131 – Arthur Forrester : breaking free from past beliefs to determine what’s important

Mike Forrester: Hello and welcome back, my friend. Man, this week I could not be happier. This is my weekday workout buddy. I guess you could say he's kinda like me as his eyebrows go up. A

Arthur Forrester: little bit. A little bit.

Mike Forrester: Yeah. I was gonna say. No, this is my almost 21-year-old son, Arthur Forrester, and we've had a heck of a journey.

As we're coming up to the one year anniversary of Living Fearless today he had specifically asked, "Hey, Dad, this is what I wanna do." It's the one year and, it's my birthday. Of course pulling out the birthday card. Come on. And so yeah, but totally excited to, to get into this conversation with my son here.

So Arthur, how are you doing today?

Arthur Forrester: I'm doing great, Mike.

Mike Forrester: That's the weirdest ring coming from you. Thank you, AJ or Arthur.

Arthur Forrester: Hi, Dad. How you doing?

Mike Forrester: Much better, man.

Hey, let's jump on into it. Sure ... what does life look like for you today on the business side of life? What is, what does career and work look like?

Arthur Forrester: So right now I'm actually out of a job. Some plans fell through with some friends. I was looking to move the 13th of June. Yeah. Plans fell through.

It happens. It's, you can't do anything about it really,

Mike Forrester: yeah.

You've done a great job in researching, looking what options, and this has all happened within the last week.

...

Mike Forrester: Five days most likely would honestly be more accurate.

Arthur Forrester: Yeah.

Mike Forrester: And so I've been so proud of you in the fact of how you've handled it.

Yeah. Because you've, y- you have stepped into it to research, you've had conversations, kept people, in the loop. And I know that's an, a new thing for you working on as far as, communicating, "Hey, I need help. This is what's going on." Yeah ... but you also haven't blamed anybody and looked like, "Hey I just, I'm mad and here we go."

Yeah. So I'm super excited for the way you've handled it. Very proud of you. You've

Arthur Forrester: set a great example to follow.

Mike Forrester: I appreciate it, thank you. I'm turning about 20 shades of red and what does life look like on the personal side for you as far as, wife, kids, all those things?

Arthur Forrester: Unfortunately, I'm actually a happy single,

Mike Forrester: unfortunately?

Arthur Forrester: Unfortunately, for the women of the world, I'm unfortunately happy with my, my status of singleness.

Mike Forrester: You trying to give me a heart attack here? One thing at a time. One thing at a time, man. Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: Yeah. I'm single right now, could not be happier.

I, I have a horse, love that thing to death. Work out every day, try to. Try to. Yeah,

Mike Forrester: Monday through Friday day.

Arthur Forrester: Yep. But yeah, just kind of- a new development is my, w- some of my friends group have started a Bible study on Tuesdays-

...

Arthur Forrester: At about 9:00. So that's been awesome.

Absolutely incredible. Super fun.

Mike Forrester: Yeah. Community and friendship, that's, I think one thing that's important, you know, to have. Do you s- do you see, like, when you have friends and you have those relationships, you're actually communicating, do you see you're in a better place and so are they?

Arthur Forrester: Oh, absolutely. If you remember when we first moved here, I really didn't have any friends. And that was a dark place. Yeah. Especially, that and...

yeah, pretty much when we moved here up until, Like trail life? Roughly four years. Yeah. Roughly four years was... We were, I was in a relatively dark place for four years about that.

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: So yeah, absolutely. When you have community and you have friends, when you have people you can reach out to, huge difference in life.

When you have people that you can rely on and trust, absolutely game changer, man.

Mike Forrester: Yeah. And I think the way you guys interact with each other and lean on each other has changed as well. You guys are still sarcastic as all get out. Oh, absolutely. That's not changed. But you lean on each other in a healthier way.

You're more open with each other-

...

Mike Forrester: Than I think before you would've. Do you f- do you feel the same way or?

Arthur Forrester: Absolutely, and that was one- one of the things we talked about in the cr- in the in the Bible study. We hold each other accountable to It's not only a Bible study.

We also talk about how we're doing mentally for the week, what are our goals, what are we doing this week, what are... some of my buddies in Tennessee-

...

Arthur Forrester: They're, one's, one of them's in college. Two of my buddies not too far from here they're also in college. What are their assignments, what do they need to get done, what tests do they need what, how much studying are they doing?

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: So that's an- another thing there. It's an accountability group too. So not only is it spiritually accountable, but also mentally and educationally accountable.

Mike Forrester: So you guys are looking at life holistically, like mentally- Yeah ... emotionally- Yeah ... physically.

Arthur Forrester: Yeah. Yeah. It's kind

Mike Forrester: of

Arthur Forrester: like a support group.

Mike Forrester: Yeah, whether you're still repping out your dad on preacher curls.

Arthur Forrester: Absolutely. Gotta get that pump in.

Mike Forrester: Ah, dude, man. So for you dads out there, be ready for when your kids- ... get a little older, and if they come to the gym with you... even if they don't come to the gym with you, they're still gonna be, like, going, "I'm gonna take down the old dog."

Arthur Forrester: Oh, absolutely.

Mike Forrester: And,

Arthur Forrester: Come

Mike Forrester: on ... we'll talk-

Arthur Forrester: New dog's gonna come into lead sometime.

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: Pack, pack mentality, baby.

Mike Forrester: So we'll go to the gym and he can outdo me on preacher curl, and he l- absolutely loves it. So it's awesome to have that competitiveness, but I would say there's a different competitiveness now than in the past- when you and I have gone to the gym. Because I- ... I think it was almost adversarial. Would you-

Arthur Forrester: Absolutely. S- Yeah, that's how I... That, that's definitely how I'd look at it.

Mike Forrester: Now, now- What was different, for both of us? What's changed in you? What's changed in me?

Arthur Forrester: I can't speak for you. That is your place, but for me- I've grown a whole new understanding of who you are over the years

And you're a completely different tr- man than you were five years ago. Completely. Absolutely 180 Yeah, one each.

Mike Forrester: Yes, you got that right.

Arthur Forrester: I was like, "Yeah."

Mike Forrester: So even when we were trying to go and work out let's say three years ago-

...

Mike Forrester: What was the rub that was aggravating in that time of going to the gym and trying to work out?

Arthur Forrester: So I wouldn't say it was a rub. It w- not a not at least on my side. It was the fact that I

I felt like I wasn't good enough. Like I wasn't living up to your name or, your expectations almost. So over the years it's also another thing of trust. We've le- we've learned to trust each other over these past couple years a lot more than we used to have. So now it's not a rub and it's not an adversarial relationship at the gym, it's a, "Hey, I'm here to push you to your new limits.

You have weight goals and I have... w- we both have body goals, right?"

Now we're pushing each other to be the best versions of ourselves. It's no longer, "Hey, I can... here's what I can do. Is this good enough for you? Is this new benchmark good enough for you? And if it's not there, keep moving up that ladder."

But now it's, "Hey, I'm h- you're here. I... You need to be here."

W- what can we do to get you up there? And at that rung what can we f- what's the future plan to get up more rungs? How can we communicate more efficiently?

Mike Forrester: My goal is just to be five, able to preacher curl five pounds more than you.

Arthur Forrester: That's an impossible task, man. Impossible task.

Mike Forrester: It seems like it. Every time I feel like I'm getting a little gain, it's like, "What the heck did you do, buddy?"

Arthur Forrester: All that eating.

Mike Forrester: It seemed like when we were working out before and trying to, my intention was to help you have better form in the workouts.

How did it come across? Because our intentions are not always the way things are perceived.

Arthur Forrester: Yeah. Absolutely.

Mike Forrester: How did it come across before?

Arthur Forrester: I had a completely different mindset back then. So again, it was feeding into, "I'm not good enough for you. I'm not good enough for you." And almost every day, that was my mentality.

At the gym, "Oh, you're doing this wrong. Not good enough." At, another day, "You're not doing this right. You- I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough And that's when I had a breaking moment where I was like... we stopped going to the gym for what?

A month or two. And that was my breaking point. I was like, "Okay, I need to look at this differently. What am I... What's my mindset right now? What is my mindset? What is our relationship and what is my mindset?" And that's the biggest thing, honestly, in life that you have ever taught me.

What i- Your mindset can change your entire dynamic with yourself. And with everybody else. It's a completely... That is your way of life almost. Your mindset is your way of life. And so I had to look at it like in a mirror. Like I'm staring myself down in the mirror. What, why am I doing this?

You are not the same man you were five years ago. You're not the man you were three years ago, and you're not the same man you were a year ago. Why am I still resentful of you? Why do I still not trust you? Why do I still not, I love you as a father, but I did not love you as a friend or as a father really.

You were a parental figure to me And I was like, "You are my father and I need to have not only respect for you, but love and affection, and I need to have a better relationship with you." So that was the breaking point for me. I was like, "I need to change my mind about something, and something needs to happen, whether it's a talk, a mindset change an absence of something."

And it was, that, that's what, the absence was the biggest thing, the absence of that mindset And every day you have- See- Go ahead.

Mike Forrester: No, go ahead. You're good.

Arthur Forrester: And every day you have to work towards that, that, that change of mindset. And honestly, when it started was when I got my phone case, if you remember that day.

You we were looking at phone cases together, and I said, "Hey, I really like this quote." And that's when I was star- starting to get into stoicism as well. It says, "When you arise in the morning, think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, and to love." And that really resonated with me because I had struggled for a long time with depression, like hardcore depression.

You and I both share that.

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: That was one of the things that, you talk about these traits that you don't love, you don't... you instilled in us and don't like.

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: That was one of the things that as a child, I watched you at the computer for hours or, whatever it was, it wasn't necessarily the computer, but it was something. It was almost an absence of you there. It wasn't... You weren't really there,

Mike Forrester: yeah, I was physically there, but I emotionally checked out. I was medicating- Yeah ... 'cause you're talking about me playing video games 12, 15, 18 hours a day to escape.

And so I was there, but I wasn't available- ... is what you're referring to, correct?

Arthur Forrester: Correct, yeah. But-

Mike Forrester: Yeah ...

Arthur Forrester: that's, that's where the depression started to stem from, and then it just it has a way of taking hold, that, that depression, once it finally gets inside of you enough, it just takes hold.

And then that's, at that breaking point in our relationship, that's when I had to take a look at everything, and that's when you had changed as well. You were a changed man. You weren't really gaming at that point. So I was like, "Okay, what, what's going on? What am I, what a- why am I still in this situation?

You're not there, and I don't want to be here anymore. So why am I here? If I don't wanna be here and you're not there, why am I still here?" And so the phone case is a really good reminder of, hey, you were chosen for a task. You have a purpose in life. You have people that love you. You have things to enjoy, whether it's Saturday night pizza or w- beer with the boys on the weekends.

Mike Forrester: Wait a minute. You're not 21 yet. You can't have beer on the weekend.

Arthur Forrester: Okay. ... Seltzers. O- on the weeken- you crack a cold one with the boys. Cracking a cold Kool-Aid with the boys.

Mike Forrester: A cold Kool-Aid.

Arthur Forrester: Cool, cold Kool-Aid on a summer day on a, with the boys. But whether it's just chilling in a, chilling out in the hot tub with your boys- Yeah

or going in, going on a drive with them, or, you know- Going to the range and shooting some letting some lead fly. It's just, it goes back to community. It really does. You have people that love you, you have things that you love to do, and the- you just have

You just have... It's a privilege to live, and that's one thing I looked at. It is truly a privilege to live. It is

Mike Forrester: truly- so did anything in the situation between you or I or anybody in the family, did it change or was it your perspective of the situation which changed? At that time, you're looking at it and you're still going, "Hey things... I'm like I'm not measuring up."

Arthur Forrester: Yeah.

Mike Forrester: Did your perspective in saying, "Hey, I do measure up," or was it that I and, your sisters and mom all treated you differently all of a sudden?

Arthur Forrester: I think it was a combination of three things.

So I felt like I'd finally earned your respect. I'd finally gotten that, that place in the gym- ... and the gaming system, where I was like, I can contend with you now. Yeah, let's go. I'm no longer w- I'm no longer repping five pounds on the Arnold stuff." I don't remember what they're called.

Bulgarian squats or something,

Mike Forrester: yeah.

Arthur Forrester: But when we played games together, I could actually hold my own and stuff. And then I had witnessed all these family events, and I was like, "That's not right. That is not how I want to be treated when something comes up. That is not how I want to treat my children when it comes up, if it comes up ever."

And then you guys, once I finally graduated college and high school, then I felt aca- at an acade- academically, at a level of academics, I had finally reached respect

And at that point, I f- I feel like I was in a pretty good spot. That was my Mount Everest, my four corners finally meeting a peak.

Mike Forrester: Now, what's interesting here is, man, you for years before, oh my gosh, were way better at video games than I wa- I- than I was. Like, I would run, dead, run, dead.

It... I didn't play PVP 'cause you'd school me so bad. And that's player versus player for anybody wondering, and you go up against somebody. Put... So I wouldn't compete against him just because he was that much better. So to me, that's interesting that you felt like you could hold your own when you were already ahead of me in that aspect, dude.

Arthur Forrester: I never... You never played it with me. You very... Or let me retract that. Let me-

Mike Forrester: Okay ...

Arthur Forrester: retract that. You very rarely played that with me.

Mike Forrester: In the

Arthur Forrester: PVP aspect of it? That's right. In PVP, yeah. In PVP, you did not play with me. Very,

Mike Forrester: very- 'Cause that's

Arthur Forrester: not my

Mike Forrester: big thing, man. But every

Arthur Forrester: time I did- And that, that's why-

it was like dead ... I couldn't get a grasp on the scale as a, as as-

Mike Forrester: Ah ...

Arthur Forrester: as a comparison. I couldn't get a grasp of your... As my ranking, I could not get a gras- grab grasp on it.

Mike Forrester: I gotcha. Okay.

Arthur Forrester: So that was where I was like, "Okay, that's fine. I'll just gr- I'll just teeter over here, see what the scale's looking like on the other side of the field."

Mike Forrester: So- Yeah, 'cause you always excelled at that aspect of it, with the PVP. That was something that you excelled in. And it's just not my game style.

Arthur Forrester: Yeah.

Mike Forrester: No. But that's interesting to hear that's something that it was like, "Hey, now I can hold my own," when you were already ahead of me at least from my perspective and from the statistics in the game.

So-

Arthur Forrester: Aw. Did not give you a good gift this year?

Mike Forrester: Which... Yeah. So as far as academics, like both of us have dyslexia. You have dysgraphia and dyscalculia as well.

So you have more learning challenges, and I know facing that growing up, like I didn't find out until I was 40-

...

Mike Forrester: About having dyslexia, and that was like, "Excuse me?

What?" Yeah. And that was in getting you and one of your sisters tested, you know- ... getting an assessment to say, "Do they have this?" "Yes, they do, and by the way, you do too." Excuse me?"

Arthur Forrester: Congratulations. Yeah.

Mike Forrester: Exactly. I won the lottery that day.

Arthur Forrester: Yeah.

Mike Forrester: But that brings a component where it's I get it, you're not feeling normal because- you're going through the lessons. And then, you're trying your hardest, but you're not feeling adequate.

Now, you ended up then going into tech school for welding and machining. And dude, you worked your tail off. You were going to school

Arthur Forrester: 5:30 a.m. to 7:00 in the afternoon

Mike Forrester: Yeah, and I think you only had four hours in between there where you got to go from doing like welding in the morning to doing- Oh, man

machining. What was it?

Arthur Forrester: I had one hour for lunch.

Mike Forrester: Was it really one hour? It

Arthur Forrester: was one hour. Holy- two hours. We had one hour for lunch and then one hour for dinner, and every day I got ramen from the cafeteria.

Mike Forrester: Yeah, that wasn't 'cause anything mom and I were doing. That was-

...

Mike Forrester: I want this. Okay- Ramen ... you go with what you want- I wanted ramen

but here are other options ... it was my only edible food. I was like, "Ramen, gross."

Arthur Forrester: Give me

Mike Forrester: nutrients- But, ...

Arthur Forrester: in a bowl ...

Mike Forrester: d- dude, you put in the work. When you went to machining and welding, did you start to gain some confidence for yourself in how you were excelling through those two?

Arthur Forrester: Absolutely. My instructors were a huge part of that. Herman Herman really gave me praise on doing both. He was like, "Dude, you've got this. You are doing great on both. You're doing awesome." And then Austin, or no, Mr. Maples said, "For what you're doing, kid you're going crazy." Mr. Maples was like, "Dude, you're doing way better than I could ever do."

"You're... I would be going off the walls and be absolutely belligerent and..." He's from the South, so he had said, he says pretty choice words- ... that I cannot use on here. But there were some... Yeah, he said, "You're doing absolutely incredible." So those really helped me. And then just finally feeling like I'm, "Hey, I know what I'm doing."

I finally have that self-confidence. I know what I'm doing. I can do it on my own. And, it was fun. It was a lot of fun. College is a great time.

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: Vo-tech school is a great time. College is not a great time.

Mike Forrester: That was where you found confidence. That was an amazing experience for you.

Arthur Forrester: Absolutely.

Mike Forrester: And dude, you just excelled and transformed within less than a two-year period.

I do wanna go back to before I started changing, when it was like, we- When things were rough, as far as I was, would communicate through yelling and intimidation and manipulation

What is your recollection of that time? What do you remember of that?

Arthur Forrester: So

I won't lie. Like one to nine, 10, somewhere around there. I don't really remember a whole lot. I remember Boise pretty, pretty okay-ish. But I have these select memories, but pretty much all I did every day was school, hop on the game, school, hop on the game. And that was almost every day.

And then on Saturdays and Sundays it was game, or chores then game on Saturdays, and then it was church, finish up if I had any leftover schoolwork, chores if I had any leftover schoolwork, and then games. That was my life, and I'm sure you can attest to that 'cause you witnessed that.

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: And that was my life. That's just how I dealt with it. Yeah, I was

Mike Forrester: gonna say

Arthur Forrester: you- As little problems as possible, as humanly possible. I was like, "Do not make problems. Stay out of his way. Put your head down and walk down that hallway."

Mike Forrester: Yeah. "

Arthur Forrester: Do not bother him." You were like y- you're like the, the general in the room with a bunch of privates.

You're like big, burly, strong, sh- walk down that hallway with authoritarian-

...

Arthur Forrester: And I'm that little private scrawny, scrawny dude, little E-1 walking down the hallway towards the administration office, and it was just, that was our household. You were the authoritarian figure.

If something went wrong all all hell broke loose.

Mike Forrester: And that was a lot of the time when things broke loose. So at that point, how much of a father-son relationship did you feel like there existed between you and I?

Arthur Forrester: No, it was nonexistent. Absolutely. Yeah. N- no chance. It wasn't. There was... It was, yeah, it was not there almost at all.

Mike Forrester: Did you have any hope that things would? Are you looking at it going, "Come on, Dad this has gotta change"?

Arthur Forrester: Not really. My biggest, my g- back then, my plan was get done with school as quickly and e- efficiently as possible, and get out of the house as soon as possible.

And that's...

I had a rough patch, every- everybody does. After school, I th- I took o- that welding job traveling, and that was kinda my escape for a while.

I really didn't call or text or anything while I was on the road. But towards the end, I started to say, "They're important to me. I love them.

They are my family. They are... You have one family in your life. You get one family." You've got two, but you have one blood-related family, and one, one adopted family.

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: So it was, our relationship before you changed, nonexistent. It w- it... No, there's no doubt in my mind.

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: I don't remember there ever being really a relationship.

I remember there being a face to put on when we were out in public settings, that... But other than that, no.

Mike Forrester: What do you mean by there was a face put on?

Arthur Forrester: It was a mask. So you know, like- ... a lot of people have a mask, when they go out. I put it on when I go out because I'm an introvert.

So "Oh, happy-go-lucky. Yeah, let's go, guys," when inside I'm just dreading every single moment of a crowded room. So no, but it's just you have a mask you put on, you have a display, and the Japanese have a really good theory. You have three faces. You have one world, for the world to see, you have one for your family to see, and then you have one that nobody sees, and that's your true inner self And so you have the, you have three layers.

And your mask is for the world to see, right? E- everybody, e- every day, go- going grocery shopping at work, stuff like that, the family, you have a mask for your family. You have a, You have a reputation almost to keep up with them, there's an expecta- you have that expectation to keep ahold of.

And then your final mask is the one you keep personal. You don't show anybody. That is your own mask. That is your true self. That is your inner. So your inner theory, I don't know. It's weird.

Mike Forrester: Do you feel like you're able to be more real with that family mask? Is it-

Arthur Forrester: Yeah, I've definitely ch- changed.

I've de- I've changed over the years.

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: And I'm sure you've seen my ev- evolution-

Mike Forrester: Yes ... of,

Big time.

Arthur Forrester: Yeah. It's been great. I'm glad you could witness it, so I'm glad I stayed home. I

Mike Forrester: mean I'm proud of the fact of watching you do that because it's like I can't make you change. Mom can't make you change.

There's nobody that can make you change. No one

Arthur Forrester: can make you change.

Mike Forrester: Regardless of what life around you may be, the way you perceive it, is gonna dictate out what actions you take, right?

Arthur Forrester: Yeah, for sure.

Mike Forrester: And you just being willing and having the courage to step into it and go- like you talked about earlier, "I'm not in the same place. This is not how I wanna be. Dad's not, Dad's not the same guy he was. Like, why am I holding onto this?"

That's, that takes a lot of courage to reflect and do that introspective work and go, "Okay, what's off? Like, why am I still holding onto this, belief?"

Because you have a choice.

You can be like, "Yeah, I'm gonna be mad forever- I'm gonna resent you for

Arthur Forrester: the rest

Mike Forrester: of my life ... and I'm just gonna stick to the way things are."

Arthur Forrester: Yeah. I'm gonna resent you for the rest of my life, Dad. No.

Mike Forrester: Hey.

Arthur Forrester: No more of you. Nope. No more family. Nope. Never again.

No.

Mike Forrester: Run as fast as you can, right?

Arthur Forrester: Exactly. Run as fast as you can down that road.

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: Become the r- become the roadrunner from that ani- animation, from the cartoon. Just...

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: Vroom. As

Mike Forrester: long as you don't become Wile E. Coyote, man.

Arthur Forrester: Nah. Nah. I'd just be- ... speeding down.

Mike Forrester: What's that?

Arthur Forrester: I'd just be speeding down that road.

Mike Forrester: Yeah, exactly. So you talked about stoicism earlier.

How did you come to discover stoicism, and what is it... Like, how has it helped you process,

Arthur Forrester: So the way I discovered it, I don't really remember how, but I remember the person that really made me engage with it, and that... His name is Ryan Holiday, really great guy, has a great podcast.

Yeah, I know y- I know you know about it. I won't shut up about it.

Mike Forrester: No, I love hearing about it, 'cause it resonates- Yeah ... with you. It's important to you.

Arthur Forrester: It's great. It has some really great books. W- you got me for my birthday or Christmas, I think it was Christmas one of his newer releases called O- Obstacle Is The Way.

Great book. Absolutely incredible. But he has a podcast, and it's called The Daily Stoic. Incredible. And that's what... That's really what changed my life. Besides you, obviously. But,

Mike Forrester: Thank

Arthur Forrester: you Besides you making your absolutely g- world-rupturing change, Ryan Holiday

Mike Forrester: helped- Gave you space to change.

Yeah. Let's put it that way, right?

Arthur Forrester: Yeah. Ryan Holiday was the catalyst for me.

But stoicism- Really means to me like, a lot of people mis- I feel like mistake it for y- you just p- pan face it. Don't show any emotion. Don't show any joy, no despair, no, no nothing. Don't show any emotion.

But it's really not. The stoics even talk about, joy in life. They talk about the sadness. They talk about, there, there have been several stoics that have taken their lives.

Mike Forrester: There have

Arthur Forrester: been, There's just so much to it. If you just dig a little bit, you'll find a lot of great things, like memento mori love death, I believe.

I don't know. It's been a while since I've studied, honestly. What about,

Mike Forrester: what about what about that r- just why do you like that?

Arthur Forrester: Memento mori? It's just, to me it means be r- be fearless. You only have one life. Be fearless with it. What's the worst that could happen? You die? Everybody else dies.

Everybody else dies. It comes at some point. You cannot outrun death, so why not live it fearlessly and do something you're gonna remember and be remembered for?

Mike Forrester: So when you're looking at your life and going, "Am I living fearless? I'm l- I'm living life as large as I can." What does that look like for you in, in how you attack things?

Arthur Forrester: T- come at it from multiple angles. If you have a problem and it doesn't succeed the first time, you now have a list of... You still have the problem, but you now have a way that you know it doesn't work. So you still have the barrier, but now you eliminated one process.

Rome wasn't built in one day. How many best-time selling books were denied by several publishers before they finally found a publisher that would publish the book and then it became in, a, a best-time selling? There there's so many, comparisons you can do. There's so many things. You go ask that girl out. And what's the worst she's gonna say? No? Okay. What's the big deal? What's, go apply for that job you want. What's the worst they'll say, no? Okay. Now ask how you can get the job, have a better chance of getting the job next time.

That's one thing you guys have taught me, if I get de- denied for a job, ask questions. What can I do different? Why was I turned away? What can I do to improve my chances? Stuff like that. And just honestly and just ask questions. Do things recklessly. Don't do things recklessly.

I retract that. Live life recklessly and have fun. That is... Live it with fire. Live it with passion.

Do things you're passionate about.

Mike Forrester: Let it be an adventure, not just a blip on the radar- That's right ... that's mediocre.

Arthur Forrester: Exactly. Live your life. Yes. Don't let life live you.

Mike Forrester: Yeah. Very true.

Arthur Forrester: Go out there, see the world

Mike Forrester: So what within-- You had talked about Ryan's, Ryan Holiday's book of Obstacle Is The Way.

What was, like, your favorite part in it that, you're just totally ecstatic about the book? What was your favorite thing about it?

Arthur Forrester: I don't know. That's like trying to pick a favorite kid, Dad. There's a lot of good stuff in that book

Mike Forrester: I do have a favorite kid, I just don't tell you guys who it is.

Arthur Forrester: It's your favorite son, right?

Mike Forrester: I'm my own favorite child.

Arthur Forrester: You are. I'm sure your mom's favorite child.

Mike Forrester: Probably.

Arthur Forrester: Five kids.

Mike Forrester: Not gonna lie.

Arthur Forrester: She has five kids.

Mike Forrester: Yes, and I'm the oldest.

Arthur Forrester: Yep.

Mike Forrester: So what was one of the things that you would say if you could impart one message to me, like one lesson, what would you say is a takeaway from Obstacle Is The Way?

Arthur Forrester: This is gonna be your s- very smart aleck response. But my response would be go read the book in the entirety.

And then come talk to me about what was your favorite. It's an awesome book.

Mike Forrester: So you wanna have a conversation?

Arthur Forrester: Oh, absolu- no, I don't wanna have a conversation. I'm the, I'm just gonna say, "Hey, have you read the book yet?"

And if you say yes, I'm just gonna slam the door in your face.

Mike Forrester: Thanks. I appreciate it, man.

Arthur Forrester: I know, but, the Obstacle Is the Way is a very... In a way, it's a very self-explanatory book. It goes through the challenges of, like I was saying you have a problem. You have a summit- ... you need, you can, you need to conquer. Okay? Throw a solution at the wall. It bounces off. Throw another solution at the wall. It bounces off, and that's fine.

That is completely acceptable. That is ac- and failure is an acceptable outcome-

...

Arthur Forrester: As long as you're persistent at it, as long as you at some point find a solution. Don't give up on it. Don't give up. You don't just don't give up. It's

Every l- every problem in life has a solution. No problem is different than one. But they may have different solutions, but they're all the same. Yeah. You have the same problem, but a different formula. It's math. What's one plus one? Two. What's four plus four? Eight. It's the same thing, right? It's the same nu- it's a number.

But numbers are different on both sides. So it's the same constant on s- both sides.

Okay. So just keep going at it.

Mike Forrester: What's that?

Arthur Forrester: So j- just keep going at it. Throw all the solutions you can muster at it. Just be persistent, in

Mike Forrester: other words, right? Just be persistent.

Arthur Forrester: Just be per- be persistent and keep going at it.

Mike Forrester: Yeah. So as you're adjusting with this recent news-

...

Mike Forrester: You still know who you are.

Where you wanted to get to has changed. How do you adjust from there? You have kept your head up.

Again, you've not looked to blame anybody, yourself or anybody else, but you've continued to look at it positively. How are you going about doing that when the news isn't what you wanted?

It's actually the opposite of, well- ... that door seems like it's closing at this point. Yeah. What do I do?

Arthur Forrester: It was difficult. It really was difficult. I allowed myself some breathing room just in case. That's... I sent out the text. I was asking if plans were still on with the person I was getting help from, and he was like I don't know.

Some stuff, some personal stuff came up, and I don't think I'll be able to help anymore." And I had a feeling. There, there's always that voice in your, the back of your head saying, "Something's gonna go wrong. Something's gonna go wrong. Something's gonna go wrong." But I caved to it, and I'm glad I did because otherwise I would've been caught out in the rain.

And yeah, you can never prepare for these type of things, right? You can never really prepare truly. But you can adjust course. You can drive a nar- you can drive a feeling a certain way, right? So I'm still dis- Am I disappointed? Absolutely. I'm, I am frustrated.

And I mean- Yeah ... there's nothing you can do though, right? There's nothing I can do 'cause it's nothing I can control. So I mean- I know it's nothing I can control.

Mike Forrester: Yeah.

Arthur Forrester: And, it's just, it's one of those things that happens. Things are gonna happen inevitably.

Mike Forrester: It seems like you've done a reflection on what's going on.

Is this something that I did wrong? No. Is this something anybody else did wrong? No. Okay. Things happen. Because it was-

...

Mike Forrester: Events on their side as well-

...

Mike Forrester: That then impact your decisions, but you're also looking at it and going, "Okay, what other opportunities does this open up now, and how do I handle it?"

So it's like even though you're disappointed in the way things have gone, you're still optimistic-

...

Mike Forrester: About, about the opportunities that are before you. You know what I mean?

Arthur Forrester: And that's that changing of course. You have to just go with the flow, that it, it's the, the progression- Yeah ... the progressiveness, and you just have to keep going. You c- you can't go back in life. You can't rewind. You just have to keep going. Rolling with the punches, baby.

Mike Forrester: Yeah. Arthur, thank you very much for joining me, man. It is- Yeah

such an honor to have you join me- ... to see the change- ... that has gone on in who you are as a man now and who you're continuing to become.

I'm totally proud of you. And dude, you do measure up, so I'm glad that voice of not measuring up is gone-

...

Mike Forrester: Because it's opened up opportunities and, and-

Arthur Forrester: And our relationship.

Mike Forrester: Yeah. It's opened you up to a different way of looking at life, and us having that relationship like we talked about.

Arthur Forrester: Yeah. So- It's opened us up to a different lifestyle.

Mike Forrester: And I'm totally honored and blessed, so thank you, and,

Arthur Forrester: Thank you ...

Mike Forrester: it'll be a few days after this that it's your birthday, so happy early birthday.

Arthur Forrester: And congratulations on one year of being a podcaster.

Mike Forrester: Thank you. I appreciate your support.

Arthur Forrester: Yes, sir.

Mike Forrester: Thanks so much my friend for joining me on another episode. If you found the information within the show helpful, please leave a review on the platform you're listening to. Helps raise the show's visibility so other men can join us in breaking free. See you on the next episode, and remember to continue putting yourself out there.

Have a great one