114 - are you focused on the strongest reason for doing the inner work?

LFTP_S2_E114_StrongReason

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And so you're removing all these things and it's just like going to the gym. You know, you, you are exercising new muscles and, and doing new activities and there's going to be stretching and growth. There is pain that comes along with it. Those muscles are going, Hey, I don't really care for this. What are you doing to us?

And so the same is, uh, same as the case for when we're doing emotional and mental healing. When we're going to those gyms and stretching those muscles and changing how, you know, how we are in that aspect. So, uh, things that I'll hear a lot is I'm doing this to have a better marriage, you know, a marriage that I'm close to my wife and that, you know, we're just, it's vibrant, it's alive, it's intimate.

That's not something you can control. And so I've had other men who are like, look, I. I'm wanting this for the relationships with my children, because you know, right now it's distant and I want to be close with them. I want to have fun. I want to laugh. I just want to enjoy and be trusted and have them come to me and be that dad that I've never had.

Let's reconcile. It's, you know, let's go after this together and just have. Uh, father, son, father, daughter, relationship, um, that everyone wants. So it's a great thing, but it's not a guarantee. And you know, so other men will say, I want to be respected at work. I want that career where it's successful, where I just feel like I have purpose there and, and that the money's coming in and my finances.

What's going to go on with your managers, you know, supervisors levels above you, um, whether somebody else gets chosen or whether you get chosen and, you know, you could be overlooked. And so using that as the reason why you're making all of these changes, why you're going to put in this effort to do the inner work and the healing and.

It's not going to necessarily be easy. Your making change. There can be pushback from family and friends, those close to you that are, you know, you're just rocking the boat and you need to know that, yes, this is worth it. And, you know, even if those come into question, I'm sold out on improving me of experiencing the life that I want and that I've dreamt of.

Um, it may be one of those, you know, I've talked about this before, like with. As I healed, um, I had reached out to them and I was hoping to have that, that son to father and son, the mother relationship a little bit. I wanted to, to get that confirmation from them, that validation that, Hey, I love you. I'm proud of you.

Then I would have given up and reverted when they didn't respond. And so it's gotta be you, you personally, you have to be that bedrock, that foundation, the sole reason that that source, that you're making these changes, um, it may come about with other benefits, but they're not guarantees. I was really fortunate that, yes.

Hey. It did end up, you know, changing my marriage. It did end up changing the relationship with my children and it has changed the relationship or the results from, you know, work. So, um, they're all things that surround it and can be beneficial. And for most of the men that I've coached, that's the results they see, but it's not a guarantee.

It was a dark apartment with a TV playing video games and no friends, no family. And. You know, just live in life in shorts or underwear, you know, inside my apartment and being fully depressed and alone, that was the alternative and where I saw my life going. Um, so I don't know where you see yourself as far as the path you're on.

Again, like we talked about recently, um, I would encourage you to focus on what you do want, not what you don't want. So instead of saying, Hey, I don't want to be that single guy, or I don't want to be like my parents see who you want to be as a father, as a husband, look at those values and characteristics and work towards them.

Don't be, self-critical be encouraging to yourself, surround yourself with other men that. You know, are trustworthy that are encouraging, um, and just keep at it. You can do this. I fully believe that I know that to be true. Um, if I could get from where I was and the path that I was on to where I'm at now.

And so it's not just going to be you that hurts your going to be passing that hurt along to your children. And most likely it'll continue onto your grandchildren and become a heritage and a, you know, just a legacy that's passed along and you didn't ask didn't inherit what you got, but you have the option of standing Paul of making that tough decision.