Unlocking Your Full Potential through Self Improvement with Alan Lazaros

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Well, hello, and welcome back, my friend.

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Well, this is going to be round two, so round one with, uh, Alan Lazarus,

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we got into dude, like just going through, Hey, I feel like I'm too much.

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I don't feel like I fit in because of, you know, just the social awkwardness

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of I'm different than everybody.

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So what do I do?

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And the truth is we can fit in on both of those sides of the spectrum, right?

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Just not fitting in, but whoever we are, there's.

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Always something where we feel like we're lacking.

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So, um, Alan shared where, you know, at, at the super young age, his dad

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was in a car accident and passed away.

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And then at 14, his stepdad and his mom ended up getting a divorce.

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So, you know, he lost his second dad and I don't know about you, but I remember

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being a teenager at 14 and that is a very crucial formative time and to, you

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know, just have that kind of change.

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Yeah.

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Very impactful.

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So now we're going to jump ahead.

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Um, you know, Alan's Alan's gone to school, gotten his

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degrees and he's crushing it.

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Just a lot of success, but lacking that fulfillment.

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And I think a lot of us can get it where we're kind of like, I'm

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here, but there's golden handcuffs.

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I can't go anywhere.

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So.

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Now we're going to jump into, um, more of, you know, after 25 and

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what's gone on and how Alan has really dialed in things to where he's going.

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This is where I want to go for the next year and just building upon success

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and action and seeing those results.

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So Alan, how are you doing today?

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My friend?

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I am great.

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I had an awesome time chatting with you before this and just thinking about pinch

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myself moment because I, I do adore.

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Powerful conversations, deep conversations, I, and I think with

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everything we adore on the other side of that spectrum is something we can't effin

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stand, pardon my French, and what I can't stand is surface level conversations that

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don't have substance, and I just, I feel like it's December, it's the holidays, I

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know a lot of people are having a lot of conversations about a lot of nonsense, and

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to me, let's talk about the things that we can control, Things that we can influence

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versus all this stuff that maybe doesn't really matter that much when it comes

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to real life Helping real people in the real world i just love deeply meaningful

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conversations about things that matter say things that matter to people who care and

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that's what i'm here to do so thank you for having me it's an awesome second round

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and i am curious to see where it goes

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absolutely we talked through disk and like being too much and

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relentless work ethic and i mean.

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Dude, there was just so much packed in there where it's like,

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yeah, I think most of us as men can relate to something within the

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story that you've shared so far.

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And now this is really kind of, we're going to jump in.

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This is a game changer here where it was like, you were very

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reflective about what happened.

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So at 26, you got into a serious accident, which caused you to be very.

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Reflective about what was going on.

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Can you take us back to that time and, um, kind of like what happened and then the

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dominoes that it set in, in place to, uh, just put you on a different trajectory.

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So that was 10 years ago and trying to put myself back there.

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Even in this moment, I was so different 10 years ago.

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I was still me.

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My essence was there and a lot was the same as it is now.

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But there's so much that has transformed when I go back to that space.

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So when you say, uh, really challenging car accident, physically, we were okay.

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So I don't know if I told the story on the previous episode or

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not about somewhat losing three, three families by the time I'm 14.

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That

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part you did.

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Yes.

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That part.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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So I remember when I was 14, people would say, well, these

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are the best years of your life.

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High school is the best years of your life.

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I remember thinking, God, I hope not.

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You know, that's atrocious man.

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The truth is, it's not.

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So any young people that might be listening, I mean, 14 being

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the best years of your life.

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Not true, even a little bit in my opinion.

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But again, mine was pretty terrible.

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So things have gotten better.

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But, but yeah.

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26 years old was the next big turning point.

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So 14 was a big one.

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And then 26 was the next biggest one, probably the biggest one, actually.

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So two individuals from my mom's side of the family had come back because my

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mom got in a fight with my aunt Sandy, and then she sort of ostracized us from

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that side of the family during 14 years.

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And one of them is my cousin, Jeff.

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He had a little, my second cousin, he had a son named Dan.

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Dan was in the car when he was 17 at the time.

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This is back in 2015.

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So it's a dark winter night.

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We're up in New Hampshire.

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And we were playing call of duty call of duty call of dudesky

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for the nerds among us 3.

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4 KD.

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It's not a big deal.

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Don't worry about it.

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It's not 3.

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4 KD kill to death ratio.

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I don't know who's counting.

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No, I'm being playful, but for any of the nerds out there,

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that was like a really big deal.

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So I basically had to get a nuke every other game in order

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to keep my kill to death ratio.

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If you, if you, and for those of you who don't know, uh, kill to death ratio

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is basically if you die five times, you have to get 25 kills just to get

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back to a five, uh, in that case.

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But anyways, so we were going to TGI Fridays and we weren't drinking

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or partying or anything like that.

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We were just a simple Friday night with my little cousin playing video games.

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And I was just an unhappy human being.

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I wasn't fulfilled.

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And for anyone else out there, you know, using video games as an

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escape from your reality, I think unconsciously a lot of us are doing that.

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And there's some fun to it too.

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Let's just say it's fun.

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It's super fun.

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That's why it's addictive Okay, so I end up on the wrong side of the road.

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I was supposed to yield three way intersection dark winter night 2015 snow

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banks are covering the yield signs I was supposed to yield I didn't entirely

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my fault on the wrong side of the road cross the double yellows Look down at

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the gps lookout Biggest, brightest lights I'd ever seen right in front of me.

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And this was my moment of engineering brain calculates, no possibility.

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We live, this is it.

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See, fortunately, two things saved my life.

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Number one, thank you.

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Volkswagen.

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I was driving a 2004 Volkswagen Passat that I bought in five grand cash.

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Cause I just wanted to pay off all my college debt and I wanted to

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invest everything I could in the stock market built well, which I did.

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And so I used to call this car, the tank German engineered steel

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travel car, both airbags deployed.

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The entire frame was completely smashed in.

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This was not a fender bender.

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This was a very serious accident, but the frame stayed.

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And the other, the other thing that saved my life is it was not a Mack truck.

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It was a lift kit pickup truck.

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And so the other person in the car was fine too.

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Because they had a huge lift kit.

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It was one of those obnoxious, sort of, let me show you how

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big my truck is, kind of guys.

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He was pissed at me.

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Very, very upset.

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Understandable.

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Understandable.

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But, so physically, we're okay.

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My little cousin, Dan, is tweeting about it already.

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He's fine.

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Sort of invincibility conflict, like, oh, we got in a car accident, significance.

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I'm rattled.

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Airbags deployed, he hurt his face on the airbag, his knee on the

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airbag, I hurt my face on the airbag.

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We're rattled physically, but we're okay.

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Mentally emotionally and spiritually though.

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My dad died in the car when he was 28 years old i've seen pictures of his

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car and I see my car and it doesn't look very different and that that

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was just my ultimate wake up call

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because This is the second chance my dad never got but I needed to

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turn my life around and I I use the tenacity On purpose, because

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the truth is, here's the truth.

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We all are letting ourselves down all the time.

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I was letting myself down so much, so much.

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Here's the problem.

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I wasn't letting myself down.

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Wasn't the people around me.

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If anything, I might've been ahead of them.

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Why are we allowing mediocrity to be the standard?

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Only, you know, whether or not you are reaching your potential.

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And I believe that fulfillment is what we all really want.

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We're all pursuing happiness and pleasure, but that will never do it.

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Fulfillment is I am aligned with my highest self.

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And only I know because we all have that higher self looking down saying

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hey Alan quit messing up man Hey Alan, you want to do that thing?

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Hey Alan, you really want to build a career?

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Hey Alan you you're better than this You're better than this.

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Um I've since found out that not everyone has that So maybe that's

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a unique to me thing because if you struggle with self belief Maybe your

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future self doesn't like my future self is ripping me out of bed every day

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It's like Alan get it together, man.

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Let's go.

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Um, it's probably Even more intense than that to be honest and Kev said

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I don't have that I don't I don't get pulled out of bed by my calling like

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Alan Um, but I do think we all have that whisper of you are better than this.

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You can do better than this You've got this you can do it.

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You're better than this.

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Stop breaking promises to yourself.

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Stop letting it ride Stop hanging out with people.

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You shouldn't stop doing things that are detrimental to you And so

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I think we all have this sort of It's the two wolves metaphor, right?

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You've got the good wolf and the bad wolf, and they're always fighting.

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The good wolf is self discipline and self love and self compassion and

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work ethic and humility and virtue and ambition and aspiration and greatness.

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And then the bad wolf is laziness, laziness, ego, arrogance,

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entitlement, lack of gratitude, uh, bullying, whatever it is.

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And I think that when you, you know, which wolf is going to

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wait, it's the one you feed.

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We've all sort of heard that metaphor.

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I was feeding the bad wolf and the good wolf.

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I was like, here's a little bit for you a little bit for you

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Here's a little bit for you.

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Here's a little bit for you over here I'm gonna work really hard at

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work and i'm gonna do well and i'm gonna build wealth and then over

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here I'm also gonna do some drinking.

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We're gonna drink some alcohol and we're gonna we're gonna let it ride We're

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gonna party we're gonna party We're gonna run amok and it was they were

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always doing this and when the bad wolf was winning I now understand socially

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that was actually being reinforced.

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I think this is really scary to share live Uh, or being recorded.

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I think there's been some people in my life who actually liked when I was less

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because it made them feel better about themselves.

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And I think, unfortunately, I've seen this, I've observed this.

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There's one person I'm thinking of, I'll keep it anonymous.

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People love this guy.

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They love this dude, he's hilarious.

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He's always a good time.

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He's He's got a big drinking problem and he's definitely not well put together

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But he does he's funny and he makes people feel better about themselves

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and I remember thinking to myself Okay after 26 i'm gonna turn

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it around i'm gonna I'm gonna build myself up brick by brick.

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I'm gonna build myself into my own hero.

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I'm gonna I'm gonna be the male role model.

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I never had

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when I do that and I become virtuous and giving and generous And I work

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on myself and I help others do the same people are gonna like me.

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That was the biggest Misunderstanding ever of all time.

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Nobody likes me now again.

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I'm being playful.

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They don't dislike What I would say is that I'm now a bigger mirror and

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or a trigger for people who aren't in alignment, people who aren't fulfilled,

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people who aren't in love, people who aren't exercising daily, people who aren't

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doing the work and, and rather than some pretentious arrogant guy on a podcast.

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What I would say is, unfortunately, we do celebrate mediocrity.

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Popular is common a lot of the time.

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And what is excellent, what is extraordinary, what is unbelievable,

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what's remarkable, is awesome on a stage in a stadium, but not when you're friends.

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Yeah.

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Like you talked about with the mirrors, dude, when you change Alan, like when

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you come out of an unhealthy family or circle of friends, you talked

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about the mirror, dude, it's going to put people where it's like, I now

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have to make a decision in my life.

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Am I going to stay the way I am?

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Or am I going to change?

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And people don't like having that it.

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That decision put before them where it's like do i stay friends

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with Alan or do i stay the way i am or what do i do because you're

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rocking the boat when you go making.

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Changes that better you whether it's mentally emotionally

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physically spiritually whatever you're disrupting the ecosystem

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yeah the homeostasis point that anyone who's on a comfortable.

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Path, maybe telling themselves a story that, that they're giving it all they

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got when you come in as a try hard, it can be a big, and I'm just, the reason

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I was giggling and laughing sort of for anyone who was on video, I'm just thinking

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about how naive I was 10 years ago, I, I remember when I found self improvement

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and after the car accident, that's really what it did for me, it opened me up to

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self improvement because before 26, I was achievement oriented, I was improvement

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oriented, I was process driven, I was, I was definitely an achiever and

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I was driven and I had work ethic.

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What I didn't have was a self improvement focus.

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Not consciously.

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And so after 26 it was, Okay, listen, instead of achievement at the expense

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of fulfillment, I'm going all in on self improvement and I hope fulfillment

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and success will be a byproduct.

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And the key word was hope.

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Uh, and it wasn't.

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I was, I went from externally successful as hell and internally deeply unfulfilled

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to basically Externally unsuccessful as hell to super internally fulfilled,

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which it turns out is also not great because you can't sustain it.

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And so I went broke, liquidated all my assets.

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And eventually it's like, okay, I'm the best I've ever been, but

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yet I'm not actually successful.

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What is happening here?

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Successful in the economy, in the economy.

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And, and what, what brings success in the economy, I know you know this

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because you were in IT for a long time, what brings success in the economy is

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not necessarily what brings internal fulfillment, those are not always hand

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in hand, they do not walk hand in hand usually, they can, but it's very, very

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difficult, I mean think about it, if you have a hundred great ideas, what is the,

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what's the one that you really, really know will fulfill you the most, And what's

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the one that will make the most money?

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How often are those two actually the same?

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I always joke with Kev.

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I say we're selling kale outside a candy store, man No one will get self half.

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These people don't even want self improvement for free.

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Never mind pay for it, right?

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And so Um, it's it's not easy to start a self company.

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However, it's super fulfilling So find a way to turn your passion

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into profit and into purpose into profit passion is what do you adore?

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What can you never get away from?

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You and I talked for 40 minutes before this before hitting record 30

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minutes about self improvement health what we're going to do differently

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in 2025 Self improvement self improvement self improvement awesome.

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Awesome.

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Awesome obsessed and now purpose.

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How do you take your passion and help people with it

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profit?

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How do you get paid to help people with your passion?

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So passion is what are you obsessed with and if you don't like obsessed?

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What are you passionate about?

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Purpose is helping people with that.

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So I am obsessed with goals, metrics, habits, priorities,

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skills, and identity work.

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I'm obsessed with helping people achieve their goals and dreams.

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Okay, purpose, help other people achieve their goals and dreams,

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and achieve their true potential.

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Okay, profit.

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Nobody pays for self improvement coaching.

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I'll be a business coach.

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I'll help you grow your business.

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People pay for that.

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Awesome.

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But all it really is, is hey, if you want to grow your business, you're

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going to have to look at self,

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right?

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That's the funniest thing.

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Oh my gosh, Alan.

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Because I was, at that point, I, I, that's how I actually started

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looking at myself and admitting I, you know, Had unhealthy habits.

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I had unhealthy emotions.

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Like I knew that it wasn't great Alan, but it wasn't until I'm talking with

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a business coach and going, you know, the stuff you're telling me about

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business actually impacts me personally.

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Like, Why is that?

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It's like, well, it's all related to you.

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And so it was one of those that all that reflection kind of put me in a

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situation, much like we talked about.

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And what the problem was, it wasn't somebody else.

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It was me looking at myself in the mirror going, do you want to change?

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Or do you want to continue on this path?

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And, uh, you know, it's, it's still one of those, you get to make the choice.

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You're going to put yourself on a path, but, uh, dude, it, it impacts.

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And that's the thing I think we discredit.

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Is that who you are inside, like how you see yourself, how you show

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up, everything like that is not just going to impact your personal life.

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It's going to impact like your, your work life, regardless of how many hours you

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put in, you're still there in both areas,

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it's going to impact everything.

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I have a friend of mine from college, most of the friends of mine in college.

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I found the smartest people I could and brought them together.

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I taught them at a party.

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They taught me how to study.

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No, I'm joking, but I did do some of that.

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I think there's some truth to that.

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Uh, some of it I'm proud of some of them, some of them not, but ultimately

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very intelligent group of people.

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I mean, just computer engineers and we would do all nighters studying

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and they were, they were brilliant.

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And the truth is, some of them are still, like, not well

Speaker: 00:19:13

developed at all inside, internal.

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They're, they're professionally developed, but they're not personally developed.

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And that has been very fascinating to me.

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I was professionally developed before 26.

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Resume, cover letter, LinkedIn, degree, MBA, pa pa pa pa pa.

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Math, science, technology, engineering, business, math, finance, got it, awesome,

Speaker: 00:19:40

again, still need to get better, forever, but like, I had it, making tons of

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money, engineers, 21st century, awesome, personal development, was what was needed,

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I needed more personal development, I needed more emotional intelligence,

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cause the IQ thing came easy, it was the EQ part that was hard, and It We're

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all righty or lefty and we just want to use our dominant hand all the time.

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The problem is every strength comes with a weakness.

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So if you're professionally developed, you're going to have a great career,

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but you might end up divorced.

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And if you want to be happy, healthy, wealthy, and in love and

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fulfilled, you're going to have to get good at more than one thing.

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But in the economy, you don't have to be good at much more than one

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or two, maybe three things in order to be really, really successful.

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I mean, I know some friends from, from college that are all are

Speaker: 00:20:36

multimillionaires and they're really not.

Speaker: 00:20:38

Good at much more than like a couple things and and that's okay But I can

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guarantee you they're not holistically fulfilled and here's the problem if

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you're top And you can crunch the numbers on this if you're one in a thousand in

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health One in a thousand in wealth and one in a thousand in love, which is what

Speaker: 00:20:58

i'm aspiring I want to be I want to be that I want to see what's possible And

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for those who believe in yourself a lot you're resonating for those who don't

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you think i'm an arrogant butthead?

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I understand Uh, but that's one in a billion one over a thousand times one

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over a thousand times one over a thousand That's one in a billion and there's only

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eight billion people on planet earth Just became eight billion like three or

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four months ago, right six months ago

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the chances of you being one in a thousand In all three of those,

Speaker: 00:21:33

statistically speaking, is one in a billion, so it's exponentially harder.

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This is one of the reasons why a lot of CEOs, if you look at the divorce

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rates, they're already high, but if you look at the divorce rates of CEOs

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and founders, holy crap, way higher.

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If you, if you look at the divorce rates of CEOs and founders who got

Speaker: 00:21:52

married in their early 20s, 90%.

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But that's why I was talking about the subset of a subset.

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It's, it's, if you're out there and you want to be fulfilled,

Speaker: 00:22:03

you need to have fulfilling work.

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If you want to have fulfilling work, it has to be based on your

Speaker: 00:22:06

passion, purpose, and profit.

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But that means you need to find the 10 most profitable things and,

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and the 10 things in that, that you actually enjoy that fulfill you.

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And it doesn't mean you're not going to have to do a bunch of other things

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you hate around it to make it work.

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And that's what.

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I think is really important for everyone to understand is that in order to

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live a life and design a life that you adore it's through crawling through a

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lot of mud to get to the higher ground and then you hear these people that

Speaker: 00:22:37

you interview like I was watching an interview with Mark Randolph who founded

Speaker: 00:22:42

Netflix and it was a powerful interview.

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But there's this sort of the meat, the iceberg piece a bit of, well, you're,

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you're only, you know, only one 10th of that interview was about Netflix

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when they were only making 5 million in revenue when they were 50 million

Speaker: 00:22:58

in the whole, and they basically thought they were going to die.

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And Mark was, he didn't even say this, but I'm assuming he was

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having a really freaking hard time even just existing at that point.

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That's the and if it wasn't for

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I guess it's just really easy to see The healthy wealthy and love people without

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realizing that most of them are only one of those three things in real life Almost

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all of them are portraying better than it really is And you know every one of

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your inadequacies and you know, none of theirs I mean I tell kev I wake up in

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the morning and I feel like an absolute I i'm not I feel like there's so much more

Speaker: 00:23:40

i'm and he's like, but dude, you're more dialed in than anyone I know it's like

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yeah, but I don't wake up in the morning thinking that Why would I go work on

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something that I think is already perfect?

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I said, I think I'm a mess.

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I mean, you asked me earlier, like, what's wrong.

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I just can't stop thinking about the mistakes I made in 2024 and

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what I'm going to do about them.

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And I don't mean mistakes as in I'm a horrible person.

Speaker: 00:24:01

I mean, I cannot allow 2025 version of Alan to not change, iterate, improve,

Speaker: 00:24:09

upgrade software, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker: 00:24:11

I have so much I need to change in 2025.

Speaker: 00:24:15

So let's, let's jump from there, Alan, because it's like.

Speaker: 00:24:19

Dude, the feelings, the emotions, the thoughts.

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Those are all pervasive.

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They're more common.

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You know, you talked about almost like this Pinterest

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kind of, Hey, I see your life.

Speaker: 00:24:32

I don't see all the stuff below the surface of that iceberg, right?

Speaker: 00:24:36

I just see the good stuff.

Speaker: 00:24:37

And then I'm measuring myself against it.

Speaker: 00:24:39

And I know the whole iceberg and it doesn't measure up at all.

Speaker: 00:24:43

So as you're getting ready for 2025, how are you looking at your life

Speaker: 00:24:51

in 2024 and walking your clients through it instead of leaving?

Speaker: 00:24:57

Like, oh, my gosh, I don't feel, uh, like I.

Speaker: 00:25:02

Like I accomplished anything because the accomplishments seem to be one inch,

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whereas, you know, the things you fell short on or didn't achieve seem to be

Speaker: 00:25:12

like a thousand yards, you know, each one.

Speaker: 00:25:16

And so there, there's this gap, this difference between how

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they show up, how they feel.

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And we don't give enough value to, Hey, I did show up in these areas to be like

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that fuel that carries you through into 2025 when you're setting that stuff.

Speaker: 00:25:32

So how are you reflecting on the things that you fell short on or that didn't

Speaker: 00:25:38

occur, um, to, to have them be a positive impact and not an anchor holding you back.

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So I think we need the human mind needs to break things up.

Speaker: 00:25:51

And so I think the 2024 version of Alan version of Mike is going to be

Speaker: 00:25:56

very different than the 2025 version.

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Hopefully, unless you want to repeat the same.

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And so we're all trying to figure out Okay.

Speaker: 00:26:04

What do we keep and what do we improve and what do we get rid of?

Speaker: 00:26:06

I mean, those are the three questions.

Speaker: 00:26:08

What do I keep?

Speaker: 00:26:10

What do I improve?

Speaker: 00:26:10

What do I get rid of?

Speaker: 00:26:14

Persons, places, things, and ideas.

Speaker: 00:26:15

And so the process that I'm taking myself and all my clients through, and

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I told you this a little bit behind the scenes, there's three things, three

Speaker: 00:26:23

categories that I think I'm always trying to figure out, like where I'm Jeffin

Speaker: 00:26:29

and Jeffin is a kind word of effing up.

Speaker: 00:26:33

And, and, I do want to make this clear too, if, if anyone out there is

Speaker: 00:26:36

struggling with self belief and self doubt, meaning you're doubting yourself,

Speaker: 00:26:40

you've got to go with the 80 20 rule.

Speaker: 00:26:41

So, I tell Kev all the time, I say, I'm sorry sometimes I'm so hard on

Speaker: 00:26:45

you, but the things that are great about you don't need to change, so I

Speaker: 00:26:49

just don't bring them up that much.

Speaker: 00:26:50

Like, there's so much I could say that's awesome about Kev, but that's

Speaker: 00:26:54

not usually what gets focused, because that stuff doesn't need to change, like.

Speaker: 00:26:58

We don't have to work on you being on time.

Speaker: 00:27:01

You're already on time every time, right?

Speaker: 00:27:04

Congratulations.

Speaker: 00:27:04

You're awesome.

Speaker: 00:27:06

Let's move on.

Speaker: 00:27:07

But for people who struggle with self doubt, you got to celebrate the

Speaker: 00:27:09

wins you really do for those of you who don't struggle with self doubt.

Speaker: 00:27:13

You just don't waste your time as much on the wins because that's

Speaker: 00:27:17

not the stuff that needs to change.

Speaker: 00:27:18

So, so if you struggle with self doubt, I want 80 percent wins, 20

Speaker: 00:27:23

percent what you're going to do better.

Speaker: 00:27:26

If you don't struggle with self doubt, and you feel like you're barely

Speaker: 00:27:29

scratching your potential, I want 20 percent wins, whoop dee doo, Basil.

Speaker: 00:27:34

And 80 percent what are we doing next year, baby?

Speaker: 00:27:37

Let's go.

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Okay, and that's me So kev and I are separate different than that.

Speaker: 00:27:43

So I I sat down with a client recently His name is andrew and we went through

Speaker: 00:27:48

this exercise that i'm taking all my clients through which is andrew's

Speaker: 00:27:52

2024 lessons top three lessons And in three categories, so nine lessons

Speaker: 00:27:58

total and everybody can do this.

Speaker: 00:27:59

It's very simple It's very powerful picture it like an iphone update.

Speaker: 00:28:05

Okay, the iphone needs to update if you want it to get better Okay,

Speaker: 00:28:09

so imagine instead of getting a new iphone What if you get a new you if

Speaker: 00:28:13

you compare this iphone 14 to the very first 2007 steve jobs apple iphone?

Speaker: 00:28:18

I mean that was a revolutionary breakthrough in 2007 compared

Speaker: 00:28:22

to this iphone 14 It is absolute hot garbage terrible.

Speaker: 00:28:27

And so hopefully 10 years from now you can say the same thing

Speaker: 00:28:30

about yourself Hopefully you look back embarrassed like me

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Um, because that means you've improved a ton right so I think that's a really

Speaker: 00:28:40

powerful thing And that's the duality too.

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You got to accept and love who you are now and then improve Usually we

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do one or the other you hate who you are and then improve but you never

Speaker: 00:28:51

gain self worth You're never there.

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You're always striving never arriving dangerous been there.

Speaker: 00:28:56

Okay, that's my tenancy other people self acceptance self

Speaker: 00:29:00

love, but they never improve

Speaker: 00:29:04

Yeah, dangerous.

Speaker: 00:29:05

Listen.

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Yeah, you're great.

Speaker: 00:29:06

Awesome.

Speaker: 00:29:07

But if you celebrate big fish, small pond, you might wake up in 10 years and go,

Speaker: 00:29:12

maybe I didn't put it all on the court.

Speaker: 00:29:14

Maybe I didn't achieve my goals and dreams, right?

Speaker: 00:29:16

So you got to do both.

Speaker: 00:29:17

Okay, so the Andrews 2024 lessons for self.

Speaker: 00:29:21

That's the first category is, and I'll give you an example.

Speaker: 00:29:25

I am capable of reaching my potential when there's a system in place that I

Speaker: 00:29:28

follow to a T. That was his Note to self.

Speaker: 00:29:32

We reflected on 2024.

Speaker: 00:29:33

Okay, what did you learn about yourself?

Speaker: 00:29:36

I am capable of reaching my potential when there's a system

Speaker: 00:29:38

in place that I follow to a T.

Speaker: 00:29:42

The next category is people.

Speaker: 00:29:45

What did you not understand about people in 2024 that you now understand?

Speaker: 00:29:51

That's a good one.

Speaker: 00:29:54

He wrote, I've come to realize that there's a lot more people

Speaker: 00:29:58

who don't believe in themselves in society than I realized.

Speaker: 00:30:01

And they're focused more on faking it until they make it rather than actually

Speaker: 00:30:05

getting better And a lot of people have a fixed mindset not a growth mindset.

Speaker: 00:30:09

Okay, that's One example of okay.

Speaker: 00:30:12

Remember that

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next the world so it's self others in the world Those are the three things that

Speaker: 00:30:20

you need to learn and need to learn well, and I was telling you off air Most of

Speaker: 00:30:24

us are really good at one of the three and if you're not good at all three You

Speaker: 00:30:28

basically are good with your queen and the chessboard But you don't know what

Speaker: 00:30:31

the rook does and you don't know what the horse does So you you don't have

Speaker: 00:30:34

a versatile and basically can't win at your own games And so in the world, he

Speaker: 00:30:41

said there are a lot more like minded individuals globally than I thought You

Speaker: 00:30:45

just have to find the right communities online And that was what he realized

Speaker: 00:30:50

about the world is there actually are a lot of people into self improvement

Speaker: 00:30:53

statistically there aren't uh, but There are people out there that are passionate

Speaker: 00:30:59

about what you're passionate about.

Speaker: 00:31:01

There's 5.

Speaker: 00:31:01

85 billion people online and that number's increasing, baby.

Speaker: 00:31:05

Starlink.

Speaker: 00:31:08

It's not like back in the day where you're the only one who

Speaker: 00:31:11

likes Dota or whatever it is.

Speaker: 00:31:14

Uh, or Dungeons and Dragons back then.

Speaker: 00:31:17

You, you can find people online now who love what you love.

Speaker: 00:31:23

And so that's really cool.

Speaker: 00:31:25

But to bring this home, that exercise in 2024, you make sure that you don't

Speaker: 00:31:31

go into 2025 making the same decisions, because I think success and fulfillment

Speaker: 00:31:36

comes from making great choices.

Speaker: 00:31:38

But making great choices comes from making terrible choices

Speaker: 00:31:41

and then reflecting on them.

Speaker: 00:31:44

And so the goal is not to make perfect choices.

Speaker: 00:31:46

There's no such thing.

Speaker: 00:31:47

There is technically, mathematically, an optimal choice in every circumstance.

Speaker: 00:31:50

That's why computers, humans at chess, because there is

Speaker: 00:31:54

actually an optimal chess move.

Speaker: 00:31:56

But good luck with that.

Speaker: 00:31:57

Chess has a finite board with finite pieces.

Speaker: 00:32:00

Imagine that in the world today.

Speaker: 00:32:01

I mean, there is no optimal move.

Speaker: 00:32:03

There's just less terrible ones or better ones, depending on

Speaker: 00:32:06

what you want to frame it as.

Speaker: 00:32:09

And so what did you learn in 2024 about yourself?

Speaker: 00:32:14

What did you learn about others?

Speaker: 00:32:15

And what did you learn about the world?

Speaker: 00:32:17

And the reason that's important is because we're all kind of like a self driving car

Speaker: 00:32:21

that needs an accurate current address, which is your self awareness, an accurate

Speaker: 00:32:26

destination address, which is a goal.

Speaker: 00:32:29

And an accurate update of the terrain if it thinks there's a road and it's

Speaker: 00:32:33

actually a cliff The car is going to keep driving off a cliff and then blaming

Speaker: 00:32:37

the world when in reality It's on us You can't control who's president, you

Speaker: 00:32:43

can't control, you know, what country you were born in, you can't control

Speaker: 00:32:48

who your parents were, but you can control what you do, what you say,

Speaker: 00:32:52

what you think, what you feel, what you believe, you can control those things.

Speaker: 00:32:56

You can control your focus, you can control your attention, you can

Speaker: 00:32:59

control what you do and don't do, and you can control what you do and

Speaker: 00:33:03

don't do about what's done to you.

Speaker: 00:33:04

And so there's a lot of horrible things that I was, you know, I didn't It

Speaker: 00:33:10

wasn't my fault my dad died, it wasn't my fault my stepdad left, but it's my

Speaker: 00:33:14

responsibility to make a life out of that.

Speaker: 00:33:18

And it's everyone's responsibility to make sure they're better in 2025 than they

Speaker: 00:33:22

were in 2024, because ultimately that's the only way humans are fulfilled anyway.

Speaker: 00:33:26

Uh, there's a book called The Art of Impossible by Stephen Cotler, and he

Speaker: 00:33:28

talks about how Not striving for our true potential is bad for our biology.

Speaker: 00:33:37

Complacency is bad for our biology.

Speaker: 00:33:39

Now, we talked earlier, if all you ever do is grind, that's

Speaker: 00:33:43

also bad for your biology.

Speaker: 00:33:45

So there's a sweet spot between complacency And overdoing it, but none

Speaker: 00:33:51

of us are anywhere close to overdoing it.

Speaker: 00:33:52

We are capable of so much more than we are putting on the court.

Speaker: 00:33:56

And that's why Olympic athletes keep that, you know, what we thought

Speaker: 00:34:01

was a world record every year.

Speaker: 00:34:03

Another, Oh, guess humans are capable of that.

Speaker: 00:34:05

Oh, guess humans are.

Speaker: 00:34:06

Holy crap.

Speaker: 00:34:07

First, you know, first trillionaires coming.

Speaker: 00:34:09

Oh, so we're capable of so much more than we realize, but it has to be incremental

Speaker: 00:34:14

and it has to be based on these sort of.

Speaker: 00:34:19

Yeah.

Speaker: 00:34:19

And I think, you know, we're talking about reflection, right?

Speaker: 00:34:23

And there's also then the goal making, Hey, what does the

Speaker: 00:34:26

vision look like going forward?

Speaker: 00:34:30

Um, I'm, I know for myself, Alan, it's one of those that I'm looking at it

Speaker: 00:34:36

on a quarterly basis and assessing almost like I'm, I'm piloting a

Speaker: 00:34:40

ship or captaining a ship, right?

Speaker: 00:34:42

Steering that thing.

Speaker: 00:34:43

I want to make course corrections along the way because yeah.

Speaker: 00:34:48

Just like Andrew, you know, Andrew was like, Hey, when the system's

Speaker: 00:34:51

in place, I'm doing well, dude, I have gone systems in place.

Speaker: 00:34:56

I'm operating it.

Speaker: 00:34:57

Things go well, forget the system.

Speaker: 00:35:00

I'm enough, dude.

Speaker: 00:35:03

I end up like 30 degrees off.

Speaker: 00:35:05

It's like, where's your goal?

Speaker: 00:35:07

Where's your process?

Speaker: 00:35:08

I don't know, but I'm having fun and then it's not fun.

Speaker: 00:35:12

And then it's like course.

Speaker: 00:35:13

Correct.

Speaker: 00:35:15

So I think, um, like for me personally.

Speaker: 00:35:18

I'm revisiting it.

Speaker: 00:35:19

I'm keeping like the why of stuff, what it is that I'm after the steps,

Speaker: 00:35:25

you know, I'm visiting those like weekly, um, just still, so it stays

Speaker: 00:35:30

fresh in my mind because otherwise the day to day comes in, clutters

Speaker: 00:35:35

it up and it just becomes too much.

Speaker: 00:35:37

And I never see it and don't revisit it.

Speaker: 00:35:39

And then I'm coming to you at the end of 2025 and go, and what did you learn?

Speaker: 00:35:44

I don't know.

Speaker: 00:35:45

I just kind of coasted.

Speaker: 00:35:46

I just drifted through.

Speaker: 00:35:48

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker: 00:35:50

So, um, you know, in order to avoid those things that I would love to

Speaker: 00:35:55

say, I just read about them, but honestly, it's been, I've experienced

Speaker: 00:35:59

it because my ego got in the way and I didn't stick with what was working.

Speaker: 00:36:04

Um, How do you keep yourself because, you know, I mean, you've had that, that change

Speaker: 00:36:10

right after, after the accident where it's like, I'm focused on the mission on the

Speaker: 00:36:16

target on, um, my passion, how do you.

Speaker: 00:36:21

Ensure that you're staying on point and true to like that goal Through like the

Speaker: 00:36:28

day to day the week to week the month.

Speaker: 00:36:30

How do you stay on track?

Speaker: 00:36:33

Uh, the the funny playful answer is consistently have existential

Speaker: 00:36:36

crises Um, yeah, no, no,

Speaker: 00:36:40

no, well that's gonna get expensive in the cars there Alan and I like

Speaker: 00:36:45

you you need to consistently well the way I see it too is The car accident

Speaker: 00:36:50

changed my life because it got me looking at my life Uh, it, it, it

Speaker: 00:36:54

gave me all the humble pie at once.

Speaker: 00:36:57

And when we face mortality, we get all the humble pie.

Speaker: 00:37:00

We get all the regrets.

Speaker: 00:37:02

We get all the, no one's ever regretted.

Speaker: 00:37:04

You know, I really wish I hadn't read so many self help books.

Speaker: 00:37:09

Uh, I really shouldn't have exercised so often.

Speaker: 00:37:12

You know, we get to, we face mortality and we lose a loved one, or we have a car

Speaker: 00:37:19

accident, or we have suicidal ideation or whatever mortality, some form, we

Speaker: 00:37:24

lose a That we adore and then we question our existence We question like am I

Speaker: 00:37:33

that is the the one thing Because when bad things happen and you lose someone

Speaker: 00:37:38

you love and you go to their funeral

Speaker: 00:37:43

That's a very contemplative moment and I don't know if this is just a mean thing.

Speaker: 00:37:47

I am an existentialist So i'm constantly contemplating but i'll tell you what

Speaker: 00:37:51

it'll get you thinking and I went to uh, funeral last year 2023 my my uncle

Speaker: 00:37:59

joe passed away and john was my father and my uncle joe It was the same church

Speaker: 00:38:05

that my father's funeral was at, and I was only two of my father passed away.

Speaker: 00:38:08

So this was like my father's funeral 2.

Speaker: 00:38:09

0. My aunt, Joan Ann, lost two of her brothers, and she was the eulogy of hope.

Speaker: 00:38:15

And I went back, there's this great, I think it's an Emerson quote where he says,

Speaker: 00:38:21

We shall not cease from exploration, and at the end of all of our exploring, will

Speaker: 00:38:25

be to return back to where we started, and to understand the place for the person.

Speaker: 00:38:30

And it's a lot like, you know, in The Lion King, when he goes back to

Speaker: 00:38:33

Pride Rock and realizes, Oh, okay.

Speaker: 00:38:36

Everything's different than I thought.

Speaker: 00:38:38

And he finally takes responsibility for, for who he is.

Speaker: 00:38:41

Even though he's still acting like a cub around Scar.

Speaker: 00:38:44

You know, he has to be the lion he's meant to be.

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And I think that's a good metaphor.

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That's why we love the play.

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That's why we love it on Broadway.

Speaker: 00:38:49

That's why we love the movie.

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And that's why they keep remaking the movie.

Speaker: 00:38:52

And now there's an impossible one that I can't wait to see, honestly.

Speaker: 00:38:55

It's like, well, it's the same story the whole, I know.

Speaker: 00:38:57

But it just gets us every time because it's who we are.

Speaker: 00:39:00

We all need to take and own who we really are.

Speaker: 00:39:05

So anyways, I'm, I'm at that funeral, and the last time I was in this church, I was

Speaker: 00:39:10

like this little kid who, you know, grab and ring the bell, and, and now it's like,

Speaker: 00:39:17

I'm this big six foot two guy, and is that the same rope?

Speaker: 00:39:23

This church is a little smaller than I remember, you know?

Speaker: 00:39:26

No, I'm a lot bigger.

Speaker: 00:39:27

The church didn't change, I did.

Speaker: 00:39:29

The book didn't change, you did.

Speaker: 00:39:31

The movie didn't change, you did.

Speaker: 00:39:35

You just didn't know before, right?

Speaker: 00:39:37

So we see the world not as it is, but as we are.

Speaker: 00:39:40

And so I went back to that same church, same, uh, cemetery, my uncle

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Joe was buried in the same cemetery, cremated in the same, and put in

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the same cemetery as my father, and everyone was there and we all drove.

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I ended up going to see, obviously, my uncle Joe, but then I went and saw my dad,

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you know, his grave, and I just, I just wept, but in a, in a, I had this moment,

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and I've never shared this on air before.

Speaker: 00:40:15

At least not to this extent.

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I had this moment where I was in the church, at the funeral, and I was crying.

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Because I'm just, I don't,

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men have this weird thing where they like, keep it together, keep

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it together, keep it together.

Speaker: 00:40:34

Oh yeah, keep it together.

Speaker: 00:40:35

It's like, why are we doing that exactly?

Speaker: 00:40:41

And I had this moment where I looked around, and I was definitely, uh, unglued.

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For lack of a better for emotional is very much

Speaker: 00:40:51

and I saw everyone trying to keep it together

Speaker: 00:40:55

and I had this momentum.

Speaker: 00:40:56

I am the most emotional the most.

Speaker: 00:40:59

I'm the most mess here.

Speaker: 00:41:01

I'm I'm I'm a mess right now,

Speaker: 00:41:05

but I'm at least Bert

Speaker: 00:41:09

explain that one more.

Speaker: 00:41:11

Like, what do you what do you mean by that?

Speaker: 00:41:13

Alan?

Speaker: 00:41:16

I relinquished the desire to keep it together

Speaker: 00:41:23

and I cried a lot

Speaker: 00:41:27

and then I went to see my dad's grave and I cried a lot there too.

Speaker: 00:41:32

Even so much that my mom a few months after that said a few weeks I think after

Speaker: 00:41:37

that actually not once she said I I was surprised how like you are you okay?

Speaker: 00:41:42

You know, I was surprised how much that affected and I think

Speaker: 00:41:47

it's it's less that and it's more I'm, not trying to hold it in.

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I don't think I was any more affected than anyone else I mean, yeah, of course

Speaker: 00:41:56

because this is my dad's funeral 2.

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0. Um,

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but I just think that that would When I was 30, I started doing therapy

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And I started going back, and I started re watching the movie of my

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life, and I started analyzing it, and understanding it, and I started feeling

Speaker: 00:42:17

it, and I started healing my trauma, and I started doing breath work, and

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I started understanding my wounds.

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And understanding my belief systems and understanding

Speaker: 00:42:31

where what my conditioning and

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where I came from How that might have affected me and re watching the movie

Speaker: 00:42:39

of my life over and over and over and over again some of it was painful some

Speaker: 00:42:43

of it was Amazing and and all of it was mine And when you do that work,

Speaker: 00:42:57

you aren't really trying to keep it together anymore.

Speaker: 00:43:00

Instead, you just kind of are together.

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And you are more capable.

Speaker: 00:43:05

You become more capable.

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You become more emotionally intelligent.

Speaker: 00:43:09

You become more grounded.

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You become more whole.

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And when you become more whole, you're actually rarer.

Speaker: 00:43:19

So socially, that actually is a mirror.

Speaker: 00:43:21

And that actually makes it even harder to stay whole because

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now you're like the mirror and

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that whole process was really, really powerful.

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And so

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I think I've lost sight of what the overall point was, but what I would say

Speaker: 00:43:39

is going to my father's funeral as an adult, it wasn't my father's funeral.

Speaker: 00:43:43

It was my uncle Joe's funeral.

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But it was the same church, in the same setting, with the same person

Speaker: 00:43:47

doing the eulogy, with the same people, and I wasn't there when I was two

Speaker: 00:43:52

and a half, I was there, but I was two and a half, so I don't remember.

Speaker: 00:43:55

And this time I got to attend, and it was my Uncle Joe and my dad's funeral, and

Speaker: 00:44:02

I got to, I got to finally feel it all,

Speaker: 00:44:07

see it all.

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And see it all clearly, and I changed after that.

Speaker: 00:44:14

I don't know how I'm an engineer, so none of this makes sense.

Speaker: 00:44:20

I changed after that.

Speaker: 00:44:22

And now I'm not super concerned about keeping it together.

Speaker: 00:44:27

I would rather just go get better, but knowing that it's okay to not be

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okay, and it's okay to also be awesome.

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And

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yeah, it's a really good thing.

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I think,

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yeah, I think the part that is hard to grasp in that Alan for most

Speaker: 00:44:50

guys, Is the freedom to be okay with not being okay in, in public.

Speaker: 00:45:00

Right?

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Because we're so conditioned.

Speaker: 00:45:05

We're told, keep it together.

Speaker: 00:45:06

Like you talked about earlier, don't let the emotion happen.

Speaker: 00:45:10

You sock it away.

Speaker: 00:45:12

You know, you just bury those things.

Speaker: 00:45:15

The problem becomes we bury and bury and bury, but we don't

Speaker: 00:45:20

pull them up and deal with them.

Speaker: 00:45:22

So the freedom of both being able to be, you know, how you felt and

Speaker: 00:45:29

express it to just be yourself.

Speaker: 00:45:33

I guess is the best way to put it and not be concerned with other people.

Speaker: 00:45:40

Those are freedoms.

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I don't think many of us really grasp because we're so focused on what

Speaker: 00:45:47

is somebody else going to think?

Speaker: 00:45:49

And then how is that going to impact how I see myself if you're sitting there

Speaker: 00:45:57

talking with somebody who's at that point of like, I don't get this,

Speaker: 00:46:02

Alan, that's the scariest fricking thing that I can ever think of.

Speaker: 00:46:07

What would you say is, Hey, this is actually the truest freedom and how you

Speaker: 00:46:12

soar and who you are and become the most powerful man instead of the boy that

Speaker: 00:46:20

we've all You know, felt like we are.

Speaker: 00:46:23

How do you express that freedom that comes from it instead of the fear that

Speaker: 00:46:28

so many of us have locked up in it,

Speaker: 00:46:36

particularly for men.

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If you've ever watched young boys together, it's very alarming.

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They're all I was driving.

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We do books for babes.

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Emilia and I co host charity where we buy books every year and bring

Speaker: 00:46:52

them to underprivileged schools.

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And it's yeah.

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It's unbelievably powerful and I guess this year so she drove them this year

Speaker: 00:46:58

without without me and last year It was kind of like bring the boxes in we have

Speaker: 00:47:01

little handwritten letters and it's really cute But we don't usually get to see the

Speaker: 00:47:04

kids reactions Apparently this year it was oh my god Is this books for babes

Speaker: 00:47:08

and she all saw all the kids and she did a video about it shoots basically tears

Speaker: 00:47:12

Uh, I didn't get to see that this year, which i'm a little bit sad about I was I

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was working but the point that i'm making about that is One of the years that we

Speaker: 00:47:22

were and this is where I went to college.

Speaker: 00:47:24

Worcester Mass, massachusetts And it's not, it's not terrible, but

Speaker: 00:47:30

there's some areas that are not good.

Speaker: 00:47:32

Not great.

Speaker: 00:47:33

Right.

Speaker: 00:47:33

People suffering a lot of people.

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And going back from this sort of CEO, you know, our, my biggest problem

Speaker: 00:47:42

today is so much better than there.

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And I, I started there too.

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Like I had, I mean, my worst problem today is, is not even a problem

Speaker: 00:47:53

compared to where I came from.

Speaker: 00:47:55

So it's very good perspective.

Speaker: 00:47:56

You know, we show up in our Tesla and you know, our nice clothing and.

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I'm a ceo and my biggest issue is how do we hit a half million this

Speaker: 00:48:05

year and all the stuff Uh, all my teammates are really bothering me Like

Speaker: 00:48:10

it's just great problems to have and and I think we all need to remember

Speaker: 00:48:14

where we came from I certainly do.

Speaker: 00:48:18

And this is a reminder of that because I'm, I went to college here

Speaker: 00:48:20

and I remember being broke as a joke and if I fail anymore, any classes,

Speaker: 00:48:26

I'm screwed because I don't have, I can't afford to go to school, right?

Speaker: 00:48:31

And so anyways, we're driving there and I remember I looked to my left because

Speaker: 00:48:34

there's this big traffic light and there's these kids that are walking,

Speaker: 00:48:39

three boys, and I'll never forget this.

Speaker: 00:48:42

There's a pull up bar, like a bar that they, one of the

Speaker: 00:48:44

kids starts doing pull ups on.

Speaker: 00:48:47

And the other two kids could not celebrate him, all they could do is sit there

Speaker: 00:48:54

and wait to show the other kid that they can do more pull ups than him.

Speaker: 00:49:00

And it was like, almost to the point where they wanted to rip

Speaker: 00:49:03

him off the bar and let me try.

Speaker: 00:49:05

It was like, let me show you how much stronger I am.

Speaker: 00:49:08

Than you and I just had this really i'm just sitting there going that is

Speaker: 00:49:11

so toxic What imagine three little girls they probably would have been

Speaker: 00:49:16

like, oh, let's see if we can do a pull up And then it'd be like, oh good

Speaker: 00:49:19

job They'd be like lifting each other up and supporting each other and it

Speaker: 00:49:23

would be so much more Collaborative and so much less competitive now.

Speaker: 00:49:28

I'm a competitive guy.

Speaker: 00:49:29

I get it.

Speaker: 00:49:30

Okay friendly competition is awesome when you're a young man and you show emotion,

Speaker: 00:49:36

particularly back in the day, I don't know if this is as bad now,, you get ripped on.

Speaker: 00:49:40

I had one friend who told one story about how he was in the woods and

Speaker: 00:49:44

he really had to go to the bathroom and he ended up going in a river

Speaker: 00:49:46

and like using his hand to wipe and we, my friends called him poo hand.

Speaker: 00:49:51

For the rest of high school,

Speaker: 00:49:55

and we didn't realize that that was messed up because we

Speaker: 00:49:58

didn't know that was so normal.

Speaker: 00:50:02

We just call him Pooh Hand now.

Speaker: 00:50:04

One of my other friends, we called Kankles, not we.

Speaker: 00:50:06

I didn't participate in this.

Speaker: 00:50:08

But like, I was bullied so much, and it affected me so

Speaker: 00:50:14

much more than I know at all.

Speaker: 00:50:16

Because when you're bullied, the last thing you want to do is let

Speaker: 00:50:20

them know that it's getting to you.

Speaker: 00:50:23

But behind the scenes, it's getting to them.

Speaker: 00:50:24

It absolutely is.

Speaker: 00:50:26

Way more.

Speaker: 00:50:27

You feel weak.

Speaker: 00:50:29

Because you're this prepubescent little freshman, and for some reason you can dunk

Speaker: 00:50:33

a basketball at 15 and have a full beard, sir, and the teachers are attracted to

Speaker: 00:50:39

you, you're a grown man, it's like going to high school with Chris Hemsworth, being

Speaker: 00:50:43

like, what's wrong with me, you know,

Speaker: 00:50:47

and then they're picking on you, so you already feel weak and prepubescent,

Speaker: 00:50:51

then on top of that, if you show weakness, it gets worse, Now you not

Speaker: 00:50:56

only feel weak behind the scenes, but now you look weak in public and then on

Speaker: 00:51:00

not only that But all women are going through the phase of I want the bad

Speaker: 00:51:03

boy, which is the dumbest idea ever They usually learn that the hard way,

Speaker: 00:51:08

but no one knows the nice guy's the guy

Speaker: 00:51:12

and so with this men Thing of never let them see you sweat.

Speaker: 00:51:19

I like the bond movies, especially the ones with daniel craig My favorite scenes

Speaker: 00:51:24

are the ones where he gets emotional.

Speaker: 00:51:27

My favorite scenes are the ones where yeah, he's competent

Speaker: 00:51:32

Yeah, he's well trained.

Speaker: 00:51:33

Yeah, he's got to do what he's got to do and that's awesome But my

Speaker: 00:51:37

favorite scenes are behind the scenes when he unglues when you see the the

Speaker: 00:51:41

impact Of how that's affecting him

Speaker: 00:51:47

and what it's actually taking deep down beneath the surface to like to actually

Speaker: 00:51:51

be that competent and that strong And so unfortunately the people who feel

Speaker: 00:51:56

weak act strong and the people who are actually strong Are okay with being seen

Speaker: 00:52:01

as weak and that is a journey that I went through just like most men and The

Speaker: 00:52:08

more you become strong in your real life, the less you have to try to act strong.

Speaker: 00:52:16

Yeah, I think that kind of diametrically opposed exterior

Speaker: 00:52:23

image, um, speaks a lot, right?

Speaker: 00:52:26

The guys that are insecure acting overly confident.

Speaker: 00:52:30

Um.

Speaker: 00:52:31

And it's that portrayal.

Speaker: 00:52:33

The thing to realize is the vast majority of guys have something

Speaker: 00:52:37

that they're trying to mask.

Speaker: 00:52:39

Um, it just varies how much it is.

Speaker: 00:52:42

And the true freedom comes in when you're not wearing a mask and you're

Speaker: 00:52:46

able to be you and the people, people are going to like you.

Speaker: 00:52:51

People won't like you, but when you find those people that do like you for who

Speaker: 00:52:55

you truly are, man, that is your tribe.

Speaker: 00:52:58

That is like your band of brothers.

Speaker: 00:53:01

Those are the ones that will people.

Speaker: 00:53:03

Be the nitrous oxide that really helps you.

Speaker: 00:53:06

We've talked about, you know, getting to our peak with those true other men

Speaker: 00:53:12

around you that are strong, that, you know, Are actually in a healthy place

Speaker: 00:53:19

to express how they feel, dude, sky's the limit you're, you're going to

Speaker: 00:53:25

make, you're going to make a change that you never anticipated you would.

Speaker: 00:53:30

And it's going to be exponential in just how it goes.

Speaker: 00:53:33

So yeah, it's, it's a process to get there, but you're not

Speaker: 00:53:38

worrying about how you show up.

Speaker: 00:53:41

You know.

Speaker: 00:53:42

Almost like a peacock, right?

Speaker: 00:53:44

You just show up as you.

Speaker: 00:53:46

It doesn't matter.

Speaker: 00:53:47

Um, there's more freedom in it, um, to be you.

Speaker: 00:53:53

And I think there's satisfaction that comes from just, Hey,

Speaker: 00:53:57

yeah, I'm, I'm here today.

Speaker: 00:53:59

You're not exhausted from showing up, remembering the lies and portraying them.

Speaker: 00:54:04

Um, because you had kind of alluded to this earlier.

Speaker: 00:54:07

It's like, when I came to family functions after I had started healing Alan.

Speaker: 00:54:14

My family still expected me to be the same person I was, and I wasn't at all.

Speaker: 00:54:21

And so it's almost like there's a play going on and everybody

Speaker: 00:54:25

takes their roles, their place.

Speaker: 00:54:27

They play that character.

Speaker: 00:54:28

Well, you don't show up as that character.

Speaker: 00:54:31

The rest of the rest of the people

Speaker: 00:54:32

change.

Speaker: 00:54:33

It's

Speaker: 00:54:35

either that or you got to stop going

Speaker: 00:54:38

and, and yeah, that's the truth of it.

Speaker: 00:54:40

I mean, it's like you, you're at a point, a place where it's like,

Speaker: 00:54:43

Hey, what's the point of this?

Speaker: 00:54:45

Do I continue?

Speaker: 00:54:46

Am I going to have, you know, what are my boundaries look like?

Speaker: 00:54:49

Am I going to be a part of this?

Speaker: 00:54:51

There's freedom in it.

Speaker: 00:54:52

Um, but there's also the responsibility and the accountability that she's taken

Speaker: 00:54:56

that Dude, Alan, you have given so much to think about, to process, to, you know,

Speaker: 00:55:04

Be reflective of what our year has been like, and we don't have to wait, um, you

Speaker: 00:55:10

know, for it to be January 1st or to be a Monday, you know, to be the 1st of the

Speaker: 00:55:15

quarter today is the best day to take action and start looking at this stuff

Speaker: 00:55:22

wherever you are, you know, getting that.

Speaker: 00:55:26

Health check to say, here's where I'm at and all these areas, dude,

Speaker: 00:55:31

and then it's like you can build like you talked about and be reflective.

Speaker: 00:55:35

Hey, this is the thing I learned.

Speaker: 00:55:39

You know, this is how I show up for myself.

Speaker: 00:55:41

This is how I see people.

Speaker: 00:55:42

This is how I see the world to be more reflective and aware and to

Speaker: 00:55:46

work on, um, you know, being stronger in all three of the areas as well.

Speaker: 00:55:51

So Alan, dude, I love it.

Speaker: 00:55:54

Um, yeah.

Speaker: 00:55:54

Let's go ahead.

Speaker: 00:55:55

I want to give people the opportunity as well.

Speaker: 00:55:58

You know, guys looking to reach out and connect with you.

Speaker: 00:56:01

Um, let us, let us know what makes sense in reaching out because I mean, you've

Speaker: 00:56:05

got the podcast side, you got the business side, you got the self improvement side.

Speaker: 00:56:10

Let us know where it makes sense and then how to get in touch with you.

Speaker: 00:56:14

If any, if anyone is in the market for a business coach, I, I'm not great at many

Speaker: 00:56:23

things, uh, but when it comes to helping you align your goals, your metrics, your

Speaker: 00:56:28

habits, your priorities, your skills, and your identity with the goals and dreams,

Speaker: 00:56:32

and, and it's more of an uncovering process too, because I know a lot of

Speaker: 00:56:35

people who think they want one thing, but actually need another, uh, that's my jam.

Speaker: 00:56:40

It's my favorite work in the world.

Speaker: 00:56:41

I do adore that.

Speaker: 00:56:42

I love it.

Speaker: 00:56:43

I only do coaching training and podcasting at the speed that

Speaker: 00:56:45

this, uh, place in my career.

Speaker: 00:56:47

I'm very grateful to have delegated everything else to amazing people,

Speaker: 00:56:52

but business coaching is my number one priority for all of 2025.

Speaker: 00:56:57

And so if you are interested, I currently coach 28 individuals, all

Speaker: 00:57:01

different industries, all different backgrounds, all different run rates.

Speaker: 00:57:05

Some are twice a week.

Speaker: 00:57:06

Those are crazies.

Speaker: 00:57:08

Do not start there.

Speaker: 00:57:09

Uh, some are once a week, some are bi weekly, some are once a month.

Speaker: 00:57:13

And we do metrics and habits and reports.

Speaker: 00:57:15

And if you want some train tracks, these are my rules for success.

Speaker: 00:57:18

Rule number one is stop the wrong trains for me.

Speaker: 00:57:21

Alcohol needed to stop gone wrong.

Speaker: 00:57:24

Train gone.

Speaker: 00:57:25

Number two is start the right trains.

Speaker: 00:57:27

My podcast, that's a right train.

Speaker: 00:57:29

Great job.

Speaker: 00:57:30

Number three is improve the right train.

Speaker: 00:57:32

So improve the podcast.

Speaker: 00:57:33

Make sure you're not doing the same thing.

Speaker: 00:57:34

You're not, you're not, uh, you're improving.

Speaker: 00:57:37

You're getting better.

Speaker: 00:57:38

You're getting better at your craft.

Speaker: 00:57:39

You're learning your listener also.

Speaker: 00:57:40

And then the third one is never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever

Speaker: 00:57:44

lose momentum, baby, never lose momentum, AKA stay on track.

Speaker: 00:57:49

And that's what my coaching really is.

Speaker: 00:57:51

It helps you set up the train tracks, stop the wrong train, start

Speaker: 00:57:54

the right trains and prove the right trains and just stay on them

Speaker: 00:57:58

because we all need some accountability.

Speaker: 00:58:03

I thought I was productive until I got out of corporate and then

Speaker: 00:58:06

I was all to my own devices.

Speaker: 00:58:10

I was my own boss, Alan Lazarus LLC, what you'll never learn in

Speaker: 00:58:12

school, but desperately need to know.

Speaker: 00:58:14

That was the name of my company.

Speaker: 00:58:16

Trying to get, uh, speeches at high schools and colleges.

Speaker: 00:58:18

Worst tagline ever for that.

Speaker: 00:58:20

And, uh, I realized I am not as productive as I thought.

Speaker: 00:58:25

I don't have self discipline, I have been disciplined.

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Middle school, high school, college, corporate.

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It's you you gotta be class when the bell rings otherwise it's you gotta show up

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otherwise you get fired it's you so i didn't have the self when i was my own

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boss i didn't have the self discipline i've had to build that over the years

Speaker: 00:58:48

and i help others build it and so if you need some extra accountability and you're

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early in business and you need some train tracks i'm your guy that's really i've

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been doing it for 10 years mentoring for 10 coaching for eight that's really

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what i'm doing more than anything i'm just creating customized train tracks

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that you It's my job to keep you on

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. And so if you're looking for a business coach And you want to be an entrepreneur

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and you want to be successful I've got you and that's my job to keep you successful

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aligned and fulfilled I would say I care about your success and your fulfillment

Speaker: 00:59:17

more than your feelings It doesn't mean I don't care about your feelings.

Speaker: 00:59:19

We just talked about feelings for guys I do care about your feelings, but I care

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about your success and your fulfillment more And sometimes i'm gonna have to hold

Speaker: 00:59:27

up mirrors that might hurt your feelings So if you are humble and grateful and

Speaker: 00:59:31

excited to learn and grow and reach your potential you're going to love me

Speaker: 00:59:34

reach out alan at nextleveluniverse.

Speaker: 00:59:37

com a l a n at nextleveluniverse.

Speaker: 00:59:41

com And if you are ungrateful and entitled and want big rewards

Speaker: 00:59:46

for minimal effort, please do not reach out under any circumstance

Speaker: 00:59:53

well, i appreciate it my friend thank you so much for both episodes and to

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just sharing the way you have encouraging us and laying out hey these are.

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These are the ways you can find the success and get on the track.

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So I appreciate it, my friend.

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Thank you so much.

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Mike, it's been an honor and a pleasure and thank you for creating a safe

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space for men to be who they really are and be more whole because wholesome,

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wholesome men is what the world needs.

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Absolutely.

Speaker: 01:00:22

Thank you, my friend.