How One Man's Battle for Self Worth Reshaped His Life and Marriage with Craig Bennett

Mike Forster: 00:00:02

This is the Living Fearless Today podcast, a show that helps men like you and me who are struggling to get unstuck and overcome fear, to live confidently and courageously.

Mike Forster: 00:00:12

I'm your host and transformation coach, Mike Forster, helping you create the change you want.

Mike Forster: 00:00:18

Now join me as I interview men who've conquered their challenges and soared to success as they spill their secrets on how they live.

Mike Forster: 00:00:25

Fearless today.

Mike Forster: 00:00:41

Well, hello and welcome back, my friend.

Mike Forster: 00:00:44

And today I've got Craig Bennett with me, and Craig and his wife Meredith, have a podcast on marriage, and they're.

Mike Forster: 00:00:50

They're reaching out and helping people to find that strength to heal the wounds, to strengthen the foundation in our marriage.

Mike Forster: 00:01:01

And for many of us, myself included, that foundation just felt like it was hit by a sledgehammer or a jackhammer, even, and just broken apart.

Mike Forster: 00:01:12

And so Craig and Meredith are working to bring about and set a different pattern and help people to, as he puts it, have the cheat code for life from that solid marriage and the relationship that goes there between a husband and a wife.

Mike Forster: 00:01:28

So I'm excited to jump in with Craig and talk about how patterns can be broken, that we're not stuck with the struggles of self worth and identity and that changing our mindset, man, just makes such a.

Mike Forster: 00:01:44

A difference, regardless of what age and where we're at in life.

Mike Forster: 00:01:48

So, Craig, how are you doing today, my friend?

Craig Bennett: 00:01:51

I'm doing awesome, Mike.

Craig Bennett: 00:01:52

Thanks for having me.

Craig Bennett: 00:01:52

This is awesome.

Mike Forster: 00:01:54

Absolutely.

Mike Forster: 00:01:55

Yeah, we've.

Mike Forster: 00:01:55

We've had a little bit of time to.

Mike Forster: 00:01:57

To chat and share stories, and it's like, man, just the shift that you've shared in your life, dude, that's.

Mike Forster: 00:02:05

That's a lot of transformation.

Mike Forster: 00:02:07

And I commend you on the fact we're going to get into talking about going from corporate to entrepreneurship, and that is like jumping out of an airplane, you know, with.

Mike Forster: 00:02:18

Without the parachute, without the preparation and just going.

Mike Forster: 00:02:21

I will figure it out as I'm going along.

Mike Forster: 00:02:23

So that is.

Mike Forster: 00:02:25

Hats off to you, man.

Craig Bennett: 00:02:26

Thanks, man.

Craig Bennett: 00:02:26

I appreciate it.

Mike Forster: 00:02:28

Absolutely.

Mike Forster: 00:02:29

Well, Craig, let's start off and what is the professional life?

Mike Forster: 00:02:34

What does that side look like for you today?

Craig Bennett: 00:02:37

It's.

Craig Bennett: 00:02:38

Every day I get to wake up and I get to make a difference in the world.

Craig Bennett: 00:02:42

Honestly, five years ago, me, this is what I want it to be doing.

Craig Bennett: 00:02:50

I found.

Craig Bennett: 00:02:50

So my wife and I, we get up every day and we make an impact and we try to help married couples who are struggling in their marriage reconnect, find that, like you mentioned, it's a cheat code for life.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:05

We stand by that.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:06

Anyone who decides to be in a relationship, they do that for a reason.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:10

They want companionship, and they want a partner to go through and do life with.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:14

And there's no greater feeling than having that solid foundation of that.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:19

That teammate right next to you.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:21

That's, you know, that you have that rock solid foundation when you go through life, that no matter what life throws at you, you've got that person in your corner right there with you, shoulder to shoulder, fighting those battles.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:33

So we get to wake up every day and help people have that marriage.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:37

So we, you know, we're on podcasts like this, trying to spread the message.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:42

We're, you know, providing valuable content online for people.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:47

Just like, that's.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:48

That's our days, is, you know, we get up and we.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:51

We do a little bit of work.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:52

We send out our emails and go on our podcasts and.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:55

And connect with our clients.

Craig Bennett: 00:03:57

And then the other part of the day, we spend on.

Craig Bennett: 00:04:01

On us, you know, our health and fitness and our connection, we go for walks.

Craig Bennett: 00:04:07

And so that's.

Craig Bennett: 00:04:08

That's kind of our day, if you will, in a nutshell.

Mike Forster: 00:04:14

Gotcha.

Mike Forster: 00:04:15

Well, and you've touched a little bit on the personal side there of, like, what you guys are doing.

Mike Forster: 00:04:21

What does it look like beyond, like, the work and the habits and routines?

Mike Forster: 00:04:27

What does life look like on the personal side of things for you guys?

Craig Bennett: 00:04:31

It's interesting.

Craig Bennett: 00:04:32

We've got a relationship where we do, because of our business, we have a lot of time together, like.

Craig Bennett: 00:04:39

And so we do have to be very intentional about making sure that because we were entrepreneurs, we work different hours.

Craig Bennett: 00:04:48

They're weird hours.

Craig Bennett: 00:04:48

They're all different times.

Craig Bennett: 00:04:49

It's whenever a client needs something, we hop on a call.

Craig Bennett: 00:04:53

It's an interesting, different way of life than we're used to.

Craig Bennett: 00:04:56

So we spend a lot of time in the business together.

Craig Bennett: 00:04:59

So we have to be very intentional about also making time for ourselves and for our marriage and for the things that aren't business related.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:06

So we're filling that bucket as well.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:08

So we spend an ordinant amount of time together, probably more than most couples do, because of the life we've designed for ourselves.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:15

Well, we wouldn't have it any other way.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:17

And so I would say we get in our walks in nature every day, whenever we can fit them in between meetings and calls and those sorts of things.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:25

We schedule date nights.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:26

We go on date nights.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:28

We have family that's close by.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:29

We've got some nephew nieces and nephews down the street that we, you know, we go to their I.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:34

Their soccer games, and we go to their, you know, baseball.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:37

Like, there was a run this weekend.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:39

We did a run with our nephew.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:41

We, you know, went to our other nephew's soccer game the other day.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:44

Lily has a volleyball game.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:47

We just.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:48

It's family time.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:49

It's us time.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:50

And, yeah, that's.

Craig Bennett: 00:05:51

That's kind of just a dream, I guess.

Mike Forster: 00:05:56

Yeah.

Mike Forster: 00:05:57

And, like, some people look at it and go, that is my dream.

Mike Forster: 00:06:02

Like, I want to be, you know, to be able to be in a position where I'm working alongside my wife, and then you've got other people, and they'll look at my wife and I.

Mike Forster: 00:06:10

I'm sure you and Meredith probably hit this as well, where it's like, I don't want to be with my wife that much, but it's almost one of those, like, maybe this is the same way for you.

Mike Forster: 00:06:21

My wife is my best friend, and I want to hang out with my best friend as much as possible, you know?

Mike Forster: 00:06:28

Are there rough times?

Mike Forster: 00:06:30

Yeah, 100%.

Mike Forster: 00:06:31

There's times where I don't see her perspective.

Mike Forster: 00:06:34

She doesn't see mine.

Mike Forster: 00:06:35

We work through it.

Mike Forster: 00:06:36

But in spite of that, do you guys go through that and do you also kind of navigate those times intentionally and on purpose just to say, hey, we're not going to go away mad or anything like that?

Mike Forster: 00:06:54

Is that kind of how you guys work it out?

Craig Bennett: 00:06:56

Yeah, absolutely.

Craig Bennett: 00:06:57

I mean, we're humans.

Craig Bennett: 00:06:58

Like, you cannot go through life with another human being, sharing a bathroom with another human being for decades at a time and not have some form of disagreement.

Craig Bennett: 00:07:07

Like, it's.

Craig Bennett: 00:07:08

It's just the way it is.

Craig Bennett: 00:07:10

And so, yeah, we disagree like anybody else, and, yeah, we're very intentional, but we've got some rules and different things that we implement in our marriage that, you know, we always.

Craig Bennett: 00:07:20

I would say one of the biggest things is always assume positive intent when there's an opportunity to take a situation either negatively or positively, always default to.

Craig Bennett: 00:07:34

Positively, always default to best case scenario, if you got hurt in some sort of disagreement, like what someone said maybe came off and.

Craig Bennett: 00:07:46

And it kind of just, ooh, that that kind of that.

Craig Bennett: 00:07:49

I felt that that stung a little.

Craig Bennett: 00:07:51

If you think about it from the perspective of, there's no way she tried to hurt me, there's no way that we're going through life together, and we're shoulder to shoulder and we're building our dream life over here and we're on that trajectory.

Craig Bennett: 00:08:03

There's no way that she tried that.

Craig Bennett: 00:08:07

So is there an alternative viewpoint that I can take here?

Craig Bennett: 00:08:10

Or is there some other way I can look at this that sheds a different light on it?

Craig Bennett: 00:08:15

I would say that's one big thing that, that we've learned over the last few years, is to always give the benefit of the doubt.

Mike Forster: 00:08:23

Is that something that you're doing just with your wife, or is that something that you extend to, like, other relationships where it's like, oh, they were being malicious and they're trying to hurt me, or are you, you know, is it global and you're giving everybody the benefit of the doubt?

Craig Bennett: 00:08:42

It's global.

Craig Bennett: 00:08:43

It's not always easy, though.

Craig Bennett: 00:08:46

It's a lot.

Craig Bennett: 00:08:47

I find, personally, I'm a human being.

Craig Bennett: 00:08:49

I find it a lot easier to do with my wife.

Craig Bennett: 00:08:53

And the reason is, is because we've got a relationship where there's a history built there, there's a bond that's been built there, and that we've had some very intimate conversations and we've gone on this journey together that no other person has.

Craig Bennett: 00:09:08

I have that relationship with, like, to that level.

Craig Bennett: 00:09:12

And so, yes, we try to, I try to extend the benefit of the doubt in all my relationships, but I'm certainly not perfect in it.

Craig Bennett: 00:09:21

And there are times where I get it wrong and I take something personally and maybe I don't see it.

Craig Bennett: 00:09:27

And so, yes, try execution.

Craig Bennett: 00:09:34

Still a work in progress.

Mike Forster: 00:09:36

Yeah, I think that goes for all of us.

Mike Forster: 00:09:38

We're still a work in progress regardless of.

Craig Bennett: 00:09:41

I heard, I actually heard something really cool.

Craig Bennett: 00:09:44

A friend of mine said it.

Craig Bennett: 00:09:46

She said, you can be a work in progress and a masterpiece at the same time.

Craig Bennett: 00:09:51

I thought that was really cool.

Mike Forster: 00:09:54

That is.

Mike Forster: 00:09:54

That's really powerful.

Craig Bennett: 00:09:55

Yeah.

Mike Forster: 00:09:56

Because it's like you're not expected to be perfect, but you're still, you know, working to make progress in the, in the whole scheme of things, so.

Mike Forster: 00:10:05

Yeah, that makes sense.

Craig Bennett: 00:10:06

Yeah.

Mike Forster: 00:10:08

Well, let's go back a little bit.

Mike Forster: 00:10:11

Before you began doing the coaching and the podcast, you were actually in corporate, kind of sitting there unsatisfied, unhappy, unfulfilled.

Mike Forster: 00:10:24

Take us back to that time.

Mike Forster: 00:10:26

What got you there?

Mike Forster: 00:10:28

And then you made a jump and just said, I'm done.

Mike Forster: 00:10:32

I've had enough.

Mike Forster: 00:10:34

I want more out of life than what I'm experiencing, and I know there's more for me.

Mike Forster: 00:10:40

Take us back to what, like, who Craig was at that time and, like, what got you to that point of making the jump?

Mike Forster: 00:10:49

Because that's a large jump to make.

Craig Bennett: 00:10:51

Yeah.

Craig Bennett: 00:10:52

Yeah.

Craig Bennett: 00:10:53

So I grew up believing that there was a default life path that you, everyone around me lived basically the same kind of plan.

Craig Bennett: 00:11:04

And so I was raised to believe that you went to school, you got good grades, you worked hard, and you got into university, got more good grades, went and found a corporate job, and then, you know, you kind of climbed the corporate ladder, and eventually you retire, and you might have a few good years at the end to, to kind of, you know, live out the, the beach life or whatever.

Craig Bennett: 00:11:26

And so I was on that path.

Craig Bennett: 00:11:28

I did all those things, and I got in the corporate job, and I found myself absolutely miserable sitting in cubicles, doing the, sitting in front of a computer.

Craig Bennett: 00:11:38

And I'm not even a good typer, so I'm, like, chicken pecking the whole day, like, it's taking me forever.

Craig Bennett: 00:11:42

But.

Craig Bennett: 00:11:44

And so I was miserable.

Craig Bennett: 00:11:46

I was unhealthy.

Craig Bennett: 00:11:47

I I I was in a marriage early on in my corporate life.

Craig Bennett: 00:11:54

So, you know, years and years ago, I married a young woman, and I was unhappy in my marriage, I was unhappy in my life.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:00

I was unhappy with my health, and a little bit resentful about, why.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:06

Why am I so unhappy?

Craig Bennett: 00:12:08

Like, I'm.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:10

I should be happy, I'm supposed, like, by all accounts, when you look at the surface, I'm successful.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:17

Like, I've got a decent career.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:19

I get paid a pretty good salary.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:21

I don't have any, like, sort of debts or any, like, I'm not.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:26

It's not like I'm worried about where my next meal is coming from or if there's going to be a roof over my head or any of that.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:32

So it felt, on the surface, like I should be happy, but I just was not.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:41

I couldn't have been further from happy.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:44

I was.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:44

I was miserable, and I didn't realize it all along.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:50

Like, looking back now, I see little hints along the way of the universe, you know, speaking to me in different ways that maybe this isn't the life for you.

Craig Bennett: 00:12:59

Maybe you should go into different, you know, entrepreneurship or try real estate or.

Craig Bennett: 00:13:03

There were different things that along the, along my path that I remember, you know, buying a, a personal growth book way back in the day, but I didn't read it.

Craig Bennett: 00:13:11

But, but the inkling was there, like, that.

Craig Bennett: 00:13:14

The hint was dropped that there was something deep inside me somewhere that knew there was more.

Craig Bennett: 00:13:20

But I bought it, looked at it, and was like the inspiration had passed when it came time to read it.

Craig Bennett: 00:13:29

And so it went on a shelf, and I never.

Craig Bennett: 00:13:30

And I didn't look at it.

Craig Bennett: 00:13:32

And then eventually, one day, I woke up and Oprah Winfrey has a quote, and I'll probably butcher it, but it's something to the effect of life will always whisper to you first.

Craig Bennett: 00:13:48

And when you ignore the whispers long enough, eventually it'll scream.

Craig Bennett: 00:13:52

And so there was a long time where it was whispering to me different, dropping hints along my life of different things that I should, you know, maybe look at that are more destined for me, make me happier.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:03

And I ignored those.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:05

Until one day I woke up and looked myself in the mirror, and I had these dark circles and, you know, I just, I looked, I wasn't, I wasn't, you know, diagnosed as sick, but I looked, I looked sick, I looked unhealthy, I looked tired.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:22

I was wearing that unhappiness and that resentment and everything in my body and on my face.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:28

And I just remember thinking to myself, I woke up this one morning and I looked in the mirror and I was just like, I'm miserable and something has to change.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:36

And I was in this marriage that wasn't going well.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:39

We were constantly fighting.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:40

It was just a untenable situation as well.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:44

So I'm feeling it at work, I'm feeling it at home.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:47

And I had to make a decision.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:48

I had to, like, you get.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:49

I realize that you get one shot at this, and this is not what I want my one shot to be.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:56

If, if I.

Craig Bennett: 00:14:58

If everything were to end today for me, would I be happy with how I lived my life?

Craig Bennett: 00:15:02

I absolutely would not have been.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:04

So some changes needed to be made.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:07

And so that day, I decided that we're going to make some changes.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:11

And so then I had a difficult conversation with my then wife.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:16

And, you know, over the course of that wasn't the one conversation, obviously, that was over.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:22

You know, it took some time, but over time, we realized that neither one of us is happy.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:26

And this, we're going to go our separate ways.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:28

And we ultimately did, and we're both happier for that.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:32

And then a little while later, I met my current wife at my job, and life got a little bit better.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:40

You know, at least that part of my life was starting to feel a little bit more me.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:46

We had a lot more in common.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:47

We were able to, we weren't fighting.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:50

Like, it was just a different energy, a different dynamic.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:53

It was completely, you know, going in the right direction.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:55

And I.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:56

Most of that's on me.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:57

I apply.

Craig Bennett: 00:15:58

I learned a lot from the first marriage that, no, I'm 50% of that, right?

Craig Bennett: 00:16:03

Like, I.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:05

I didn't show up as the husband and the man that I needed to be for that to be successful.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:13

Obviously, there's 50 50 there.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:15

And so my part that I played, I learned a little bit.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:18

And I'm constant.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:19

I'm still learning.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:20

I'm still constantly trying to change and better myself for Meredith and to keep this thing going strong.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:26

But implementing a lot of those changes early on helped with that relationship.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:31

And so then I had that in my life, and that was really powerful for me for a while.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:35

And then fast forward a couple years, we're together at the same company, and Covid actually happened.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:43

And Covid was a real turning point for us because that's when we had.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:50

We were in this office together.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:51

We had just moved across the country to this specific office, and the company going through Covid, everyone was up and down.

Craig Bennett: 00:16:59

We didn't know what was going to happen.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:00

Everyone was, you know, panicking, you know, cutting costs.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:03

And so our company was going to close the office we were in, and they said, we have a job for you, but you have to move across the.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:08

Back, across the country, further from everywhere you want it, further from all your family, further from everything that you want to be, you know, close to.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:15

But if you want to do that, we have a job for you.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:18

And that was when we really said, is that what we want for our life?

Craig Bennett: 00:17:22

Because keep in mind, I'm still.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:24

I'm still unhappy in that job.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:25

I made a change in the relationship, but I'm still.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:28

I'm still unhappy in the job.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:30

I'm still not fulfilled.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:31

I'm still doing.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:32

Showing up in the cubicles and chicken pecking and doing the work that I don't love, it doesn't fill me up.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:37

It's not.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:38

It's not what I see as my potential in giving back to this world.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:44

There's something more I want to provide for the world, and that wasn't doing it for me.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:48

And so when that opportunity came from the company to say, look, you want the job, come across the country, and we have it for you.

Craig Bennett: 00:17:57

Meredith and I took a long, hard look at that, and we said, you know what?

Craig Bennett: 00:18:01

Neither one of us is extremely happy here.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:05

This is likely the universe giving us the off ramp that we've been looking for.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:10

This is an opportunity where we can now start to look at what is our gift, what do we want to give back to the world?

Craig Bennett: 00:18:16

How do we want to.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:17

What do we want this to look like at the end of the day?

Craig Bennett: 00:18:19

And so that's when we decided that we're going to leap.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:25

Have no clue what we're doing.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:28

But to your point, we jumped out of the airplane with no parachute.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:33

We didn't even know how to make one stitch, one on the way down.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:36

So we were.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:37

We were.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:37

We were hooped.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:38

We thought we were gonna, you know, crash out of this thing.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:42

And it's interesting because at that moment when we were trying to make that decision, we were on the fence with whether we were going to or not initially, because it was a big shock to us and we still had to decide what we were going to do.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:57

But it's funny that.

Craig Bennett: 00:18:59

Not funny, but Meredith's dad, actually, he got.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:03

He got sick at that moment, and it put into perspective what really meant, what was really important to us and her dad.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:10

So we drove home that Christmas because flights were.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:12

It was Covid.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:13

Flights were no go.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:14

And so we drove 17 hours to be with him on Christmas because we actually thought it was going to be his last Christmas.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:20

And it put into focus what was really important for us.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:24

And it was actually that trip that made us decide that, no, we're going to figure this out.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:29

We're going to do it our way.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:31

And the funny thing is, as soon as we made the decision, her dad had some treatments and.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:38

Completely healthy now, like, it's almost as if, like, the universe, like, just had to intervene to get us to do the thing that we were meant to do at that moment.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:50

And so super grateful.

Craig Bennett: 00:19:53

And, yeah, we made the decision to jump into entrepreneurship, and that's where we're at now.

Mike Forster: 00:19:58

Yeah, that's great.

Mike Forster: 00:20:01

And it's interesting to see how things can be subtly occurring around us.

Mike Forster: 00:20:08

If we're self aware, watching what's going on, being mindful of where we're going, then I think we can pick up on those things a lot more than being in that chaos and just that turmoil and overwhelmed by the moment.

Mike Forster: 00:20:25

Instead of looking at the long term perspective, I do want to jump back.

Mike Forster: 00:20:32

And you talked about doing some self development, working on your worth and your identity when you were in corporate.

Mike Forster: 00:20:43

Did you see that that stuff helped to make the job a little bit more satisfying, or did that kind of go the opposite direction?

Mike Forster: 00:20:52

And as you became, you know, you realize your worth and you found your identity.

Mike Forster: 00:20:59

Did that make it harder to be there, pecking away on the keyboard in a cubicle?

Craig Bennett: 00:21:04

So I would say that the more evolved the evolution of me in corporate was more on the relationship side.

Craig Bennett: 00:21:17

At that point, I would say the real growth on an individual level, like on a self worth level, happened when we decided we were going to go into entrepreneurship.

Craig Bennett: 00:21:27

So I would say that the growth that I had from my previous marriage, working on kind of being a better human better husband, better man.

Craig Bennett: 00:21:40

It wasn't necessarily related to a lot of reading books or listening to podcasts as much as reflecting on my past.

Craig Bennett: 00:21:52

And do I want to repeat that and.

Craig Bennett: 00:21:54

Or repeating patterns that, you know, my parents and grandparents who also went through divorce, you know, looking back and just seeing all of that and do I want that for myself again in this new relationship?

Craig Bennett: 00:22:10

So that was where that real growth happened while at corporate.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:14

And so I would say it didn't really impact.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:17

I mean, obviously, it made me a happier version of me because I've got a relationship that fulfills me a little bit, right?

Craig Bennett: 00:22:24

That fulfills me a lot.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:25

But it didn't take away.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:29

The sting of this job isn't meant for me.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:32

I know that I'm still not where I need to be in my career or in my vocation.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:41

There's something still missing here.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:43

Even though my relationship's going well and life in general is better because of it, there was still something inside of me that was saying, yep, great, you're making moves.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:53

That's a.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:54

That's a really big one.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:55

Really important one.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:56

There's still more to.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:57

There's still more to do here.

Craig Bennett: 00:22:59

So it was when I jumped out of the plane, Meredith and I jumped out of the plane, and we fell flat on our face.

Craig Bennett: 00:23:07

Our first company was a real estate investing company because we jumped out of the plane and we panicked and we said, we're both leaving corporate jobs, both decent salaries.

Craig Bennett: 00:23:17

How do we replace this, like, yesterday?

Craig Bennett: 00:23:20

Like, how do we get income coming in and make this as easy as possible?

Craig Bennett: 00:23:25

Easy and entrepreneurship are two words that do not go together.

Craig Bennett: 00:23:29

They just do not go together.

Craig Bennett: 00:23:31

We tried to jam them together.

Craig Bennett: 00:23:33

They do not go together.

Craig Bennett: 00:23:35

So we fell flat on our face in the first company.

Craig Bennett: 00:23:38

We invested tens of thousands of dollars in a coach and marketing, and we had this business, and there was an altruistic side to it where we were going to help people buy their first home in a housing market that was crazy booming, that it was pricing people out.

Craig Bennett: 00:23:54

And we thought we had a really great strategy to help people get into the housing market so they could have their first home.

Craig Bennett: 00:23:59

And we were kind of blinded by that altruistic side of entrepreneurship.

Craig Bennett: 00:24:03

And because we knew that there was something inside of us we wanted to give back to the world, and this has to be it.

Craig Bennett: 00:24:09

And it wasn't.

Craig Bennett: 00:24:10

And so we fell flat on our face, lost tens of thousands of dollars in that, but the wouldn't change a thing.

Craig Bennett: 00:24:16

It was one of the best things that happened to us because it really made us do the work that we should have done before we jumped into entrepreneurship, which was one, what is it that we actually want?

Craig Bennett: 00:24:32

Because if you don't know what you want, you can't actually make a roadmap to get there.

Craig Bennett: 00:24:37

And so if you don't have a destination, you're just going to be a ship lost at sea, just floating around.

Craig Bennett: 00:24:43

And so we needed to understand what it is we really wanted in life.

Craig Bennett: 00:24:46

Obviously, this is the thing we want, but who do we have to become to get that thing?

Craig Bennett: 00:24:52

And who are we now?

Craig Bennett: 00:24:55

Who are we now, and who do we need to become?

Craig Bennett: 00:24:57

And we didn't know the answers to the question, so we had to go on a bit of a journey.

Craig Bennett: 00:25:00

And that's where we really said, okay, let's put we're okay.

Craig Bennett: 00:25:05

Financially, we're good.

Craig Bennett: 00:25:06

We've got some Runway.

Craig Bennett: 00:25:07

Let's pause.

Craig Bennett: 00:25:08

Let's do this intentionally, and let's put some focus on us as individuals, who we are, what we want, and who we need to become.

Craig Bennett: 00:25:17

And so we set out on a journey of personal growth.

Craig Bennett: 00:25:19

And that's where we went on all kinds of retreats and different events and books and podcasts and really dove deep on who we are, our limiting beliefs.

Craig Bennett: 00:25:35

Well, for me, it's perfectionism and, you know, wanting to never fail.

Craig Bennett: 00:25:42

Like, I don't know about you, but how many, like, how many times have you failed today?

Craig Bennett: 00:25:48

Like, how do you go through life without failing?

Craig Bennett: 00:25:52

The only way is if you don't try.

Craig Bennett: 00:25:55

It's the only way you don't fail is if you just don't show up and don't try.

Craig Bennett: 00:25:58

And so I didn't realize that until going through this process.

Craig Bennett: 00:26:02

And so that's, that's the journey we went on.

Craig Bennett: 00:26:06

That's how we really got invested in personal growth and got to the point where I realize that almost everything in my life when I look back, all of the limiting beliefs boil down to a version of worthiness, some version of me not feeling as though I'm worthy of whatever it was that I was going after, that dream life, that life of impact and service.

Craig Bennett: 00:26:35

And I know being able to wake up every day and live my dream with my dream person, my dream goals, and I never felt worthy of those things before, and so they were completely out of reach for me.

Mike Forster: 00:26:49

So how did you go from that place of not feeling like one, hey, I'm worthy, but then also not feeling you're worthy of the life you're wanting?

Mike Forster: 00:27:01

How did you change that?

Mike Forster: 00:27:03

Through the personal growth to say, yes, I do have worth, and I'm worthy of the life that I'm dreaming of.

Mike Forster: 00:27:12

Right.

Mike Forster: 00:27:12

You and Meredith laid this out that you see, like, yeah, that is a life that I can step into, and it's for me.

Mike Forster: 00:27:24

How did you change that perspective?

Craig Bennett: 00:27:28

Showing up consistently, for one, is doing the work, going to different events, learning from.

Craig Bennett: 00:27:36

Sometimes you go to event and you hear a message and it doesn't land free for whatever reason.

Craig Bennett: 00:27:41

Like, there's been a couple times where I've heard the same message two or three times, but I heard it a little differently.

Craig Bennett: 00:27:45

And so, for example, we went to one event where I had heard before that, you know, doing, you know, you hear the things, like, you know, look yourself in the eye in the mirror, fist bump yourself, like, little things like that that seem weird, actually were helpful.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:04

And it wasn't until a certain event that it landed for me.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:08

So I had heard personal growth a lot of times.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:12

You hear the same message a lot of times, and it's because it works.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:16

And it wasn't until I went to a certain event and a guy said, you know, there's a reason why when you go to these events, you hear some of the same stuff over and over and over again.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:26

And the reason is, is because it actually works if you do it.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:32

And so I can remember thinking, being at an event and a guy had me stand up, pat myself on the back and look myself and told me to look myself in the mirror and write down some different things in my journal every day.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:44

I was like, I get it.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:46

Intellectually, I get it, but do I actually really need to do it?

Craig Bennett: 00:28:51

It's weird.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:52

I don't, like, I don't need to do it.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:54

I get it.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:54

Intellectually.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:55

I'm worthy.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:56

I get it.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:56

I'm worthy.

Craig Bennett: 00:28:58

But it wasn't until I started doing the things, I literally started to look myself in the mirror every day and tell myself I love myself.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:06

I literally would fist bump myself in the mirror or high five, whatever you do.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:11

I would literally, while brushing my teeth, say the words to myself that I love myself, I wrote in my journal.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:18

But it's not until I started doing something called 75 hard that I really started to see a huge difference.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:27

Because 75 hard, it's a discipline.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:34

I'll say it's a discipline challenge for 75 days.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:37

There's six things you do every single day for 75 days, and it's not easy.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:42

It's called 75 hard for a reason.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:44

It's, you know, you drink a gallon of water every single day.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:50

You read ten pages of a personal growth book.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:52

Every single day you take a picture of yourself, a progress picture of yourself every day in the mirror.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:58

There's three more.

Craig Bennett: 00:29:59

Oh, you work out.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:01

You work out twice a day for 45 minutes.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:03

One of them has to be outside.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:06

And you stick to a diet.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:07

You pick a diet and you stick to that diet.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:10

And then there's something else that I can't think of right now.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:13

But there's six things.

Mike Forster: 00:30:15

If you don't stick with it, then you have to start over from day one, even if you're on day 74, correct?

Craig Bennett: 00:30:22

Yeah.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:23

And so going through that and showing up for myself every single day built a trust in myself, and it showed that I was actually worthy to show up for.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:37

And so I attribute 75 hard as a big tool for my journey.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:43

Like, it's not something that I do consistently all the time.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:47

I actually still drink a gallon of water every day.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:49

Do I try to drink a gallon water every day?

Craig Bennett: 00:30:52

Do I actually hit it every single day?

Craig Bennett: 00:30:54

Not always, but do I read ten pages of personal growth book every day?

Craig Bennett: 00:30:56

Absolutely.

Craig Bennett: 00:30:59

We've still stuck to our diet, so some of the things have carried forward into the rest of our life because we're worthy of it now, and we built that discipline of showing up for ourselves.

Craig Bennett: 00:31:08

So I would say 75 hard and just consistently showing up and doing the little weird things that people tell you to do in books and podcasts and different events that you attend, they work.

Craig Bennett: 00:31:21

If you do theme, you're not special in that you're any different than anyone else, that you're unique, that they don't work for you, but they work for everybody else.

Craig Bennett: 00:31:32

So that was the message I heard that resonated for me.

Craig Bennett: 00:31:36

So I would say those were the things that really helped me start to see myself differently and show up for myself differently.

Mike Forster: 00:31:44

Cool.

Mike Forster: 00:31:45

Yeah, that makes sense.

Mike Forster: 00:31:46

And 75 hard is called hard because it is hard.

Mike Forster: 00:31:52

It's definitely one where if you show up for yourself and keep with it, you do build that trust muscle and see that, hey, I'm accountable to myself and I've kept my own word, which there's so many times we'll jump in and say, I'm going to do this, and you don't follow through.

Mike Forster: 00:32:14

And that is definitely one where it's like, if you don't follow through, you start back and you build that trust.

Mike Forster: 00:32:21

If you stick with the process, just like you talked about, totally.

Mike Forster: 00:32:25

You had talked about, like, limiting beliefs and how you had to ditch those and really adopt, like, a growth mindset to look for what is true and changing your perspective.

Mike Forster: 00:32:40

What are some things that you replaced as far as beliefs that you've now found out?

Mike Forster: 00:32:45

Hey, those were lies that I bought into because I was, you know, taught them or heard them from somebody.

Craig Bennett: 00:32:53

I would say the biggest one is that I hinted at it earlier, I think, is that I had to be perfect.

Craig Bennett: 00:33:02

Like, I had to always show up and I couldn't make mistakes.

Craig Bennett: 00:33:08

Like, I always had to be perfect because I don't know where it came from either.

Craig Bennett: 00:33:13

Obviously, childhood, I can't pinpoint specifically.

Craig Bennett: 00:33:17

I know that I do have one memory of my dad, and God love him because he was a great dad and he had all great intentions, but I can remember coming home with a test, whatever test it was, and I had scored like a 90 or 95%, and so I was proud of that mark.

Craig Bennett: 00:33:36

That's a decent mark.

Craig Bennett: 00:33:37

90, 95%.

Craig Bennett: 00:33:40

Where's the other 5%?

Craig Bennett: 00:33:42

That's great.

Craig Bennett: 00:33:43

Congratulations.

Craig Bennett: 00:33:44

Where's the other 5%?

Craig Bennett: 00:33:45

What happened to the other 5%?

Craig Bennett: 00:33:47

And I think he was coming at it from an angle of, you're capable of getting 100, and maybe, but on that day I wasn't because I got a 95.

Craig Bennett: 00:33:56

But the message, I guess I took from that Washington, I gotta be perfect.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:02

Hundred is.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:03

I didn't, I didn't get the reaction I was looking for.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:06

The pat on the back, the atta boy.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:08

The 95.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:09

That's amazing.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:10

Let's go get ice cream.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:11

I didn't get that.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:11

I got the 95.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:13

What happened to the other 5% to motivate me?

Craig Bennett: 00:34:17

And then in sports, I was, I was in sports when I was younger and, and I got limiting beliefs like I was okay, I was, I was a decent athlete in Indan ice hockey and basketball and different things.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:28

And I, I always, I think, got the, the message from coaches and, and my parents that, you know, got to make the team, you got to make the shot.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:41

You got it, like.

Craig Bennett: 00:34:43

And so I always had this, this feeling of perfectionism and it really, looking back, I, in that corporate world, unless I knew I was going to be successful with something, I wasn't looking to raise my hand to take on something that was going to be, uh, this has a chance of not going well for me, or I missed out on opportunities in life.

Craig Bennett: 00:35:10

I missed out on things in life, experiences in life, because I was afraid to fail, because I was afraid that I wasn't going to show up with 100% perfectionism.

Craig Bennett: 00:35:22

And it was at one of these events that I realized that it was a personal growth event we were at.

Craig Bennett: 00:35:29

And they had us you know, an ex, they walked us through an exercise, and that's what came up for me.

Craig Bennett: 00:35:34

It's perfectionism.

Craig Bennett: 00:35:35

I can't be wrong.

Craig Bennett: 00:35:36

And, you know, we did a really cool exercise where he had an arrow, like a bow and arrow arrow, and he had us write the limiting belief on the arrow, and we went through this process, and then there was a.

Craig Bennett: 00:35:51

You put the.

Craig Bennett: 00:35:52

The, what do you call it?

Craig Bennett: 00:35:56

The pointy end of the arrow right there on your.

Craig Bennett: 00:35:58

On your neck, and you.

Craig Bennett: 00:35:59

Someone was holding the back end of the arrow to your neck.

Craig Bennett: 00:36:02

So it was kind of like holding it, I don't know if you can see it, but holding it to your neck, and you had to take a confidence.

Craig Bennett: 00:36:07

You had to let the world know your limiting belief and then replace it with this new empowering belief.

Craig Bennett: 00:36:12

And mine is that I.

Craig Bennett: 00:36:14

It's okay to be wrong.

Craig Bennett: 00:36:15

I'm actually learning and growing as a human being, as, you know, is my new empowering belief to replace that living belief.

Craig Bennett: 00:36:21

And so you just announce that to the world, and you take a confident step forward, and you shatter the arrow, and with it, you shatter the limiting belief.

Craig Bennett: 00:36:29

It was a representation of getting rid of that, that limiting belief, and it was a really cool exercise.

Craig Bennett: 00:36:33

And Meredith and I actually, it was a really emotional experience because we both went through that, and we both got to learn a lot about each other and some living beliefs that we both had held about each other.

Craig Bennett: 00:36:45

And it's funny because I hear her limiting belief, and I'm like, what?

Craig Bennett: 00:36:48

How can you possibly think that about yourself?

Craig Bennett: 00:36:51

There's no possible way.

Craig Bennett: 00:36:52

And her, the same thing with me, but it's just this deeply held thing that we were programmed with from, you know, when we were five, six, seven years old or even younger.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:02

And.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:03

But, yeah, that was really cool that we.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:06

So that I would say that was the biggest one.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:09

Another one is nobody cares about or wants to hear my story was another limiting belief that I had.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:16

Like, my story isn't worthy of being told was another limiting belief that I've now, since getting over, obviously, I'm on a podcast telling my story, and so it's a work in progress.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:29

I'm working on that.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:30

And now my empowering belief to replace that is.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:34

Is that I have a story.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:36

I've gone on a journey, and I will help somebody.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:39

There's somebody out there that if they hear my message, it's meant for them.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:44

And they will now make a decision to change their life and have a better second half or a better future, because I was courageous enough to tell my story.

Craig Bennett: 00:37:57

And so that's the new empowering belief that I've replaced that belief with.

Craig Bennett: 00:38:01

And so I would say those are the two biggest.

Mike Forster: 00:38:05

Yeah, those are both very powerful, both in keeping us imprisoned.

Mike Forster: 00:38:11

But also the flip side, like you're talking about, is setting us free to find grace and the energy, the drive, almost the permission to step into the life we've wanted and take the action that's needed to get there.

Mike Forster: 00:38:26

So I love how you've shared that and framed it up.

Mike Forster: 00:38:31

As we wrap up here, I want to touch on one thing that we had talked about earlier, briefly, and just saying that having a solid marriage is a cheat code.

Mike Forster: 00:38:43

What do you mean and what does it change?

Mike Forster: 00:38:46

Is it cheat code to getting a better marriage or changing my life?

Mike Forster: 00:38:55

What, what does it do when I implement that cheat code?

Craig Bennett: 00:39:01

We say it's a cheat code for life, because if you've got your marriage dialed in and it's just on maintenance, like, you're not putting out fires because you've done the work and, you know, you give the benefit of the doubt and you've got all the.

Craig Bennett: 00:39:16

It's in a great place.

Craig Bennett: 00:39:18

One, you've now, two heads are better than one.

Craig Bennett: 00:39:21

You've got two great superhero versions of you working together on your marriage, and now you're attacking life together, but you're able to expend more energy on the other parts of your life because your marriage is dialed in.

Craig Bennett: 00:39:36

You're not.

Craig Bennett: 00:39:37

You're not.

Craig Bennett: 00:39:39

If you think about when you have a marriage that's not working for you, it drains you.

Craig Bennett: 00:39:46

You're exhausted.

Craig Bennett: 00:39:47

Like, you just don't have the energy to put forward to the world to attack your goals, your dreams, the things that you really want to do in life because you're drained.

Craig Bennett: 00:39:58

You're, you have nothing in the tank, and you're exhausted from putting up this bite, this, this fire.

Craig Bennett: 00:40:04

And so when you've got that dialed in, not only does it give you more energy, but now you also have two people with more energy, and it's just an exponential, you know, push towards the other parts of your life.

Craig Bennett: 00:40:16

And I would say, you know, also your health is another one.

Craig Bennett: 00:40:19

If you don't have your health, you're going to be drained and not have, you know, the energy to put forward towards your goals.

Craig Bennett: 00:40:27

And so I would say, and if your marriage isn't dialed in, you're not going to want to, you're not going to have the energy to go work out and go, you know, do the things that, you know, you need to do for your.

Craig Bennett: 00:40:35

For your body.

Craig Bennett: 00:40:36

And so that's what we mean by it's a cheat code for life.

Craig Bennett: 00:40:40

If you can get that dialed in, it's like jet fuel for the other parts of your life to go attack the dream life, the goals, the altruistic side of giving back to the world, the things that you really want to do, the things that really fill you up, your why, why you show up every day in the world gives you more juice and more energy to go attack those things and go execute on your why.

Mike Forster: 00:41:05

And as I'm sitting here just going, there is a much deeper rabbit hole in talking about how we create that marriage to get that cheat code.

Mike Forster: 00:41:16

I'm going to say, people jump over and listen to your podcast to kind of get that information because that is a much deeper and expansive topic to really cover because it's involving, like, you've talked about changing who we are and then that changes our relationship.

Mike Forster: 00:41:34

And once that relationship has changed, it then feeds back into the energy that we can expend on our personal development.

Mike Forster: 00:41:42

And it's almost like this self perpetuating engine, I guess, that moves us forward when we really get those two working together in unison.

Mike Forster: 00:41:56

Yeah.

Mike Forster: 00:41:57

Do you want to share the podcast and how guys can connect with you outside of living fearless today?

Craig Bennett: 00:42:04

Yeah, absolutely.

Craig Bennett: 00:42:05

So it's the Road of Life podcast.

Craig Bennett: 00:42:07

It's with my wife and I, Meredith and I.

Craig Bennett: 00:42:09

We host an episode weekly and people can find us there.

Craig Bennett: 00:42:14

And we also have social media.

Craig Bennett: 00:42:17

So we're Craig on Instagram, and then we each have Facebook profiles.

Craig Bennett: 00:42:23

You know our names, Craig Bennett and Meredith McKay.

Craig Bennett: 00:42:26

And we have a Facebook group that it's facebook.com forward slash groups.

Craig Bennett: 00:42:32

Forward slash Meredith and Craig.

Craig Bennett: 00:42:35

So those are, those are probably the best ways to get ahold of us, get in touch with us, for sure.

Mike Forster: 00:42:41

And those will be listed in the show notes as well to make it easy for people to connect rather than having to type everything out.

Mike Forster: 00:42:48

We'll have the shortcut in the URL link.

Mike Forster: 00:42:50

So, yeah, Craig, I appreciate it.

Mike Forster: 00:42:53

Thank you so much for joining me here today, sharing your story and then the encouragement that, hey, where we've been isn't, you know, what we're confined to.

Mike Forster: 00:43:02

And that when we work on ourselves and work on our marriage, it's like jet fuel to move us forward.

Mike Forster: 00:43:09

So I appreciate it, my friend.

Mike Forster: 00:43:11

Thank you very much.

Craig Bennett: 00:43:12

Thanks, Mike.

Craig Bennett: 00:43:12

I really appreciate it.

Mike Forster: 00:43:14

Absolutely.

Mike Forster: 00:43:17

Thanks so much, my friend, for joining me on another episode.

Mike Forster: 00:43:20

If you found the information within this show helpful, please leave a review on the platform you're listening to helps raise the show's visibility so other men can join us in breaking free.

Mike Forster: 00:43:30

See you on the next episode.

Mike Forster: 00:43:32

And remember to continue putting yourself out there.

Mike Forster: 00:43:34

Have a great one.