Tested Framework For Men To Be Free From Anger with Dr. Mort Orman

Mike Forrester: 00:00:01

Well, hello and welcome back my friend.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:03

Uh, this week, Mort Orman joins me.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:06

He is an internal medicine doctor and man, he has 40 years invested in helping

Mike Forrester: 00:00:13

with not stress and anger management, but stress and anger elimination.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:18

That's a totally different thing.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:21

Um, you know, For me, it brings up images of having like nuclear waste

Mike Forrester: 00:00:27

in, you know, barrels, trying to hide it, keep it under wraps more.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:32

It's got a totally different gift for us in helping us to understand

Mike Forrester: 00:00:36

how to eliminate that, not to have, um, you know, those triggers to be

Mike Forrester: 00:00:41

pulled in the goats to be in the, uh, to be gotten, so to speak.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:46

So excited to get into this one.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:48

Um, and.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:50

Mort, we've, we've had a great conversation just in the beginning here.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:54

Uh, you have completely transformed your life.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:57

And so I'm excited to jump into, you know, the journey and then the

Mike Forrester: 00:01:03

strategies, you know, the techniques and tactics that you have changed.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:07

Just again, management to elimination two totally different beasts.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:13

So well Mort, let's start off.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:16

What does life look like for you on the professional side of life?

Mike Forrester: 00:01:21

, Mort Orman: I've been a physician for 50 years, retired now, so

Mike Forrester: 00:01:24

I'm not in active practice.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:25

But even when I was in practice, I had sort of a side interest in, uh, like

Mike Forrester: 00:01:30

you say, helping people, teaching people how to eliminate anger and stress.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:33

So I was doing that all through my professional career.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:36

But.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:36

You know, the bulk of my time was devoted to being a practicing physician.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:40

And then I was 15 years in corporate.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:42

Um, so I just retired a few years ago and now I, now I really have the time on my

Mike Forrester: 00:01:47

hands to devote more to teaching more to prevent true preventive medicine, where

Mike Forrester: 00:01:52

you teach people how to handle stress and how to handle anger so they don't get

Mike Forrester: 00:01:56

as sick or they don't develop illnesses.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:58

And that's a skill that I think most physicians wish they had,

Mike Forrester: 00:02:02

you know, the ability to wave a magic wand and have people suddenly

Mike Forrester: 00:02:06

not get, you know, as sick.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:08

But, uh, many of them never developed the skill sets that actually, nor do they

Mike Forrester: 00:02:12

have the time when they're in practice to really work with people on those skills.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:16

But now that I'm freed up from all that professional responsibility, I, Really,

Mike Forrester: 00:02:20

that's what I'm interested in doing my third career, basically, is my retirement

Mike Forrester: 00:02:25

career, uh, is just helping people be healthy and well, which is what I've

Mike Forrester: 00:02:28

always wanted to do as a doctor anyway.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:30

So it fits perfectly for me.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:32

So I've been doing a lot of writing over the years.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:34

I've been doing a lot of speaking, teaching, um, and putting stuff

Mike Forrester: 00:02:38

online that people can access.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:40

And that's just what I do all the time now, but I'm freed up, you

Mike Forrester: 00:02:44

know, with more time to do it now.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:45

So it's great.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:47

And when you say a lot of writing, let's, let's

Mike Forrester: 00:02:50

just give a little insight.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:51

You've written 23 books Mort.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:54

I mean, that is a lot of writing

Mort Orman: 00:02:57

and I've collaborated, collaborated on 11 more.

Mort Orman: 00:02:59

So the total's up to like 34 now.

Mike Forrester: 00:03:03

How much of that has been like pre retirement

Mike Forrester: 00:03:06

versus like retirement?

Mort Orman: 00:03:08

Most of it was pre retirement.

Mort Orman: 00:03:10

You know, I came out with my most recent book.

Mort Orman: 00:03:12

That's, that's really the first book that I've written in a couple years.

Mort Orman: 00:03:15

Um, the, the one on anger, which is 'Dr.

Mort Orman: 00:03:17

Orman's Life Changing Anger Cure'.

Mort Orman: 00:03:19

And that's, um, that's where the, some of the things we'll talk about

Mort Orman: 00:03:22

today that I talk about in greater detail in the book, but that's the

Mort Orman: 00:03:25

first book I've written in retirement.

Mort Orman: 00:03:27

And, um, I almost wasn't, I mean, I wasn't planning to write it.

Mort Orman: 00:03:30

It's just that the way things evolved in my career, I've been doing this

Mort Orman: 00:03:33

anger work for the last, uh, focusing on it for the last couple of years.

Mort Orman: 00:03:36

I've been doing it for 40 years with other stuff, but now

Mort Orman: 00:03:39

focusing on the anger piece.

Mort Orman: 00:03:40

And I felt that I needed to get that out there in a bigger way,

Mort Orman: 00:03:43

because just working one on one with a handful of people, yeah, you're

Mort Orman: 00:03:46

not gonna make a dent in the anger.

Mort Orman: 00:03:48

Problem in the world today that we see, you know, you turn on your

Mort Orman: 00:03:51

television, you scroll social media, you just see nothing, not nothing,

Mort Orman: 00:03:54

but, but you see a lot of angry people who can't control their emotions.

Mort Orman: 00:03:58

And, uh, that's a problem.

Mort Orman: 00:04:01

And, and I think it's not necessary.

Mort Orman: 00:04:03

We all, we all have the ability, really.

Mort Orman: 00:04:06

To master our emotions, to control our emotions.

Mort Orman: 00:04:08

We just don't know that we have it.

Mort Orman: 00:04:11

I know when I was in my angry phase in my twenties and thirties, when I had lots of

Mort Orman: 00:04:15

anger, going through medical training and starting out in practice, I used to get

Mort Orman: 00:04:18

angry at my patients all the time, get angry at my parents, at my girlfriend,

Mort Orman: 00:04:22

girlfriends that ruined every relationship that I had, partly because of anger.

Mort Orman: 00:04:26

Um, when I was in that angry phase, uh, I really didn't understand

Mort Orman: 00:04:31

what the heck was going on.

Mort Orman: 00:04:33

I didn't understand where my anger was coming from.

Mort Orman: 00:04:34

I didn't understand what was going on within me.

Mort Orman: 00:04:36

You know, I was all focused on, you know, what other people were doing

Mort Orman: 00:04:39

and what I didn't like about what they were doing and, you know, how

Mort Orman: 00:04:42

awful it was what they were doing.

Mort Orman: 00:04:43

And everything was focused outside of me.

Mort Orman: 00:04:47

And I never really got any awareness of, well, how am I generating the anger?

Mort Orman: 00:04:52

How is my brain generating the anger inside of me?

Mort Orman: 00:04:55

It's like, that was like a blind spot.

Mort Orman: 00:04:57

You know, and it kept me from being able to do anything about it because it wasn't

Mort Orman: 00:05:01

until I was able to figure that out and understand that process that, oh, now

Mort Orman: 00:05:06

I see how my brain is generating anger.

Mort Orman: 00:05:07

I can now do something to to check that or to, um, undo what it's trying to do to me.

Mort Orman: 00:05:14

So people, most people don't know when we're angry.

Mort Orman: 00:05:17

And we have other negative emotions.

Mort Orman: 00:05:18

Our brain is playing tricks on us that, and it's hiding the fact

Mort Orman: 00:05:22

from us that it's doing that.

Mike Forrester: 00:05:23

What do you mean by like, our, our brain

Mike Forrester: 00:05:25

is trying to hide that from us?

Mike Forrester: 00:05:27

Uh, well, what's interesting is conscious or conscious thing or.

Mort Orman: 00:05:31

Well, what's interesting is that we, our brains are constantly

Mort Orman: 00:05:34

filtering everything, so we never see the world as it actually happens.

Mort Orman: 00:05:39

We never see reality as it actually is, or events as they actually take place.

Mort Orman: 00:05:43

Our brain is, there's so much information coming in through our senses, the

Mort Orman: 00:05:47

brain can't handle it all and process it all and present it all to us.

Mort Orman: 00:05:51

So it has to kind of chunk it down.

Mort Orman: 00:05:53

This has been doing this for millions of years.

Mort Orman: 00:05:55

It has to kind of chunk it down and decide what's important, what's

Mort Orman: 00:05:59

not important and cut this out and, and focus on and highlight this.

Mort Orman: 00:06:03

So it gives us a, a, a digested filtered view of reality

Mort Orman: 00:06:08

all the time for everything.

Mort Orman: 00:06:10

We have many different filters, you know, with some we get from our culture,

Mort Orman: 00:06:14

some we get from our religion, some we get from our family, our friends.

Mort Orman: 00:06:18

Uh, or our life experiences.

Mort Orman: 00:06:19

I mean, you get bit by a dog when you're three years old, you're

Mort Orman: 00:06:23

going to have a dog filter now.

Mort Orman: 00:06:25

Every dog is going to be, Oh my God, it's going to bite me.

Mort Orman: 00:06:28

And you know, if you didn't have that experience as a young child, you may not

Mort Orman: 00:06:32

be threatened by dogs when you see them.

Mort Orman: 00:06:34

So we all have these filters.

Mort Orman: 00:06:35

And what I didn't realize was that anger and other emotions come from

Mort Orman: 00:06:39

several specific filters, the way our brain is telling us what's

Mort Orman: 00:06:44

true or what's, what's happening.

Mort Orman: 00:06:45

But remember, it's all filtered, so it's never the whole story.

Mort Orman: 00:06:50

It's only, it's only parts of, it's like the news media.

Mort Orman: 00:06:53

You know, they're not giving you the whole story, they're only giving you whatever

Mort Orman: 00:06:55

parts of it they think is important from their perspective to give you.

Mort Orman: 00:06:59

So you're never getting the news, you're getting the filtered version

Mort Orman: 00:07:02

of the news, regardless of what, you Media sources you you look

Mort Orman: 00:07:06

they're all doing they have to do it.

Mort Orman: 00:07:07

There's just too much news They can't they and it for any story.

Mort Orman: 00:07:10

There's too many aspects to a story.

Mort Orman: 00:07:12

They have to say Well, this is the important piece and this is not

Mort Orman: 00:07:14

the important So they're constantly highlighting things and leaving things

Mort Orman: 00:07:18

out so that our brain is doing then that's what I mean by it's tricking us

Mort Orman: 00:07:22

It's making us think that we've got the whole picture Of whatever's going on,

Mort Orman: 00:07:27

when usually we don't, usually we've been blinded by the, the biases, the

Mort Orman: 00:07:31

predispositions, the conditioning, the way our brains work to make us see things

Mort Orman: 00:07:36

and believe things that may be partially true or maybe not true in some cases.

Mort Orman: 00:07:42

So a lot of, if you understand the filters that cause anger, which

Mort Orman: 00:07:46

I'm happy to share with you and your audience are very simple.

Mort Orman: 00:07:49

And they're really powerful.

Mort Orman: 00:07:50

And I didn't, I was never taught any of this in my medical training.

Mort Orman: 00:07:54

I was even dabbling in psychology after I got out of medical training.

Mort Orman: 00:07:57

I, nobody taught me that there's three filters that cause anger

Mort Orman: 00:08:02

and here's what they are.

Mort Orman: 00:08:03

I know the three filters.

Mort Orman: 00:08:04

I know how to dig in and decide, figure out what's true and

Mort Orman: 00:08:07

what's not true about them.

Mort Orman: 00:08:08

And I can make the anger go away whenever I want to.

Mort Orman: 00:08:11

You know, so it's a, it's a absolutely powerful, amazing skill to have.

Mort Orman: 00:08:16

I've been using it for 40 years.

Mort Orman: 00:08:17

I've been teaching it for 40 years.

Mort Orman: 00:08:18

It's, I can't imagine what my life would have been like the last 40 years.

Mort Orman: 00:08:22

If I didn't have that, that skillset, which actually translates into other.

Mort Orman: 00:08:27

Things more than just anger, but when you can identify the internal causes of

Mort Orman: 00:08:32

a problem within yourself and you get those missing puzzle pieces, in addition

Mort Orman: 00:08:38

to all the things you can see outside of you, now you've got the whole puzzle,

Mort Orman: 00:08:42

you know, you've got the whole set of pieces now you can, you've got much more

Mort Orman: 00:08:47

ability to, to fix things and change things because you're dealing with the

Mort Orman: 00:08:51

whole story instead of Having a big blind spot around how you're internally

Mort Orman: 00:08:56

contributing to whatever the problems is you're experiencing in your life and

Mort Orman: 00:08:59

that that makes all the difference in the world when you can get your hands on

Mort Orman: 00:09:03

the internal causes of your problem, and then you can do something about those.

Mike Forrester: 00:09:10

Well, let's dive in deeper there.

Mike Forrester: 00:09:11

You've talked about the three filters that really trigger anger.

Mike Forrester: 00:09:17

What are the three and then how can we.

Mike Forrester: 00:09:21

Um, bring about awareness when they're being set off

Mort Orman: 00:09:24

So we only get angry when we look at the world in

Mort Orman: 00:09:27

certain ways and believe that the way we're looking at it is true.

Mort Orman: 00:09:30

Okay, so the first filter or the way we look at it is somebody did something

Mort Orman: 00:09:35

bad or wrong they shouldn't have done.

Mort Orman: 00:09:38

So notice we, we don't get angry when we think somebody did something

Mort Orman: 00:09:41

great or terrific or wonderful.

Mort Orman: 00:09:43

It's only if we think negatively about what they did, they did

Mort Orman: 00:09:45

something they shouldn't have done.

Mort Orman: 00:09:47

Okay, and the second filter is somebody was hurt or harmed or negatively impacted.

Mort Orman: 00:09:52

By what was done, okay, either we were negatively impacted or somebody we care

Mort Orman: 00:09:56

about was negatively impacted or maybe the planet was negatively, whatever, something

Mort Orman: 00:10:00

we care about was negatively impacted.

Mort Orman: 00:10:03

And then the third filter is that whoever did the wrongdoing, we have this

Mort Orman: 00:10:08

unilateral blame, this very narrow blame where we only focus on the behavior

Mort Orman: 00:10:13

of that person and say, that's 100 percent of what caused this bad, wrong

Mort Orman: 00:10:17

behavior, just what that person did.

Mort Orman: 00:10:18

We don't see any other causes.

Mort Orman: 00:10:20

It's like we have blinders on.

Mort Orman: 00:10:22

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:10:22

We're just focused on that person.

Mort Orman: 00:10:24

So if we played a role, we don't see it.

Mort Orman: 00:10:28

If some other factors played a role in that person doing that, we don't see it.

Mort Orman: 00:10:31

We just, we just have this narrow view and that's why I say our

Mort Orman: 00:10:34

brain, our brain tricks us.

Mort Orman: 00:10:36

It makes it look like that was the only factor involved what that person did.

Mort Orman: 00:10:40

Well, there could have been hundreds of things in that person's life or we may

Mort Orman: 00:10:44

have contributed in certain ways to what was going on and we're not, Taking those

Mort Orman: 00:10:48

facts into consideration so our brains tricking us into making us believe it was

Mort Orman: 00:10:51

just what that person did that caused the bad behavior and the consequences, you

Mort Orman: 00:10:58

know, the hurt and harm that came from it.

Mort Orman: 00:10:59

So when you look and people should really take out a piece of paper

Mort Orman: 00:11:02

right now and write these three things down bad and wrong shouldn't

Mort Orman: 00:11:07

have done it hurt and harm.

Mort Orman: 00:11:10

Negative impact, unilateral responsibility, or blame.

Mort Orman: 00:11:14

Those are the ways we're looking at things when we get angry.

Mort Orman: 00:11:18

If we believe those things are true, then anger is justified.

Mort Orman: 00:11:23

Okay?

Mort Orman: 00:11:24

The problem is, most of the time, our brain is tricking us, and one or more

Mort Orman: 00:11:29

of those three filters is not going to be true, or it's not going to be

Mort Orman: 00:11:31

completely true, or it's going to leave out Critically important information

Mort Orman: 00:11:36

that we don't see because our brains tricking us, um, and, and reducing,

Mort Orman: 00:11:39

you know, the, what it's showing us.

Mort Orman: 00:11:41

, you now have self awareness that you didn't have before.

Mort Orman: 00:11:47

Whenever you get angry.

Mort Orman: 00:11:48

Pull that card out now, you know why you're angry because you're

Mort Orman: 00:11:52

thinking somebody did something bad wrong They should have done somebody

Mort Orman: 00:11:54

was hurting or mentally impacted.

Mort Orman: 00:11:56

Somebody was unilaterally responsible to blame.

Mort Orman: 00:11:58

That's why you're angry.

Mort Orman: 00:12:00

You now have unearthed Taken from invisible to visible the internal

Mort Orman: 00:12:06

causes of how your brain is creating your anger Okay, then now that you know

Mort Orman: 00:12:11

how your brain's creating the anger now you can step in say well Is what

Mort Orman: 00:12:16

my brain is telling me and what I'm perceiving is it actually true Amazing

Mort Orman: 00:12:21

thing about that is 90 plus percent of the time, one or more of those

Mort Orman: 00:12:25

three filters is going to be faulty.

Mort Orman: 00:12:28

When you start the process, you don't know which of the three or how

Mort Orman: 00:12:31

many of the three it's going to be.

Mort Orman: 00:12:32

But usually the brain has tricked us and it's made us think something's true

Mort Orman: 00:12:36

and it's not completely true, which is fascinating because we think here's

Mort Orman: 00:12:41

the other big problem with anger.

Mort Orman: 00:12:43

So the brain tricks us.

Mort Orman: 00:12:46

To make us angry in the first place, it distorts the view

Mort Orman: 00:12:50

of what's happening, okay?

Mort Orman: 00:12:52

And then it creates the feeling of anger by doing that.

Mort Orman: 00:12:55

The feeling of anger then makes us feel like we're right,

Mort Orman: 00:12:59

that it's righteous anger.

Mort Orman: 00:13:02

So it, it, it further reinforces whatever the distortions are that

Mort Orman: 00:13:05

the brain gave us in the first place.

Mort Orman: 00:13:07

So the brain is like protecting itself.

Mort Orman: 00:13:09

So we don't ever investigate whether it's telling us what's true or not.

Mort Orman: 00:13:12

So by making us feel angry, it's kind of protecting us.

Mort Orman: 00:13:15

Putting a cloak around itself, because the feeling makes us feel right.

Mort Orman: 00:13:20

And we don't, if, when we feel right, we're not going to question

Mort Orman: 00:13:23

our perceptions or our beliefs about what happened because

Mort Orman: 00:13:26

now we feel justified, right?

Mort Orman: 00:13:28

So it's a double whammy.

Mort Orman: 00:13:29

So it's a double trick that brain plays on us.

Mort Orman: 00:13:32

It's kind of sinister in the way that it does it.

Mort Orman: 00:13:34

But if you can fight through that and you can ask yourself, um, wait a second.

Mort Orman: 00:13:40

Is what I'm seeing true or do I missing anything here or am I

Mort Orman: 00:13:44

seeing anything incorrectly here?

Mort Orman: 00:13:46

It's amazing.

Mort Orman: 00:13:46

It doesn't take long to figure out in many situations, most

Mort Orman: 00:13:50

situations where that happens.

Mike Forrester: 00:13:54

So if I work through those three Mort and I'm like

Mike Forrester: 00:13:58

looking at the three filters and I go, I'm not justified in my anger.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:04

I could tell you Mort before, like when.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:08

Right.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:08

We'll just call, call that phase angry Mike.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:11

So you had an angry Mike,

Mort Orman: 00:14:13

like I had an angry Morton, huh?

Mike Forrester: 00:14:16

Oh my gosh.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:17

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:17

You know, it's, it's, it's one of those when, when I was in that space of being,

Mike Forrester: 00:14:22

you know, Unhealthy and unhealed, man.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:26

It was like Eeyore and the Hulk.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:28

And it was one of those of Eeyore was, was the victim in things.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:33

And I was seeing the negative aspects of what would happen and the Hulk, man, it

Mike Forrester: 00:14:38

was, it was rage, um, You know, so when I look back at that, the challenge I

Mike Forrester: 00:14:46

would, I would kind of see Mort is it's like, yep, I looked through the three.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:49

Okay.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:49

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:50

90%.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:50

Okay.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:51

It's not, you know, a justified anger.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:54

Like you're talking about.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:55

I'm trying, my brain is trying to insulate and protect me and sell me on

Mike Forrester: 00:14:59

the fact that it's a justified anger.

Mike Forrester: 00:15:02

How, when I realize that I have that self awareness, how do I then

Mike Forrester: 00:15:07

bring that The missile back, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:15:10

You know, it's like I've launched, I'm red,

Mort Orman: 00:15:13

but the anger, the anger comes from.

Mort Orman: 00:15:15

So firstly, it's not, it's not that 90 percent of the time

Mort Orman: 00:15:18

those filters are involved.

Mort Orman: 00:15:19

It's 100 percent of the time.

Mort Orman: 00:15:20

Those filters are involved, which tells you every time you're angry,

Mort Orman: 00:15:25

whether you know it or not, or aware of it or not, those filters have

Mort Orman: 00:15:28

been activated inside your brain.

Mort Orman: 00:15:30

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:15:31

So that's why I say, if you write it down on an index card, every single

Mort Orman: 00:15:34

time you get angry, as long as you've died, as long as you've, you're sure

Mort Orman: 00:15:38

that when you're angry, you're angry.

Mort Orman: 00:15:40

In other words, you're not having anxiety and calling it, miscalling

Mort Orman: 00:15:43

it or mislabeling it anger.

Mort Orman: 00:15:44

It won't work for that.

Mort Orman: 00:15:45

But if it's, you know, if you're irritated, you're, you're annoyed,

Mort Orman: 00:15:49

you're, you're, um, from rage to, you know, in middle, middle

Mort Orman: 00:15:53

level anger, you're just angry.

Mort Orman: 00:15:55

As long as you know, you're angry.

Mort Orman: 00:15:57

Those three filters have, have caused it a hundred percent of the time.

Mort Orman: 00:16:01

A hundred percent.

Mort Orman: 00:16:02

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:16:03

Now, the, the, the 90 percent comes in.

Mort Orman: 00:16:05

Well, well, to what percentage are one or more of these going to be false?

Mort Orman: 00:16:08

And it's usually 90, 95 percent of the time you're going to

Mort Orman: 00:16:11

find a flaw in one of them.

Mort Orman: 00:16:12

I, I can give you one example from my, from my relationship with my wife when,

Mort Orman: 00:16:17

when, We got married 40 years ago.

Mort Orman: 00:16:19

We just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary, which, by the way, would

Mort Orman: 00:16:22

never have happened had I not, had I not figured this out 40 years ago.

Mort Orman: 00:16:27

Fortunately, I figured it out before I met her.

Mort Orman: 00:16:29

And so I had gotten rid of most of my anger.

Mort Orman: 00:16:31

She came from a family where she didn't have much anger.

Mort Orman: 00:16:34

So in our relationship, we, All along we have not had a lot of anger.

Mort Orman: 00:16:38

We don't get in a lot of fights with each other.

Mort Orman: 00:16:41

Um, It's rare.

Mort Orman: 00:16:43

So, but in the beginning of our relationship there was this one thing,

Mort Orman: 00:16:46

it's like we started to get angry at each other and it was this one weird

Mort Orman: 00:16:49

situation that it would tend to happen.

Mort Orman: 00:16:52

And it would only happen when we went on a car trip somewhere for a vacation.

Mort Orman: 00:16:56

Like, and we wouldn't argue or fight on the way to our destination.

Mort Orman: 00:17:00

We wouldn't argue or fight when we were there.

Mort Orman: 00:17:02

It was only when we drove home.

Mort Orman: 00:17:03

Which made it even weirder.

Mort Orman: 00:17:05

So as soon as I saw this pattern after two or three times, I got to look into this.

Mort Orman: 00:17:09

Something's going on.

Mort Orman: 00:17:11

And I, you know, I had the three filters.

Mort Orman: 00:17:12

So I'd say, okay, usually I'd be driving.

Mort Orman: 00:17:14

And, and what happened is my wife would say somewhere along the way, Oh, there's

Mort Orman: 00:17:18

something over here I'd like to go see.

Mort Orman: 00:17:21

I've never seen it before.

Mort Orman: 00:17:22

It's only like an hour off of our path.

Mort Orman: 00:17:24

Let's go do that.

Mort Orman: 00:17:25

I would, and I, my immediate response would be, no, we're not doing that.

Mort Orman: 00:17:29

And then she would go like, what do you mean?

Mort Orman: 00:17:30

No, we're not.

Mort Orman: 00:17:31

And we'd start snipping at each other, you know?

Mort Orman: 00:17:34

And, and so I went through the filter.

Mort Orman: 00:17:36

So I was like, okay, let me look at the filters.

Mort Orman: 00:17:38

Uh, am I judging her to be doing something bad and wrong?

Mort Orman: 00:17:41

Absolutely.

Mort Orman: 00:17:42

Absolutely.

Mort Orman: 00:17:43

You don't, when you're driving home, you do not take an hour, you know,

Mort Orman: 00:17:47

detour to go over to see something.

Mort Orman: 00:17:48

You drive directly home, you know, so that I had, I had judged her to

Mort Orman: 00:17:52

be doing something bad and wrong.

Mort Orman: 00:17:53

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:17:53

And right there, When I asked myself, is she really doing something bad or wrong?

Mort Orman: 00:17:59

All I had to do was ask the question.

Mort Orman: 00:18:00

It was like 30 seconds later.

Mort Orman: 00:18:01

It was like, well, not technically, not really.

Mort Orman: 00:18:06

I mean, she's just doing it different than the way I would do it.

Mort Orman: 00:18:09

Or way my, and what happened was my family.

Mort Orman: 00:18:11

When we took car trips, we, we took the direct route home.

Mort Orman: 00:18:15

We didn't deviate, you know, we stopped for gas and food and bathroom breaks, but

Mort Orman: 00:18:18

we would never go off the beaten path.

Mort Orman: 00:18:20

My wife's family was completely the opposite.

Mort Orman: 00:18:23

You know, her and her mother and father would always take

Mort Orman: 00:18:25

side trips when they drove up.

Mort Orman: 00:18:26

So she just had a different way of doing it that was different than mine.

Mort Orman: 00:18:30

But I, to me, my brain told me she was wrong.

Mort Orman: 00:18:34

She was doing something bad and wrong that she shouldn't be doing.

Mort Orman: 00:18:38

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:18:38

And so I, so my brain accused her of that and then considered

Mort Orman: 00:18:42

me to be negatively impacted.

Mort Orman: 00:18:43

Cause now we can't do a straight trip home.

Mort Orman: 00:18:46

And she was totally to blame.

Mort Orman: 00:18:47

I had nothing to do with it.

Mort Orman: 00:18:48

Of course, I was driving the car, deciding what the right way and wrong way to go.

Mort Orman: 00:18:54

So the whole thing, once I saw it, it was like, this is crazy.

Mort Orman: 00:18:57

You know, she's not really doing anything wrong.

Mort Orman: 00:19:00

And she just has a different way of doing it.

Mort Orman: 00:19:02

So from the minute I saw that, The, the, the dynamics of where the anger was coming

Mort Orman: 00:19:07

from, I realized it was crazy anger.

Mort Orman: 00:19:09

You know, it's like the truth is she just has a different way of doing it than me.

Mort Orman: 00:19:13

And from that moment on, we've never had this argument.

Mort Orman: 00:19:16

From that moment on, every time she wants to go off the beaten path,

Mort Orman: 00:19:19

I say, sure, honey, if that's what you want to do, let's go do it.

Mort Orman: 00:19:24

You know, my, it's my job as your husband to have you.

Mort Orman: 00:19:26

have as much joy in your life as I possibly can.

Mort Orman: 00:19:31

So if that makes you happy, let's go do it.

Mort Orman: 00:19:32

I stopped seeing it as a bad and wrong behavior, which meant there

Mort Orman: 00:19:37

was no more anger associated with it.

Mort Orman: 00:19:39

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:19:41

So I didn't have to do anything or work on the anger.

Mort Orman: 00:19:44

I just had to change my perspective of what was true about The situation and

Mort Orman: 00:19:51

that immediately eliminated the anger

Mort Orman: 00:19:56

you can't get angry unless you're seeing it as a bad and wrong

Mort Orman: 00:19:58

thing that shouldn't be happening

Mort Orman: 00:20:02

so when you stop seeing it that way there's no more anger so it's actually

Mort Orman: 00:20:06

easier than we think you know you don't have to work on the anger or work on

Mort Orman: 00:20:09

not being angry you just have to what you have to work on is telling the

Mort Orman: 00:20:12

truth about the situation as compared to what your brain is telling you is true

Mort Orman: 00:20:17

that's the work and it's amazing how liberating that is and how empowering

Mort Orman: 00:20:22

that is in all of the Because it ripples through every other area of your life,

Mort Orman: 00:20:25

not just anger or other emotions.

Mort Orman: 00:20:27

I mean, there's all kinds of areas in life where what our brain is

Mort Orman: 00:20:32

telling us isn't really true, and it's getting us into trouble.

Mort Orman: 00:20:35

And if we can just recognize the differences, we can be empowered in

Mort Orman: 00:20:40

relationships, for example, you know, um, a lot of the ideas we have about

Mort Orman: 00:20:45

how to succeed in relationships aren't.

Mort Orman: 00:20:47

Don't work.

Mort Orman: 00:20:48

They actually make things worse, but we don't see that because we're focused

Mort Orman: 00:20:52

on, you know, what's wrong with the person we're in relationship with.

Mort Orman: 00:20:55

What about their bad habits and their bad, you know, we don't see that.

Mort Orman: 00:20:59

Oh, wait a second.

Mort Orman: 00:20:59

I've got these ideas about relationships and they're really crazy.

Mort Orman: 00:21:02

Um, and, and I wouldn't want to be treated like that, you know, if

Mort Orman: 00:21:05

I had to interact with somebody.

Mort Orman: 00:21:07

So it's not just limited to anger or other emotions because it's,

Mort Orman: 00:21:12

we're always battling our, our brains and our internal demons.

Mort Orman: 00:21:15

You know, in our internal beliefs and perceptions, which may or

Mort Orman: 00:21:19

may not be useful or accurate.

Mort Orman: 00:21:23

You know, when I came through this transition from being an angry guy

Mort Orman: 00:21:27

To being a guy with very little anger, I look back, I said, I

Mort Orman: 00:21:31

had, I had that ability all along.

Mort Orman: 00:21:34

I just didn't know I had it.

Mort Orman: 00:21:35

I didn't know what the filters were.

Mort Orman: 00:21:36

I didn't know what questions to ask.

Mort Orman: 00:21:38

I didn't know how to investigate those, those filters and figure

Mort Orman: 00:21:41

out what's true was not true.

Mort Orman: 00:21:43

But everybody has that ability.

Mort Orman: 00:21:44

You know, it's like, we're all, a lot of us are sitting around with the

Mort Orman: 00:21:48

idea that, Oh, I'm an angry person.

Mort Orman: 00:21:49

I guess I'm always going to be an angry person.

Mort Orman: 00:21:50

There's nothing I can do about it.

Mort Orman: 00:21:52

Not true.

Mort Orman: 00:21:53

You have the, that's where I actually believe that myself.

Mort Orman: 00:21:56

Um, and I was more surprised than anybody when I came across the

Mort Orman: 00:22:01

other side, it's like, hell, I didn't think that was possible.

Mort Orman: 00:22:05

And here I am,

Mike Forrester: 00:22:07

I think many of us kind of almost expect, Hey, I'm, I am this way.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:12

This is just who I am.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:13

And this is how I'll always be.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:15

But like you're talking about, when we get other tools, we.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:20

You know, raise our self awareness and begin asking questions at the root cause.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:26

Why is it this way?

Mike Forrester: 00:22:27

Yeah, we can bring about that change.

Mort Orman: 00:22:30

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:22:30

Um,

Mort Orman: 00:22:31

and that's where a good coach, that's where a

Mort Orman: 00:22:32

good coaching comes into play.

Mort Orman: 00:22:33

If you, if you can get a good coach, cause it's hard to do this

Mort Orman: 00:22:37

on your own in the beginning.

Mort Orman: 00:22:38

You know, when you haven't had much practice doing so, you can get a good

Mort Orman: 00:22:41

coach that can help you see the stuff that you're not seeing help you get, uh,

Mort Orman: 00:22:47

some insight into the internal dynamics that are causing trouble in your life.

Mort Orman: 00:22:51

Then once you see it, then you go, oh, well, thank you.

Mort Orman: 00:22:54

Now I can now I see I can do something about this.

Mort Orman: 00:22:56

You know, thanks for giving me that opening my eyes to what I wasn't seeing.

Mort Orman: 00:23:01

And now I feel I feel more empowered.

Mort Orman: 00:23:03

I feel like I have more control over that internal stuff now that I see it.

Mort Orman: 00:23:08

Yeah, I can do something about it.

Mort Orman: 00:23:09

And then they're off to the races, you know,

Mike Forrester: 00:23:13

in the clients that you've worked with and, and your experience

Mike Forrester: 00:23:17

personally, when you go through those filters, asking those questions, when

Mike Forrester: 00:23:24

you're already escalated or set off on that anger, does just the realization

Mike Forrester: 00:23:29

help diffuse the anger in and of itself?

Mort Orman: 00:23:34

When you're angry, when you've been triggered

Mort Orman: 00:23:35

and it's a triggering process.

Mort Orman: 00:23:37

So, I mean, our brains have been conditioned.

Mort Orman: 00:23:39

So when you go through a self awareness program, like people through a very short

Mort Orman: 00:23:45

period of time, um, you've got much more awareness, but you're still the same.

Mort Orman: 00:23:50

He's got the same body, the same brain.

Mort Orman: 00:23:52

The next day, you're still going to get triggered, even though now

Mort Orman: 00:23:55

you have, now you have much more insight into where it's coming from.

Mort Orman: 00:23:57

It's still going to happen.

Mort Orman: 00:24:00

You can't stop it.

Mort Orman: 00:24:01

Um, and, but what you can do now is, but the trick is as quickly as possible.

Mort Orman: 00:24:05

Can you get.

Mort Orman: 00:24:07

Out of the anger and maybe not immediately if you're really angry, maybe you have

Mort Orman: 00:24:11

to wait till things settle down and then you have a chance to look at it, you

Mort Orman: 00:24:14

know, but to whatever degree the quicker you can get to the place where, okay,

Mort Orman: 00:24:18

let me, let me think about this or let me, let me look at the three filters and

Mort Orman: 00:24:24

let me ask the questions, which is hard to do in the middle when you're angry in

Mort Orman: 00:24:28

the beginning, but when you do it, yeah.

Mort Orman: 00:24:30

Many, many times when you, when you wait until things settle down

Mort Orman: 00:24:34

and you practice, okay, let me go back and look at what happened.

Mort Orman: 00:24:36

I got triggered.

Mort Orman: 00:24:37

I got angry.

Mort Orman: 00:24:38

I lost my cool.

Mort Orman: 00:24:39

I lost my control.

Mort Orman: 00:24:40

I wasn't thinking about this stuff.

Mort Orman: 00:24:43

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:24:43

Now let me look at it.

Mort Orman: 00:24:44

Let me go.

Mort Orman: 00:24:44

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:24:44

Yeah.

Mort Orman: 00:24:45

I was doing, I was thinking this way, this way, this way.

Mort Orman: 00:24:46

Yeah.

Mort Orman: 00:24:47

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:24:47

Now let me, was it true that, uh, wait a second.

Mort Orman: 00:24:50

Maybe, maybe it's not so true.

Mort Orman: 00:24:52

You do that over and over again.

Mort Orman: 00:24:54

Okay, now you get quicker at catching yourself in the middle of getting

Mort Orman: 00:25:00

triggered, and you actually get to a point where you start to suspect,

Mort Orman: 00:25:05

based on your personal experience of having done this a hundred times,

Mort Orman: 00:25:10

almost every time finding that there was, uh, untruths in the filters.

Mort Orman: 00:25:14

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:25:15

Or things that were missing in the filters.

Mort Orman: 00:25:17

Now the hundred, first time you get angry.

Mort Orman: 00:25:19

You go like, okay, I'm angry.

Mort Orman: 00:25:20

Uh, I must be missing something or I must've gotten something wrong,

Mort Orman: 00:25:25

which is a completely opposite to what most people do now.

Mort Orman: 00:25:28

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:25:28

I'm feeling angry.

Mort Orman: 00:25:29

I must be right.

Mort Orman: 00:25:31

What I try and do, what I try and do, my longterm goal is to have people

Mort Orman: 00:25:35

get to the point where they get angry.

Mort Orman: 00:25:37

They immediately assume they're wrong about something.

Mort Orman: 00:25:39

They may not know what it is, but I gave him the, I gave him

Mort Orman: 00:25:42

the framework to go find out what it is and figure out what it is.

Mort Orman: 00:25:45

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:25:46

But to, to assume that you're wrong rather than you're right.

Mort Orman: 00:25:48

When you get angry is like a huge.

Mort Orman: 00:25:50

Empowering move.

Mort Orman: 00:25:53

It's like a martial arts move on your anger immediately flips the script,

Mort Orman: 00:25:59

puts you in control, you know, uh, and, and, and it's, it's incredible, but

Mort Orman: 00:26:05

it's like people will not on their own.

Mort Orman: 00:26:06

Just go there.

Mort Orman: 00:26:07

You know, most people will not go.

Mort Orman: 00:26:09

I'm angry.

Mort Orman: 00:26:09

I'm wrong.

Mort Orman: 00:26:11

That's not the normal human response.

Mort Orman: 00:26:13

But if you can, you can train yourself to, to realize that it's actually true

Mort Orman: 00:26:18

for you that, you know, well, the last a hundred times I looked at it, I was wrong.

Mort Orman: 00:26:23

What is, what is, what is my prediction for the a hundred and first time now

Mort Orman: 00:26:26

that I, when I get angry, I guess I'm probably going to be wrong there too.

Mort Orman: 00:26:30

I don't know what it's going to, I don't know how it's going to be,

Mort Orman: 00:26:32

but I'm curious to find out how did my brain trick me this time.

Mort Orman: 00:26:37

That's the kind of game that becomes, you know, um, But it's amazing how, how

Mort Orman: 00:26:43

that changes your life when you, when you start looking at it that way, it also

Mort Orman: 00:26:47

tells you why there's so little people have so little control over their anger

Mort Orman: 00:26:50

in the world today, when you see it all around because they're not understanding

Mort Orman: 00:26:55

and we haven't been educating people about how anger gets generated inside our

Mort Orman: 00:27:00

brains and, and, and how their brains are tricking us when we're, we're not, We're

Mort Orman: 00:27:04

not telling people that we're telling them the opposite, you know, and if you

Mort Orman: 00:27:08

look at the media, the media absolutely knows how to generate anger in large

Mort Orman: 00:27:14

numbers, large populations of people.

Mort Orman: 00:27:16

They do it by following the three filter formula.

Mort Orman: 00:27:19

They tell us stories that people are doing bad, wrong stuff.

Mort Orman: 00:27:22

They're hurting and harming things that we care about, and they're a

Mort Orman: 00:27:25

hundred percent responsible to blame.

Mort Orman: 00:27:26

There's no other causes involved.

Mort Orman: 00:27:27

You can forget about that.

Mort Orman: 00:27:29

Just focus on that.

Mort Orman: 00:27:30

That's what the media does all day long on both sides.

Mort Orman: 00:27:33

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:27:34

They, they know how the human brain generates anger, that their goal is

Mort Orman: 00:27:38

to get people worked up emotionally.

Mort Orman: 00:27:41

They do the same thing with anxiety as well.

Mort Orman: 00:27:43

They know how to create anxiety through the filters of anxiety.

Mort Orman: 00:27:45

They know, they know how the human mind works because that's their business.

Mort Orman: 00:27:49

They're feeding narratives into the, into human beings and trying to get

Mort Orman: 00:27:54

an emotional response out of them.

Mort Orman: 00:27:55

And they know how to hit the jackpot when they want to hit the jackpot.

Mike Forrester: 00:28:00

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:28:01

If that's where your attention and, and money is coming, I mean,

Mike Forrester: 00:28:05

you're going to be dialed into that.

Mike Forrester: 00:28:07

Mort as, I'm sitting here thinking about, okay, if I'm seeing myself the

Mike Forrester: 00:28:12

last hundred times, I've looked at this situation and I've been in the wrong,

Mike Forrester: 00:28:16

you know, and I'm seeing that pattern like you talked about when you were on

Mike Forrester: 00:28:20

the drive with your wife, do you see that there are underlying beliefs that we

Mike Forrester: 00:28:26

have that are false that we then need to address and change and bring about a truth

Mike Forrester: 00:28:33

that changes the way we then perceive things down the line in future instances.

Mort Orman: 00:28:39

Yeah, all that stuff is going to come up.

Mort Orman: 00:28:40

All the bad beliefs and false beliefs and bad philosophies

Mort Orman: 00:28:44

about life are going to come up.

Mort Orman: 00:28:45

That, that, when you start investigating the truthfulness of the filters, you

Mort Orman: 00:28:49

gotta, you gotta start interacting with that stuff, you know, uh,

Mort Orman: 00:28:53

well, why do I believe this is true?

Mort Orman: 00:28:55

Why do I believe so strongly it's true?

Mort Orman: 00:28:56

Well, do I have a belief that's, that's making me, you know, stick to

Mort Orman: 00:28:59

that conviction and go, Oh yeah, I do.

Mort Orman: 00:29:01

You know, well, let me start looking at that belief now, which maybe

Mort Orman: 00:29:04

you've never bothered to do before.

Mort Orman: 00:29:05

You never were prompted to do before, but when you start looking at it, a lot

Mort Orman: 00:29:10

of times, I mean, it happens for all of us in the normal process of life.

Mort Orman: 00:29:13

If we believe, you know, we believe something very strongly and then.

Mort Orman: 00:29:16

10 years later, you know, we've, we flipped our belief or we have a

Mort Orman: 00:29:20

completely different belief now because things have happened that made us

Mort Orman: 00:29:24

question the validity of our beliefs.

Mort Orman: 00:29:26

So it happens all the time, you know, um, but it tells you, we got a lot of

Mort Orman: 00:29:31

faulty beliefs running around in our brain that are causing mischief in our lives.

Mort Orman: 00:29:35

And then we probably, and we also obviously have a lot of good ones

Mort Orman: 00:29:38

because that's how we function.

Mort Orman: 00:29:40

And I mean, I've got a, I've got a lot of beliefs as a doctor.

Mort Orman: 00:29:44

I spent seven years.

Mort Orman: 00:29:45

Filling my brain with beliefs about how to help, you know, how illness happens

Mort Orman: 00:29:49

and how you treat it and how you cure it and when you can and all that stuff.

Mort Orman: 00:29:54

Now, are all those beliefs true?

Mort Orman: 00:29:55

No, some of them are.

Mort Orman: 00:29:57

Some of them are faulty.

Mort Orman: 00:29:59

You know, a bunch of them are pretty good, you know, and we keep finding out that

Mort Orman: 00:30:05

finding out that which ones are wrong.

Mort Orman: 00:30:07

And and.

Mort Orman: 00:30:08

Replace it with a better understandings and stuff like that way.

Mort Orman: 00:30:11

So we get better over time, but it's a process basically of, you know, you get

Mort Orman: 00:30:15

best collect the best beliefs you can at the moment you, you, you act on them

Mort Orman: 00:30:19

and you, you hopefully you're looking to see whether they're working or not.

Mort Orman: 00:30:22

And then you make adjustments corrections if you have to.

Mike Forrester: 00:30:26

So as we've talked about, Okay.

Mike Forrester: 00:30:29

uh, anger elimination, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:30:31

And these being the three filters on the side of stress elimination, is it

Mike Forrester: 00:30:35

the same three filters or are there even filters or are they different?

Mort Orman: 00:30:40

Well, the process, the process is the same.

Mort Orman: 00:30:42

The way, the way you eliminate stress, okay, it's first you realize

Mort Orman: 00:30:46

that stress It's just a buzzword.

Mort Orman: 00:30:50

It, it, the, there is a stress response in the body, but this is true.

Mort Orman: 00:30:54

But, um, stress itself is a, is a buzzword.

Mort Orman: 00:30:58

And what it, what, what we use the word stress for is problems.

Mort Orman: 00:31:03

So when we say we're having stress, we're having various problems that are bothering

Mort Orman: 00:31:07

us, stirring up our physiology, causing conflicts in our relationships, causing

Mort Orman: 00:31:12

financial this or that, or whatever.

Mort Orman: 00:31:15

We're having various problems.

Mort Orman: 00:31:16

So.

Mort Orman: 00:31:17

The first thing to realize is you've stopped thinking about stress.

Mort Orman: 00:31:20

You can't deal with stress.

Mort Orman: 00:31:22

Figure out the problems you're having when you use the word stress.

Mort Orman: 00:31:26

Now you've got a set of problems.

Mort Orman: 00:31:28

You don't have this basket of things called stress where you

Mort Orman: 00:31:32

can't figure out one from another.

Mort Orman: 00:31:33

They're just lump them all together called stress.

Mort Orman: 00:31:36

And then you're talking about the symptoms.

Mort Orman: 00:31:38

Okay, let's break that apart and say, okay, what are the problems?

Mort Orman: 00:31:41

Am I having, is anger one of my problems?

Mort Orman: 00:31:44

Is anxiety one of my problems?

Mort Orman: 00:31:46

Am I feeling guilty?

Mort Orman: 00:31:47

Am I having a relationship conflict or a problem with my kids or a health problem?

Mort Orman: 00:31:53

Or, you know, I just lost my job or somebody close to me died or,

Mort Orman: 00:31:57

you know, you got a whole range of Thousands of different problems.

Mort Orman: 00:32:01

But you take the, you open up the basket called stress, you lay out

Mort Orman: 00:32:05

the problems, and then for each problem, you want to figure out

Mort Orman: 00:32:10

what are the causes of that problem.

Mort Orman: 00:32:12

And there are always going to be two sets of causes.

Mort Orman: 00:32:14

There are going to be the obvious ones, most of which are external, and then

Mort Orman: 00:32:19

there are going to be the internal causes, which normally we don't see.

Mort Orman: 00:32:23

We don't know, we don't even know what they are, okay?

Mort Orman: 00:32:25

But they're definitely internal causes.

Mort Orman: 00:32:27

So, what we did with that, so, I took this stress model, this generic stress model

Mort Orman: 00:32:32

to find the problem, identify the causes, both internal and external, and then deal

Mort Orman: 00:32:36

with the causes, particularly the internal ones where you have much more personal,

Mort Orman: 00:32:42

Influence and power over, then you change in other people's behavior and all that,

Mort Orman: 00:32:45

which is hard, sometimes impossible.

Mort Orman: 00:32:49

So it's the same model is define the problem, identify the causes and make

Mort Orman: 00:32:53

sure you get both internal and external.

Mort Orman: 00:32:55

And then once you have the causes, deal with, deal with the causes.

Mort Orman: 00:32:58

We did that with anger.

Mort Orman: 00:33:00

Anger is a specific subcategory of stress, of stress.

Mort Orman: 00:33:04

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:33:05

It's a problem.

Mort Orman: 00:33:07

Um, let's, let's identify the causes.

Mort Orman: 00:33:10

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:33:10

Now we have the external, all the external things you see that we all see.

Mort Orman: 00:33:14

And now you got the three filters as the internal causes.

Mort Orman: 00:33:17

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:33:18

Now you've got the picture, right?

Mort Orman: 00:33:21

Now go, now you can go to work on those internal causes and see what you can do

Mort Orman: 00:33:25

to figure out where they're not true.

Mort Orman: 00:33:27

So I applied the stress elimination technology or methodology to And you

Mort Orman: 00:33:33

can do this to any specific problem.

Mort Orman: 00:33:35

So let's say you're having marital problems in your relationship.

Mort Orman: 00:33:38

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:33:39

And it's about to fall apart or it's not going well.

Mort Orman: 00:33:42

Okay, that's a problem.

Mort Orman: 00:33:44

Now, what are the causes?

Mort Orman: 00:33:45

Well, there's all these things that my partner does and yeah.

Mort Orman: 00:33:48

Now, how about you on your side on your scorecard?

Mort Orman: 00:33:51

What are all the things that you're doing?

Mort Orman: 00:33:52

How are you?

Mort Orman: 00:33:53

Looking at relationships, dealing with relationships, have you

Mort Orman: 00:33:55

taken those into consideration?

Mort Orman: 00:33:56

Well, no.

Mort Orman: 00:33:57

Well, you better do that.

Mort Orman: 00:33:59

If you want to solve the problem, you better, you better focus

Mort Orman: 00:34:01

there because that's where, that's where you have the most power.

Mort Orman: 00:34:04

And then once you do and you start to identify where specifically you're

Mort Orman: 00:34:08

causing trouble in the relationship that doesn't have to be there,

Mort Orman: 00:34:12

you can step in and change that.

Mort Orman: 00:34:14

And then the relationship can heal and can get better and can stop the

Mort Orman: 00:34:18

downward spiral, but it doesn't happen until you identify the internal causes.

Mort Orman: 00:34:22

So this, this same model for stress elimination can be

Mort Orman: 00:34:25

applied to any problem in life.

Mort Orman: 00:34:28

It's what we do when we take our car into the mechanic.

Mort Orman: 00:34:31

You know, if the car starts, you know, not functioning properly and

Mort Orman: 00:34:34

the mechanic runs through whatever their diagnostic Things are to figure

Mort Orman: 00:34:38

out what the underlying causes and they fix it give us our car back.

Mort Orman: 00:34:42

Thank you It's the same I mean people been using this model since the dawn

Mort Orman: 00:34:47

of human civilization We just we just the data find the problem to

Mort Orman: 00:34:51

find the causes deal with the causes.

Mort Orman: 00:34:53

We just don't We have, everybody's in stress management mindset, manage your

Mort Orman: 00:34:58

symptoms, punch a punching bag, run five miles, you know, listen to soft music.

Mort Orman: 00:35:03

None of that's getting at, you know, how are you internally causing your

Mort Orman: 00:35:07

stress or your anger or whatever problem you're having in life.

Mort Orman: 00:35:10

That's, that's the shift that needs to happen there.

Mort Orman: 00:35:12

Another thing, we're not teaching people.

Mort Orman: 00:35:15

They should be learning in middle school, high school, You shouldn't, you shouldn't

Mort Orman: 00:35:19

be allowed to graduate college without understanding the internal causes of your

Mort Orman: 00:35:24

emotions and your relationship breakdowns that are going to happen and stuff.

Mort Orman: 00:35:28

You shouldn't be allowed to do that because the whole idea of

Mort Orman: 00:35:30

education is to prepare you for life.

Mort Orman: 00:35:32

And, and we're not preparing people for the nitty gritty of life.

Mort Orman: 00:35:36

We're filling their heads with a bunch of, you know, Information but we're not

Mort Orman: 00:35:39

teaching them how to be happy and stress free and have good relationships and

Mort Orman: 00:35:45

not be angry people and all the stuff that would be great if we would start

Mort Orman: 00:35:49

teaching people which is what i'm trying to stimulate you know to get more of that

Mort Orman: 00:35:54

into you know the educational curriculum either homeschooling or private and

Mort Orman: 00:36:00

public schooling we should be introducing these kinds of teaching programs.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:07

So.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:08

When you look at, um, like with your clients, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:36:11

You're walking them through the program.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:15

Self awareness is something that isn't really, um, practiced or exercised,

Mike Forrester: 00:36:21

you know, consistently by many people.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:24

And then you talked about like awareness of emotions, like the root causes.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:29

Is there anything else beyond those two that you see that are challenges for

Mike Forrester: 00:36:34

clients when they start, uh, working to do anger elimination and just kind of have

Mike Forrester: 00:36:40

that, that, that calm, that even keel.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:44

Is there anything else that, uh, muscle we need to flex?

Mort Orman: 00:36:49

Well, no, it's the same muscle, you just have to do it

Mort Orman: 00:36:50

enough, you have to do it over time, because again, your, your body's

Mort Orman: 00:36:54

been conditioned, and you don't change that conditioning overnight.

Mort Orman: 00:36:58

You get, you can get great insights into what's going on, it's not going to change

Mort Orman: 00:37:02

the fact you get triggered, your brain continues to see things a certain way,

Mort Orman: 00:37:06

and continues to tell you what's true in the way that it's used to doing, okay?

Mort Orman: 00:37:10

Um, so, it's not going to happen overnight, but over time The more you

Mort Orman: 00:37:15

do this work, you're actually generating new brain pathways in your brain.

Mort Orman: 00:37:21

You know, as you see things differently, you look at things

Mort Orman: 00:37:23

differently, you question things.

Mort Orman: 00:37:25

It's all registering inside the brain.

Mort Orman: 00:37:27

And over a period of time, you'll, you can get to the point, like I did, it

Mort Orman: 00:37:30

took me like 12 to 18 months in the beginning when I first started doing

Mort Orman: 00:37:34

this, where I got to the point where, oh, I'm not getting triggered anymore.

Mort Orman: 00:37:38

As much anymore as I used to, like my automatic reaction now has been altered.

Mort Orman: 00:37:43

My brain has been literally altered by this work that I've

Mort Orman: 00:37:45

done over the last 12 to 18 months.

Mort Orman: 00:37:47

Uh, and I'm starting to see things differently and I'm starting to understand

Mort Orman: 00:37:51

anger differently and I'm starting to You know, be more suspicious of what's going

Mort Orman: 00:37:55

on, but it takes time for that to evolve.

Mort Orman: 00:37:58

And it takes time for the changes to happen in our brain and our body.

Mort Orman: 00:38:02

So it's, it's a definite, it's definitely a great goal to have to go.

Mort Orman: 00:38:06

I want to get to the place where I'm not reacting anymore.

Mort Orman: 00:38:09

I'm not reacting as, you know, intensely, you know, and as out of

Mort Orman: 00:38:12

control as I, as, as I tend to do when I get angry, that's a great goal.

Mort Orman: 00:38:16

Don't expect it to happen overnight.

Mort Orman: 00:38:18

You're going to have to, Put some work in, you know, it's like anything

Mort Orman: 00:38:22

you're building a muscle, you know, so, or, or building parts of your

Mort Orman: 00:38:24

body, uh, it takes, it takes time.

Mort Orman: 00:38:27

So there, there really is when I, so I have this 10 session program that I

Mort Orman: 00:38:32

can literally transform people in terms of, you know, that take people who are

Mort Orman: 00:38:36

very angry all their lives, never been exposed to any of this information

Mort Orman: 00:38:39

and put them in a 10 session program.

Mort Orman: 00:38:41

They come out at the end, they're like.

Mort Orman: 00:38:43

Completely different people as far as anger is concerned.

Mort Orman: 00:38:45

They're just not getting angry as much.

Mort Orman: 00:38:47

They know where their anger is coming from.

Mort Orman: 00:38:48

I only take the first two sessions to teach them the framework and there's

Mort Orman: 00:38:53

other pieces that we didn't have time to go into today that are not that much, but

Mort Orman: 00:38:56

the main thing is those three filters.

Mort Orman: 00:38:58

But so I teach them that model in the first two sessions.

Mort Orman: 00:39:01

All we do.

Mort Orman: 00:39:02

In the other eight sessions is I, I, I keep asking them, give me examples

Mort Orman: 00:39:06

of when you got angry recently in the past, let's work on, let's work on them

Mort Orman: 00:39:11

and take them through this model and say, Oh yeah, I got was angry at my

Mort Orman: 00:39:14

sister five years ago because she did.

Mort Orman: 00:39:16

Okay, good.

Mort Orman: 00:39:17

Where do you think, look at the three filters where you think in

Mort Orman: 00:39:19

this, this is a, Oh yeah, I was okay.

Mort Orman: 00:39:21

Now let's dig in.

Mort Orman: 00:39:22

You know, what's the truth about this from that situation?

Mort Orman: 00:39:24

And we do.

Mort Orman: 00:39:25

So each session of those remaining eight sessions, we do maybe three or four.

Mort Orman: 00:39:29

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:39:30

examples from their own life.

Mort Orman: 00:39:31

These are not my examples.

Mort Orman: 00:39:32

These are you tell me when you got angry and we'll work through it together.

Mort Orman: 00:39:37

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:39:38

And, and you let's do the deep dive into what's true and what's not true.

Mort Orman: 00:39:42

And then I help them see what's true and what's not true.

Mort Orman: 00:39:43

Because a lot of times in the beginning they haven't flexed that muscle.

Mort Orman: 00:39:47

Too much.

Mort Orman: 00:39:47

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:39:48

But by the end of eight sessions of that, you know, eight times three is 24,

Mort Orman: 00:39:53

20, you know, 20 to 30 times you get to parse your own anger examples and see

Mort Orman: 00:39:58

where you were, your filters were faulty.

Mort Orman: 00:40:00

By the end of that, you, you have some competence now you have some,

Mort Orman: 00:40:05

and some self confidence too, that you know, well, I could do this, you

Mort Orman: 00:40:08

know, because I've, I've seen that I, it, A, I've seen that it works.

Mort Orman: 00:40:12

It helps me reduce my anger when I do it.

Mort Orman: 00:40:15

And B, I see that I have the ability to do it.

Mort Orman: 00:40:17

It's not that difficult.

Mort Orman: 00:40:18

I just, it's just a different orientation I haven't been used to.

Mort Orman: 00:40:21

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:40:22

And, and, you know, thank you coach for helping me see, see that

Mort Orman: 00:40:26

it's literally, it's like teaching somebody to hit a curve ball.

Mort Orman: 00:40:29

I mean, it's, it's just, it's a skill, something they don't know how to

Mort Orman: 00:40:33

do and you show them how to do it.

Mort Orman: 00:40:34

There's a trick to it or this or that.

Mort Orman: 00:40:36

And then, oh, thanks.

Mort Orman: 00:40:37

And now I can hit a curve ball, you know?

Mort Orman: 00:40:39

So, um, Yeah.

Mort Orman: 00:40:42

And so that's, but that's, there's nothing fancier that's going on.

Mort Orman: 00:40:46

Now I am imparting some life wisdom to help them see what's

Mort Orman: 00:40:49

true and what's not true.

Mort Orman: 00:40:50

So there's a lot of that that goes on.

Mort Orman: 00:40:51

And I share a bunch of that in the book.

Mort Orman: 00:40:53

I really, I really wrote the book to take people so they don't have

Mort Orman: 00:40:56

to go through that 10 session program if they don't want to.

Mort Orman: 00:40:58

Okay.

Mort Orman: 00:40:59

You literally take the book, Dr.

Mort Orman: 00:41:00

Orman's life changing anger cure, and Everything I teach in that

Mort Orman: 00:41:05

10 session program is in there.

Mort Orman: 00:41:07

The only thing I can't do is, you know, you got, you got angry at

Mort Orman: 00:41:12

aunt Sally, you know, five years ago because she did X, Y, and Z.

Mort Orman: 00:41:16

I can't work with you on that specific example, but I give you

Mort Orman: 00:41:19

plenty of examples to show you how you could work through that yourself.

Mort Orman: 00:41:22

So there's a lot of power in that book that you can take it as a blueprint and

Mort Orman: 00:41:26

you can literally use it to practice these skills that we're talking about.

Mort Orman: 00:41:30

And then over time you'll get better and better and better.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:34

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:34

It sounds like patience and persistence are key, you know, bringing about

Mike Forrester: 00:41:38

that self awareness going through the filters and then just being

Mike Forrester: 00:41:42

patient with yourself and the process.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:44

Um, but anytime you're getting triggered, getting, you know, angry,

Mike Forrester: 00:41:49

just running it through and, and seeing like, okay, is there a pattern?

Mike Forrester: 00:41:53

What do I need to, uh, you know, do?

Mike Forrester: 00:41:55

You know, stay humble and, and is this true?

Mort Orman: 00:41:59

This is not the only model, the only framework

Mort Orman: 00:42:01

for understanding emotions.

Mort Orman: 00:42:03

I mean, there's different experts around.

Mort Orman: 00:42:04

Tony Robbins has a different one, different people have different ones.

Mort Orman: 00:42:07

So I'm not saying this is, this is all there is.

Mort Orman: 00:42:10

I'm just saying, this is, there are multiple ways you can look at emotions.

Mort Orman: 00:42:13

This is one way that is very, very useful and very powerful.

Mort Orman: 00:42:18

It doesn't have to be a.

Mort Orman: 00:42:19

100 percent covers everything about emotions.

Mort Orman: 00:42:22

But if you look at it just from that simplistic three filter framework,

Mort Orman: 00:42:26

which almost anybody can eventually memorize what what those three

Mort Orman: 00:42:29

filters are, so you don't even need the index card after a while.

Mike Forrester: 00:42:33

That makes sense.

Mike Forrester: 00:42:34

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:42:35

More.

Mike Forrester: 00:42:35

Outside of this podcast, how can folks get in touch with you and,

Mike Forrester: 00:42:39

and dive deeper into the anger elimination that you've laid out here?

Mort Orman: 00:42:44

Yeah, well, I've got a, a handout, um, called the best anger

Mort Orman: 00:42:47

elimination method you can find.

Mort Orman: 00:42:49

And it talks about anger, a little bit about anger, and it talks

Mort Orman: 00:42:52

about the 10 session program.

Mort Orman: 00:42:53

And at the very end, it talks a little bit about the book that

Mort Orman: 00:42:56

I recently released on Amazon.

Mort Orman: 00:42:58

Um, about the 10 session program.

Mort Orman: 00:43:00

So you can, people can get that for free by going to theangersolution.

Mort Orman: 00:43:05

org, O R G, theangersolution.

Mort Orman: 00:43:09

org.

Mort Orman: 00:43:09

They can download that and that'll get them on my email list so they can

Mort Orman: 00:43:13

email, communicate with me by email.

Mort Orman: 00:43:15

I pick a topic every week on stress or anger and I break it down

Mort Orman: 00:43:19

into three pieces and I deliver it on Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

Mort Orman: 00:43:22

So if you understand how anger works really, really deeply, then all you have

Mort Orman: 00:43:26

to do is find somebody to teach you the other filters for the other emotions.

Mort Orman: 00:43:30

And you can do the same thing with anger.

Mort Orman: 00:43:32

As long as you know what the internal causes are, then you can start digging

Mort Orman: 00:43:36

into them and seeing where they're true and where they're not true.

Mort Orman: 00:43:38

So.

Mike Forrester: 00:43:39

Well, Mort, I appreciate you joining me, sharing.

Mike Forrester: 00:43:42

All that you have on, you know, the triggers of anger, self

Mike Forrester: 00:43:45

awareness, and then being persistent and I appreciate you joining me.

Mike Forrester: 00:43:50

Thank you very much.

Mike Forrester: 00:43:51

My friend.

Mort Orman: 00:43:51

Thanks for having me.

Mort Orman: 00:43:52

Mike.