Struggling Alone Could Be What's Holding You Back in Life with Kyle Nelson

Mike Forrester: 00:00:01

Well, hello and welcome back, my friend.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:04

And this week, Kyle Nelson is joining me and Kyle's got an amazing

Mike Forrester: 00:00:07

story of hitting a point where.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:11

And I think we can all relate to this things just pile up and it's all at once.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:16

It's almost like, you know, you've been waiting for the other shoe

Mike Forrester: 00:00:19

to fall and the other shoe is like a boot and it falls all at once.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:25

But there's also then that continuing process that just wears us down and

Mike Forrester: 00:00:31

where we've had strength before the strength kind of starts to wane.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:36

But the amazing thing with Kyle's story is you're going to see that

Mike Forrester: 00:00:39

hope that transformation, that decision, that it's like, I'm not done.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:44

I'm going to continue on and I'm going to figure out what things

Mike Forrester: 00:00:47

should actually be going forward.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:50

So looking forward to talking with Kyle about, you know, the reality

Mike Forrester: 00:00:53

of life, where he got to and the hope that came about from it.

Mike Forrester: 00:00:58

So let's get ready to jump in here.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:00

Kyle, how are you doing today, my friend?

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:02

Mike, what's going on, man?

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:03

It is a complete honor and I'm very excited about this conversation.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:07

I'm doing really good today.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:08

Great headspace.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:10

Love the holiday season.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:11

Uh, you know, and, and just, uh, keep my head up looking forward

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:14

to the weekend, going a little family vacation this weekend.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:17

Oh, dude.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:18

Awesome.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:19

That sounds, sounds fantastic.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:21

It's going to be nice.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:22

Yeah, absolutely.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:24

Well, dude, let's jump in on the, the professional side of life right now.

Mike Forrester: 00:01:28

What does that look like for you?

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:31

Yeah.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:31

So currently, uh, I have a business partner.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:33

Um, Eli Libby, he's my co founder.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:35

He's, we've been in business together for at least 10 years.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:39

Uh, and we recently launched a new company a couple of years

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:42

ago called Peak Fulfillment.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:44

We do solo retreats that are self guided.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:46

They usually take around three days.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:48

You go over self reflection, self discovery, and vision crafting.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:51

You really are able to escape the noise and be able to gain

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:54

some clarity in your life.

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:56

We also have another company that we just recently launched called

Kyle Nelson: 00:01:58

Welldia, and it's a very similar model, but it's for corporate companies.

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:03

So a lot of companies out there have mental health PTO days.

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:06

We want to redefine those.

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:07

Only 18 percent of people actually use those mental health days because it

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:11

has this negative cognitation to it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:13

And most of them are just doing Netflix and DoorDash.

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:16

They're not actually working on their mental health.

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:18

So now we have created a product, um, that allows people to have

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:21

a structured day around actually improving their mental health.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:25

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:26

I think we can all, uh, look back at those Netflix and chill kind of thing

Mike Forrester: 00:02:30

and just go, yeah, it medicated, but it didn't really, uh, nourish and refresh us.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:36

Right.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:37

Exactly.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:38

Well, that's awesome.

Mike Forrester: 00:02:40

How about on the personal side?

Mike Forrester: 00:02:41

What does that look like for you now?

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:43

Yeah.

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:44

Personal side.

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:44

I got a couple of kids, two boys, nine and five.

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:47

I'm married to my high school sweetheart.

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:49

We've been, uh, together for I should know this number 17, 18 years or something.

Kyle Nelson: 00:02:55

I won't tell her, um, run in the business day to day, uh,

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:00

doing lots of coaching myself.

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:02

Um, I'm part of, um.

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:05

The board at my child's school, board president.

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:07

So I stay very involved with that.

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:08

But in general, personally, I'm doing fantastic.

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:11

I'm in a great headspace.

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:12

I always look forward to this time of year because I know there's a

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:15

new horizon with the next year.

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:17

Uh, and there's just so much opportunity coming up, um,

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:20

especially this upcoming year.

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:21

So I'm doing fantastic.

Mike Forrester: 00:03:24

That's great to hear.

Mike Forrester: 00:03:26

Well, you've said headspace a couple of times.

Mike Forrester: 00:03:28

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:03:29

Can you define, like, what is Headspace and how is it impacting, like, your

Mike Forrester: 00:03:35

day to day and just life in general?

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:38

Yeah, I think, you know, as busy people, there is a lot

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:43

of cloudiness in our minds, right?

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:46

Sometimes we can't see through it all the way, and sometimes we just need a

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:49

little bit of clarity and remove that fog.

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:52

Uh, every day I work very hard.

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:55

To make sure I'm removing that fog and I have clarity from the second I wake

Kyle Nelson: 00:03:59

up to the second I go to sleep and a lot of that has to do with truly being self

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:04

aware of my actions and my behaviors and reflecting on them and living a life of

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:09

intentionality from when I'm making a pot of coffee and having gratitude for

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:14

whoever actually roasted these beans.

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:17

Right.

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:17

And that first sip of actually what it's doing to fuel me with the caffeine

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:22

to get my day going the small times like that, that I practice gratitude

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:26

just creates a mindset and a head space of positivity and growth mindset.

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:33

You know, looking forward to the next best thing in your day.

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:36

So, when I talk about headspace, I, I try really hard at that.

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:39

And of course, I'm like everybody.

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:41

I definitely have my days of complete fog, negativity.

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:44

Don't want to get up.

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:45

I'm grumpy.

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:47

The goal is to work at that and not being stuck in that.

Kyle Nelson: 00:04:51

And, uh, I do my best every day to get there.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:54

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:55

So what I'm hearing is you're normal.

Mike Forrester: 00:04:59

If there's like this, this struggle, this ebb and flow where it's like, okay,

Mike Forrester: 00:05:03

I've got good days, but there's also those days that are a challenge because

Mike Forrester: 00:05:07

of what's gone on or how I didn't sleep or just kind of what goes on around.

Mike Forrester: 00:05:12

But it's like, like you use the word intentionality, you're being

Mike Forrester: 00:05:16

purposeful in how you approach things and being grateful and just looking

Mike Forrester: 00:05:21

for the things around you that.

Mike Forrester: 00:05:23

Others might not have in their life to be able to be thankful for.

Mike Forrester: 00:05:27

So

Kyle Nelson: 00:05:28

totally

Mike Forrester: 00:05:29

get it.

Mike Forrester: 00:05:31

Well, let's jump back, Kyle.

Mike Forrester: 00:05:33

Um, go back to November of 2018.

Mike Forrester: 00:05:38

There were a lot of things that happened in a very short space of time.

Mike Forrester: 00:05:42

And it wasn't, you know, just like the newspaper didn't get delivered and,

Mike Forrester: 00:05:46

you know, you didn't get your coffee.

Mike Forrester: 00:05:48

There was some deep stuff that happened that was life changing.

Mike Forrester: 00:05:48

Can you take us back to that time and what happened to, uh, To kind

Mike Forrester: 00:05:58

of set a different course for you.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:01

Yeah, so November 8th of 2018 was a big, big day in my life,

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:06

but to set the stage and, and, and where I was in my life at that time,

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:11

I had a photography business, a little studio, literally Main Street, USA

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:15

in downtown paradise, California.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:18

I had, my youngest child was, uh, my oldest child at that time was three.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:23

Me and my wife had just bought a house, this house, a couple

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:25

years ago that we're living in.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:26

Beautiful foothills of Sierra Nevadas.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:29

A gorgeous place to live, small town, everybody knew each other.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:32

I was very involved in the chamber.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:34

Life was good.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:35

Money was short, sure, but like, I was happy.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:37

I felt like I was having some success and I felt like, Alright,

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:40

I'm starting to get there.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:42

I'm starting to see that, uh, And just the career pinnacle, and I'm

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:45

adulting the right way, finally.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:49

And, uh, yeah, you know, November 7th, uh, me and my wife were excited.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:54

We were trying to have another child.

Kyle Nelson: 00:06:57

We were ready to take that next chapter in our life.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:00

And we found out she actually had a miscarriage.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:02

So that was really hard and, you know, you instantly start to mourn

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:07

because you've already have this child in your mind in the future and the

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:11

name picked out and all that stuff.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:13

And so we started to go through that process but, uh, 12 hours later we

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:18

start hearing about this fire that's approaching Paradise, California.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:23

It's Northern California.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:24

That's normal.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:25

We've evacuated several times.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:27

It's far.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:28

It's like 20 miles.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:29

It's no way, uh, the wind started picking up and it actually

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:33

started getting closer and closer.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:34

So it was time for me to evacuate.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:36

I had to go grab my kid, um, at daycare that was up the

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:40

mountain and I hit traffic.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:44

Of course, I was telling my parents like you need to get out of your house

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:47

now because they live about a mile down the road and, um, ran out of gas as I

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:53

was evacuating Paradise, California.

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:55

This fire was I mean, if anybody's seen any of the documentaries, like 60 Minutes

Kyle Nelson: 00:07:59

and, um, a lot of big ones have happened.

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:02

Like, when you see flames going hundreds of feet, like, that's real.

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:08

So, I luckily evacuated, um, but we lost everything.

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:11

We lost our home, we lost our community, I lost my business

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:14

downtown, my parents lost their home.

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:16

So, if there's anything of family heirloom, that's gone.

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:20

Uh, and I just had a loss of hope.

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:23

I didn't really, I felt very lost, but there was one thing I knew I needed to

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:27

do, and that was to be the backbone for the five of us, which is my son at the

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:31

time, my wife, and my two, my parents.

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:34

I had to be the one that was being resilient and pushing us forward.

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:39

And what ends up happening is suppression of emotions.

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:44

I was not able to actually have those emotions of mourning the first of all

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:49

of a miscarriage, but mourning a loss of my community and my Everything I

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:53

owned and everything me and my wife built up to that point was gone, uh,

Kyle Nelson: 00:08:58

and that feels, it has an energy to it that feels like a death that you

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:03

have to go through, um, and process.

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:07

So, November 8th, very hard day in my life, uh, and, but one thing I can say

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:13

is when you experience something of that magnitude, and then you stick it

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:20

on top of another experience of the magnitude of miscarriage, you just

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:24

become numb and you just move forward.

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:27

And it wasn't even a growth mindset.

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:29

It was just a.

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:31

let me just get through the next day.

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:32

Cause we were homeless for months.

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:33

We had to figure out whose couch we're sleeping in, where we

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:36

were going to be the next day.

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:38

Um, and so, you know, the essential needs of life was

Kyle Nelson: 00:09:42

really all you're thinking about.

Mike Forrester: 00:09:45

As, as you look back at that, man, I mean, November,

Mike Forrester: 00:09:49

December, the months are going by.

Mike Forrester: 00:09:53

It's not like you can go, Hey, I'm going to go to my parents

Mike Forrester: 00:09:56

and we've got a safe place.

Mike Forrester: 00:09:58

You're, like you said, you're homeless.

Mike Forrester: 00:10:01

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:10:02

You're sticking your emotions.

Mike Forrester: 00:10:04

You're having to stuff them down to be that rigid kind of the

Mike Forrester: 00:10:09

foundation of the family, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:10:10

You're upholding all five people.

Mike Forrester: 00:10:14

How do you see that you were getting by how you were going through day to day?

Mike Forrester: 00:10:21

Because I mean, I'm envisioning Kyle and tell me if I'm wrong, that it's

Mike Forrester: 00:10:26

like, you've got to just kind of disconnect like the, the, The reality

Mike Forrester: 00:10:31

of day to day and just move forward, kind of detached, if that makes sense.

Mike Forrester: 00:10:38

And I know that kind of stuff would impact us as, as men individually.

Mike Forrester: 00:10:42

But then when it's like, you look at, Hey, you're a dad, you're a son.

Mike Forrester: 00:10:47

You're also a husband that's got to affect those relationships as well.

Mike Forrester: 00:10:52

And when that kind of stuff happens, you lose everything.

Mike Forrester: 00:10:57

They're also in a more sensitive.

Mike Forrester: 00:11:00

Place, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:11:00

Emotionally kind of, um, tapped or, or just raw, how do you see the, the other

Mike Forrester: 00:11:09

people around you were getting through it?

Mike Forrester: 00:11:11

And then you're getting through it as well.

Mike Forrester: 00:11:14

I mean, like what was the, the environment of, of you and your family at that time?

Mike Forrester: 00:11:20

Even not just immediately, but as you went down like six months down the road.

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:24

Yeah,

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:25

I was hopeful.

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:27

Right.

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:27

I, I, you have to have that kind of mindset of progression and having

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:32

hope and faith in every single day.

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:34

Um, but the biggest thing that happened was, is it was a complete identity

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:38

shift for me before I would, like you said, my focus was entrepreneurship.

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:44

It was being a husband, a father and being, you know,

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:47

a son and a community member.

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:49

My identity turned into just someone surviving.

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:53

Like that is all it was.

Kyle Nelson: 00:11:55

And every single day I had to remind myself, like, we will get through this.

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:00

There is bigger and better things tomorrow, but it's really hard to,

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:04

to be in that mindset when you have nothing and you're just trying to get

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:10

by and trying to figure out, well, okay, I got to put my, my positive dad

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:17

mask on right now to be around my child because he needs it more than I do.

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:21

He needs to see safety and security in me.

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:26

And knowing that it's going to be okay.

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:28

And so there really was no, it was, there really was no, you know, as the 6 months

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:34

go by it, honestly, that time was a blur because it was just trying to find what

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:41

the next day was going to bring to us.

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:43

All while having a business partner, we had another business going on at

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:47

the time, um, outside of my photo studio and my business partner, Eli

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:52

was like holding that for me, but I was trying to still be involved in

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:56

trying to still support and help.

Kyle Nelson: 00:12:57

But we use that business to help support other people in the area that needed help.

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:02

And so it was a photography business also.

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:05

And we were doing just free product photos for companies in town that like,

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:09

that just needed help to keep going and moving forward with their business.

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:12

So.

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:13

I not only was, like, needing aid like everybody else, I was doing

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:18

my best to give aid, because that was my way to not think about.

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:24

What was going on?

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:25

So receiving aid to me was like, Oh, like I am in this low place.

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:30

I need help.

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:30

I need assistance, but I didn't want that mindset because I knew I

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:34

needed to shift to helping others.

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:36

But as I didn't accept those, those things, or, you know, didn't

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:42

have involvement in that, that was suppressing those, those feelings.

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:45

I wasn't able to mourn and go through the, the emotions because

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:49

I was just trying to give, yeah.

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:51

But I wasn't giving myself me time and saying it's okay to accept

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:54

and move forward, but you need to feel these emotions first.

Kyle Nelson: 00:13:58

And so I just kept suppressing, I just kept pushing for months

Kyle Nelson: 00:14:01

and months, for years, really.

Kyle Nelson: 00:14:03

I mean, it was for years, I was just Just what was the next day going

Kyle Nelson: 00:14:07

to offer to me and how can I make sure I'm the security of my family?

Mike Forrester: 00:14:13

Kyle is you're going through this, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:14:15

You're keeping an upbeat positive attitude, but I mean,

Mike Forrester: 00:14:20

it's almost like if you look at when you run a marathon, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:14:24

Mile 12 is a lot more of a draw than mile one.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:29

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:30

Did that hope that you're focused on, um, and that you're, you know,

Mike Forrester: 00:14:35

really working to, to solidify the family with and kind of carry them.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:41

Did that draw down or become.

Mike Forrester: 00:14:44

Harder to, to hold on to.

Kyle Nelson: 00:14:48

Yeah, it really did.

Kyle Nelson: 00:14:50

I kept putting myself in the mindset of the, what could have been.

Kyle Nelson: 00:14:54

With where I was, you know, what am I missing out?

Kyle Nelson: 00:14:58

Right.

Kyle Nelson: 00:14:58

I was on this trajectory and timeline of life and then it got completely replaced.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:02

That's not what I had planned.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:04

That is not what I had planned in life and I was hurting really bad.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:08

I was really starting to feel so much pain mentally and just physically as well.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:14

And the hope became thinner and thinner and thinner to a point of just completely.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:21

I didn't have any more, and it was just every day was numb.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:25

I was hearing stuff.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:26

I was, I was, I was trying to move forward, but nothing was

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:30

really computing at that point.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:32

It was, like I said, it was survival, and people started seeing it around,

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:36

you know, around me, people started seeing it, and, um, no one really

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:42

reached out or said anything, though, but I could tell people could see the

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:46

pain, because I just wasn't showing up.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:48

I wasn't showing up as a father.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:49

I wasn't showing up as a husband.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:51

I wasn't ever showing up as a friend at that point.

Kyle Nelson: 00:15:55

And I just felt numb, I just felt completely numb, just not mentally, but

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:00

physically to anything could happen and it probably wouldn't affected me because

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:04

I just kept questioning what life should have been, could have been, and you

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:09

just start getting more depressed around that because it wasn't where I wanted to

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:13

be at this time, you know, year later, something, we were in an apartment that

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:19

I never would have had my child grow up in and I don't mean to be You know, I'm

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:23

very fortunate, I've always grown up middle class, and this is not a place

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:29

I want to, but it's what we had, that was, uh, that was where we could live.

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:33

And so that became depressing as well, especially signing

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:36

like a six month lease on that.

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:37

I was like, okay, this is where we're going to be.

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:41

Oh, but you know, and one of the other things too was so many people around

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:45

you saying, well, it could be worse.

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:49

You're fortunate you got home.

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:51

You could have lost your life or a family member's life.

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:54

It could be worse.

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:56

And that is the worst thing to say to someone when they just

Kyle Nelson: 00:16:59

want their feelings validated.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:01

And I was not having any validation.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:03

Not that I was asking for it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:05

Not that nobody was offering it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:06

But when you hear that every single day.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:09

It could be worse.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:12

You just start shutting off.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:13

Cause you're like, well, it's pretty bad.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:17

I've lost everything.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:18

I lost a child.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:19

Like, I don't know.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:20

I think everyone's bottom is different.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:23

You know, you could show up and, um, the worst thing that's ever happened to you

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:26

was getting fired for your dream job, but that's the worst you've ever felt.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:30

That's the worst.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:31

That's the bottom you've gone through that.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:34

Yeah, it can get worse, but you felt the same that I've felt.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:38

My worst and my bottom is just a different scenario me losing my dream job might

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:43

not affect me But that could be the worst thing ever for you And so when I would

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:46

hear that it would just it would just make me so negative and I didn't have that

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:49

positivity anymore I was becoming bitter.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:52

I was like, okay cool.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:53

Yeah, I guess it could be worse Whatever.

Kyle Nelson: 00:17:56

I don't and so then you start losing respect for people and you

Kyle Nelson: 00:18:00

just get in this motion of just negativity and Having no hope left.

Kyle Nelson: 00:18:05

It was drained.

Kyle Nelson: 00:18:06

And like I said, I was I was just completely numb

Mike Forrester: 00:18:11

and That kind of continued up until I believe about April of 21.

Mike Forrester: 00:18:17

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:18:18

When you kind of reached a crossroad, if I'm not mistaken, where it's like,

Mike Forrester: 00:18:22

Hey, I'm, I'm either, you know, going to figure out something different or I'm

Mike Forrester: 00:18:27

going to remove myself from the equation.

Mike Forrester: 00:18:30

And I think, you know, Many of us as men, we've hit that point where

Mike Forrester: 00:18:36

it's like, something's got to change.

Mike Forrester: 00:18:37

I just cannot continue like this.

Mike Forrester: 00:18:41

And that hope has become so, so thin.

Mike Forrester: 00:18:47

Like, it's almost like, The thing of unicorns, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:18:51

Right.

Mike Forrester: 00:18:51

You're like, I remember it one day.

Mike Forrester: 00:18:54

What, what was going on to when you hit that point?

Mike Forrester: 00:19:00

Um, you know, like to, there's courage in it, Kyle, that I don't want to miss

Mike Forrester: 00:19:08

here because it's like to, to say, Hey, I'm at this point takes a lot of

Mike Forrester: 00:19:14

courage because Uh, I mean, there's the other option of, Hey, I'm just

Mike Forrester: 00:19:20

going to make this decision and avoid, you made a different decision there.

Mike Forrester: 00:19:25

And I want that to be seen.

Mike Forrester: 00:19:26

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:19:28

So take, take us back.

Mike Forrester: 00:19:30

Like what was going on that got you to that point and why?

Mike Forrester: 00:19:35

Raise your hand and go, I need help.

Kyle Nelson: 00:19:39

So that's about, yeah, three years after the fire, about a

Kyle Nelson: 00:19:43

year before that, though, May of 2020, we moved, we got out of the area.

Kyle Nelson: 00:19:48

We got out of the environment of constant, just reminder about the

Kyle Nelson: 00:19:51

fire, just the constant input about it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:19:55

I couldn't do it anymore.

Kyle Nelson: 00:19:56

So I moved to Central Oregon.

Kyle Nelson: 00:19:58

Beautiful Bend, Oregon's where we live now.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:00

And I started to see a light.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:04

I was like, Oh, new environment.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:06

I'm going to come up to God's country.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:08

It's beautiful up here.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:09

And I'm just going to see if this environment shift

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:13

could help just do something.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:15

Cause I, I, I didn't have any other options.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:18

And so it did, it did help a little bit, you know, got through about

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:21

another year and about six months.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:24

And I started to creep back into.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:27

Depression, and I ended up actually finding a therapist, and this

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:30

therapist, uh, she diagnosed me with severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:37

And the anxiety was probably the worst part.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:40

I would find anxiety in the smallest things.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:42

I couldn't decide what coffee creamer to put in my coffee in the morning.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:46

I would get real anxiety, and I couldn't understand why.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:48

I couldn't figure out why I was having that issue.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:51

I just knew things were just building up, and they were

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:53

just I couldn't make decisions.

Kyle Nelson: 00:20:55

I couldn't really do anything, and it just Compounded every single day.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:00

And so, yeah, April 23rd, 2021, I got to a point where I woke

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:05

up and I said, this is it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:07

I can't do this anymore.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:08

I'm done.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:09

I'm checking out.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:10

I'm going to clock out of life.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:12

I can't do this.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:13

And I had, I had no, the reason why I knew I was at that part, that

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:18

part is I didn't see the next day.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:21

I couldn't see a future.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:23

I couldn't see what Saturday was going to bring me going grocery shopping

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:26

or doing what I just was hurting so bad and experiencing so much pain.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:30

I just didn't see it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:33

And I was like, all right.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:34

And then I challenged myself and I remembered how, how resilient I was.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:41

And how powerful the mind can be in the mindset.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:45

And I said, well, what's the alternative?

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:48

If I'm not going to check out, I've been trying to work on myself.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:51

I can't get there at this point.

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:53

What if I just escaped reality and left?

Kyle Nelson: 00:21:56

What if I just said, hey, I'm taking off for a bit.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:00

I love my family.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:01

Business partner.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:02

You deal with that.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:03

I need to escape.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:05

I need to run away.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:06

And so, yeah, I told my wife and I told my business partner,

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:10

Eli, he's also my best friend.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:12

I said, I need to go leave.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:14

Otherwise you probably are not going to see like I'm gone, man.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:18

Like either.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:18

So I'm really gone or I'm gone taken off.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:21

So I left for the coast for three days.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:23

My wife, um, created some questions about my life.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:28

Cause I just need to figure out who I was.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:31

What my identity was currently and, but more importantly on that

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:34

trip, I found out how I can make my identity different moving forward.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:39

And that was the life changing transformation that I had was

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:45

processing everything.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:46

I mean, in the four day period, I processed everything.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:48

I don't think I had another tear I can get out.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:51

I wasn't eating because it was just so much emotion coming out, but I finally

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:56

found so many different things that.

Kyle Nelson: 00:22:58

I understood what my triggers were at that point with my PTSD and anxiety.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:02

I reflected on so much more than just the fire and the miscarriage.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:06

And I came out of it though, with a new identity.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:08

And that was just empowerment and strength.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:11

And I'm going to be the husband.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:12

I'm going to be the father.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:13

I'm going to be the business partner and employer that everybody wants.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:19

And everybody wants to be around.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:21

And since that day, I have stuck to that identity.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:24

And I have been nothing but focused on empowerment.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:28

That is like my word now of life.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:31

And it's more than just empowering others.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:33

It's empowering myself and reminding myself I have to constantly give me

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:37

self love and self care and empower myself because I can't show up for

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:41

others if I'm not showing up for myself.

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:44

And, uh, yeah, I, uh, the, the other one thing that I want to mention was,

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:51

you know, when you are at a point of no hope and you can't see the next

Kyle Nelson: 00:23:56

day, The hardest decision anybody can make is saying I need help.

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:02

That is not what you're gonna do.

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:03

That's very difficult.

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:06

And you hear it constantly, you know, so many people say like, there's

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:09

people that love you, and it's a selfish decision to make, um, that big

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:15

of a change in your life, ending it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:18

But you don't see that at that moment.

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:22

You don't see that.

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:22

You don't see how, even if you hear it, you don't see it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:25

You're like, well, if you, if you knew the pain I was going through,

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:31

it's not selfish to me.

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:33

That's how I felt.

Kyle Nelson: 00:24:34

It was me being able to say, okay, I can't, I can't go through it anymore.

Mike Forrester: 00:24:40

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:24:40

When you don't see another way, right.

Mike Forrester: 00:24:42

That seems to be the only door that's open and everything is

Mike Forrester: 00:24:45

deadbolt and you know, an iron door.

Mike Forrester: 00:24:48

So, um, a lot of guys, when we get to that point of, Hey, I'm, I'm going

Mike Forrester: 00:24:55

to try and process my emotions or I'm going to look in and reflect you.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:00

You talked about processing things in, in just a few days there, Kyle.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:07

But the barrier seems to be If I, if I let my emotions out and I process them,

Mike Forrester: 00:25:15

there's a shame that, Hey, I'm not a man.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:18

I'm a less than, um, or you don't give yourself permission because you're afraid

Mike Forrester: 00:25:24

of, um, If I open the door to my emotions, what have I not processed that I think

Mike Forrester: 00:25:31

I have and you just open a tidal wave.

Mike Forrester: 00:25:35

I mean, how did you walk past those two to just go, I'm here, I'm giving it

Mike Forrester: 00:25:41

my all and I'm coming home different.

Kyle Nelson: 00:25:45

The biggest decision that I made was I had gone to an extreme low.

Kyle Nelson: 00:25:52

So if I can find that I can get there, why can't I flip and get to an extreme high?

Kyle Nelson: 00:25:59

Although thumbs came up reaction,

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:04

extreme high.

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:05

Uh, that's funny.

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:07

Um, but yeah, and I, I told myself that I said, if I can, if I can experience

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:12

that low of life, why can't I show up and be the light that not only others want

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:17

to see again out of me, but for myself.

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:19

And so I just made that decision.

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:21

I'm not going to let.

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:23

Anything stopped me now.

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:25

Uh, because like I said, when you're that low, there's no other, I mean, it's.

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:32

You don't have any other, like, the ground is there.

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:34

You've hit rock bottom, but when you look the other way, there is no ceiling.

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:40

It's just the sky, like there, you just keep going, right?

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:44

And so I just had to commit that to myself, and it's not, it's not easy

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:48

to stay committed, you know, I, about a year ago, I want to say it was, me

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:54

and my wife had a second miscarriage.

Kyle Nelson: 00:26:56

And so, when that happened, I'll tell you what, that was a lot of emotions that came

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:01

back from all the work I'd been doing.

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:03

I was in another low spot, but it was nowhere near where I was.

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:09

And I had learned so much about myself and understand so much about the way that

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:15

I can be reactive to something like that.

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:20

I bounced back really quick.

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:22

Uh, and it was just so exciting.

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:24

I was like, okay, I can do this.

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:25

\ experiencing other traumatic things in your life and, and,

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:29

and negativity and stuff.

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:31

Like I use that as a scar.

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:33

Like really callous it, babe, because I want, I'm going to use that as, Hey,

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:37

I know next time something happens, I can bounce back quick, hard to have

Kyle Nelson: 00:27:42

that mindset, but it takes time and it takes working at it every single day.

Mike Forrester: 00:27:49

When you were on that retreat and this is now what

Mike Forrester: 00:27:52

you and Eli, um, offer and coach people through is, is solo retreats.

Mike Forrester: 00:27:59

What did you do to make your image, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:28:04

Your vision casting of this is who Kyle's going to be going forward

Mike Forrester: 00:28:10

because, you know, we're We're famous for setting new year's resolutions that

Mike Forrester: 00:28:17

that are broken way before 21 days.

Mike Forrester: 00:28:21

You're lucky if you make it that far, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:28:23

Yeah, for sure.

Mike Forrester: 00:28:25

And so yet here we are years later.

Mike Forrester: 00:28:29

You're, you're still sold on that, that vision, that image of who Kyle is.

Mike Forrester: 00:28:36

How did you do that so that it stuck and you continue to

Mike Forrester: 00:28:40

invest and go that direction?

Kyle Nelson: 00:28:45

It's a daily practice, lots of self discipline.

Kyle Nelson: 00:28:49

And, and continuing with a growth mindset and the way to do that is not just me

Kyle Nelson: 00:28:55

waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror and saying, okay, this is who I am.

Kyle Nelson: 00:28:59

It's feeding my soul and feeding my mind with good stuff and being around good

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:04

people, whether it's podcasts, books, going to seminars, you have to continue

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:10

to always educate yourself and always move forward and feed yourself with

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:14

it because the second that you don't.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:16

You're letting that other voice back in.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:19

And so just continuous, um, you know, feeding, like I said,

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:23

but another thing too, is.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:26

You know, when you get so in tuned with your emotions and you're so

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:30

self aware of like, when you're in a conversation, you know, it's going south.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:34

So, you know, what the reactivity should be, but I'm going to be proactive.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:38

So I'm not getting there.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:40

Uh, you find that in every part of your life.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:43

So even with the positive, right?

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:45

I'm like, Oh, I got something.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:47

I'm winning today.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:48

There's something going on.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:49

You kind of still have to keep that in check.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:51

So you're not so emotionally, you got to keep regulated.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:55

Um, so you can really take anything at any moment.

Kyle Nelson: 00:29:58

It's just daily work, man.

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:00

It's, it's talking to people like you, having podcasts where I can talk about my

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:03

story, and talk about who I am, and like, letting that identity out, so people know

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:09

who I am, so they can help support that through the questions they ask, and who

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:13

they, where people come to me for things.

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:16

It takes just, uh, you know, also just being vocal around people of,

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:20

yeah, I've had this issue before, and I'm working on it still.

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:24

But Hey, I need support as I work on it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:26

So help me keep in check, help me, you know, when you see me going

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:30

down or out of the hole, like say something, please, uh, in the,

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:33

having that level of vulnerability.

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:36

Has taken a lot of work, but we're all humans and the more vulnerable you are

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:41

with somebody else That's like when relationships are strong and that's

Kyle Nelson: 00:30:45

where the comfortability comes from.

Mike Forrester: 00:30:47

Yeah, that's a very different position.

Mike Forrester: 00:30:50

Yeah You know when it's like I look at New Year's resolutions.

Mike Forrester: 00:30:54

It's almost like a should or ought to yeah, there's a expectation and

Mike Forrester: 00:30:59

what it sounds like from Your initial retreat and what, um, you guys are

Mike Forrester: 00:31:05

doing in the prompting, the questions that you're asking in, in the solo

Mike Forrester: 00:31:09

retreat is you're asking for a deeper, uh, like awareness, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:31:15

Looking for like, who do I want to be?

Mike Forrester: 00:31:18

And most importantly, why?

Mike Forrester: 00:31:21

And is.

Mike Forrester: 00:31:23

Is that accurate?

Mike Forrester: 00:31:24

Are you using like the why that you discover in, in that solo retreat,

Mike Forrester: 00:31:29

like the isolation from all these prompts to kind of be the, the

Mike Forrester: 00:31:33

bigger sail to stick with, with the image of who you're setting out?

Kyle Nelson: 00:31:39

Yeah.

Kyle Nelson: 00:31:39

So to break down the retreat a little bit to answer that.

Kyle Nelson: 00:31:43

Okay.

Kyle Nelson: 00:31:43

So in this retreat, uh, it's multiple things.

Kyle Nelson: 00:31:46

There's a mastermind afterwards.

Kyle Nelson: 00:31:47

It's 90 days.

Kyle Nelson: 00:31:49

But the actual retreat you're going on is usually around three days.

Kyle Nelson: 00:31:52

Some people take a little bit longer, and it's broken down into three days.

Kyle Nelson: 00:31:57

And the first day, or excuse me, three different workbooks.

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:00

And then there's other items in this box that you receive that have

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:03

to do with some of the activities and experiences that we've created.

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:06

But day one is all about self reflection.

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:09

So let's sit there, have multiple different prompts and activities,

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:13

and reflect on who you are.

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:16

Like all the things you've gone through, the wins, like let's celebrate a little

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:20

bit, but let's also address some of the crap that we've gone through that's like

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:24

really negative and, and, and made us hurt before and like, why are my, why

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:29

am I feeling that when certain things happen and how did that affect me today?

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:34

What may be limited belief has been put into place from that,

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:39

the fears that we may have.

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:41

And that starts going into day two.

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:42

And each day is sealed.

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:44

You can't open it until the next day, because as humans, we want to get ahead.

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:48

But it's also learning about how to slow down and process.

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:51

Which is something that if I, if, if that was someone that something

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:54

that someone told me is, Hey, you need to slow down and process, I

Kyle Nelson: 00:32:59

would have been in a better spot.

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:01

So day two, we talk about self discovery.

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:02

We discover the things that you're great at, the things that maybe you could use

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:06

some improvements and things that you need to maybe hand over to other people

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:09

in life and also just discover, you know, your identity and who you think.

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:13

Who you think your identity is, like, who is it that you think it

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:17

is that Kyle is when he wakes up and how is he identifying himself?

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:21

And so we look at that like currently this is who I am.

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:24

Is it all good?

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:26

Is it all kind of negative like whatever that is?

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:29

This is what it is and you sit with that that evening and then the next

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:33

day we Go over vision crafting and so it's not just goal setting It's really

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:38

putting a vision out there of who you want to be and how do you become that?

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:43

As you walk out of this retreat, what are the steps you need to take

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:47

to shift that identity, a complete paradigm shift in our minds of no,

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:51

this is, I'm proud of who I've been.

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:54

I'm proud of everything I've gone through, but if I want to really level

Kyle Nelson: 00:33:57

up in life and continue with a growth mindset and be who I've always wanted

Kyle Nelson: 00:34:02

to be, this is what I need to do.

Kyle Nelson: 00:34:04

But these are the skills I have and the experiences I have

Kyle Nelson: 00:34:06

that are coming along with me.

Kyle Nelson: 00:34:08

To create that, that new version, a new identity that you're really going after.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:15

What do you see as, I know many guys that I've coached,

Mike Forrester: 00:34:20

and I know for myself personally as well, Kyle, I had buried those dreams.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:25

Oh

Kyle Nelson: 00:34:26

man.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:26

And just detach from him because that was the

Mike Forrester: 00:34:29

place I had gotten to, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:34:30

It was, you know, we talked about stuffing things.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:34

Well, when you've got worth and things are stuffed away and, um, you're

Mike Forrester: 00:34:39

also not giving yourself permission to reach those points, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:34:43

Yes.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:44

So when you've got a guy that's coming along and going, Hey

Mike Forrester: 00:34:49

man, I don't remember my dreams.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:51

I may have dreamt at one point, but I don't remember those dreams.

Mike Forrester: 00:34:56

How in the vision casting, are you helping guys to say, Hey, here's the

Mike Forrester: 00:35:02

dream and yes, you are worthy of it.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:06

You are capable of this and, and let's craft it and, you know, give

Mike Forrester: 00:35:11

you a way to do it and not really self sabotage as you're going on that path.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:17

. Kyle Nelson: You know, some questions that I ask people, if, if you're

Mike Forrester: 00:35:21

not the dreamer, then who is?

Mike Forrester: 00:35:22

You're going to let someone else be the dreamer in your life.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:24

You know, that person's doing so well.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:27

Oh, he's living the dream.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:29

That person's just a human, just like you.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:31

And you need to realize that it takes work to get there, but there was a

Mike Forrester: 00:35:34

decision in their life to start moving towards that and nothing to reflect on

Mike Forrester: 00:35:39

is if not today, then when you're never going to get started running after that

Mike Forrester: 00:35:44

dream, but being able to develop and go back to what those dreams were getting

Mike Forrester: 00:35:49

out of the trunk and dust them off.

Mike Forrester: 00:35:51

I simply just start like, what makes you happy?

Mike Forrester: 00:35:56

Like what's fun for you?

Mike Forrester: 00:35:58

Right, Mike?

Mike Forrester: 00:35:59

Mike, at the end of the day, if you could say, man, I had fun today, just like when

Mike Forrester: 00:36:02

we were children, like, what is that?

Mike Forrester: 00:36:05

What is it that makes you actually have bliss and joy again?

Mike Forrester: 00:36:09

And then you start thinking about, okay, how could you integrate

Mike Forrester: 00:36:12

that in your life every single day, even if it's for 10 minutes?

Mike Forrester: 00:36:15

What's fun?

Mike Forrester: 00:36:17

And then, you know, a few, you know, over time, you could start thinking, okay,

Mike Forrester: 00:36:22

Maybe this is maybe there's some passion or purpose driven into this fund and this

Mike Forrester: 00:36:26

happiness and bliss that I can create.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:29

And then obviously there'll be goals that come with that and the

Mike Forrester: 00:36:32

dream that you want to create.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:33

But I think strongly, even old dreams, you know, they need to

Mike Forrester: 00:36:37

be renewed with who you are.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:39

You know, maybe if you always dreamed about having, uh, you know, this Picture

Mike Forrester: 00:36:43

of this family and this house and this money and all those different things

Mike Forrester: 00:36:47

like, yeah, those are materialistic.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:48

But like, if that's what drives you, I'm not going to judge you.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:51

You know, I, a lot of people say like, well, , the fulfillment is inside

Mike Forrester: 00:36:55

you, which it is, but to be able to.

Mike Forrester: 00:36:58

Feel that feeling there's probably things that you're dreaming about that you want

Mike Forrester: 00:37:02

and if it is a material item like I'm cool with that a lot of people say, you

Mike Forrester: 00:37:06

know, money doesn't buy by happiness, but it can buy freedom freedom of time

Mike Forrester: 00:37:10

to be able to create that happiness.

Mike Forrester: 00:37:12

So, yeah, you know, just encouraging people through a process of

Mike Forrester: 00:37:17

really just vulnerability.

Mike Forrester: 00:37:18

I think a lot of people learn, you know, as as I coach individuals.

Mike Forrester: 00:37:23

I coach through my experiences and traumas and the tool bag that I've created.

Mike Forrester: 00:37:27

That's all it is.

Mike Forrester: 00:37:28

And I'm just sharing, Hey, this worked for me.

Mike Forrester: 00:37:30

I think this could probably work for you if we change it here.

Mike Forrester: 00:37:33

How does that sound?

Mike Forrester: 00:37:34

How would it look like for you?

Mike Forrester: 00:37:36

You know, what are the things that you're going to plug into this tool, uh, that

Mike Forrester: 00:37:40

makes it so you can reach what I've been able to reach in this part of my life.

Mike Forrester: 00:37:46

That's super powerful.

Mike Forrester: 00:37:48

So Kyle is you've got somebody that.

Mike Forrester: 00:37:50

Is beginning that journey to finding their dreams, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:37:56

They're starting to work on that more dreams come about.

Mike Forrester: 00:38:00

Is there a set time for, Hey, you did this a year ago.

Mike Forrester: 00:38:05

Let's redo a solo retreat or is it.

Mike Forrester: 00:38:10

Once one and done for sure thing, like, what does that look like going forward?

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:15

The first one's extremely powerful.

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:17

You're finally giving yourself permission to escape and really to focus on

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:22

yourself, uh, getting, you know, away from the noise, being able to create

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:26

clarity and feel what solitude is.

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:29

A lot of us don't know what solitude is.

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:31

We think being alone is loneliness, but it can actually be very strong and

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:35

actually have, you know, solitude and feel the stillness, uh, in the moment.

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:40

So the first one's going to be extremely powerful.

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:42

You're going to be asking questions that you don't want to ask yourself.

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:45

You're going to be challenged with activities you really

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:47

don't want to go through.

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:49

But, in order to get to the other side, you have to answer some of these things.

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:54

So we have a lot of people that go through it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:56

They just do one.

Kyle Nelson: 00:38:57

They call it good, but multiple people, time and time, they're like, yeah,

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:02

I'm going to make this yearly, or we got one guy that does it quarterly.

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:07

So he goes into a solar retreat every quarter because that's

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:10

how fast this guy moves.

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:12

He needs to commit and give himself permission every three months to slow

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:17

down to make sure he's on the right path.

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:19

Otherwise, for him A year goes by and what head, you know, what headway did he make?

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:24

He, he doesn't see it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:25

So being able to slow him down, um, is helpful.

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:28

But I personally go on, on route every six months.

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:31

That's what I do.

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:32

'cause I find that I need that time to just kind of skateboard or I can really

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:36

just think, give myself time just to be with myself and think about what's next.

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:42

And also reflect, reflect what the past six months have done.

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:45

What can I learn from it?

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:46

Why, what are the reasons why I made certain decisions and also talk about

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:50

the good times and think about, oh man, that was a great opportunity.

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:54

I had, that was a great conversation and hold those things with gratitude

Kyle Nelson: 00:39:59

and really feel it physically to keep that positive mindset rolling.

Mike Forrester: 00:40:06

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:40:06

I think that's super powerful to like revisit it.

Kyle Nelson: 00:40:09

Yeah.

Mike Forrester: 00:40:09

Do the celebrations go deeper on the questions that, you

Mike Forrester: 00:40:14

know, can be those prickly things.

Mike Forrester: 00:40:15

Hey, I really don't want to broach this too much, you know, and, and

Mike Forrester: 00:40:21

well, you're flexing a muscle, right?

Mike Forrester: 00:40:23

So for

Kyle Nelson: 00:40:24

sure,

Mike Forrester: 00:40:25

you know, as you go through it more often, it's like,

Mike Forrester: 00:40:28

You're able to see like you talked about the growth from this guy, but

Mike Forrester: 00:40:32

it's also one your course correcting and two degrees, man, can put you in a

Mike Forrester: 00:40:38

very different place as time goes on.

Mike Forrester: 00:40:41

So I think there's a lot of wisdom in doing that on a more frequent basis.

Mike Forrester: 00:40:46

to course correct and, and see, Hey, do these relationships

Mike Forrester: 00:40:49

around me still serve me?

Mike Forrester: 00:40:51

Is this still what I want to be doing as far as my habits?

Mike Forrester: 00:40:54

Is this how I want to show up?

Mike Forrester: 00:40:56

I mean, there's so many different aspects to that Kyle that, you know, the, the

Mike Forrester: 00:41:01

wisdom is there in, in showing up for yourself, in slowing down to go fast,

Mike Forrester: 00:41:06

uh, you know, over the long course.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:09

Absolutely.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:10

Kyle, you have, I'm so grateful, man, for you sharing, like, absolutely.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:18

Um, thank you because it's like, you've shared Kyle where you were,

Mike Forrester: 00:41:23

what you went through and do that is, that is a bombshell that goes off and

Mike Forrester: 00:41:28

it's not only impacting you, but it's impacting your wife, you know, your

Mike Forrester: 00:41:32

family, your parents and, and your friends and relationship, your business.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:36

It's.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:36

All encompassing, and then to come back and go, you know what,

Mike Forrester: 00:41:42

this is who I'm called to be.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:44

This is how I want to show up and, and slowing down and making that

Mike Forrester: 00:41:48

decision that if I've hit this low point, I can hit a high point.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:52

It's there for me.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:54

So I really love the way you've put that out there.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:58

Well, Kyle, I appreciate it.

Mike Forrester: 00:41:59

Thank you again, my friend.