146 - David Henzel : applying business principles to family life to manage happiness

[: 00:00:00

I'm doing fantastic. Thanks for having me, Mike.

, David, if we could, can we [: 00:01:00

All right. So I have a portfolio of businesses, that are mainly, ran by business partners or GMs and, um, I'm...

nd yeah, I live in BM Turkey.[: 00:02:00

Um, I've been doing this entrepreneurial game for a very long time. I never did anything else. I dropped outta school at age 15 and found the entrepreneur path for me, which worked out pretty well. Um, and yeah, this is where I'm today.

Cool. What does life look like for you on the personal side of life?

On the personal side, I'm married, um, for I'm together with my wife for 26 years.

Uh, we met when we were 18. Uh, so I've been together for a very long time and we have one daughter she's eight years old and, uh, a lot of fun. And, um, we, we waited for a very long time before we had kids. Cause we're always very focused on work and they're like, yeah, if we don't have kids till 35, maybe we'll adopt.

brings so much happiness to, [: 00:03:00

And we live in bottom Turkey with, uh, a lot of animals. My wife loves animals. Uh, so we have eight dogs, three donkeys, two cows, a horse. Uh, 30 chicken, like a bunch. So we have like, we live like on a, like, you know, like an elaborate petting zoo from a dollar basically here.

I'm like, you've got your own farm there.

literally. Yes.

Oh man. But, and is that her passion? Like, is the animals right? Your wife's passion.

I mean, she, she, she absolutely loves, loves animals. Um, um, it's definitely one of her passions. She also rescues dogs and, um, you know, sends them to Germany. She also has a construction company building like tiny houses and A-frame houses.

ke what, what she's focusing [: 00:04:00

Very cool. Yeah. You guys are both staying busy, but you're then both connected with each other. And that's where like a lot of people will use that ex as an excuse, but you guys are moving past that. I absolutely love that. Um, can we jump back? You said you left home at, at 15, right?

I left school when I was 15.

Or school. Sorry.

Mm-hmm.

Um, you left school at 15. Like, what led up to that? What was going on at that time?

you should X do X, Y, Z, but [: 00:05:00

And, um, I was a real wild child. I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day when I was 12 already. And I drank alcohol around the same time. And, you know, also, um, smoking a lot of, uh, weed when I start when I was 15. So I was kind of lost, you know, and, uh, then I went to the, um, in Germany, we have the Arbeitsagentur, which like the job center where you can kind of figure out, like, what do you want to do with your life and which jobs are available.

And, and I read through all the jobs that were there and I thought, this is all horrible. I don't want to do any of this. And so I was kind of lost, didn't know what to do with my, with my life. And, um, a good friend of mine came to me and said like, Hey man, you good with computers, how about we start a business area?

could act out of love in my [: 00:06:00

Otherwise I get, you know, bad grades or whatever. So it was like, was very liberating and worked out really well for me.

Yeah. And so like when you, when you hit that moment and you're discovering like, Hey, this is entrepreneurship. I don't have to follow these other guidelines. Like, do you feel it changed your mindset or like how you saw life or was it solely directed towards business? Um, at that point?

w, also like helping people, [: 00:07:00

That's cool. Now you did mention love, not fear, and you've got your shirt on for that. Um, there we go.

Stickers as well.

What's that? There you go.

Stickers... a bunch of swag, Love not Fear swag.

Can you share like the process of getting to that, to, to the tag and the saying of Love not Fear? Like what was the process of getting there?

So I'm a recovering introvert. After, you know, so kinda like fast forward. I, um, had this IT business with my friend and then one of, um, uh, I ended up with an eCommerce business, which worked really well in Germany. And, um, but I saw what was going on in the United States, uh, with the startup world.

And back [: 00:08:00

o not know Toastmaster, it's [: 00:09:00

here can help them in their [: 00:10:00

But if I sell out of love, because I know what I have here can help them in their life or in their business. I can even be pushing, say like "Mike, freaking buy this. It's gonna be amazing. It's gonna help you so much with the problem that you're having." Because, I mean, you know, I act out of love and I act out of enriching your life and you feel where I'm coming from.

You're way more likely going to buy this thing for me. If, if you feel that, "Hey, he really has my best interest at heart". Or, uh, in, in marriage, my wife always ask me to do home improvement stuff around the house, or like, you know, could you build this furniture piece that I just bought or hang up this picture?

o very subpar because if you [: 00:11:00

And then I ended up having a fight with her afterwards, cause she's like very particular, uh, how she likes things. And then, you know, like it was not up to her standards then, you know, we have a fight afterwards. So afterwards nobody was, was winning, you know, so, but then, um, now I did, I have this, this framework of love, not fear.

I still start out of fear in this case, because I really don't like doing it. But then I switched to love because I want to make my wife happy and I want to make our place nicer. And all of a sudden, I, you know, I enjoy the process of, of work and, you know, just like change everything or, and managing people.

MaxCDN grew very fast and we had, um, You know, I guess communication issues, internal communication issues with the, you know, one department did not know what the other one was doing. So I asked my assistant, please go to the department heads, get information on what they've completed this week and what they're going to do this week, compile it in the newsletter and send it out to, to the team.

much to correct. It was like [: 00:12:00

And I told her, if you would, um, do this out of love, you'd do your best to really understand what each department head has to say. She wasn't super technical and we were very technical company. So do your best to really understand what the CTO has to say. Uh, and all the other department heads, and then compile it in newsletter that people really enjoy reading, you know, make it fun, make it that they get the information that they need.

And. If you do, you know, then you do out of love. Otherwise you just do out of here. Cuz David said, this thing has to go at 4:00 PM on Mondays. This is your motivation of doing it. And this really click with her. I never had to correct anything. And, and later on, we even had like a video newsletter where she was interviewing them and cutting it together, you know?

f love and fear. And to, to, [: 00:13:00

lay golf" you know, um, [: 00:14:00

I mean, first, first of all, uh, you know, kinda like if, if something doesn't feel right, as I mentioned, okay. Like take a step back and reevaluate and, and plan and like be solution oriented, then find a solution, you know, like how can we make sure this, this gets done? Like, can I outsource it? Can I hire somebody? Can I, even if I don't do it now, can I tell my wife to, "okay. I, I have this important project going on right now. Can we do this later?" But also like putting it on a to-do list. So you do not forget about this cause like that's, you know, it's fine. Uh, when you, you know, do something not right now, but you gotta live up to it. You know, I think A players don't drop the ball, you know, I never wanna be in a position where I say like, "oopsie I forgot about this."

do things, but I want to do [: 00:15:00

So, or like how to set up businesses like machines. So they run by themselves. So I can just like take, take a step back and watch it run. So for example, uh, and this also applies for my, my personal life. So I like to automate things. So we have a, uh, a full-time gardener and handyman who does things like this.

I work on the things that I [: 00:16:00

So it kind of made her understand that even though she sometimes sees it as, as act of, of love, like, you know, you're familiar with the love languages thing, you know that I do something for her. That she understands that this it's, it's a better use of my time and resources to set it up in a way she has somebody that's really good at doing these things.

So it it's just automated, you know? So I can, I think a good manager always manages himself out of the things that, um, you don't enjoy doing, like where you're not in your, in your zone of genius. And, um, just find people that, that that do the rest, you know, and then I can just like spend more quality time with my wife and just do fun stuff with her and my daughter versus building chickens coops, which I do not enjoy.

t's not my sweet spot either [: 00:17:00

Funny enough actually, um, our, our gardener build a chicken coop, like maybe a month ago or so we have, we have 35 chicken, you know, so very applicable example. My wife didn't even ask because I had this system in place already that, you know, we have a guy who loves this.

things changing for you? Um, [: 00:18:00

It's almost like having black and white TV and then, you know, color TV with the surround, you know, like life's way more, way more fun when you, um, you know, people are awesome. I love people and I love interacting with people and I love providing value to people.

It's like something that I really enjoy. Um, also like small talk, you know, I used to never talk to strangers, like the person sitting next to me on the flight. Cause I always thought like, ah, they probably wanna just like chill and you know, like, or it's attractive woman. Like I'm not talk to her. Cause she may think I'm hitting on her, even though it's not the case, you know?

kind of get the hook and to [: 00:19:00

Like, you know, if they of business like an organization development or marketing or personal development, you know, My, my tool build of, of skills that I have. And, you know, and this has been working wonders in terms of, um, uh, connecting with people also being like super vulnerable and just. Not talking like, oh, the weather's great today in LA, you know, like, just like, you know, who needs this?

Just like be vulnerable, go deep and talk about stuff that matters. And then you can become very close, fast with, and friends with people. And this has, you know, I have like a, a network a lot. I have like a giant list of, um, uh, You know, good, good, good friends. Um, so, um, and, and like a very large business network and I consider them all, all friends, cause you know, it's, um, people that I enjoy being around with and, you know, I like, I like to systematize things.

, um, personal CRM, which is [: 00:20:00

It's like if you've gotta go through the process, it might as well be smooth and easy, right? Instead of being cumbersome and hard.

nobody's fault. It's nothing [: 00:21:00

Um, so it's, it's also entrepreneurial life, you know, cause you always have to deal with problems, you know, and the entrepreneurial rollercoaster of like, yay. Oh no. Yay. Oh no. Um, is, is, is very easy for me to, to, to go through, you know, so I guess, um, yeah, just random...

Gotcha.

...side note.

But, but what's interesting is despite that, like you are still communicating and bridging and having empathy with your wife and your, you know, your daughter. You're not stepping out and just going, "Hey, I have this, I can't do anything about it." Um, so I think that's really interesting that it's like, you're still engaged, you're still active and, and focused on the moment. Um, even though there's, you know, this hurdle that long term, Hey, I'm not gonna be able to come back to this with the emotion. So, um,

like super sociopathic, but [: 00:22:00

And, um, I was talking to my wife and this was like, I, I found out about Aphantasia maybe a year ago that I have this, you know, like explained a lot of things. Once, once I found out and I was, um, talking to my wife and my wife was bawling and, you know, like, uh, was really destroyed and my dog just died and the crazy thing is I felt nothing. You know, which sounds super, super crazy, but I have, you know, Deep logical empathy.

e doctor told me first and I [: 00:23:00

So in the case with the dog passing, where I just like connected with her friends who are close with my wife, and also were close with the dog. And to call her, to show like emotional support, you know? But. It's it's definitely weird. Um, Hey, I'm David, I'm weird. You know, just found out like what , what, what, what makes me extra weird, you know?

years old and found out [: 00:24:00

You, you know, you can reflect back on the past and go. Now the dots are, you know...

Connected, yes.

...are aligning. Yeah. And otherwise it's like, well, that's just weird, whatever. Okay. I don't get it. but, but in, uh, you know, getting them assessed, then it was like, "oh yeah, it's you." "What do you mean? It's me? What are you talking about? I've gone through school. I'm 40 years old." "Yeah, it's you."

A high percent of, uh, entrepreneurs have it actually. A very high percentage of entrepreneurs. Yeah. My business partner, um, Todd Herman, do you know, Todd? He wrote The Alter Ego Effect?

No.

Did you hear about The Alter Ego Effect? Like some New York Times' best seller. He's a coach for 20 some years and, uh, sold two coaching businesses before. And he also has it.

Does he really? Okay.

Yeah. Its very common.

t. Um, and then one also has [: 00:25:00

Or, and she was at that time. And then, so when they have moved out, you know, they all became adults and graduated. She went into remediation or in essence, you know, coaching, uh, young children, Hey, this is, this is how you can, uh, work around.

Finding the crutches. Yeah.

Yeah. So she coaches them through that stuff and I'm just like, "hey, whoever thought I'd be your pet, you know, pet project, to help you with this. So, um, yeah. Fully get that, but yeah, there's a hundred percentage.

But I think this is what it, what it's about. Like, it, it, you know, we all have our challenges, you know, like everybody has it. Right? And just, it's all about like, accepting or like seeing, or knowing yourself and then finding the crutches to work, work, work around these things.

ke super nerds with numbers. [: 00:26:00

Yeah, absolutely. Not letting them be the pit that you stay in and just, you know.

And also a friend of mine at, at Toastmasters, he gave a speech and he said, "We all have to go through fire. And we have to decide, are we wood, or are we precious metal? If we're wood, we burn down to ashes. If we're precious metal, we get refined." You know, like if you put gold into fire, it like gets refined, gets the impurities out. So all the tough stuff that we go through, it's just, you know, can, can teach us so much, um, to, you know, just get better at, at what we're doing.

ike what has happened to me, [: 00:27:00

No, it's very, very true. What you focus on and how you see 'em is, is gonna set the tone there. Um, you had mentioned about your wife having, uh, breast cancer. Can we go back to that and kind of where you were at that time? Uh, and then how things moved along from that point?

Um, So we, this was like a year after. It was like actually quite crazy time. So also part of the, the toughest time we went through, um, business was going really well, um, at this time. And, um, then my daughter was born, our daughter was born. And, uh, then all of you have kids, like once a kid comes into the play, it, things becomes it's kind of throwing a wrench into your productivity, you know?

And [: 00:28:00

And I said, like, "I have no idea." And he said like, "please think about this." And, um, I thought long and hard about this, I think it's two things, like A, the, serenity period, like the acceptance piece I'm really good at accepting, which probably also has to do with, with the aphantasia part, you know? So, accepting and being logical.

k up every morning for like, [: 00:29:00

Um, if you, if you. Get into this 30,000 foot. We like, Hey, all this beauty is here. Like so much good stuff is here, actually. And then like, we like this problem that we dealing with. Cause often six months from now, we can't even remember the big problem of the day that you dealt with. You know, like it's kind of just dust in the wind in the grand scheme of things news for a very long time.

And I think this is like something that really helped me to, to go through, um, the tough, the tough times. Um, and you know, to kind of complete this at the, it's also part of the managing happiness course, um, Keep this keeping the stone in my pocket. Sometimes when I get stressed, I feel the stones brings me back.

through this issue as well. [: 00:30:00

And, um, I think the, my wife was very close to my mom. Kind of like full circle. Coming back to your initial question. My wife was very close to my mom and was really hard for her that my mom passed away, um, and then the stress of like, um, you know, this stressful time of our, of our life and, you know, taking care of our daughter, uh, I think this was like something that caused us this in her. This is why, yeah. Nobody knows where things coming from, but I think this is part of the reason why, why she had this.

Gotcha.[: 00:31:00

It was like a big wake up moment for me. Um, I imagined myself, uh, logically, not visually, cause I cannot imagine anything visually, uh, on my death bed, looking back at my life thinking, "did I do what I was supposed to?" "Did it have the impact that I wanted to have?" And it was like a really big wake up moment for me and also make me think like, hey, is this business really doing, you know, I always want to have big impact, positive impact in the world.

d managing happiness course, [: 00:32:00

And then I read this book called Conscious Capitalism by, John Mackey, the founder of Whole Foods. And this was like big light bulb moment for me because the book, the idea is the old way of doing business is you have to increase shareholders value. You have to make the owners of the business rich. This is why business exists. And the conscious way is you do good by all stakeholders, meaning suppliers, customers, employees, the planet, like everybody that's connected to the business. And if you do this, then a business is the best vehicle to have a positive impact. It's like, yay. I can go back to business, my muscle memory and just like, you know, um, this is also why I picked outsourcing.

a thousand by the end of the [: 00:33:00

So, yeah, this was like, you know, with, with this process of, you know, the, the positive thing, the positive side effect of my wife going through this, um, you know, kind of, obviously if you change the way you look at things, these things look at change. That's the gift that came out of this. Like, you know, my early midlife crisis kind of figuring out like, what do I really want of life, you know.

And so did you have conversations with your wife to say like, "Hey, um, this is the revelation that's occurring for me, you know, these are the new ideas"? And did you guys get on the same page to, you know, both, both have your personal life and your professional life, you know, aligned or how did you?

hter had a full diaper. And, [: 00:34:00

So like being tired, sitting on the couch, making an observation, I thought like, "why do we fight about this?" Like, um, you know, she changed the diaper most of the time and cause she's home with the kid and you know happy to do it as well, but I wasn't clear, wasn't clear to me that at 8:00 PM on a Wednesday, it's my turn to do this.

And then I thought like, "Hey, we never talked about the roles and responsibilities in our, in our, in our private." Let's sit down next day, and do this like we do in the business, you know? And we wrote down what I expect of her and what does she expect of me? And this took away 80% of all the friction we ever had, because it was just like clearly communicated.

What does she expect of me and, and vice versa. And then I thought like, Hey, if this works so great, maybe we take other aspects from business and apply to our personal life. Like having family core values, having ambition and vision, having a shared calendar, having like a to-do system, you know, like all these things and this, um, worked so phenomenally well for us that I want to, you know, share this with others.

And, [: 00:35:00

And then also for your family. Like, how do you want to show up as a professional? How do you want to show up for yourself? How do you want show up for your family or for your community? And, um, yeah, so this is like the, the next iteration of this, which I started applying or teaching the leadership teams of my businesses.

hat makes me very happy. So, [: 00:36:00

And so have you also seen, like, um, if I'm having like beliefs that are unhealthy about myself and they impact my home, will they also impact work and you know, my career and everything like that? Are you seeing that within your relationships?

For sure. How you do one thing is how do everything. I think it's a Buddhist saying, but I think it's like, you know, spot on. And that's also, when I hire a partner, when I start working with partners, I kind of, I watch 'em like very closely, how do they treat the waiter at the restaurant? You know, if they sloppy in this area of their life, they're gonna be sloppy in business as well.

You know, how your room looks or like how tidy your desk is or your car is a reflection of like how you operate, you know. So being, being very mindful of that with others and also, and myself, you know?

p up at work as well though. [: 00:37:00

So I personally think the core values apply to you holistically, you know, in your, in your, in your work, in your personal life, um, and, um, uh, with your family, you know, cause it's, it's just, they reflect who you are and, and, and who you want to be. And, uh, the core values that I have in all of my businesses are very similar to the ones that I have for me personally, you know, cuz it's yeah.

Well, as you've gone through [: 00:38:00

Um, I mean, one tool, very universal tool is just using a habit tracker, you know, cause I'm a big believer that your habits do determine everything in your life. If you're rich or poor, happy, or unhappy, obese or in shape, it all boils down to which habits you cultivate. So I'm like a total habit nerd. And actually with, uh, this part of managing happiness that you pick out the three key habits, the three Keystone habits that you need to be in your A game.

every day, like I just feel [: 00:39:00

Second one's planning the day. Um, literally plan the next day. And I always circle the frog, like the task that would usually procrastinate on that I don't want to do and doing this first.

So these are the three key habits. The other habits are also important, but just like, you know, the, the, the, the staple, you know, um, and I have one other habit, which is the 'Canary in the Coal Mine' for me. Um, for, you know, like Canary in the Coal Mine, the miners back in the days took, always took like a Canary in the cage down. And if there was not enough oxygen, the Canary, you know, becomes unconscious first. And then the guys know, okay, we gotta get outta here. And for me, this, um, inbox zero, if I'm not reaching inbox zero, meaning cleaning out all my emails every day, I know I'm overwhelmed.

uffer. My personal life will [: 00:40:00

This is also why I have managing happiness or why I've built this, cause I used to be, uh, total workaholic working just like only working like a one trick pony, like super focused on, um, work. And my family life has been been suffering because of this. Right. And so for example, another habit that I have, is spend quality time with Emma, which is Lin spent quality time with ju which is my wife.

we haven't been anywhere, in [: 00:41:00

And then knee jerk reaction booking something that is going to be probably like way more pricey versus if I would've booked it a year in advance or like six months in advance. A lot of projects will go go down south because I, you know, um, because I have to hand stuff off for like abruptly stop stuff, you know? But now being just more planned, like knowing, okay, go to take X trips per year and we're just gonna plan 'em out in advance. And then it's like way smooth, smoother sailing. And I actually do it, you know, cause it's it's, the time is blocked, you know?

So, um, just, you know, I know I, I have this work bug that I was, you know, focused on work a lot, and I need these crutches that you mentioned, and these are crutches that help me to, to be the person that I want to be, you know, cause, um, yeah, and protect me from myself.

ointments. And um, I only do [: 00:42:00

Like, Hey, can you do a call then? I was like, yeah, sure. And I'll just put it in. But if I just give you my calendar link, you're just gonna book something that's in, in the time that's, that's available, you know, just kind of know yourself and protect yourself from yourself with these, with these crutches.

Yeah, you absolutely have to plan for that or otherwise the whole calendar fills up and then it's like, where do I put in family time?"

Yep.

No, there's definite wisdom in that. What would be a couple books that you would say have been instrumental for you?

I love asking people what are, and I also wanna hear from you, what are the three books that had the biggest impact in your life? I always ask this when I hire people, cause I, I thought what are the three books that had the biggest impact? And what's the last book that you've read? Because, um, this tells me if people are in a growth mindset, you know, and if you're not in a growth mindset, then I don't want you on my team, you know, cause like with very different and different, different values.

[: 00:43:00

Um, Traction: Get A Grip On Your Business by Gina Wickman, which is like an organization development book, which helps me to just like, optimize, uh, businesses and was like a big aha mode for me as well.

g this sense, sense of life. [: 00:44:00

That's how I consume them mostly as well, just like it's on Audible. So yeah.

So what's, what's the book that had the biggest impact in your life?

It would probably be one of the first books that I implemented. It was Boundaries. Um, because it, it tells you, "Hey, it's okay to have boundaries in your life to protect yourself." It's almost like if you think about corrals. You know, for horses?

Mm-hmm.

Um, it keeps things in, but it also protects you. And so for the, the upbringing that I had with, you know, my parents, um, my mom was, was very manipulative.

quot;No, mom, that's, that's [: 00:45:00

I haven't read this. Um, but I noted it down. See, if it's, it's probably on Audible, as well, right?

It is. It's uh, Dr. Henry Cloud. .

I'm like, I'm happy to gift it to you, so. You let me know.

Thank, thank very much. I already, um, bought it in Audible.

Ah, gotcha. Okay. Well, David, I wanted to say thank you very much for joining me and sharing your journey and, and sharing the tips with us as well. Um, you know, like how you've, you've grown in life and how you've set time aside and protected that.

, to, to find out about your [: 00:46:00

So in terms of, um, businesses, you can go to henzel.com, H-E-N- Z-E-L .com. Um, and you'll see a list of my businesses and, um, howwesolve.com is, uh, a podcast that I have, and also the umbrella company for, for my businesses.

And managinghappiness.com, which is my, my passion project, my course. Um, if you want to be on your A game, figure out your personal mission, vision, values, and, you know, getting on top of your game in terms of your habit. Join us, um, it's a lot of fun and, and very impactful. Um, and among all social media channels, if you, uh, reach out to me, uh, just, you know, feel free to connect, but please put in that you heard me on Mike's podcast, so I accept it cause I get a lot of spam as well. So I don't accept everybody, but if you give this context and I'm happy to, to chat and see how I can provide value to you.

of spam in social media, so. [: 00:47:00

Likewise. Thank you for having me, Mike.