my hometown. We play this Jeopardy game and the end Jeopardy game question was what is the worst drug to be addicted to? And the answer people have alcohol you know cocaine, heroin. The answer is your do see your drug of choice. Cuz when it becomes a problem with your family, with your job with your life, doesn't matter what it is. It's taking away from all of that other stuff, whether it's shopping, sex, social media, drugs, alcohol, gaming, gambling, they don't if it started to take away from your livelihood, that is your DLC your drug of choice, and that is the worst thing to be addicted to. Because you may be able to have a cigarette and have one. You may be 11 beer and have fun. But if you're playing video games 12 hours a day and it's taken away. Well, that's your drug of choice and that's the worst thing to be addicted to.

Mike Forrester: 34:57

Yeah, and it's one thing that that I mean, I think can look at it now. And I knew, like people would invite me, hey, come to this baseball game or just come out and, you know, let's have a drink and eat wings, you know, you know, at the sports place, and let's just get out, I knew I needed that. But I didn't want to do it, because it was one of those of my validation was coming from activities I'm doing within the game. And so it was like, It's letting go of your addiction to do what you know, is healthy for you. And at that point, you know, you're a captive, but who wants to admit that they're in a prison, you know, your, your, your power has been given away. I mean, you know, an addiction is an addiction, regardless of what it is some people are addicted to the drugs in the activities that we've talked about, some people are addicted to, to, you know, like, golf, or work or whatever, it's, it's a place that you find your validation at the expense of something else. And, you know, it's like, we all know people that, that do that. Now, whether we call it that, you know, sometimes we don't, but if it's costing somebody else, and it's costing you as well, then it's not healthy. And that's the ultimate thing we have to look at. So, how have you? How have you come about realizing, hey, I need to do the journaling, I need to do you know, these activities? And, and you've mentioned books a number of times, like, how are you picking out activities and books that, you know, expand you and support you in this transition of, of keeping yourself on a on a path that's elevating you?

Justin Brien: 36:44

Well, I know what works for me in the beginning. But one of the things that I actually did do was I started listening to podcasts of men who struggled. And you know, podcasts are a big help for me. And but they talk about these books that they would read. So now it's it's books on growth on where do I want to go. But right now I'm listening to a book by Dr. Gabor Ma Tei, who is a psychologist addiction advocate. And in Vancouver, BC, Canada, like one of the biggest, I think, the biggest ones in the world, like he is very known, but it's in the realm of hungry ghosts, and the talks about addiction and what causes it, and that's usually the pain that's hidden underneath. So it's recognizing that okay, this is my pain is coming from this addiction is coming from somewhere, where is it coming from? But I go back to what helped me in the beginning, what have I learned a long ways what has worked for other people. Just try it, try everything. You know, like, like I said, there's rehab, a and all these other things, you find out what works for you, and I'm going back to what worked for me. And if I have to find other other ways, other coping mechanisms, I will look for those as well. But, you know, listening to Audible books, motivational speaking, podcast, people, like who were like me, struggling, listening to what they did overcome it. It's putting them all together. You know, it's and trying something different.

Mike Forrester: 38:15

Gotcha. And so, as you go through, like the exercise from this book, and you're looking back at your past, how are you discerning? You know, if you've got somebody that picks up the book, and they start looking at their past of this decide, Hey, where's my addiction grounded in like, what's fueling it? How, how are you going through that to say, Yeah, this is it? No, that's not like, what's the process for that?

Justin Brien: 38:44

You know, I like to say why, why? Why? Why. So when I went to rehab, said of quitting drinking, why do I drink? Well, I drank for self confidence. No, why would I drink for self confidence? Well, I had very low confidence growing up, I compared myself a lot. Well, why did I do that? Well, I was very insecure. And so I just kept asking myself why, why why? And I found that this is what drinking did for me. These are the needs that it actually fulfilled. So I'm doing a Tony Robbins life coaching course. And he talks about six needs. There's significance, love and connections, growth contribution by missing the missing two. How shoot

Mike Forrester: 39:30

security, I think is one Oh,

Justin Brien: 39:33

yeah, variety, and uncertain, but if, if something meets four of those needs, it becomes an addiction. So drinking gave me that loving connection, the variety, he gave me the certainty, and it gave me significance, because it made me feel confident, right. That almost made me it almost gave me all six the growth and the contribution because I would actually go out and talk to people. Right and you You know, me, I make new friends and the girl so alcohol gave me met all those needs for me. So I thought I was actually and you know, it makes sense is all behaviors belief or need driven right? So it's, it's going back to the why so if you have a problem, figure out the why. And keep asking yourself okay, well why do you? So this is why I'm doing that okay, well why are you doing that? So what led to that, so what led to that and then you keep going on rewind to figure out. And that's what you know, a counselor can do. Really good can be very good for you. But if you if you recognize something, and you go to three A's admit the problem, and you accept it, and then you ask for help. But you can also question it question, why do I feel like this? Or why do I feel like that? Or why do I feel like that? Just keep going until you till you're confident that that could be the answer, and then you can get the help for that. Or you can tackle it yourself.

Mike Forrester: 40:57

It's almost like being a two year old. Just dig, dig, dig. Like why why why

Justin Brien: 41:04

a lot of that amount of that stage right now the five year old Eastern six, but why, but why? Because I said so.

Mike Forrester: 41:12

Don't don't pick up the temper tantrum aspect from it. It's like just take the the curiosity inquisitive component and you know, keep walking backwards. Well, Justin, dude, I really appreciate everything. You've shared the journey that you've gone through the transparency that you've you've shown and shared, like, Hey, this is where I'm at, I've taken a step back, even though it's like your purpose and your, your, your long term objective is to, you know, get back into coaching and help people grow. You're taking a step back to fortify and strengthen yourself first knowing that, that we're the foundation, whether we're coaching whether we're dad, you know, worker, you know, whatever we are, that if we're not in a good place, like you talked about, we can't give, you know, as much as we need. We're giving a sliver of what's possible. Justin, thank you. How can people reach out and connect

Justin Brien: 42:10

where you can go to my website? www dot Justin brian.com. That's B r i e n. You can you know, if you want just email me, Justin at Justin brown.com. I'd love to hear from you see what you thought about the episode. Just hear your thoughts. What are you doing? What are you struggling with right now, just let me know. I like to hear from Justinbrien19 on Instagram, or just Justinbrien on Facebook. I turned my personal one, into more professional. And I like to just basically put content out. You'll see the odd one of my family haven't I usually do content every day, but haven't really been doing much just kind of taking a breather from it. But I'd love to hear from you.

Mike Forrester: 42:46

Mike, you've been doing a lot. It's just not online. Yeah, you know, it's family. Like

Justin Brien: 42:52

I said, beginning? Yeah, too busy. But I said in the beginning, I took a look at who I wanted to be and where I'm going. And I'm like, I'm only at 50% Right now, my 50. And I can still help people with the knowledge I have. Yeah, but am I really serving them the way I want to serve them? If I'm not at 90 to 100? Yeah, not the way I want to serve them.

Mike Forrester: 43:18

And it's one of those of we first need to serve at home. You know, and you know, as far as your family and everything like that, and it's like, right now, I would imagine there's more of a draw, and a need for support from you even in that aspect of life. So, yeah, I mean, I look at what you're doing is as wisdom in pulling back and go, I need to invest in me and focus on my family. And then, you know, go from there. So yeah, man, I appreciate it. Thank you again, Justin.

Justin Brien: 43:52

Thank you so much for having me.

Mike Forrester: 43:54

You got it, my friend.