128 - Mark Savant : choosing to be an awesome dad

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And we're going to get into that. Man just know that this is going to be, uh, one of touching on what each of us has men and fathers, what we really want to do and who we want to be. So, mark, how are you doing today? My friend,

Mike, thrilled to be here. Can't wait to talk about these important topics, brother.

ome. Dad, just, I mean, that [: 00:01:00

What does today look like on the business side of life?

Yeah. So I run a podcast production agency, mark savant, media, go figure C easy to remember. Uh, it was, you know, that's one of the difficult parts about building a business. It's sometimes hard to got to find that perfect name. The perfect name can be tough to figure out.

No, no joke. Mike, when I was launching, um, my, my current podcast, they put the most effort into the after hours entrepreneur. I had about 40 episodes recorded before I actually launched. Because I couldn't think of the perfect name for the show. I would, I mean, you should have seen how many names, how many synonyms I had written down.

t driving in the car with my [: 00:02:00

So yeah, I run a podcast production agency and I run a. A mastermind for podcasters as well. Uh, because you know, I I've gone through many, many pains and struggles in podcasting over the past five years. And I, one of the things that I always wanted was to be part of some sort of group program that was affordable, um, that gave me access to different resources.

And, um, I it's, it's been a really positive experience since, so I've got a lot of cool things going on.

Yeah, it was like, you have a platter. My friend got a lot going on, but

all strategic though, too. Cause it's easy when you're building an online business and be like, oh, shiny object. Oh, I want to sell shirts a wait.

to create a course and then, [: 00:03:00

know?

And that's that's so like spot on and along the lines of like when we're husbands, right. We hear what somebody talks about. Hey, this is how you be a, you know, a great husband, great dad. And it's like, you start and you just gain that momentum, but you never really get the traction. So I fully get that.

What does life look like for you today on the, excuse me, on the personal side, what is, uh, what is life at home?

Things are good. I mean, uh, I've been married to my wife eight years in may. We've been married. We've been together about, about double that. About 15 years. I have a, uh, a daughter that's turning six in may.

ning three in may. I have my [: 00:04:00

Just right around the corner too, man. You got your seatbelt on mark. That's your

baby. It's here. It's here. It's going to be, you know, it's good that I found a nice balance in life. Uh, You know, again, that's when we have very long time to get to, I, there were many, many Mondays that I woke up, like, uh, I'm going to be late to work today.

ou're like, oh man, it's the [: 00:05:00

It's like, I don't know. It's hard to explain how that makes you feel, how liberating it is to like, um, to enjoy Mondays and be sad that it's Friday because it's, it's a total shift.

Yeah. I'm like, it's, it's 180 degrees from what most of us feel when we're by going, Hey, you know, thank God it's Friday, you know?

And then you get those Sunday blues, just go. Uh, that was too short a weekend. And so that's what I hear from you. Like how, how long were you in that kind of situation? I mean, where you were happy for Friday and treading Monday.

I mean, years bro years. I mean, I'm 39 now. And I would say since I was 20, I mean, they even go back farther to high school and middle school, like, there's this, it's this weird.

oing to be. And not that I D [: 00:06:00

And, you know, it's really hard, I think as fathers, because you're not just doing it for yourself. You're you're, you need, you have this deep ancestral need to protect and provide for your family. So you it's like, you don't really have a choice. You can't just not show you. Can't just not show up. But I think for me, when, when I, when I turned the knob and I recognized that something needed to change and I put in a lot thousands of hours, Mike thousands and thousands of hours and effort, and, you know, there were nights where I knew that people were out drinking, where I knew that people were playing video games where my world of Warcraft fans.

ust, I just decided I wasn't [: 00:07:00

So how do you avoid feeling bitter? You know, like. You're going through the day-to-day you can't step out of the job because it's like, you're, you've got a responsibility at home. How do you continue to go? Like, Hey, I love my family. They're my priority. I love them. And I'm doing this rather than going, man.

If it wasn't for my family, I could just check out and do something else. I mean, how did you stay focused and engaged and continue to be, um, You know, showing up Monday through Friday?

least in my life personally, [: 00:08:00

Unhappy. And I was unfulfilled. I was also scared to death of the next generation coming up and eating my lunch. I did not want to be the 55 year old at, at the office who couldn't compete with a 20 year old. And I kind of saw the writing on the wall that was going to happen. We could talk, we could start talking about exciting technology that, that stuff gets my gears going, but I knew that was coming.

Um, and so I said, what can I do? How can I take control of my own destiny? Y Y how can I be the one that's making the decision? How can I be the employee you're as opposed to the employee, how can I actually build something? And so I started on this journey, Mike, of all these different side hustles, um, different business ideas and options.

m, but what I recognized was.[: 00:09:00

Podcasting was where I was going to get all of my information. I was learning so much from podcasts. I would go on a run and I would, I would listen to podcasts. I would be driving the car, listen to podcasts. I'm like, why don't I just start a podcast? It just seems so, so natural. And, um, at the time I couldn't find a ton of great podcasts about fatherhood.

There were a lot of, uh, mother mothering podcasts and parenting podcasts. Not very many podcasts that specifically spoke to fathers. And so that's, that's where I went. I developed that podcast out. Um, and what I ended up finding though, Mike, which I think is important, I'd never launched a podcast before.

ying me to teach them how to [: 00:10:00

I was getting paid to help people start their podcast. And I was getting paid to help people build up their social media profiles. And so I recognized I needed to shift. I still want it to be an awesome dad, but I knew that I couldn't be an awesome dad without, um, evolving, you know, my, my business as a whole.

So yeah, that was, that was kind of the bounce. Although I will say that I'm very jealous of all these 20 year olds out there with no kids and no wife, they could just do whatever they want. It's so easy, but you know, that was not my story. That's not, I don't think I could have ever gotten there without having kids.

My, my daughter specifically just that lit a fire and.

ecause you're talking about, [: 00:11:00

But in the midst of that, if I don't have something at this time, I don't know what my next step is, my transition. How can I, how can I stay engaged and focused on the bigger picture like you did?

Well? So, I mean, that's a, that's a tough question. I think Mike, because everybody's journey is different.

Everyone has a different reason for maybe, or maybe not doing something, but I think. Probably the biggest mindset shift that needs to happen. Isn't this mindset shift of, um, you know, you just gotta, you just gotta do something. You know, I think it's really easy to get in our head and then have all these graphs and spreadsheets and everything.

t. Right? You get this Prout [: 00:12:00

You have to be willing to suffer some pain and maybe some, um, castigation people are gonna laugh at you. They're not going to believe you. They're not gonna, they're not going to get it. Um, and if there's one thing that is, you know, I'm just thinking about this just the other day, Mike, um, I'll give you an example.

I started a brow, a crypto, a crypto club here in Broward county. It's called the Broward crypto club. We meet once a month and we talk about cryptocurrency, go figure. And the first meeting, I, you know, that we met, I had got everything prepared, everything was going. We had invited back about 25 30 people were going to be there.

, zoom home, go home, get my [: 00:13:00

And then I look, and the Facebook event had the wrong address on it. So now I'm like, oh crap, this is busted. And I had to send out a bunch of messages and updates. Eventually everybody got there. We had a great event, got a bunch of emails. Everyone was happy. But the reason I tell this story, Mike, is that when you're starting something new, you have to accept that everything is going to go wrong.

oing to be perfect the first [: 00:14:00

Yeah. And that's so much like, you know, waiting to step out and. Do like new year's resolutions almost. Right, right. I'll lay them out. Make sure they're perfect. And if I were just to, even on September 3rd, Just start take action. Um, and what you're saying, what I'm picking up anyways, from what, what you found out is giving yourself grace in the moment, but still continuing to move.

Um, and that was so much, I was critical of myself, you know, as I was starting to change, but as you continue to change, you build up almost like a muscle of, of giving yourself grace and space to make those mistakes, because at least a mistake is better than enact.

sadist here because I'm not, [: 00:15:00

It's it's weird. I almost like I'm like, oh, I screwed that up. And it starts to feel good after a while. I know it sounds crazy, but that's, that's been the reality for me, you know?

No crazier than going to the gym and putting yourself under a, you know, pounds of pressure to build muscle. I mean, it's just different muscle that we're learning to develop, you know, and for some of us it's one that we didn't have the example.

And so we're learning on the fly, but you know, that that's the amazing thing is we have this chance just like you started out with awesome dad, it was one of your looking for a source. You create a space for other men. It's one that we need to learn from each other.

Yeah. And I mean, and to your point, I've been an employer and an employee for 20 plus years.

onnections and knowledge and [: 00:16:00

Being, uh, being unsure about it and yet willing to move, I think is one of the most empowering things we can do.

Um, so when you were going through that time of, you know, of just not having fulfillment at work, did you see that impacting, like your relationship with your wife, you know, and, and how you were parenting your children, or I guess at that point it would have been just your daughter

at that point. Yeah, no, it, it absolutely did more.

So I think with, with my wife, I remember we were out to dinner one day. It was like a Wednesday evening or something, nothing special, not a particularly bad day. No. You know, I didn't get chewed out by clients for something that wasn't my fault. Just a normal day. We're out at the Chinese restaurant. And I had asked for fried rice because it's just white rice.

t have fried rice. And I got [: 00:17:00

And

after, after I said, Hey, mind your own business. Um, We kind of sat there and I said, you know what? Let's go, let's go. We got, we sat, we got in the car. I remember putting my hands on the wheel and then kind of just like slumping over and looking at my wife. And like I say, like, what, why, why, why is this happening?

You know, why am I so. Um, and we just kind of looked at each other and we just kind of in disbelief that it happened, never anything like that happening before. And I recognize that like the only reason for you to be so upset about something that's small is because something is broken, your stuff is broken.

And I, that was, I think [: 00:18:00

a better safe than sorry.

So is it, is it like fulfillment that is giving you the difference where you're not dreading going versus like where you're at now? Is there a fulfillment that you, you have in what you're doing? Um, after hours, you know, like on the side, as far as the podcast and everything, is that, what's the difference between having the job and being your own boss?

Or is there something different that's making, you know, that, that difference for you?

of it for me, um, was that. [: 00:19:00

You know, I'm a very creative person. I had no business selling home and auto insurance. It's just not a fit for my, for my mentality, you know? And you try to fit a circle through a square. Ain't gonna work. You can force it all your life, but all you're going to do is, is bruise your knuckles. And there was this other moment because.

You know, when I was, when I was in college, I remember putting on a present. I'm the thing that I love most was presentation day. I love putting on the PowerPoint, standing up in front of the class and then talking about what I learned or teaching on a topic. I love that it was, it was so exhilarating. It, your heart pumping, you're nervous, palms are sweating, all that.

hink a big part of it's just [: 00:20:00

Um, but you know, you have to be in the right lane and you have to also understand the world is changing so quickly right now. If you, you, you cannot afford to be stagnant. You cannot afford to be complacent. I mean, I have friends that say you probably friends like this too. I don't believe in Facebook. I don't, or I don't like the metaverse, the metaverse is scary or, you know, whatever.

Okay. Well, you're not going to be competitive. You're just not going to be competitive in the next 10 years. You have to be like, And so that for me was a big catalyst too, was I need to take action to learn. So I don't get passed up by the 20 year old, fresh out of high school

cy and the podcast was there [: 00:21:00

So the short answer is yes. And there's things that I'm still working on, but, uh, I've, I've started reading more. I can see you've got a great collection of books behind you, which is, which is awesome. Um, I'm reading, I've got two books I'm working on now, atomic habits, uh, which I just bought. I haven't actually broke into it, but it's here.

And then, um, how to win friends and influence people. So there's a couple of good books that I'm, that I'm working on. Um, and I've, I've, I've really been focusing more on sleep. Doesn't get talked about very much, but you know, it can, it can really mess with your health when you're not getting enough sleep.

that sleep feels better. Um, [: 00:22:00

I I'm I'm uh, I'm not at like a 5:00 AM type of guy. I'd like to be. But, but I'm not, although I will say that, uh, I've joined a men's group that meets Fridays it's 7:00 AM. So I'm up at 6:00 AM and there's something really special about being up before the sun gets up. It there's, there's some power there, you know, there's definitely power.

Well, I will tell you from a recovering night owl, that it is possible to get up at 5:00 AM because that's my schedule. Nice. But, uh, yeah, the sleep is, is foundation. So, um, You know, part for me as I'm working to reclaim my health, because I used to see it as a badge of honor of getting four hours of sleep at night.

t in the immediate time, but [: 00:23:00

And, uh, yeah, you, you know, talking about getting sleep, that is an amazing thing because it just does so many things on a chemical basis and I'm still working on that, uh, you know, go into bed at a consistent time instead of, oh my gosh, I can stay up for another hour and get this and this and this done.

It's like, no, man. That's a short-term mindset, let's focus on health. And

so, and you know, that is part of the beauty, by the way, Mike, of having your own business and your own schedule is there are nights where I, where I do that, where I'm like, you know what, I'm just going to bang out this extra hour of work and it feels good to get that done.

But I do that under the pretense of knowing that I can sleep in however late I want, I can sleep in an extra couple hours to catch up on it. So yeah.

I don't want to have that luxury anymore. I'm so trained. It's like five o'clock. Okay. I'm ready.

Let's [: 00:24:00

Well, and I mean, I think that's part of the beauty of habits. Is that what works for you or what works for David? Goggins may not be the same thing that works for me, but we can still have the same like framework. Right. If we all get up at five o'clock, it may look different for all three of us. Um, because we're unique in, in what we're after and what feeds us.

So, um, I mean, I get up and jump in a sauna and sweat my butt off and then go to the gym. Come back. And, um, I'm still playing with what works for me to see if it's like, Hey, do I come back from the gym and do an ice bath? It's so, uh, yeah. Well, I'm

glad you said that Mike, because, you know, there's, there's certain.

, you're going to be getting [: 00:25:00

Is is, is all these different pieces to build your, your puzzle, to build your castle, right? And you're getting Lincoln logs from this guy and silly putty from this person. You got some Lego's over here, some Duplo here, and you try to build a cohesive. Like business plan, if it doesn't work because the pieces don't fit, they're not aligned.

Right. Maybe you get a piece of advice from Gary Vaynerchuk where he's speaking to a fortune 500 conference. That's not going to be the same type of advice that you need to apply to your solopreneurship. You know what I'm saying? And there were it. So this is also, I think a really interesting thing that's happened to me.

e little brain maggots. They [: 00:26:00

Right. But that, that piece of advice wasn't meant for you and your specific journey, you know, And it's the same thing with sleep, you know, you'll, you'll see someone that's on a weird sleep regimen, but you have to recognize that maybe that's for a different age group or someone who's training for a special type of program, you know, but these ideas, I don't know why this happens.

I don't know if this happens to you, Mike, but there's these different ideas. They get stuck in your brain. Like, and they're not necessarily, you know, for some reason it really resonates and it sticks with you, but it's not actually applicable. In your specific examples. So anyway, that's something I think about a lot.

Um, we are individuals, our [: 00:27:00

What's important to them, you know? No, having four children, myself, you know, now they're all adults, but when they were younger, it was okay. I can put this one in time out and that's devastating to them. The next one I put there and they're seeing it like a break. Yeah. I want to be alone. So thank you. But, uh, you know, taking electronics away from one would be the thing.

And yet then you have another child who doesn't freaking matter. They're so strong in their, in their way that they're just like, I want to do what I want to do. And you know, you're still trying to parent that child yet differently. And so, you know, it's just keeping in mind. What we hear depends on the situation.

We're in as much as [: 00:28:00

So,

I mean, there were days where I would be laying in bed. And I'm like trying to go to about, to go to sleep. And like, I didn't post on Instagram today, you know, it's like, it's going to be okay. Right. Like you need to, you need to have a strategy for these things. Right. But you know,

you have to put everything in context. It's really, you really laid it out nicely. Mike, I'm sorry to steal your thunder, but I just remember, I remember those days it's, it's, it's such a horrible feeling.

I have to do this perfectly. [: 00:29:00

You know, look at them like, you're, you're just kind of like a ball and chain and I need to get rid of you. And I don't know about you once you start investing and being intentional and marking time off and saying, Hey, you can expect, um, you know, this Tuesday, I'm going to be yours from six to nine and we're going to go do this.

It's like, they look forward to that, you know? It's like, yeah. Did you, do you experience that where it's like, you just, you set aside time with your wife or with your kids. Go go do something with them. Are they excited? Oh yeah.

So my daughter just today, she said, daddy, what are we doing for daddy Funday day tomorrow?

Because on [: 00:30:00

It, it, it, it, you know, it's kind of funny the way that when you confine yourself with, with different time, cause you, you think that like having a schedule, having a routine is confining, but it's actually liberating because now during those three hours out the worry about anything. You know, I've dedicated this three hour session to being present with my wife, being present with my kids.

dly Google calendar is just, [: 00:31:00

I think having things scheduled out in a, in a, in an intellectual way is, is just,

it makes life much more gratifying thing.

Um, I'd like to talk about just being aware. Of kind of how we're present. Right? You talked about that with being intentional and present with your, with your two children. Um, you shared in another, uh, interview about, uh, walking with your daughter in the stroller and you were actually playing, um, Yeah, thank you.

ion that you, you know, like [: 00:32:00

Just like you said it it's, it's so easy for us to get caught up and I could just go so deep on this, but it's, it's so easy for us to get caught up in, you know, what feels good in the moment? Right? I like playing Pokemon go. It's a fun game. I get to go walk around with my wife. We started before my daughter was born and my wife, we just she's pregnant.

u know, a kid that's getting [: 00:33:00

When it comes to real life interactions. Right? And so, like you said, I'm just playing Pokemon go. And I looked down at my little, my little baby, the probably the most important thing in my life is sitting there, staring at me. And I can't even be bothered to look at her because I'm trying to catch this, whatever Squirtle, what the hell.

Seriously, what the hell? And we do it all the time. You go to the playground and your, your kid is over there, you know, kicking a soccer ball around or play on the monkey bars or going down the slide in every single parent is sitting there glued to their smartphone, sitting on a bench. You kid is only going to be there.

on. On these hedonistic, um, [: 00:34:00

Uh, of satisfaction of accomplishment of realization. I told you before I played world of Warcraft, I was an sick addict. Like I needed to go to rehab, bro. Um, I think at one point they had this like thing where you could do like backslash time plate type of things. See how much time you played. I think I checked on one of my accounts.

u know, how much value I get,[: 00:35:00

not a dime. Like I remember, like I remember the first time I killed Ragnar Ross, the multi-core that was kind of cool, I guess.

That's it zero, but w w it's just like, we're getting sold entertainment crack all the time, and we're really missing the boat on what matters. Um, you know, so I think once you recognize this and you recognize that, you know, at sometimes I'm just going to have to suck it up and I'm going to have to do something I don't really enjoy right now, because I know the payoff long-term is going to be better.

tting aside, while something [: 00:36:00

And I think that you're seeing that play out with the, uh, you know, how sad and how depressed and the mental health issues that are, that our youth are having is because they're growing up with a generation of parents that are glued to the. That's the problem. And we're going to blame the kids. We're going to blame social media.

That's what we're going to do. But you know what the problem where the problem is, the problem is with us. It's with fathers, it's with mothers, it's with parents that aren't putting their attention in the right place. That's sorry. Sorry, not sorry. Well,

and the thing is, as we get down the road, The thing that has come up for me.

know, it's, you have a small [: 00:37:00

Just like you were talking about Pokemon. And, you know, making the decision. Okay. I'm going to get rid of this game removed from my phone and focus on my daughter. Um, you know, I look back and my thing was, was video games as well, but I can never go back and recapture those moments, those, those years at that time with my children, you know, and yeah.

So looking at, um, you know, that kind of, those kinds of situations, how do you. Decide is this important or is this just, you know, like you said, hedonistic, is this just filling, um, you know, like a medication almost, is this filling a want rather than a need? How do you assess that?

Uh, I mean, I think it's pretty obvious, right?

tal thought. I mean, you can [: 00:38:00

Um, but you know, it, it's, it's obvious. Like I think a lot of times it's obvious, but we just don't want to see it. It takes being willing to see that what you're doing is, is a problem. It's like the person that. Gosh, man, it makes me so sad. I was getting ice cream with my kids the other day. And there was a little girl really overweight, like clearly like, like obvious, you know, I'm not talking about a little girl.

Who's a little, a little chunk. Like you, you anyway, that bothers me because you know, Th th that she's there with her dad. Her dad gives her an ice cream cone with three scoops with cotton candy on top of it. And I'm like, what are you doing to your kid, bro? Like, why are you doing this? You know? And I, he knows what he's doing.

[: 00:39:00

We just want like the quick solution, like, you know, I don't want to lose, I don't really want to change my diet and exercise. I just want to take a. You know, or I don't want to release 100 YouTube videos. I just want someone to show me how to set it up and be done with it. Right. Um, not to say that having a professional like me, won't help.

ot going to get the sense of [: 00:40:00

I think, um, you know, but you, you, you, you have to be well at the end of the day, I think it comes down to saying, Hey, where do I want to go? What are my goals? What are my priorities? Maybe even write out a list of five different things that are really important to you in order, and then look at all the things in your life that don't align.

Cause I promise you, there are things in your life that don't align. It could be Netflix, it could be porn. It could be, you know, your, your bad drinking habit or your marijuana habit or whatever it is. There's going to be things in your life that don't align with your goals. And you know what they are.

It's just up to you. Whether those goals are more important than your vice that's my,

a place to hear it, but you [: 00:41:00

So kind of one of those chicken and egg things, when you're looking and saying, Hey, these things are aligned with where I want to go. Are you like periodically looking at. You know, going, Hey, I need to course correct. Or this doesn't fit anymore. Like I thought I wanted to go in this direction, but now that I've tested it, it doesn't really feel right.

Are you doing that on kind of like a, a regular basis?

Yeah, for sure. Um, you know, I will know that I have like a formal system set up Mike, but I'm, I'm trying new things all the time. Like I said, once you start. Trying new things and failing, it becomes almost like an addiction, like, you know, like we talked about.

maybe is this worth, is this [: 00:42:00

Kind of on a case by case basis and getting feed. That's one of the reasons why I love this mastermind program that I put together specifically for podcasters, but, um, you know, it's just been a really powerful way of. Of getting feedback from others and sharing feedback with others, because that's something that is extraordinarily difficult to get.

Um, when you're, when you're building a business and specifically when you're building a podcast, along with your business, you know, I can't just go to my wife and say, Hey, what do you think about these download numbers? Or what do you think about this intro? And you just don't get, you don't get real constructive, um, you know, feedback in there.

So that's, again, one of the reasons that I've been happy with that.

r men that are gifted in, in [: 00:43:00

I mean, that's just, it, it totally changes your trajectory. So, well, mark, I wanted to thank you very much, man, for joining me sharing about like, you know, That you were working to get through that, just that grind, you know, that so many of us face where it's like, Hey, it's Friday, fantastic crud. You know, now it's it's Sunday night and I'm going back to work on Monday, but also the difference of how, when you found your purpose and you were doing something, um, you know, outside of what was just available in a career, that it then impacted both your marriage and your parenting.

other areas. So my friend, I [: 00:44:00

The shoot me an email at Contact@MarkSavantMedia.com. You can find me on basically every platform under Mark Savant Media whether that's Tik TOK or Instagram or Twitter or whatever, I'm on Mark Savant. I'm at MarkSavantMedia, but shoot me an email. Do you have a question you want to chat? You want to connect, contact it? MarkSavantMedia.com.

Shoot me an email. I'd love to chat.

Cool. Thank you my friend. I appreciate it.

Thank you, Mike.