Episode 113
113 - Christian de la Huerta : a heroic journey to face down self-doubt and fears
We can find ourselves who am I, what am I here for and what is life about? My guest this week faced those questions at a young age and chose the more challenging yet rewarding path of working through them. Christian de la Huerta immigrated to the US as a young child from Cuba. He and his family were ridiculed and ostracized while still living in Cuba for requesting their visa to leave. Upon arriving in Georgia, he stood out because he hadn't yet begun to speak English. As he learned English with a deep Southern accent, he found his family moving to Miami, where he was again left feeling out of place.
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In our conversation, Christian talks about his journey of being an outsider, then finding himself within the inner circle, only to realize something was still off - something within him. For over 30 years now, Christian has been speaking, coaching and hosting retreats to help others claim their own healing. We also chat about breathwork, how our healing as men creates an environment for others to excel and how we have the power to change our legacy to one of healing and wholeness.
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Connect with Christian de la Huerta
Book: Awakening the Soul of Power
Website:
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/christian.delahuerta.1
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/christiandlh
Connect with Mike Forrester
Transcript
LFTP_S2_E113_ChristiandelaHuerta
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[:Hey, Mike,
[: [: [:What happened, you know, then we all know what had happened. And I had to shift my, my income came to a screeching halt, um, because I wasn't able to do a live event. And so like many of us, I had to pivot and create what I've known I've had to do for years. That would be a good thing. If I was going to reach people who may never come to a live weekend retreat.
experience on expansion w a [:And. Many many distractions of life. And if we're not mindful, uh, those old voices of fear and self-doubt, and the self-defeating beliefs and thinking, and the self-sabotaging behaviors sneak up again, and then they start dragging, dragging them down. And so what I'm loving about this year, as long as I get to stretch out the.
load so that they don't stay [:We don't need any more information. We've got information overload, what we need is transformation. And that only comes when we really take on and apply those teachings and integrate them into our lives. So that, and then accountability, you know, a lot of coaching calls with me every other week to keep us doing what we said we were going to do so that I can.
Really so that I can ensure that transformation will happen on that people will have the kind of lives and the kind of relationships that they dream of having.
[: otect yourself. How did you, [:And I mean, it came quick. How do you, you know, respond? And you're like, Nope, I'm in a strong place. Um, I'm solidified, how did you go
[:For me personally, it it's proven to be a blessing because I went from a hundred thousand miles on an airplane. Annually to nothing. And so it, it forced me to sit my butt down and finish this book for one thing that I've been kind of brewing inside of my head for 10 years. And it forced me to create those virtual programming, which I've known for years I needed to do.
And, and, and, and then the [:Um, and, and it's. It's just the combination of a lot of work that I've done over the last 30 years in that particular area of trusting, um, and, and trusting in the financial arena. But like, I was finally able to see that. Yep. I'm pretty established there. Like I knew that it was going to work out. There's not a moment of doubt, not a moment of fear.
[:Solidifies that, you know, it's how you live out your day-to-day, that's going to help you weather that storm. And that was one heck of a storm.
[:Um, and I know, I know the alternative I've been in fear of, you know, many, many times of am I going to make the, am I going to make, you know, the, the bills at the end of the month? I know what that feels like. Um, But through, and I share this type of process. I share my journey in the book so that I know that if, if it's possible for me, I know that it's possible for others.
doubt I know self hatred, my [:Never, ever. Mike, do I question my, my self-worth um, it's it's again, that too is established. And it's unshakeable. And, and I share the process of that too, on the books so that I know if it can happen in me, it can happen. And in anybody who's willing to read it and willing to do the practices that are connected to the book guarantee.
It guarantee the six. Yeah.
[:Your identity is not. Connected to that, that it's unshakable that, you know it without a doubt. And w you know, like you said, whether a. You know, it doesn't turn out the way you to expect or not. You are still you. And I really love as we talked to see how you went from the ten-year-old, we're going to get into to where you're now, like rock solid in your identity, um, for who Christian is, because that's not something a lot of people have, um, I'm to sidestep and go back to.
Can you tell us where you are today on a personal side of things. What does life look like for you there?
[: [:What do you get to do that? Lights are firing you. That gets you excited.
[:Do you know, Mike, I always land on the same thing. I'd be doing exactly what I do. I would be doing it differently. I'd be doing it on a much bigger scale, you know, able to, to, to hire more of a team, to support what I'm doing to, to promote the work so that I can reach more people and make a difference in their lives.
years doing [: nd of October of last year of:I knew though the landlord was going to. Increase my rent by half. So it's going to be considerable, like 50% increase in rent because the real estate in Miami is just crazy because of all the co COVID exiles moving to south Florida. Um, and so it's, it's gotten really competitive and it just didn't make any sense.
mmer at the end of the fall. [:I just need good wifi. So I spent two months in Ecuador in Quito, which is a beautiful, beautiful country. Um, I'm going to go back in April for another couple of months. Um, I'm right now, I'm in California and Northern California where I also lived for, for a long time for 20 years here. Um, And, you know, I'll always have a base in Miami and I'm in and out of Miami.
That's where my family is. And then a good place. I'm in a good place with it all. Thank you.
[: [:They have whole coastal with beaches and amazing sushi. Um, and you get an a on a one hour flight and you're in the Galapagos, which is part of Ecuador. It's just, and it's so much natural beauty that I didn't know, I'd been to Peruvian.
[: [:Um, I've been to Peru. I've taken groups to Peru before, but I'd never been to Ecuador and I'm really impressed. It's a beautiful country. It's a doll dollar economy, which is really interesting. The, a lot of people speak English there. In fact, it's, it's a dollar economy. Like you don't have to get an exchange, any money that you can survive with a dollar.
[:So come
[: [: [: n, I, and I remember being a [:But as soon as they got wind that we were leaving, never again, did we get an award and we wouldn't even get cookies at break. Um, so it was really an interesting thing because as a kid, you don't really understand what's going on. Um, and then we came to the states and we lived in Georgia, in the central Georgia for about three years.
Well, my father who was a psychiatrist, got his licensing, was able to practice here. Um, and, and I didn't speak a word of English. So again, you know, stuck out like a sore thumb three years later, you know, having learned English and master the Southern accent and, um, I belonged and then you're can see we, we like kids, you know, I denied my Latin, my Latino heritage because in that desperate need to belong at that point in my life.
And then we pick [:But even at that young age, I knew, I knew that I was gay. Um, and so trying to reconcile, you know, the religion in which I was raised, which was the Catholic religion, which told me that I was going to burn in hell for eternity, trying to reconcile that with who I, who I was, who I am. Um, that's the reason my adolescents was one long depression.
Um, but you know, Mike, um, I don't regret any of it. I'm actually grateful for that because of what you're saying, because of what you're pointing to that in my having survived, that it might have having overcome that self hatred, um, and, and fear, um, and feeling different. If you don't like that, if you don't think there was something wrong with.
It's like, I know [:So I'm grateful for that because I know that I've, I have helped and will continue to help, um, many, many people to come to that level of self acceptance. Which makes possible self-love, um, and to find meaning and purpose their own meaning and purpose, and, and to have a sense of personal empowerment, um, and to have relationships that actually have a chance of working.
Um, that's what my work is about and that's, and I do it from experience. It's like, I know, I know how to help somebody to get to those points.
[:You're still feeling different.
[:Um, but we kind of felt it, you know, through us most, as we felt, it was like, it's, it's hard for somebody who lives in the, in the U S at least a relative democracy. Um, To know, to, to understand what it feels to live in a, in a totalitarian autocratic regime, like a kind of like a communist country or something like that.
It's, there's so many things [:And there's nobody else who like, that's it, it's like, there's so many things again that we take for granted here. Like even, you know, in terms of the economy, like what's changed. To us here in, in, in, in, in the states or in the Western? Well, it's nothing like you stick a stick, a stick of gum and you spit it out without ever having a thought about it, listen to this.
a spread it between the kids [:At the end of the day, we'd get a glass of water or maybe that much water put toothpaste in it, stir it. Put our gum in it. So it'd be mentioned the next day and hide it from my mom because of my mom's house. She throw it out. And so sometimes we got that. We kept that going for like, you know, two weeks, three weeks at a time until she found it and throw it out.
Um, but it, it begins to give us, give us a frame of reference of what it's like to live in some of these countries.
[: like you're fitting in. How [:Like how did you become Christian on adapted? If that makes sense.
[: t of. Like I, I had to do it [:I went through my twenties, you know, focused on my personal growth and my professional development, by the end, by the end of my twenties, I started to.
You know, my life was very enviable. I had a nice, comfortable, very flexible job. Uh, you know, lived in south Florida at the time and lived right on the condo, right on the water and had a great town in those days. Um, I was sought after socially, professionally. And yet it seemed to me that the more that I had and the more that I was sought after that, it's like, there's gotta be more life than this.
with my spirituality. I got [:And so I realized that of course there was missing something missing, like the huge part of who I was. So I began to explore that part again and to explore. You know, mystical teachings of, of the west, some of the traditions of the east indigenous beliefs and traditions, and began to reconnect with that part of myself and with something greater than myself.
And that was the major. You know, the toe towards being able to feel whole, to reclaim all these parts of my rejected humanity and to weave them into a sense of coherent sense of who I am. And, and now, now I had practices. Now I had meditation now had draft work, um, you know, which I was able to weave in and to combine with what a stuff that I had learned in psychology in college.
spiritual teachings from the [: [:I have an identity, but I'm secure with how long did that journey take?
[:Um, I began to understand and to experience that connection in a much deeper way.
[: [: re there for relaxation for, [:There are other practices are for like decreased focus, become energized so that you can reach for those instead of the cup of coffee after lunch slump.
[: [:Like that's not something you want to do bedtime because it really energizes you. Um, and, and there a few of those. Um, but yeah, uh, so, so the breath work that, that I was referencing, it's, it's a, it's a more intense practice. You, you breathe in a particular way for about an hour, an hour and a half. Some techniques, you even go longer over three, four hours.
hology. After one session, I [:Not only, I don't know anything more effective, um, in terms of healing, past trauma and some of the emotions. Stuff that's most of us have had to deal with. Um, and I'm talking serious stuff, you know, like I've worked with people, um, with serious trauma, um, you know, rape, sexual abuse, violent victims of violent.
Crimes and this breathing techniques, it heals it. And I know it sounds too good to be true, even when I hear those words coming out of my mouth 30 years later, I know that sounds too good to be true because in addition to the healing, but it does it heals physically even, and it can provide some of the most ecstatic, spiritual experiences for lack of another word.
is feeling it and an expert [: [:Two years after having been through COVID. Is there like a difference in how you're seeing people, um, breathing or not breathing compared to pre COVID? That's
[: live event, I don't hesitate [:I know how to, how to support. I know how to take care of, um, but with a group of strangers, virtually somebody clicks off, I have no idea what happened. What's going on with them. So I don't, I don't feel that I can ensure the safe that psychological safety. Now I have done it with people that I've worked with, people who have attended my retreat, people who maybe are referred by a psychotherapist so that I know they have a support system if, if it were necessary.
Uh, so I've, I've done it. So like, um, How have I noticed a difference? I have, I dunno, like
[: [:Right. I don't know. What's lying under the surface of their psyche, so I don't feel safe
[: my childhood and my biggest [:And unfortunately it is a box and it's a security to me. What do you tell men that it's like, you know, They're afraid of what they're going to unpack and, and recall, you know, how do you get them through that, that hurdle of fear of the unknown? Um, yeah, like pre COVID, obviously, you know, because you, you had the chance to guide them through that.
What would you, what would you tell somebody to encourage them through that?
[: Until [:Right. It's it's fear from a different time in our lives. And it doesn't, it feels, I mean, in the moment, if you can't differentiate between the two, but it's just all stuff fear from a time in our lives when they were five or 10 or who knows, but we didn't have the sense of self. We didn't have the support systems, the knowledge, the wisdom, um, the.
e beginning it makes us more [:And, and that's what I mean that it's, it's a heroic process to. To go through life, you know, just unaware, um, and numbing ourselves out in all the ways that we numb out to not to run away from our emotions and to run away from our unhealed past, you know, whether it, whether it's it's through substances, drugs, alcohol, whether it's sex, whether it's social media, whether it's gaming, whether it's, uh, you know, working too much or exercising too much, those are all.
Or eating too much food. You know, those are all the ways that we medicate ourselves to not feel, but we know those are not effective because all that stuff that we're trying to run away from and suppress, it's not going to go. It just doesn't go away. What used to be spiritual teaching that everything is energy.
I'm sitting on my body, the [:We've been conditioned to fear confrontation and to run away from conflict. Um, and especially as men we've been conditioned, little boys don't cry. Well, what is that? You know, because only little girls do well, but wait a minute. So many faulty assumptions there a that the feminine is weakness. It's like, wait a minute.
Really? Like you want to talk resilience? You want it to encourage, you want us to talk strength? Let's talk about the power of creation that lies in a female. Um, you know, that's a whole other conversation. Um, but, but here's a funny way to look at it. I was reading not long ago that, um, Betty White who left us not too long ago, um, was being interviewed.
those interviews where they [:You won't see, you want to talk courage and strength. Let's talk about Janus. Those things take a pounding.
[: that I wouldn't have before. [:And so what, what becomes available when we're in alignment? When we're in unison is just amazing. I mean, we, we Rob ourselves, um, you know, when, when we do take it. Other level.
[:Emotions are neither good, not bad. They're not strength or weakness, their energies, how we express them, depending on how we express them, they have a good or a bad effect, but that's part of the problem because we're suppressing all of our emotions, that stuff doesn't go away, that we keep adding to it.
It started building and [:And what happens is it starts showing up and seeping out as physical symptoms, heart attacks, cancer. Ulcers. So no wonder, you know, men, I mean, women outlive men by five years in the U S and seven years globally because of those, those suppressed emotions, there's a price to pay. There's no price to pay for that.
power in arguably they hold [:And so you would think w what's up with that, you know, wouldn't you think that the group that holds the most power would have the, the, you know, live the longest and have be the happiest, but no, and I think that's part of the problem is that we're, we're restricting this huge parts of what, of, of human, of being human and that we've got this twisted and limited perception and definition of what it means to be a man.
[: ressing them, but they still [:It's not an easy road, but it's a worthwhile road because there are other options available. If we're willing to say yes, Hey, I need.
[: se. It's like, yeah. To what [:And it turns into, I mean, if we, if we don't express anger, it congeals and it turns into rage. And then we walk around like raging cauldrons causing harm to all of our relationships. Um, or if we don't express, if we don't give voice to sadness, To grieve. It turns into depression and that's what you're talking about.
That's what we get to those places where we just lose perspective. Um, and so to have the courage, um, to, to, to look within and to ask the questions, why, why what's going on with me? Why am I feeling this? Where's this coming from? What are my triggers? What are my patterns in relationship? What does it sometimes feel like I'm recreating the same old, boring relationship.
me arguments, same old crap. [:What am I going to do about that? Right. And so it's a heroic journey to, to face down our, our, our self-doubt on our fears and our demons. It's it's the opposite of weeks and has to know, to learn how to feel and to communicate those feelings responsible, uh, and courageously and owning our part in that rather than just pointing the finger, I'm blaming the other.
Or a system or something it's, it's nothing short of heroic. Um, and, and the stuff of mastery, the opposite of weakness. Well,
[:Down the road. So for me, the thing that brought it was a rude awakening. Let's put it that way was in looking at it. Okay. I'm training my children. How to handle this stuff, they're then going to train my grandchildren, you know, and it's like, I inherited a generational legacy in, you know, unhealthy emotions and behavior.
healthy emotions and mental, [:And it's like, otherwise, You know, what, what we've experienced is what we'll pass along. And that's no way what any of us in 10, but it's unfortunately like the blind, the blind thing that we gift. And it's not always a gift that's occurs, but you know, but it's what we do is we just pass it along.
[:So, so true. You just said, and then again, it's another layer of being heroic, right? Because what, what you're, what you, what you did is you said, that's it, I'm not passing this stuff that was passed down from generation to generation to generation because their parents did it this way. And then their parents before them did it that way.
because yeah, it takes work. [:What we think, who, how, what we're feeling, who we are rather than, than, than being governed by stuff that happened when we were kids that sometimes we're not even aware of and that it's still having an impact on all of our relationships and the quality of our life. So it's, it's such worthwhile and nothing short of heroic and the rewards are infinite.
[:So the work that was done, yeah. I mean, It's caused a ripple effect. My children, my grandchildren are able to experience life as they wouldn't have been before. And my wife is able to become who she was meant to be. Um, because you know, when, when we, as men take the time and put in the effort to heal ourselves, we create space for other things to grow and heal as well.
Um, but it's making that decision. To step out and do it. And it just, it has ripple effects and the rewards, man, I can't even describe it and I've not experienced it fully yet, even at this time in my life because I know there's other stuff still to come.
[: se I write a book, there's a [: at I was able to find was for: d as is the provider, right? [:And what does it mean to be a man? And what I love about the example that you just gave is because part of what I did in that, in that chapter is redefine and expand those traditional roles that men have played, because we're not, of course we're not talking about becoming wimps, um, or, or sacrificing the good qualities of what it means to be a man.
tion on which they can stand [:That is so much more important. And so much more, a critical contribution to the household of the size of your paycheck. Well, that's priceless what you're talking about.
[:I was having identity issues. And so what I was experiencing, I communicated unconsciously. I wasn't aware of what I was doing, but yeah, I was leading them much, like, you know, The lead goose in, uh, you know, migration or, you know, a duck, you know, kind of that, that whole thing. I was leading the way not realizing.
[:Mindful of our time here. Um, thank you, my friend for joining me and sharing about what you've gone through and what you've experienced, how you changed and became rock solid. Like you are now the heroic journey that you've gone through. Um, how can people reach out to you? My
[: r they can get it on Amazon. [:We don't have to push anybody down, step on them in order for us to feel powerful. How do we do that in a different way? Um, In terms of reaching me, probably my, my website, soulfulpower.com, the best way. Then they can access my social media from there. And for your audience, Mike, anybody who goes to soul full power.com and gets on my email list, and we all know how easy it is to click unsubscribe.
lives and, um, uh, recorded [: [: [:So thank you for having me on the show and thank you for having the show. Um, I know that because you were willing to do that many lives are being touched and supported and impact that. So thank you.
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