Asking Better Questions of Yourself for Personal Growth with Sean Robinson

Sean Robinson: Hey, Mike, I'm doing great. Appreciate being here and that's a great intro. Thank you very much.

Sean Robinson: Yes. Thank you. No, you're, you're right. It, uh, that was my biggest excuse for so long, was this is just who I am. And, and I used that as much as I could because it was easy. It was, it was the best way for me to just brush everything else off and not have to fix anything, not have to change because people just left it alone. This is just who I am. And then I could be stubborn and not talk about it and end it there and until I learned that was not helping me in any way and uh, [00:03:00] that I very much could do something about it, I could change that. I really, uh, really regret using that for so long.

Mike Forrester: Yeah. It's almost normalized. We find it acceptable and convenient, so we don't push it because I think a lot of us are believing it, so I don't want to push you on your belief because it might come back on me, you know, is often kind of that, that boundary or that unspoken um, pass, right? I don't, I don't want to talk about what I'm doing because if I push on you, then you'll push on me. And I, I'm just not ready for that, Sean. So, well, let's jump into, uh, what does life look like for you today on the professional side of life?

Mike Forrester: Dude, that is what it's all about, right? I mean, I think as dads we really want to engage with our kids in a way that for many of us wasn't something we received. So hats off to you, man. That's awesome.

Sean Robinson: Thank you.

Mike Forrester: Um, what does life look like personally for you?

Mike Forrester: Yeah. Well, since we're talking about on our children, let's kind of back into this, um, in the fact of like, you're showing up now as the dad you want to, like the dad you didn't have. And you and I talked about this and I was like, dude, I swore I would never end up [00:06:00] like my father, right? Like there was nothing in me that even wanted to be like him. And if you had said, Hey Mike, uh, you know, what's your relationship with your dad? It was, for me, horrible. And again, I swore I wouldn't be him. Um, but Sean, I found myself being on that same path and behaving in that same way, treating my kids in the same way I hated being treated. Um, it sounds like you were very much kind of having that same experience where it's like you found yourself, like there was a realization, right? Like similar to what I had where it's like, holy crap, this is not the path I set out on. Um, how did you, like, what triggered you to that realization to say, like, Oh, wow, I am on the path of becoming like my dad. And, [00:07:00] you know, even though you swore it off, how did you end up there or like coming to that awareness?

Mike Forrester: Yeah, that realization right there is one of those that it's when it occurs, we're given a chance, continue on that same path or choose to be different, right? To almost pioneer and figure out what kind of dad do I want to be? Did you know, like, I know you knew what you didn't want to be, but did you know the type of dad that you wanted to become?

Mike Forrester: Yeah. Now you've, you shared earlier when we were talking, you had a situation just tonight and it's like [00:12:00] where you would have reacted in the old way, you chose to take a healthy, like more aware reaction to it. Do you mind sharing like what happened and then reflect on how you shared, like how you responded tonight versus how you would have responded before?

Mike Forrester: Yeah, dude, it's so powerful. And my hat's off to you because I mean, you've obviously done the work. You're working to set a different pattern and a different expectation. I mean, when I started to change, my kids had that same relearning, almost. Like looking at me, it's kind of like they did with you, like, did an alien abduct you? What happened to my dad? [00:16:00] Like, I should be, uh, I should be in trouble in a different way. And, uh, man, I think that creates like a different environment. One in which when our kids do have those situations that come up. And as they grow older, you know, those situations are going to change in intensity and the type of stuff that they get into, we can still be that place that's like the safe harbor, almost to come back and talk and not be like, you know, the raging father that, you know, is like why were you so stupid?

Sean Robinson: Mm-Hmm.

Mike Forrester: So, um.

Mike Forrester: Yeah, it's not that life ending, uh, dictatorial, you know, uh, fear that's coming at him. So dude, uh, hats off to you, again. That's just stellar, just proof of the testament we can change and that the belief that we'll buy into of this is just who I am, is a false one, right? We do have the power to change. And you've just shown us that. Um, let's go back to, um, like in Going Dry you had talked about it being like habitual, right? As far as the drinking, the alcoholism. Did the habit get formed right away? Or did it start out like as a thing of social drinking just [00:18:00] because that was like, you know, you're talking about mixing drinks at eight, so you're around the alcohol. Was it just a normative thing or did it start out as a habitual thing?

Mike Forrester: Yeah. And you'd been drinking for like two decades. Um, I think you were 36 when like, you're like, I'm done, right? So, when you look back over those two decades, what do you see that, um, you know, was the drinking just because of a habit or was it also helping to, um, cope and, and medicate with, like, internal thoughts and, you know, conflicts or stuff like that was, like where did it fall for you?

Mike Forrester: Yeah, make sure you got enough stocked up, right? Focused on the goal. Um, so when you hit that point and you're, you decided, Hey, I'm, I'm done with drinking. You also made the decision, Hey, I'm going to get myself into a different place physically, right? Addressing your health on the physical side. Uh, you were at over 300 pounds and you're now down over a hundred pounds like you're rocking the boat, I guess is the best way to put it, right? We're within our social circles, our friends, our family, they're used to us as one person and [00:25:00] behaving a certain way. Just like, you know, we talked earlier about you being a dad before now your kids getting used to who you are at this point. How did your friends and family react to you making that decision and how did you stay sold out to it in light of their reactions?

Mike Forrester: Yeah. Um, so you had mentioned, like, you've tried to stop before, you know, like, you know, Hey, it's a new year, new, you know, new expectations, right? New rules. What was different about that time when you look at having made that decision versus when you'd made the decision before?

Mike Forrester: Yeah, it's almost like those small steps, right? And as you find success, you're adjusting, um, you know, it's [00:32:00] not like you're going, I'm going to go three years without a drink. Like you talked about dry January turned into dry February turned into a hundred days, you know, it's how do you find success and momentum along the way? I love the way that you've, you know, lengthened it and continued to challenge yourself through it as you were starting out, it wasn't some, you know, insurmountable goal. It was, this is challenging. Oh, Hey, I've made progress. I'm successful here. What else can I do? And you're stretching yourself in, you know, the journey, which is awesome. I think too often we set ourselves up for something that it's unobtainable. It's outside of what we believe we can even do. Whereas it's like, yeah, dry January, that's going to be a challenge, but you did it and then continue to move forward. Um, so you talked about [00:33:00] the, about journaling, which was something you started out, um, as a habit, right? You know, you had the habits of drinking and going about, um, you know, not doing the things that put you in a healthy state. You then got to that point of frustration and journaling was something you began doing. How did you like, think about journaling? Like, how did that come to your mind as far as, um, an activity? And then what did it look like for you in actually doing the journaling in the beginning?

Mike Forrester: Yeah. [00:39:00] And I think it's amazing looking back at all these things and you just started out with, I'm frustrated. I need a change. Like the journaling wasn't, Hey, I want to write a book. It's I know this is a practice. I'm going to see if it'll help me. And I think that's so frequently something we just need to like take that leap into, is I know this exists, I'm looking for a change, can this help me? And see if it does. If it doesn't, look for something else, right? So we talked about this earlier. I tried journaling. Journaling was not the thing for me, but there are so many other options in habits that it's like, what does work for you? And what may work for me, may not work for you and vice versa, right? So it's not a, Hey, I'm not a good at journaling. I'm a failure. It's try, right. Just like you did. And [00:40:00] you gave yourself space to do that. I love that is like, in the midst of that frustration, you had like this space that you created. I'm going to try this. I'm frustrated because of all these things here. You're aware, right? You've got that awareness, but it's like, I'm going to try. What are some things like you started out with those as your habit, right? What are some other habits that you've added along the way, um, that have helped you continue to grow into the man and the dad and the husband that you are now versus, you know, uh, before dry January?

Mike Forrester: It's awesome to like learn and grow along the way. Like you've talked about, you know, um, you didn't start out like this, but as you went along, it's like, oh, hey, here's these other things that I can do that people around me aren't doing. When you look back at like, the books that you've read, what are two to three that have been the most impactful for you to bring about this transformation that you've experienced?

Mike Forrester: Yeah. Shawn's book is super powerful, man. It just put things for me on a different level where it's like, Oh, I'm doing all this stuff I probably shouldn't be. So I had some decisions and made different, uh, actions before I went to bed. Well, Sean, how can guys reach out to you outside of the podcast here?

Mike Forrester: Yeah. Perfect. Sean, thank you, my friend, for coming on, talking about your journey, um, of going dry and being free from that habitual drinking. And then talking about journalism and, uh, or excuse me, journaling and, uh, also talking about like the generational trauma that we can step in and set those patterns for and how you've changed that. I mean, you've spun it on its head and that is fantastic, my friend. So Sean, thank you for joining me here today. I appreciate it.

Sean Robinson: Thanks, Mike. Uh, happy to be here and, and, uh, hopefully, uh, we can, uh, chat again soon.

Mike Forrester: Absolutely, my friend.