134 - Mike Martin : keeping commitments will change your life

[: 00:00:00

hello and welcome back my friend. And this week, I'm excited to bring in my friend, Mike Martin. So Mike has a podcast project. Mindfully outdoors man is super amazing, very open, honest, transparent, um, super friendly. He's my fishing buddy that I've never fished with cause he catches all the fish. And so he's that one friend that you always look at and.

Uh, how many fish did you catch? And he hits his limit is at least the way I imagine the fishing trip. He and I would go on. So, uh, you know, but, uh, Mike is a fantastic guy, uh, writing his first book. So I'm excited to hear, hear more about that one. Uh it's about his daughter and the relationship, how they healed it.

you doing today? My friend, [: 00:01:00

am doing fantastic. Mike, I'm really excited for our upteenth million conversation today is so,

so I'm like, you were very generous. Had me on project mindfully, outdoors, uh, three times, I believe the end of last year.

And, uh, 20, 21, we have, um, fireside chats, you know, campfire chats, just sitting there and talking, you know, kind of freestyle what's going on, what our goals, what are challenges, you know, just being real and open and honest about what life's presenting. And so I love those conversations and I appreciate you having me.

So thank you, my friend. I'm glad to have you have you here as my, this.

ted to share it all with you.[: 00:02:00

Yeah.

Things happen quick. They do well. Let's start out, Mike, how do things look on the, uh, on the personal side of life? What does things look? What do things look like for you? Right.

Right now, I think the best way to put that would be starting a brand new chapter. And it's, it's a title that you could actually put the Marcus really as quote that you never stepped twice in the same river, because here I am starting this chapter where circumstances dictated that I just lost my home again.

And I've been here. Before about three or four years ago, my mindset is totally different. I'm healthy, I'm happy. I'm actually embracing and excited about this new opportunity.

is really highlight because [: 00:03:00

Very strong, but like flexible place. And I really want it to, you know, be seen that it's like things don't always have to be devastating. There is a tenacity, there is a strength that comes from putting in these daily habits, you know, healing. From from our past and what's going on and being in a place like you are now, and you and I talked and I, I asked you, I said, Mike, is this a good time to do it?

And you're like, Hey, um, I'm open to sharing it and being real. So it's

right. There is no better time. Yeah.

Um, so what do things look like on, on the business side of life, as far as work and stuff like that?

e stone down the day job, so [: 00:04:00

So now just like when I got into podcasting, I had no idea what I was doing when I started it. I just knew that I needed to do it. And now I'm getting this opportunity to learn that stage. And as far as the podcast goes, we're just in the early stages of seasoning. Which is continuing everything that we do there, but the cool part is we're beginning to expand our reach.

And we're also beginning to work with different brands and different companies to not only put their message out there, but get them to back our message and help us reach a whole new aspect of what will be our future.

he passion and the drive and [: 00:05:00

to be quite Frank.

If I save one life and I prevent one person from walking down the same path that I did, then whether I hear about it or not, I've done my job. I've reached.

Yeah. And that's very much like in our conversations when we've talked both recorded and, and, you know, just off the mic. Right. Um,

and you know, you know, honestly, to build on that, I believe it was the last conversation that you and I recorded for project mindfully.

sitting there, listening to [: 00:06:00

So that inspired me to take the reason that I do project mindfully outdoors, and write a book on that.

Yeah, it definitely makes sense. And that's something that's been very encouraging. I mean, since we first met, was that was your heart in reaching your daughter in repairing and, you know, strengthening the relationship with her. It's like, this is really a fundamental thing for me, you know, was what, what I was getting for from you, um, is that you wanted.

could talk and she had that [: 00:07:00

In, in regaining ground that had been given away. And it was like, dude, just listening, like listening to your voice, you know, we weren't doing video for those in your voice, the excitement and just the anticipation for the next time you got to hang out with her.

Absolutely. And you know, to bring things to today and those current.

just, uh, about a week ago, [: 00:08:00

So I call that her first words.

Very cool. Um, how, how have you gone about restoring the relationship? Cause it was, it was really strained, um, when you first started in, you know, working in that direction, right. So what have you done to, to draw her closer and to, to, to heal things?

Honestly, I've made a commitment. I made the commitment to myself, answer.

of the principles that I've [: 00:09:00

That was in my hand to be my focus, everything external didn't really matter because the bottom line is she is exactly where the focus needed to be. And that's exactly where the focus has always been. There's been a lot of things to combat and overcome along the way, but I took each one of those things and instead of.

Spiraling spiraling out of control with it. I approached it and I made that obstacle the way. So if a situation came up say, um, you know, her mother was making things extremely difficult, then I would embrace that back. And if her mom was attacking me in front of her or whatever, I wouldn't lose my temper.

I wouldn't [: 00:10:00

And I'm going to take it from the fact of speaking about stoicism and the way Ryan holiday, a big fan of him. I'm assuming

he saved my life.

Just a, just a guest there. Cause my son is very much into him as well. And so, uh, I have, uh, uh, what's the term I'm looking for.

ue to kill, keep yourself in [: 00:11:00

is the mindset is, you know, just like I shared the example with my daughter, I focused solely on what's within my power to control the rest of that.

You know, it doesn't really make a difference as far as the path, but I've also invested a lot of times. Within myself to find myself and learn how to take care of myself. And through that, it strengthened me. It's built this competence and it's also brought out this, um, ability to realize I can achieve things.

. In fact, I can give you an [: 00:12:00

So the last pair that I had decided to crumble. I made the first hour or two, trying to work pretty intense as in I could barely see. So instead of just, you know, dealing with it, cowering in the corner, call it off, going to hide. I got out my phone and I found an eye doctor that happened to have an appointment, put it all together, took a couple hours off, no con contact, a subscription renewed, and we're all good to go.

here and waited for somebody [: 00:13:00

And when you take the time to slow things down, And just bite off little steps, little bite-sized pieces, you're able to problem solve and resolve whatever's in front of.

So how is it like you talked about four or five years ago going into the corner. How are you stepping a way to, I guess, like assess things, to look at things and then be able to figure it out.

I mean, you've, you've taken [: 00:14:00

Like, can you walk me through a little more detail? Like how you're, you're breaking things down into bite size.

I think there's a, there's a one word answer, but that it kind of bridges off to a real complicated thing. And honestly, I've noticed a lot of my progress or things that I face and overcome is not a pure stubbornness.

I finally, I can't relate Mike. I mean, come on stubborn. What,

where it gets complicated is like, you know, you drug.

d of just suck it up and you [: 00:15:00

Whatever it is, that goal was

okay. So it's more or less you're, you're not allowing yourself to look at the situation and be overwhelmed, um, by everything between where you are and, and getting it completed. Is that accurate?

That's exactly it. And you know, it's not to say that every single time it's a perfect outcome because it's going to take trial on.

ly it's going to explode and [: 00:16:00

Um, This is what I had to accomplish and trusting within yourself that they answered and the solutions are there in front of you just slow it down and work your way through it. Gotcha.

What can we step back and kind of describe like what your journey looks like? Um, cause you've talked about anxiety and.

I know some of the stuff that you fought through, but can we go back and kind of give a picture of how things progressed? And then, um, after we get through that, I'd like to talk about what was the catalyst to get you to change. But if we can step back a bit and just kind of give us a picture of, you know, who was Mike in the journey, so where you are now.

All right. Well, if you go [: 00:17:00

hat marriage, I found myself [: 00:18:00

Homeless. Everything was gone. And the last words that were spoken to my face, where I didn't deserve my family, I had nothing to offer them that right. There was the final trigger. And that night I retired to an old ground blind out in the woods, and I tried to overdose. I woke up the next. And in a complete blur, I just got up and I just went through the day.

e that behind. To think, you [: 00:19:00

It was just a failure. If I could take the fact that I was homeless with nothing rebuild, then they would see that not only can I do it, but they can do it too. Through the course of that, I started reading a lot more. I started spending a lot more time in my journals. I got into talk therapy and I developed mindfulness.

And really leaned heavily on the outdoors and those things all came together and they built who I am now, which yes, I still have my things that I'm working on. However, I'm very passionate about what I do and how I feel, and I feel much stronger and able to convey those things. And that's how I rolled into project mindfully outdoors.

r were on the radar, I never [: 00:20:00

And in the years leading up to my thirties. So my teens and my twenties. I spent a lot of years in and out of bands. Always suffered with the performance anxiety. Back then never played a show that somehow I didn't manage to hurt myself. I always had an instrument to hide behind. Now, here I am. All these years later, I don't have that instrument.

there for everybody to hear. [: 00:21:00

So you've got the social anxiety that you're working through. How did you, I mean, you're wanting to start the podcast, but wanting and stepping through. That anxiety is, you know, two totally different things. Like how did you walk yourself through that situation to actually press play and do an interview?

And then the bigger part release it? Like what did that look like?

eason, I was going to record [: 00:22:00

However, I got sick and it took me a little while to recover by then. It was probably January, maybe February that I said. I'm going to revisit the podcast thing. I really wanted to work this into it. So I don't care how scared I am. I've got to force myself to do it. And I just hit record, fell on my face, made my first episode.

ten back to after I put them [: 00:23:00

But the ones that I do, which actually I've listened to ours a couple of times, they seem to hit me with something. And, um, when I started doing the interview process, it was because I had hit a stage where in therapy we had started talking about. Dealing with social anxiety, learning to accept it and interact with it and be able to do things with other people.

So, so since my podcast lives featuring my story, I said, you know, it makes sense to put that in there. And, um, I hooked up with Tim Holloway and just so happened to hit it off and we had a great conversation and there, I was like, Doing the voice thing is okay. I can get over that. That's step one, step two.

g to be face-to-face at some [: 00:24:00

No, it sounds like very much what, what you've described as far as going and getting your contacts right. Solving that problem is how over a longer period of time you handle the podcast, you stepped into an area, you know, bid it off, worked on it and continue from there. Is that kind of the way you see the way things have progressed in that?

e what to get from dinner, I [: 00:25:00

It would get so bad to the point that I would either sit in the parking lot and have my anxiety attack. Just say, forget it. Or even echo settling on a rescue. Getting in the drive-through get up to the speaker and just saying, you know what, I can't do this elite. And that was probably about a month worth of a daily struggle.

Finally, I got stubborn and I said, you know what? I really need dinner tonight. So I'm going to settle on that burger and it doesn't matter. And I got through it. And then I think that was probably one of the points that was the initial. Learning that I can do things and that I can trust my own decisions.

practicing it along the way? [: 00:26:00

Definitely a practice mix.

Semi-pro

yeah, I got you there. Hey, I do want to jump back. You said, like when you were listening to Ryan holiday, there were some quotes that he had shared. Do you mind sharing a couple of those that impacted you at that point?

Well, one of them is actually one that I'm really trying to work on right now to stay in the positive mindset is the fact that we're a man can live, a man can live well.

nd getting ready to set up a [: 00:27:00

And then the one that really got the ball rolling was about adversity. Being the opportunity for you to find out what's within you to showcase who you truly are. And I know I butchered that one, but that's okay because it's the principle that counts. You know, I mean, in the end, the obstacle is the way, and as you face the adversity, you get to really forge who you are and you learn that security within yourself.

Because if you don't have to face challenges, you don't know what you're capable of.

ht as well, uh, utilize them [: 00:28:00

Um,

so with the journey like that you've experienced, you know, in healing with your daughter, how did things start out?

I mean, was, was she like totally open to it? Were you facing, you know, some kind of apprehension, like how did you, how did you start working through things in the beginning?

Um, I had originally had two plans. The first plan was because I wanted this all to be on her terms. So plan a was, I would reach out to her through, uh, what wound up being her aunt.

uh, referee that I spoke to, [: 00:29:00

And I was given two hours with her every, since. Now, walking into that first meeting I had, uh, had had interaction with her mother who built up the situation that my daughter didn't want to be there and was begging not have to be now that built up my anxiety and you know, that negative voice. And I compared it to the thought of walking into that park, being like Davy, Crockett, and Leah.

d have stabbed me and thrown [: 00:30:00

y. Now mind you, I show up at: 10:00

ntially. I've compared it to [: 00:31:00

And over time, we've gotten comfortable with each other. We've got used to each other. And like I shared earlier, she started to open up and ask some questions, which is, you know, completely normal and things that definitely have helped us and bring us together. There's little pillars that I've put in there.

tries to get me to runaway. [: 00:32:00

So we've definitely got the initial, uh, virtues of like trust and connection and things are, things are progressing. I don't know where they progress from here, but

yeah, you and I don't have a crystal ball, so we just keep going one, one step at a time, one day at a time. That's. So, if I'm understanding is you persevere through this in being intent, you know, intentional, and I don't want to say insistent, but persistent in getting to, you know, to spend time with your daughter and, and work to heal that relationship.

en the relationships around. [: 00:33:00

Yes. I've definitely seen the change there as well, which I have to admit was not part of the plan.

And you know, it still feels really strange. However, it's helping, you know, the greater good, the core purpose, which is facilitating that relationship with my daughter. So yeah, you got to take the byproducts of it as well. I guess.

I don't think there's any complaints on that. It's like healthy, you know, restored relationships all the way around.

children as well, where, you [: 00:34:00

And, you know, being present and patient, how, how would I go through that? My,

well, I think the very first thing that you have to slow down and really wrap your mind around is the fact that each event that's going to happen through this process. Isn't inventing you need, because it's going to be able to give you an opportunity to showcase exactly.

lly driving it. Now I fought [: 00:35:00

Secondly, Is that word, consistency that we've touched on, you know, for one, the child did not ask to be born, they did not ask to not have you there. And most certainly, if you're the one making contact odds are, they didn't ask you to come back. So if you're going to do those things and you make the effort, which you very well.

a baseball game to go to or [: 00:36:00

Is, I only get one chance because if you break that word once you're going to make a habit of it. May not be every single time, but you got to build the pattern. They gotta be able to learn to trust that. And as they begin to trust that, then they'll start to, you know, accept it. Okay. And when they get the acceptance, that's where everything else starts to.

and fulfilling memories and [: 00:37:00

Yeah, absolutely.

So what have been some of the practices where our practices, you know, as far as like habits, routines, you know, just, um, things that you've put into place in your life that are helping you stay on track that are keeping you with that positive perspective, you know, keeping you, you know, from like you talked about spiral.

What are some of those things that keep you in the place that you're at now?

al aspect journaling because [: 00:38:00

When you do that, you begin to open up your thoughts. You begin to organize your thoughts a little bit, and what's more important than that. Is it, since there is no audience to judge you, you get to bring up the honest and what that leads to is something that before I started this, this path, I never held myself to, which was a standard.

t happiness within yourself, [: 00:39:00

You'll find that you need that. Now, along the path, it's been a lot of learning how to tame the negative dialogue of that voice, but that has come through a combination of journaling and also standing in front of a mirror and actually having conversations out loud.

n you. And you'll be able to [: 00:40:00

And when I meditate, I like to reflect on those things. The meditation is something that for me, well, really for anybody there's no right or wrong, it doesn't look the same for every single person. In my case, a lot of my meditation is done in the outdoor. Now it doesn't have to necessarily be in the field, you know, sitting in a deer, blind, standing out on the boat or standing on the shoreline.

t together, that's where you [: 00:41:00

And as you're climbing that, you're going to find new tools that nobody's going to be able to take away from you. And one of the key things that have come out of that is were, I would have so much self doubt beforehand because everything around me was given to me or I acquired with the help of somebody else, all of these things.

Now, all these tools, all these things around me, I've put there myself because I've earned them. And I can no longer question that. And that's where that real sense of self-worth comes from.

So you said you're reading books, you know, to, to help you and, and, you know, help you grow along the way. What are like two or three books that have been just really foundational for you as you've gone through this over the last few years?

[: 00:42:00

Um, let's see it. I think the obvious one is where it started. The obstacle is the way by Ryan holiday. And then that one is really led me down this rabbit hole of the different philosophy books, especially the syllogism ones where I'd say my favorite too, obviously meditations by Marcus really is.

And then. The letters from Seneca Basileus and the reason is, is I find those two to be very intriguing and very interesting characters. But then again, I've gone back and I've started diving into like, um, the old children's books of the, uh, the tall tales, like American myths and legends, like Paul Bunyan and so on, just cause.

Able to [: 00:43:00

Because one thing that really intrigued me a lot is the fact that as human beings, we have this amazing gift and skill called storytelling. It looks different throughout the generations, as it gets passed down, but the morals and the purpose of the story are always the same. And that really leads me to, uh, the time right now that we're sitting here recording.

t I lost my grandparents who [: 00:44:00

I was going to say no doubt.

It's, it's almost like building up like a, a suit of armor. They interconnect and strengthen you, um, you know, by practicing and using them and continuing to learn. Well, Mike, I want to say thank you. We're we're almost at the end of our time here. Um, so, um, how can people connect with you beyond the podcast?

ctory. There, there is there [: 00:45:00

I'm Mike Martin, and you can also hit us up. An email at projectmindfullyoutdoors@gmail.com. It's all pretty simple. It ties right together.

Yeah. I was going to say, look for a brown background with a big deer and huge antlers. It's the way we need to refine

later on this year, look for the book which is going to be called.

No one is beyond redemption. Yeah. Yeah.

Which you can also find

on Facebook. Yeah.

n, um, in you, you know, as, [: 00:46:00

So super excited for the book now, congratulate.

Thank you. And you know what, as we, uh, bring this to an end, if we keep touching on the book, I got to thank you for the, uh, inspiration and the motivation that actually kind of get touched in there a little bit.

Well, I appreciate it, my friend, I mean, you're the, you did the heavy lifting, but I'm glad our conversations could bring that about, so my pleasure.

All right, well, Mike, thank you very much, my friend. I appreciate it.

No problem. Thank you for having me.