Episode 206

Secrets to Financial Stability and Building Strong Families with Aaron Shelley

Published on: 16th May, 2023

Financial setbacks hit a man hardest when he carries them alone, and the way through often starts with other men in his corner. My guest Aaron Shelley finished his MBA with a path to Intel open to him. Instead, he and his wife bought a house with a studio out back to grow the dance school they ran. The city said he couldn't run a business behind his house, so he paid to get an ordinance passed. Then he spent 18 of the next 36 months unemployed, with two kids and a pregnant wife. He kept a spreadsheet called How to Die Financially that tracked when the money would run out. Some relatives told his wife she should leave him. Years later, a spec home deal collapsed in the 2008 crash and cost him about a quarter million dollars, plus lawyers. Then came an IRS audit, and his mind ran straight to prison and losing the house. Each time, he felt he was the problem and that his wife deserved better.

Aaron came out of those years with a different way to measure a return. He and his wife paid off about $350,000 in debt over six or seven years. A financial planner might have kept the low-interest loans. Aaron chose peace of mind, and it brought him and his wife closer. After the audit, he handed his taxes to an accountant friend. Doing them himself wasn't worth the stress on his family. His top priority is being a good father, and he's seen how his own stress spills onto his kids. He also never makes a big decision without his wife, even when she offered to let him handle all the money. He calls it super investing when one activity pays off in more than one area. Skiing became a family sport, so his own downtime built relationships too.

The biggest shift was social. Aaron says he hid during his unemployment because he felt ashamed and worthless. Looking back, he wishes he had reached out, served others, and built friendships with other men. When the trees in his yard needed to come down, he passed on a $4,000 arborist bid. He started the job with his kids and his brother. Soon 11 or 12 men showed up with their sons and chainsaws. One of those men later recruited him to the job that changed his finances. His dad also helped through every crisis by sharing mistakes of his own. Mike Forrester teaches that a man should quit trying to fix himself by himself, and Aaron learned it the expensive way. Any dad who has run the numbers on his own failure, alone at night, needs to hear how Aaron got through.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

Recognize how isolation makes money stress feel bigger and why reaching out to other men can shorten the hard season.
Learn why paying off debt for peace of mind can be worth more to your family than the math says.
Make big financial decisions together with your wife so you face setbacks as a team.
Spot how stress about work and money spills onto your kids, even when they don't know why.
Use super investing, bringing your kids into the things you love, to build relationships and recharge at the same time.
See how inviting friends into a big project can save money and build lasting community.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:02:30 - choosing to build a business over a corporate job

00:06:34 - getting through unemployment when you feel like you've failed your family

00:09:11 - why isolation makes hard times worse for men

00:11:11 - losing a quarter million dollars in the 2008 crash

00:15:33 - why being a good dad comes before chasing money

00:18:17 - making big money decisions together with your wife

00:20:29 - why dads need to stay involved in their kids' lives

00:23:39 - getting through an IRS audit without spiraling

00:25:33 - why every man needs a circle of guy friends

00:31:44 - investing in your social connections like a business

00:35:39 - how moving and busy careers can leave a family isolated