Episode 423
Why Every Man Should Try a Solo Retreat to Transform Their Life with Eli Libby and Kyle Nelson
Have you ever felt stuck, overwhelmed or clueless about your path forward in life? Many men struggle with these feelings, but few take the time to truly address them. In this episode, I chat about the benefits and impact of solo retreats with Kyle Nelson and Eli Libby, two guys who have experienced firsthand the profound impact of intentional solitude. Kyle and Eli share their personal stories of hitting rock bottom and how solo retreats became the leverage for change in their lives. From losing everything in a wildfire to facing a devastating divorce, these men found clarity and purpose through the process of stepping away from the stress and chaos of everyday life.
Many men hesitate to take time for themselves, afraid of what they might uncover or feeling selfish for stepping away. Kyle and Eli address these concerns, explaining how giving yourself permission to explore your inner thoughts and beliefs can lead to deep personal growth and stronger relationships. They offer guidance on how to approach this powerful experience and make the most of your time in solitude. For any man looking to level up his life, relationships and gain clarity about your purpose, this episode is sure to help you determine if a solo retreat just might be the key to unlock the life you've been longing to live.
In this episode, you will be able to:
- Discover the transformative power of solo retreats for men and unlock your full potential.
- Break free from self limiting beliefs and increase your personal growth and development.
- Explore the impact of solo retreats on mental health and emotional resilience.
- Learn how to integrate the insights from your solo retreat into your daily life for lasting positive change.
- Redefine success and identity post retreat goals and milestones to achieve a more fulfilling and authentic life journey.
The key moments in this episode are:
00:08:01 - How Solo Retreats Guide Men Through Introspective Work
00:11:20 - Lasting Impact of the Solo Retreat
00:16:43 - How Vision Casting Is Different from Goal Setting
00:20:02 - Overcoming Fear and Self Doubt About Solo Retreats
00:26:40 - Building Strong Relationships After Your Solo Retreat
00:28:22 - The Courage to Be Vulnerable When Men Aren't Doing Well
00:30:07 - Importance of Men Showing Grace and Compassion To Themselves
00:33:59 - The Tangible Benefits of a Solo Retreat
Connect with Eli Libby and Kyle Nelson
Website
LinkedIn - Eli Libby
https://www.linkedin.com/in/elilibby/
LinkedIn - Kyle Nelson
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kylenelson1/
Connect with Mike Forrester
Podcast Website
https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com
Coaching Website
https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/
Youtube
https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike
https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike
https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike
Transcript
Well, hello and welcome back my friend.
Speaker:And if you're watching on YouTube, you're gonna recognize these guys' faces.
Speaker:If you're listening to the podcast, you're gonna recognize their voices.
Speaker:And I'm grateful both of them coming back and really sharing about the solo retreat.
Speaker:We talked a little bit about it.
Speaker:But not a lot in depth.
Speaker:There were questions and so I wanted to give them a chance to come back and
Speaker:say, Hey, like this is way more powerful than you can anticipate, and this
Speaker:opens doors and empowers you to step into that next phase, that next season
Speaker:of life in the way that you want to.
Speaker:So kind of, you know, just breaking the chains that hold us back really
Speaker:taking a look under the hood, our beliefs and our self-limiting beliefs.
Speaker:Kyle, Nelson, Eli, Libby, you know, they, again, both were on here not too long
Speaker:ago and really excited to have them back.
Speaker:And, uh, like I said, we're gonna jump in and talk about the solo retreat.
Speaker:So guys, how are you doing today?
Speaker:Amazing.
Speaker:What's up Mike?
Speaker:Good to see
Speaker:you, Mike.
Speaker:It's good to see you, man.
Speaker:Doing good.
Speaker:Hopefully people recognize our voices, but your voice is very recognizable.
Speaker:You've got the Power Voice.
Speaker:You've got the Power Voice.
Speaker:We talked a little about it in show, but
Speaker:sharing.
Speaker:Sharing my episode of the podcast, about two or three people are
Speaker:like, that dude's got a voice.
Speaker:It's, yeah.
Speaker:I'm glad you got touched by my story.
Speaker:No, no.
Speaker:It was just your voice that they got touched.
Speaker:Ooh.
Speaker:Well, I appreciate it guys.
Speaker:You know, it's, it's one of those all load it into ai.
Speaker:We can, uh, you know, create, create a chat bots with the voice, so,
Speaker:no, that's awesome, man.
Speaker:That's awesome, man.
Speaker:But no, you guys both shared very openly and honestly in a powerful way.
Speaker:Your stories about how you got to the point of, you know.
Speaker:Healing, restoration and empowerment.
Speaker:Dude, you, 'cause you guys are off and running and you're helping
Speaker:people to do the same, just as kind of like a, you know, high
Speaker:level kind of like appetizer thing.
Speaker:Help us to, you know, go back and see how solo retreats
Speaker:came about for the two of you.
Speaker:Let you start.
Speaker:Yeah, so it all started on November 8th, 2018.
Speaker:Uh, I experienced, um, lots of tragedy that day.
Speaker:Within a 24 hour period, uh, I experienced was living in Paradise, California,
Speaker:beautiful Sierra Nevada Foothills.
Speaker:Uh, me and my wife had our first home.
Speaker:We had our son.
Speaker:He was around two or three at the time.
Speaker:And, uh, we experienced the campfire, most catastrophic, uh.
Speaker:Event in 2018 worldwide, uh, burnt down 58,000 homes.
Speaker:People just, it was a crazy day.
Speaker:So of course we lost our home, lost my parents' home, lost my business.
Speaker:Um, and my world was crumbled.
Speaker:I didn't really have much money in the bank account at that point,
Speaker:like a couple hundred bucks.
Speaker:We were struggling, but we were doing all right, getting by every month.
Speaker:Uh.
Speaker:The day before that, we actually had our first miscarriage.
Speaker:So, you know, people say there's valleys and peaks.
Speaker:I was digging a trench in the valley.
Speaker:I wasn't even, I wasn't even in the valley at that point.
Speaker:It was just so bad.
Speaker:I was so low.
Speaker:But as a man, um, as individual, that was very forward thinking and resilient.
Speaker:I didn't really deal with those emotions and I suppressed them for years.
Speaker:Went to therapy, moved up to Bend because I was having some PTSD around.
Speaker:Wildfires here, noticing that, uh, sure enough, the therapist told me I had
Speaker:severe anxiety, depression and uh, PTSD.
Speaker:Um, and when that came, came alive, there was actually more
Speaker:emotions that came alive within me.
Speaker:And, uh, it all kind of swelled up until April 21st, 2021 when
Speaker:I woke up and I looked in the mirror and I said, this is it.
Speaker:I don't see a future.
Speaker:I'm completely numb.
Speaker:I, I can't feel anything besides anxiety, couldn't.
Speaker:I was very in the office, I was able to put a mask on and move forward, but
Speaker:deep down I was hurting in so much pain and I couldn't even make decisions.
Speaker:So I was about to call it, um, at life, but, uh, luckily I just kind of heard
Speaker:the word and the feeling of escape.
Speaker:Um, and I did, I escaped reality for a few days with some journal
Speaker:prompts and on the coast Airbnb.
Speaker:I cried a lot.
Speaker:All my emotions came out, discovered who I was.
Speaker:Um, did tons of self-reflection.
Speaker:Uh, thought my identity was one thing, and figured out it was
Speaker:something else my calling and purpose, and came back transformed.
Speaker:Completely different man.
Speaker:And, um.
Speaker:Inspired to move forward in life, you know, so within a, you know, a
Speaker:few day period, I was at the lowest any human could be to probably one
Speaker:of the highest a human could be.
Speaker:And it was a complete transformation.
Speaker:And the reason why that happened is because I removed
Speaker:all the noise in my life.
Speaker:I took a step back and I really asked myself, who is Kyle
Speaker:Nelson and what is he here for?
Speaker:And sure enough, about the same exact week when I came back, came back to
Speaker:work, told Eli about my experience and.
Speaker:The asteroid hit his world like crazy.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:And jump from there.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So, yeah, continuing the, the high level appetizer as you put it is, uh, again,
Speaker:Kyle alluded to it, is I went through a divorce, I found out I was being
Speaker:cheated on, and our business crumbled.
Speaker:We had to lay off pretty much all of our employees in one day.
Speaker:Uh, tell em it was last day and then I lost my uncle all in the.
Speaker:When you get hit with that all at one time, it rains, it pours, and you start
Speaker:having thoughts about like, is it me?
Speaker:Is, is that the reason?
Speaker:Like, am I not a good business owner?
Speaker:Am I not a good husband?
Speaker:Like is it me?
Speaker:That's the question I kept asking myself.
Speaker:And I was lucky enough to have Kyle.
Speaker:Um, not only are we business partners, but at the core of that we're best friends.
Speaker:And he set me off, said, get away and go, go do some deep inner work.
Speaker:Do these journal prompts, and it helped a ton.
Speaker:It really, it, uh, it created clarity and it gave some limiting
Speaker:beliefs and some fears that I had.
Speaker:I know that's a lot of what, uh, what you talk about.
Speaker:Uh, it, it let me break through those and realized that it wasn't me.
Speaker:And I think that was like the, that was the pivotal moment of clarity to
Speaker:where we kind of set out on this, this journey to help other individuals.
Speaker:Find that clarity and doing it how we did it, doing it through
Speaker:an experience of solitude and taking a step back to move forward.
Speaker:And when, I mean, not enough people do that, and it helped us a ton.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I think one of the powerful things here, both of your
Speaker:stories and paths are different.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:The solo retreat and you know, doing the inner work, you know, kind of
Speaker:spending that time becoming more self-aware, more clear, dude, it's
Speaker:not just one path that fits into that.
Speaker:It's like this big funnel that it's like regardless of what you've gone
Speaker:through, I mean, whether it's financial or, you know, job related relationship,
Speaker:whatever, it can still fit in there.
Speaker:The common factor is us, and it's not how do I fix my spouse?
Speaker:How do I fix my career?
Speaker:How do I fix other things?
Speaker:It's focused on us.
Speaker:Um, how do you guide people, you know, how are you guiding guys in,
Speaker:in the questions and the prompts to be able to focus on themselves?
Speaker:Like to, to do that introspective work.
Speaker:I'll jump in and then you can add some stuff to it.
Speaker:It, it all starts, Mike, with permission to yourself.
Speaker:Like that is always a hurdle that I think most men have to jump through.
Speaker:So going back to ground zero, there is fear involved, but
Speaker:there's also ego involved for men.
Speaker:So you, you've gotta get past that and get vulnerable with yourself and
Speaker:look yourself in the mirror and give yourself that permission to take.
Speaker:Time away again as the male in, in the household or in the family,
Speaker:is you're usually the backbone.
Speaker:And for you to show vulnerability is a hard thing to do, but as soon
Speaker:as you do that, you start going down this path and, and this experience
Speaker:through solitude and stillness and you know, for free from distractions.
Speaker:So this is a digital detox, like full experience for three days.
Speaker:Through that.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:The journal prompts are all built around three major topics.
Speaker:Day one is about self-discovery, day two is about self-reflection.
Speaker:Day three is about vision crafting.
Speaker:And each one of those days continue to double click into
Speaker:those specific topics for men.
Speaker:And it builds this amazing resilience around self-awareness, who they are
Speaker:and why they're the way they are.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:And now they know that.
Speaker:They can move forward with a path of clarity in day three, which is vision
Speaker:crafting, and that's, that's what they're going through in a three day period.
Speaker:I think something I'll add, uh, just real quick is, you
Speaker:know, Eli mentioned permission.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:And that's really hard for a man to give themselves.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's, we are, like you said, the backbone, but.
Speaker:We're selfish in the way of we don't take care of ourselves.
Speaker:We first put others first, and what we're offering is not only
Speaker:helping them, we're offering them validation with that permission.
Speaker:So some people can even give themselves the permission, but they
Speaker:can't validate it, and we validate it when our discovery calls, you know?
Speaker:We hear like what Eli was saying earlier, like, is it me?
Speaker:What's wrong with me?
Speaker:What have I done wrong?
Speaker:And it's, it's allowing them to get that out, but then validating them
Speaker:and saying, look, dude, you're normal.
Speaker:This is the path that everybody goes on, but we can correct it.
Speaker:We can, we can make that one degree change in your trajectory where
Speaker:we'll make massive difference in the path that you're on.
Speaker:Um, and so that, that validation piece is really, really big for most men
Speaker:because they have never, a lot of times they've never had that in their life.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:They've never had someone validate how they feel and, um,
Speaker:the direction they're going.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Validating, having a voice, you know, being able to, to look and go, I'm not
Speaker:the only one facing this challenge.
Speaker:And, and feeling like you're the freak, you're abnormal.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Um, how does something like this.
Speaker:Not become like a mountaintop experience, right?
Speaker:We've all gone to events, you know, conferences, stuff
Speaker:like that, and it's great.
Speaker:It has a lasting power of, you know, a couple days, maybe a week or two, but
Speaker:then it fades and it's just like a New Year's resolution where it's like, you
Speaker:know, by the 21 days, January 21st, hey, you know, most people are gone.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:How does this have a lasting impact upon, you know, your life when you come back
Speaker:and you're like, I've got the clarity I've had, I've had the self-awareness.
Speaker:How do you keep going, um, with what you've learned from
Speaker:this, this, uh, solo retreat?
Speaker:Yeah, I'm gonna let you touch on the integration.
Speaker:I know that's what probably gonna say, but before that, um, the biggest, the, the
Speaker:biggest impact that our solar retreats are is it's a, it's a self-discovery process.
Speaker:These peaks that people experience, we experience and we read the
Speaker:book, we listen to the podcast, we go to the Tony Robbins event.
Speaker:It is not necessarily self discovery.
Speaker:There's tons of intention over it.
Speaker:It's powerful.
Speaker:You're filled with this energy, but at the end of the day when you
Speaker:can step back for 3, 4, 5 days.
Speaker:Actually work on it on your own.
Speaker:And then the discovery comes out of you in solitude when there's no one
Speaker:else around you that is so powerful and it makes it feel so real.
Speaker:And typically it empowers individuals where it's like,
Speaker:okay, that alignment came from me.
Speaker:It didn't come from a coach, it didn't come from a a therapist.
Speaker:It didn't come from a X, Y, Z. It doesn't matter.
Speaker:Um, that's huge.
Speaker:That is absolutely powerful.
Speaker:And that's why it's a proven system We have.
Speaker:At this point, it's a hundred percent success of transformation.
Speaker:People are coming out where they're on their debrief calls and they
Speaker:can't even hold back the tears and the emotion and the first thing they
Speaker:always say is, this changed my life.
Speaker:The integration.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So like anything, there's a reason that somebody is attracted to
Speaker:the program, like you mentioned.
Speaker:Maybe it's the, they've read the podcast, the books still.
Speaker:They go and they do something a little bit more intensive, so a harder reset, right?
Speaker:Where they're going out and it's not just reading the podcast and getting
Speaker:the hack or the productivity hack.
Speaker:Yeah, this is a big step that they're taking, um, because maybe
Speaker:therapy and coaching hasn't worked for them in the past, so let's do
Speaker:it by myself with some guidance.
Speaker:They come back and typically they have massive aha moments.
Speaker:And I would say that it sticks more than a productivity hack or
Speaker:a podcast or a book they read.
Speaker:But everybody will backslide at some point.
Speaker:And the only way to prevent backsliding is, is to have accountability.
Speaker:And that is where we step in a little bit more.
Speaker:We lean into them, but what we do is, versus the the one on one side, we.
Speaker:Have seen the power of Masterminds work so well.
Speaker:We bring people together so that have gone on the retreat, that have
Speaker:common vocabulary, and they are surrounded by this basically board
Speaker:member of accountability partners.
Speaker:At that point, after their retreat, they're on a high, they have their
Speaker:action plans and they have their path to clarity, and now they just need to
Speaker:kind of validate it with other people.
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:so in the Mastermind, the program that we have.
Speaker:It's virtual masterminds, but it's also in-person retreat masterminds.
Speaker:And those are really where the power is at, is getting in that
Speaker:room with that energy and with those like-minded individuals, high
Speaker:just great people in a great room.
Speaker:That's where real change is made and accountability is created.
Speaker:Just wanna say one last thing is we don't mean to slam coaches.
Speaker:We don't mean to therapists.
Speaker:We've had therapists, we have therapist.
Speaker:We have coaches.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:That's the addition.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:But you need to start at the core, right?
Speaker:Which is you.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Which is you.
Speaker:We could, we kind of call ourselves coaches.
Speaker:We really just call ourselves facilitators and guides more than anything, we're
Speaker:just helping you through that process.
Speaker:But, um, yeah, just wanted to make that clear.
Speaker:I know it was.
Speaker:All the coaches.
Speaker:I know you're coach, so I didn't wanna like this video, I just wanted to
Speaker:make sure that the And the podcast.
Speaker:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Where's the stop button?
Speaker:You guys are done.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:No, I, I know there's a difference.
Speaker:And you guys have a respect both ways.
Speaker:I mean, it's, it's the same thing, right?
Speaker:We, cardio's got a place, strength training has a place and.
Speaker:There's more power to it.
Speaker:So, and you know, different people are at different places
Speaker:to take advantage of things.
Speaker:Um, you know, if you had hit me up when it was like I was beginning, my journey
Speaker:would've been like, Nope, I'm, I'm not ready to be in a room by myself,
Speaker:especially for three days thinking about questions that are self-reflective.
Speaker:Like there was so much self-loathing and self-hatred.
Speaker:I was not ready for that.
Speaker:But if you are ready for this step.
Speaker:This is a powerful tool that takes you in a different direction.
Speaker:And so, I mean, it's just understanding you have a buffet of
Speaker:being of tools to be able to heal, um, and to grow and strengthen.
Speaker:So yeah, I appreciate the clarification.
Speaker:I don't have to press stop.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You.
Speaker:So what is, what is different about the vision casting, right?
Speaker:Day three is the vision casting, you said.
Speaker:What's different about that process that is, you know, stands uh, above
Speaker:what somebody might do, you know, December 31st, throwing together, you
Speaker:know, 10, 12 goals for their year.
Speaker:What's different from the, the New Year's resolutions?
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:I, I'll, I'll jump in.
Speaker:You add some more color to it.
Speaker:It is really the power of it is in.
Speaker:Days one and two.
Speaker:And the reason I say that is it tees up day three.
Speaker:'cause most people will create a goal on December 31st, not really understanding a
Speaker:limiting belief that is ultimately gonna make them fail by the 21st of January.
Speaker:So now that they understand a limiting belief that they may have had a great
Speaker:example and I will be very transparent and raw in mine, I discovered a lack
Speaker:of self-confidence and self-belief.
Speaker:Mine was.
Speaker:Really, I'm Man Eli, you've dropped all these goals.
Speaker:You make these goals and you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't hold to them.
Speaker:So there's a limiting belief about myself in there that I
Speaker:just lack that self-confidence.
Speaker:'cause I dropped the ball so many times on my, on myself.
Speaker:So once I was able to get past that and rewire that limiting belief and
Speaker:just kind of remove that roadblock, it allowed me to create goals in
Speaker:day three in vision crafting that.
Speaker:I actually attained and I actually hit because I was past that.
Speaker:I did the work in day two and day one.
Speaker:Does that make sense?
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So that's why it's more powerful.
Speaker:Um, anything you'd add to that?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I'll add a little whipped cream chocolate sauce.
Speaker:Ooh, dessert cherry on top.
Speaker:We, we talked about,
Speaker:we talked about buffets.
Speaker:Well, and we talked about appetizers, buffets, and I wanted dessert.
Speaker:That's true.
Speaker:So, so.
Speaker:Goal setting, goal setting.
Speaker:Goal setting is so, so important and
Speaker:stake.
Speaker:It's not gonna do anything.
Speaker:You're gonna fail again.
Speaker:You might hit the 10 pounds, you might hit the 10,000 quota, whatever it is.
Speaker:But to keep that momentum going, you've gotta really connect it
Speaker:with who you're accountable to.
Speaker:And so what some of the questions we ask individuals is, if you don't make
Speaker:change today, if the, if the, if the event is not that powerful to you
Speaker:today, what is the stakeholders and your relationships look like with you in the
Speaker:next one year, three year, five year?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And those relationships could be your relationship with your health.
Speaker:It could be your spouse, your kids business partner, you name it.
Speaker:Well, in one year I might.
Speaker:I might have diabetes.
Speaker:In three years, I'll probably be on medication.
Speaker:In five years I could, I mean, I could die because I'm not taking care of my health.
Speaker:Those are the kind of things where you need to release.
Speaker:Get people's mindset set and do a paradigm shift in the way that they're
Speaker:looking at the relationship with the things that are holding them back.
Speaker:And so that vision craft helps.
Speaker:That.
Speaker:Vision crafting helps you through that process to understand if you
Speaker:don't make change today, it could be self-destructive down the road.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:Yeah, I think it was unique how you put in dessert and then
Speaker:you put in diabetes into that.
Speaker:That was, was that invent?
Speaker:Is
Speaker:that out of, that's my god.
Speaker:I was doing really powerful with that delivery.
Speaker:It was great.
Speaker:I loved it.
Speaker:I loved it.
Speaker:That's where my head's
Speaker:we're gonna
Speaker:have to figure out food for the rest of it.
Speaker:So barbecue's gotta go in there somewhere.
Speaker:We know that.
Speaker:So, um, as far as some of us as guys.
Speaker:Put on the bravado, right.
Speaker:We stay busy, so we don't really have time alone and going, especially
Speaker:for a three day period to be alone and introspective can be daunting.
Speaker:It's hard.
Speaker:How do you, how do you encourage guys to like say, Hey, this is the most
Speaker:courageous thing that you can extend to yourself to give yourself permission for?
Speaker:Um.
Speaker:You know, how, how do you get over that hurdle?
Speaker:Yeah, that's a great question.
Speaker:It's several different parts.
Speaker:I mean, one, is that what I had just said?
Speaker:Um, helping them look into the eight ball and say, what ha, what's the,
Speaker:what if, I mean, really what is the, what if you don't make change today?
Speaker:It, it, it always ends up being self-destruction, self-sabotaged,
Speaker:self hatred like you were saying,
Speaker:and.
Speaker:Helping people validate that that's real is very, very powerful because
Speaker:a lot of us are in the hum of life.
Speaker:We're going, we're sprinting, we're moving forward and we
Speaker:don't see what could happen.
Speaker:We see this, uh, this one path that we're down, but really
Speaker:the other path is over here.
Speaker:Um,
Speaker:lemme
Speaker:jump in there.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I mean, fear is something that we encounter every day with people trying
Speaker:to go on a solo retreat, like we said, looking yourself in the mirror.
Speaker:The other part is they're scared to unpack what could, what could unfold, right?
Speaker:There could be some trauma that was hidden in there.
Speaker:When you talk about limiting beliefs, there's always something that was, there
Speaker:was a seed planted at a very young age, and that typically comes up, but I love
Speaker:what you said about being courageous.
Speaker:We, we, we use that and we, we say that all the time.
Speaker:The other part about it too is depending on the, the, the individual.
Speaker:Sometimes you don't wanna instill fear in them.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:You don't wanna tell them like, oh man, what if, what if sometimes you wanna walk
Speaker:with them and catch them in stride and be like, Hey, you might be on the right path.
Speaker:Let's validate that so you can sleep better at night.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:That's because you're, all you're doing is you're thinking, man,
Speaker:am I going the right direction?
Speaker:Is this the right thing to do?
Speaker:Is my business going that way?
Speaker:This solo retreat actually provides validation for it.
Speaker:So it's catching them in a, a place of positivity versus fear now that
Speaker:it just depends on where we gotta meet the, meet the individual.
Speaker:But that's just another perspective on, um, what you said about
Speaker:approaching somebody that is scared to go on a retreat because they
Speaker:don't know what they're gonna unpack.
Speaker:I'm gonna, right there, so
Speaker:the one saying that.
Speaker:We tell everybody and what we, we, we walk away with in conversations is we
Speaker:tell them we believe in them, and a lot of people have never had someone
Speaker:actually say to them in the eye, face to face that someone believes in them.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:The stuff we've gone through, it would've been helpful if we had
Speaker:someone guiding us saying, we believe in you, you can do this.
Speaker:But we had to go and be at such a low space place in life and figure out,
Speaker:oh, I need to go experience solitude.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Um, and so that's really powerful when we tell people that, and it just, it,
Speaker:it, it unlocks something in individuals.
Speaker:Uh, and we truly do believe in any human in their capacity and being
Speaker:able to stop the self-destruction.
Speaker:Understand that there is more purpose in their life.
Speaker:Um, and what's, it's interesting too, we had this conversation with,
Speaker:with somebody that was yesterday that was really, really on the fence.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:About going on a solo retreat.
Speaker:We've been talking about it for six months at least, or a year.
Speaker:And he knows his wife's going on.
Speaker:One, Neil's the power of him, and he kept saying, dude, I am so afraid that
Speaker:I'm gonna get off track because I'm so dialed with my business right now
Speaker:and I know I'm down the right track.
Speaker:And I said, dude.
Speaker:You're looking at this the wrong way.
Speaker:What if you go, 'cause you have these self doubts and you keep questioning yourself.
Speaker:Am I on the right?
Speaker:Am I on the right track?
Speaker:What if you went and it actually created the validation that you are
Speaker:on the right track and you don't have to go through the anxiety every night
Speaker:to think, am I on the right track?
Speaker:When we shifted his mindset to that, instead of a fear, instantly he
Speaker:literally stopped the conversation.
Speaker:He's like, I'm going on one, because that's what I need
Speaker:because my anxiety is coming from.
Speaker:Is this the right place?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Adding more work.
Speaker:Adding more
Speaker:work, yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That Pandora's box, I mean, that can just have such a weight.
Speaker:Oh dude.
Speaker:I mean that was, there is a me memory block from being a child.
Speaker:And it was when I went to go get that, you know, coaching that mentor and going
Speaker:through it was similar concept to what, you know, we're talking here with a
Speaker:solo retreat, you know, having a guided process to walk through things and,
Speaker:and discover, you know, what's gone on.
Speaker:Dude, I was petrified it.
Speaker:The thing, the funniest thing was, um, I ended up finding this
Speaker:cartoon and it was of a mouse, you know, with a flashlight by it.
Speaker:And then the shadow was cast up on the wall.
Speaker:And the reason I kept that, and I put it as like my, my background on
Speaker:my phone was because I was giving power to what I perceived not to.
Speaker:The desire that I was chasing after, or the potential freedom
Speaker:that would come from it.
Speaker:But instead it was the fear of what's there that I don't remember,
Speaker:and why don't I remember it?
Speaker:And that just kept me.
Speaker:It was like concrete boots, dude.
Speaker:It just kept me in place and I was petrified for what I
Speaker:might find out rather than.
Speaker:You know what freedom I might experience because I hadn't experienced freedom.
Speaker:You know, so wild.
Speaker:Oh dude.
Speaker:We can, our thoughts can be the most empowering thing or the most, you know.
Speaker:Destructive, disempowering thing, just kinda holding us
Speaker:in place and holding us back.
Speaker:Like Kyle, which you had talked about this other guy that's like, oh, I get
Speaker:the clarification and the confirmation.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Sometimes we just need that external perspective that's different than
Speaker:what we've trained ourselves on.
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:Um, so yeah, I mean that's the power of what you guys are, are really doing there.
Speaker:Now, fortunately, it sounds like for this guy, you know, with his wife going
Speaker:on a solo retreat herself, they kind of are building like almost that, that
Speaker:nucleus of their community, right?
Speaker:They're, they're doing this together.
Speaker:What about for the, the guy that goes and it's like, nobody
Speaker:else is buying into this.
Speaker:Um, but I know I'm at that point of desperation where I really need something.
Speaker:It's, you know.
Speaker:It's show up or check out, you know what I mean?
Speaker:Like you just really, you really have to, to kind of go and do something different.
Speaker:And this is where it's like you're looking for that hope.
Speaker:Is there something that that guys can do to
Speaker:kind of set their, their community, their support to build those
Speaker:relationships before they go through it?
Speaker:It's full transparency, telling these individuals, you know, for
Speaker:a change I'm working on myself.
Speaker:And when you can actually tell somebody that most people will respond
Speaker:and should respond, good for you.
Speaker:That's amazing.
Speaker:I'm here to support you.
Speaker:But we're so afraid by how we're gonna be judged and how we're gonna be
Speaker:looked at and like, oh, I have issues.
Speaker:What's wrong with Kyle?
Speaker:Is something going on?
Speaker:Our minds start going in this anxiety circle and it doesn't stop.
Speaker:That's when you're gonna start seeing the divide of who's truly
Speaker:there for you and quality, authentic individual, or who's the one that's
Speaker:the toxic one in your circle that you need to remove yourself from.
Speaker:That is one very difficult thing.
Speaker:That's what some people go through a program and they realize, they're
Speaker:like, I'm in the wrong circle.
Speaker:This is what's been stopping me.
Speaker:I'm not rounding myself with the network that of the network I wanna be in.
Speaker:Uh, and it's, it's really difficult.
Speaker:Um, yeah.
Speaker:Do you have anything to add on that?
Speaker:I think that was perfect.
Speaker:Yeah, I think that's exactly what I said is being courageous, like being
Speaker:able to say like when somebody asks you like, Hey man, how are you doing?
Speaker:The typical answer is, I'm good.
Speaker:And then they move on.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's really courageous for somebody to say, man, I'm actually not doing good
Speaker:and this is what I'm gonna do about it.
Speaker:That is a very courageous thing to say, and you should be very proud
Speaker:if you, if you have that response.
Speaker:Should be a pretty proud, strong male.
Speaker:If, if you, if you can say something like that.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So I, I That then that builds a great, strong community or it turns them away.
Speaker:But it's a great way to vet people.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And some, sometimes those people that you need to set a boundary with or move to a
Speaker:different place in relationships can be family, you know, which is, which is hard.
Speaker:Um, but.
Speaker:You know, sometimes our connections are to boat anchors, not people
Speaker:that are balloons elevating us.
Speaker:You know, so it's like you gotta discern and figure it out.
Speaker:So true Mike.
Speaker:So
Speaker:true Mike.
Speaker:So, yeah, I'd love to say I had a lot of balloons around me,
Speaker:but I learned, I learned what I practiced from those I was with.
Speaker:So yeah, it was, uh, you needed a new circle of people to learn new things.
Speaker:Reinforce the, the habits and patterns and beliefs that you had grown up with.
Speaker:Um, so powerful.
Speaker:So powerful.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I appreciate it.
Speaker:Um, what would you say is like a common thread that you see for
Speaker:guys that becomes revealed when you know they're on the retreat?
Speaker:What's, what's something that you just kind of continue to hear
Speaker:time and time again that, uh.
Speaker:Super powerful, but yet most pe most guys that go on it are
Speaker:not expecting that revelation.
Speaker:I'll jump in.
Speaker:You probably have different ones than I do, maybe you don't.
Speaker:Uh, two things.
Speaker:One being more vulnerable.
Speaker:So, uh, you know, they realized that it was cooped up, it was a little
Speaker:bit too tight to the chest, and they could, once they got it out on paper,
Speaker:they feel more comfortable sharing.
Speaker:So vulnerability was one.
Speaker:And then I would say the other one that we hear a lot is.
Speaker:Is, um, it's between legacy and intentionality and that kind of gratitude.
Speaker:When I say intentionality, I mean like being in the moment,
Speaker:being present, um, and being very intentional with all of our acts.
Speaker:So versus them being on their phone.
Speaker:All the time at their kids' soccer practice.
Speaker:It's like they put it away and they're intentional and they're present there.
Speaker:I think those are kind of a couple things that I see commonly common threads
Speaker:between men that go in the program.
Speaker:Is there anything that you would add?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Some walk away with asking and, and understanding the question
Speaker:is why am I so tough on myself?
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:that's a good one.
Speaker:Mm.
Speaker:Understanding what self-love and self-compassion is again.
Speaker:A lot of these men, they don't have no clue what that is.
Speaker:It sounds like a sissy thing, self-care, like all that stuff.
Speaker:But it's like, no, you want to take care of your mental, like
Speaker:you need to take care of yourself.
Speaker:And by doing that you gotta do the things you love.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And that actually like fuel you in life.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Uh, and it's okay to, you know, not be so tough on yourself.
Speaker:We all fail.
Speaker:It's part of life.
Speaker:If we can shift the mindset from, what am I doing wrong, to.
Speaker:What could I have done better?
Speaker:Like just small things like that and not be so tough on ourselves because
Speaker:when we're so tough on ourself, we automatically think everyone else
Speaker:sees it and they agree with it.
Speaker:And so then we put this identity on ourselves and if we can remove that,
Speaker:which a lot of men aren't doing, it shifts their relationships with their
Speaker:wives, their children fill in the blank.
Speaker:And so toughness is hard.
Speaker:Because that's what we're programmed and that's what we're told to be growing up.
Speaker:Uh, and it's hard.
Speaker:I mean, we've gone through it, like having to force ourselves self-care and self-love
Speaker:every day or weekly or whatever it is.
Speaker:Um, it's hard to commit to that, give ourselves permission, but
Speaker:we know longevity and long term, it's gonna be good for our mental.
Speaker:Yeah, that's exactly what you said Mike earlier, which is like,
Speaker:your thoughts control everything.
Speaker:So if your thoughts are only negative about yourself, you're only gonna see
Speaker:that about yourself, and that's only gonna attract negative thoughts to yourself.
Speaker:I think the other thing, common na, like common threads are really just a
Speaker:pretty simple term or, or, or, or, or sentence, which is I now have clarity.
Speaker:We hear that.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:I now have clarity.
Speaker:I now have clarity.
Speaker:We've heard that so many times and this program really gives men clarity in their
Speaker:next chapter, clarity in what they're working on or where they're stuck.
Speaker:That's what we hear the most in my, I.
Speaker:I remember, uh, you guys talking about somebody that was doing this every quarter
Speaker:because of the clarity that it gave him, you know, in life and where he was going.
Speaker:And it's like, dude, most of us are walking in a fog that we don't
Speaker:even realize we're surrounded by.
Speaker:And, uh.
Speaker:To get that kind of clarity.
Speaker:That is an amazing gift that I don't think many of us give ourselves.
Speaker:Um, you know, that permission, like you guys talked about earlier,
Speaker:it's very true.
Speaker:what are like some tangible things that you're seeing that.
Speaker:Dude, men are, are showing the courage, they're putting in the effort, the
Speaker:time, you know, they're going inside and getting this clarity and doing the work.
Speaker:What are some benefits that you're seeing for guys that come out on
Speaker:the other side after the retreat?
Speaker:Like as far as career, you know, relationships, health, you know, finances,
Speaker:what, what did guys see on the other side?
Speaker:There.
Speaker:There's so many different examples.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That we could name, I mean, dozens and dozens and dozens.
Speaker:I think at the the end of the day, what we're seeing is identity shifts.
Speaker:People that have been stuck in this identity of, oh, I'm a business
Speaker:owner, entrepreneur, or I'm a coach, I am this, and they're actually
Speaker:coming, shifting and being like, no, I'm actually a curious man.
Speaker:I'm actually a loving man.
Speaker:I'm actually.
Speaker:This kind of man, and that's who I wanna be.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And how do I design a life around that rather than me trying to design
Speaker:a life around my business, around my job, around my fill the board.
Speaker:And so we're seeing these insane identity shifts and pure transformation
Speaker:and that and that identity can then be the fuel that you need to cast that
Speaker:vision that you crafted on this trip.
Speaker:Uh, I would say another complimentary one is a lot of men come outta this
Speaker:knowing what success is for them.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:And they subtract things, they remove things from their life.
Speaker:Maybe they're involved and they run three companies right now.
Speaker:They come out and they're like, I'm selling two of 'em, because that one
Speaker:relates to my purpose and my calling, and now I have more time for my family,
Speaker:which is really what success is, is to create a world impacting family.
Speaker:That is what I believe is legacy and what holds true.
Speaker:So I'm gonna subtract things so that I can focus on that.
Speaker:That is another outcome I've seen.
Speaker:It's understanding the boulders in your life that you need to.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I mean, it's been, yeah, that guy, he's selling one
Speaker:of his big businesses now.
Speaker:Last time we touched base with him, another guy, he
Speaker:came out with the word enough.
Speaker:He said, what is enough in my life?
Speaker:I'm always gonna be chasing the dollar.
Speaker:What is enough?
Speaker:Where do I need to be?
Speaker:Uh, and he booked, like he left the, like the next week he booked
Speaker:a European trip with his family.
Speaker:Yeah, because what's enough I.
Speaker:Tangible things like that where if you wouldn't have gone and done
Speaker:this work, you wouldn't have slapped you in the face like it needs.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:And have some fun in life
Speaker:a put it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I think the power that comes from.
Speaker:Realizing the, the truth about your identity, who you really are, and
Speaker:you thought was a, a lack, right?
Speaker:I'm not worthy and coming out and going, I am fully worthy, or I am enough.
Speaker:You know, I am, I'm strong, I'm brilliant.
Speaker:All these things that we thought were for other people and not for us
Speaker:to take ownership of that man that.
Speaker:Transforms every aspect of the man, but also of the life around them.
Speaker:And I think that's just something we, we really don't understand because we've
Speaker:not gone through this kind of stuff.
Speaker:You know, creating the space, taking the time, doing the work, and uh, so
Speaker:yeah, that's where I really wanted to bring you guys back and kind of
Speaker:capitalize upon, like, Hey, let's talk more about what this does.
Speaker:You know, enable us to do.
Speaker:Um, so guys, I appreciate you coming back again and talking
Speaker:about, you know, the solo retreats and the power that's involved.
Speaker:And, you know, often some of our perceptions are, you know, just
Speaker:that perceptions and they're not grounded in the truth.
Speaker:So I appreciate you guys sharing that.
Speaker:For guys that are like, Hey, I've got more questions, Kyle and Eli, or, Hey,
Speaker:I, I think this is something I wanna do.
Speaker:Or they're sold out and they're like, dude, sign me up now.
Speaker:How can guys connect with you outside of the podcast here for the solo retreats?
Speaker:Yeah, you just head to our website, ResetOS.co, uh, and reach
Speaker:out to us and email us there.
Speaker:Um, you can actually just reserve your retreat right then and there if you'd like
Speaker:to, but reach out to us, have a call and have a conversation on the power of it.
Speaker:And of course, we're very, very busy on LinkedIn, so please give
Speaker:us a connection and DM us and have a good convo from there.
Speaker:Sounds great.
Speaker:Thank you both Kyle, Eli, I appreciate it.
Speaker:Mike, thank you so much.
Speaker:Mike.
Speaker:Mike, Mike, an
Speaker:amazing man.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:Having.
