Episode 375

How Grit and Resilience Shape Courageous Men with David Ask

Published on: 23rd January, 2025

This is Part 2 of my conversation with David Ask. If you haven't heard it yet, start with Part 1: You'll Never Find Your Purpose Until You Know Who You Are.

Resilience means bouncing back to a shape you can describe, and most men were never taught theirs. My guest David Ask explains the difference between grit and resilience. Drawing on Angela Duckworth's work, he describes grit as doing something hard for a long time. What's on the other side is worth it. Resilience is getting back up quickly. David says both work best when they come from inside you instead of from fear of looking foolish. He compares resilience to a basketball. Slam it on the ground and it loses its form for a split second. Then it springs back to a shape you could measure. A man who knows his values and convictions bounces back to himself. Without that, he reads the room like a compass reading the magnetic field around it. Mike Forrester admits he spent years as that chameleon. David calls the alternative true north, a fixed point that doesn't move with the crowd.

Mike asks the question many men carry: is it too late if my own father never gave me this? David's answer is no. He says a father's first job is protector, and his second is being the first to say I'm sorry. Humility covers a lot of mistakes. You can't give away what you don't have, so the work starts with you. Name your core values, your strengths, and what lights you up. Then ask your kids what makes them cry, what makes them furious, and what they love. David believes a man takes full responsibility for what happens in his home. He wants to be the chief hug giver and the one who leads with laughter, prayer, and hard work. He's never heard a wife or child wish their husband or father led less well.

David says identity can't be fully built alone. Quoting John Eldredge, he believes men can father one another by naming what's good in each other. He also shares a lesson about applause. He has sung at one private venue four times under a nondisclosure agreement, once alongside his daughter. Being unable to talk about it reminded him he doesn't need the praise. That shapes his idea of thinking better instead of bigger. Big goals chased to prove your worth never satisfy. Mike teaches that what you carry from your father isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility. David shows how to take that on with humility instead of shame. If you're a dad who never got this from your own father, start by writing down your own values. Then ask your kids what puts a lump in their throat.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

  • Understand the difference between grit and resilience, and why both work best when they come from inside you.
  • Recognize when you're reading the room like a compass instead of standing on your own true north.
  • Learn why it's never too late to give your kids what your own father couldn't give you.
  • See why being the first to say I'm sorry is one of a father's most important jobs.
  • Use simple questions to help your kids name what they love, what moves them, and what makes them angry.
  • Walk through why chasing bigger goals to prove your worth never satisfies.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:00:20 - the difference between grit and resilience

00:02:23 - why resilience means bouncing back to who you are

00:05:39 - true north versus reading the room

00:06:24 - why your kids need a father who stands for something

00:10:07 - is it too late if your father never gave you this

00:12:08 - why a father's job includes being the first to say I'm sorry

00:14:11 - how to find your own values before guiding your kids

00:16:51 - taking full responsibility for what happens in your home

00:19:29 - why identity grows through relationships with other men

00:27:16 - why he no longer needs the applause of others

00:29:24 - what it means to think better instead of bigger

00:33:30 - how to really get to know someone

Whether your anger blows up in the kitchen or burns quietly on the drive home, it's running a pattern you inherited. Take the free quiz at whatsbehindyouranger.com and see which one you're carrying.

Your kids are inheriting more than your money, right now they're inheriting your patterns. Grab the free audit at yourlegacyaudit.com to see what you're passing down to them.

Connect with David Ask

Website

https://www.davidask.com/

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/thedavidask/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thedavidask/

Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

Transcript
[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

[:

Next Episode All Episodes Previous Episode

Listen for free

Show artwork for Living Fearless Today

About the Podcast

Living Fearless Today
Helping men break generational cycles, heal the father wound, and become a better husband and dad.
You swore you'd be a different kind of father than the one who raised you. Then one day you caught his words and tone coming out of your mouth. You felt the same distance creep in at home, and wondered how much of him you're still carrying despite the promise you made to yourself.

Living Fearless Today is a podcast for men who are done repeating the patterns they grew up with. Host Mike Forrester has stood where you're standing. Every week he brings honest conversations and practical tools for the parts of a man's life that rarely get said out loud: the father wound you never named, the anger that shows up with the people you love most, the marriage that's gone quiet, and the man you still want to become.

The show helps you understand the past that shaped you. Then you take an honest look at where you stand today as a husband, a father, and a man. From there you start building the future you actually want, one choice at a time, instead of drifting into the one you were handed and currently living out.

Episodes cover identity, anger, shame, marriage and fatherhood, relationships, self-worth, courage, emotional intelligence, legacy and purpose, and the brotherhood that the vast majority of men are missing. If you've looked for how to break generational cycles, face a father wound, handle anger as a dad, or become a better husband and father, start here.

The cycle can end with you. Press play and take the first step toward becoming the man you needed when you were young.

About your host

Profile picture for Mike Forrester

Mike Forrester

Mike Forrester is a men's transformation coach, founder of the Living Fearless coaching programs, and host of the Living Fearless Today podcast. His insights, methods and stories of overcoming childhood trauma, dyslexia and loss of loved ones have been featured on various podcasts, including Hanging Onto Hope, Extreme Health, Own Your Life Own Your Career and Think Unbroken.