Episode 386
How Curiosity Actually Leads to Powerful Personal Growth with Eli Libby
In this episode of the Living Fearless Today Podcast, Eli Libby goes deep into his journey of resilience and personal development. Facing an intense storm of tribulations within a brief two-week period where he experienced a divorce, business financial shortage and the loss of his uncle, who was a mentor and rock in his life, Eli shares how he used the power of curiosity to come out stronger. Eli shares the importance of community in getting through life's challenges, as shown in examples of his personal network of friends and family who provided crucial support during his toughest times.
Eli also reveals the role of curiosity in personal growth, encouraging men to develop a mindset of asking questions and learning. By questioning long-held beliefs and being open to new experiences, Eli argues that we can redefine our identities and embrace change in a positive manner. His own experiences, combined with the structured support of solo retreats, illustrate how intentional periods of solitude can fuel curiosity and foster deeper self-discovery. Eli showed that when we allow ourselves the space to reflect and reset, it ultimately leads to a balanced and fulfilling life. Eli speaks about the solo retreat program offering an environment for people to achieve mental clarity by realigning to their core values and purpose.
In this episode, you will be able to:
- Embrace solitude and gain mental clarity through solo retreats.
- Cultivate resilience by conquering personal challenges.
- Thrive with the support of a supportive community in personal growth.
- Fuel your self-improvement journey by nurturing your curiosity.
- Overcome hurdles and rebuild a fulfilling life with effective strategies.
The key moments in this episode are:
00:09:19 - Personal Balance and Mental Clarity
00:11:06 - Benefits of Taking Time Away
00:15:04 - Overcoming Guilt and Prioritizing Self-care
00:17:49 - Permission, Self-worth, and Positive Influence
00:28:29 - The Power of Community
00:30:32 - Cultivating Curiosity
00:39:19 - Overcoming False Beliefs
00:42:28 - The Power of Healthy Community
Connect with Eli Libby
Website
https://www.peakfulfillment.co/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/elilibby/
Connect with Mike Forrester
Podcast Website
https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com
Coaching Website
https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/
Youtube
https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike
https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike
https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike
Transcript
Well, hello and welcome back, my friend, uh, this week, Eli Libby
Speaker:is joining me and Eli is the, uh, the other half of Kyle Nelson.
Speaker:He's the co founder of the solo retreats, helping us to get away.
Speaker:And to be in a place of almost like solitude where we can hear that inner
Speaker:voice rather than stuffing it down from all the scrolling and all those
Speaker:kind of internal thoughts in our day to day life that can insulate us and
Speaker:isolate us from, uh, you know, the, the inner dialogue that really needs
Speaker:to get out to help us in what we're called to be and what we truly desire.
Speaker:So the journey that you're going to see with Eli here, you know, many
Speaker:of us will have something happen.
Speaker:It's kind of that one, two punch Eli hit a spot within a short two week
Speaker:window where life just kind of became like Muhammad Ali, you know, he's in
Speaker:the ring and he took a lot of stuff just kind of in short repetition.
Speaker:Dude, in those kind of situations, you got a choice.
Speaker:Do I step up to the occasion or do I just kind of cry uncle and you're
Speaker:going to see from this Eli made that decision intentionally time over time
Speaker:and not just in that two week period, but long term to say, I'm here.
Speaker:And uh, Dude, he's got an amazing heart, great story, and just full
Speaker:of resilience and, you know, that, that encouraging, uh, heart to see
Speaker:other men lifted up and successful.
Speaker:So Eli, how are you doing today, my friend?
Speaker:I am doing amazing.
Speaker:I am fired up.
Speaker:Uh, I always like to get a workout in in the morning and today was a really, really
Speaker:good workout and a really good workout.
Speaker:And like it is a men's group.
Speaker:It's a men's workout that I'm a part of.
Speaker:And I have so much gratitude for that group.
Speaker:And it's called F three.
Speaker:It's in the chapters all over the U. S. We, I mean, it's
Speaker:like a, it's a chapter workout.
Speaker:It's all peer led and it's all just, it's always free and it doesn't matter
Speaker:who you are, what your weight is.
Speaker:It doesn't matter.
Speaker:It's a group workout, but it's men.
Speaker:It's a 45 minute workout and then we end with a circle of trust and it's this
Speaker:incredible moment of camaraderie for men to come together and it's Tuesday, our
Speaker:chapters, Tuesdays and Thursday mornings at 5 30 to 6 30 and it's rain, snow, heat.
Speaker:It doesn't matter what it is.
Speaker:We're out there and we're rolling in the snow.
Speaker:We're doing fun workouts, military style workouts.
Speaker:And, uh, I, that was right before this, right?
Speaker:A couple hours before this.
Speaker:So I am fired up.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You're pumped up too.
Speaker:I, I have my workout with, with, uh, my oldest daughter and man, you're
Speaker:like going, okay, your daughter, dude, she, she is a pit bull.
Speaker:She, she will be like, nah, dad, you can do more that kind of accountability.
Speaker:Is is awesome.
Speaker:And being able to spend time with her.
Speaker:Um, you know, when, when, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker:Because it's like, you know, if you look at my, my past and how things
Speaker:had gone to Eli, man, there was every reason to step away and not engaged.
Speaker:And instead, there's been that restoration, that reconciliation
Speaker:after, you know, that work was done and the healing was there.
Speaker:And now it's like, Cool.
Speaker:We get to spend 45 minutes to an hour.
Speaker:And I think she's, I think she's taking it back out on me.
Speaker:Eli is where it's like, I'm going to push you, dad.
Speaker:I'm going to get you back for the stuff you did.
Speaker:Oh, yeah.
Speaker:That's good though.
Speaker:I mean, glass half full.
Speaker:I mean, you're just going to get in better shape quicker.
Speaker:Oh, yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:We're, we're on a running journey.
Speaker:Um, this, let's see through next October.
Speaker:So she did a two mile run on Saturday.
Speaker:I did a five K. Um, and I'll tell you, man, this is honestly one of
Speaker:the most humbling things right now.
Speaker:You want to, you want to kind of put yourself in check is find out at 53 that
Speaker:your form for running isn't correct.
Speaker:That's why your knees are bothering you and your ankles and everything,
Speaker:and it's like, there's a correct form.
Speaker:You don't just get out and run.
Speaker:Yeah, that's wow.
Speaker:Well, at least you figured it out.
Speaker:No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker:I'm, I'm learning.
Speaker:I haven't figured it out, buddy.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So, um, yeah, but I'm working to rebuild leg strength, you know,
Speaker:like knee, uh, knee strength, flexibility, hip ankle, all that.
Speaker:But it's funny because you think, Hey, I'm this age.
Speaker:I know what I'm doing.
Speaker:And that kind of goes, I mean, it's like you look at life and you go, I
Speaker:understand how these things, whether it's mental, emotional, if we're in a
Speaker:vacuum and we learn those things, we can kind of like learn the wrong way
Speaker:to do it and think that it's normal.
Speaker:And everybody else does it just like how I'm like going.
Speaker:Everybody knows how to run.
Speaker:Of course, I'm cool at it.
Speaker:Nope.
Speaker:Man.
Speaker:The humbling experience.
Speaker:I'm sure.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:But I'm grateful for it.
Speaker:Cause at least I'm not like 78 and learning, you know, Ben, so
Speaker:better, better now than later.
Speaker:That's amazing.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That's great.
Speaker:So, well, dude, let's, let's jump in and talk about what does
Speaker:life look like for you today on the professional side of things?
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:We are blessed and grateful for the program that we run.
Speaker:And today, um, If we're whenever you guys are listening, we're coming into
Speaker:the new year, so we're coming into 2025 and we're blessed that a lot of
Speaker:people are in the mindset of a reset.
Speaker:They are wanting that new year's resolution, the new year, new me
Speaker:style or mentality of thinking.
Speaker:So we're blessed right now to be able to help a lot of people go through that
Speaker:kind of clarity reset or whatever you want to call it coming into the new year.
Speaker:So we have a lot of great people coming through our program and we
Speaker:have a lot of great people finishing their program because it doesn't
Speaker:really matter when you started.
Speaker:It doesn't need to be the new year.
Speaker:We have a lot of people starting now and especially coming into the holidays.
Speaker:They're looking for how do I slow down?
Speaker:So we have a lot of entrepreneurs that come through the program and
Speaker:everybody's always go, go, go.
Speaker:What's the next thing?
Speaker:Like, I've always got to be productive and it's been really cool to watch
Speaker:them slow down coming into the holidays with family and to enjoy that time
Speaker:because tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Speaker:We don't know what's gonna happen.
Speaker:I know you have a lot of amazing background in that as well.
Speaker:Um, so that is what's happening on the professional front.
Speaker:Um, we're just getting a lot of amazing people through our program and then
Speaker:ultimately, like into our community and that community is just starting to
Speaker:just grow and grow and foster itself.
Speaker:And it's kind of running itself, which is so it's been my dream to see that happen.
Speaker:And I can just kind of be the bumper rails on a bowling alley and just
Speaker:kind of like bounce people around, give them questions to think about.
Speaker:And then the community serves itself.
Speaker:That's super powerful community, especially as you're learning and growing.
Speaker:I think it's one of the biggest levers to see change and bring it about
Speaker:because it's like, you know, you've, you've got so many encouraging voices
Speaker:when you're on that journey together.
Speaker:We just don't experience that in most other areas of life.
Speaker:And when you get to it.
Speaker:To be a part of it.
Speaker:You're like, why did I not do this?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I really challenged people to find a community of like minded
Speaker:people that, uh, you can build that sphere of influence around.
Speaker:It's really cool to see people kind of graduate through our program, but
Speaker:they latch onto a couple people and pull them away into their sphere.
Speaker:They really just get a lot out of that.
Speaker:So I'm excited for that.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I love the fact you guys have built that community.
Speaker:Um, because when you go through something like that together, like
Speaker:a, a healing experience, yeah, you've got like the same language.
Speaker:You've got the same understanding of, Hey, I went on this journey.
Speaker:This was the outcome.
Speaker:And many of us as men are isolated, detached.
Speaker:We don't have those Relationships to be able to share or know how to
Speaker:share in a way that, um, either one or not just vomiting on somebody,
Speaker:you know, um, you know, and, uh, And
Speaker:that's, as you know, that's kind of how men interact is camaraderie,
Speaker:but doing something hard together, men interact side by side.
Speaker:So we don't always look at each other.
Speaker:Whereas women are very eye to eye.
Speaker:Men are like do stuff.
Speaker:Um, but not necessarily talk directly to each other.
Speaker:It comes out, but doing something hard or going through some type of
Speaker:experience brings people together and it builds that camaraderie.
Speaker:Um, we've seen that happen in our program.
Speaker:It's like being in the truck, going fishing together.
Speaker:You're, you're right there going the same way.
Speaker:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker:Exactly.
Speaker:Well, as far as on the personal side of things, what does
Speaker:that look like for you today?
Speaker:Yeah, I'm really passionate about balance.
Speaker:I always have been.
Speaker:And, um, balance meaning I, I look at life in these kind of like seven buckets.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:Mental physical health is a huge part of of that.
Speaker:So and then family and community.
Speaker:My community might be like one of my number one things.
Speaker:So personally, coming into the holidays and starting to slow down,
Speaker:spend time with family support, you know, my family as well.
Speaker:Uh, just from like an emotional side, being that positive light
Speaker:trying to be that for everybody.
Speaker:Um, and then just really focused on personally my outlet.
Speaker:Is going up and snowboarding.
Speaker:So we're lucky enough that living here.
Speaker:We have a mountain 25 minutes away and I'm working right now on building
Speaker:my calendar for 2025 and a big part of that is one of the days is
Speaker:designated to these kind of mental clarity activities that I like to do.
Speaker:So rock climbing is on the list, mountain biking and snowboarding.
Speaker:So my Fridays are all built for that personal discovery
Speaker:to become a mountain climber.
Speaker:More creative, clean that slate mentally, and then, you know, be
Speaker:ready to go and bring all of the energy to whatever I'm doing.
Speaker:So personally, I'm working on balance.
Speaker:I think that is like the most important thing that I'm focused
Speaker:on as we conclude the year.
Speaker:Well, I'm not going to segue from the normal process, and I want to
Speaker:talk to you about one thing that you've just kind of shared there
Speaker:with setting aside time for you.
Speaker:So a lot of people will look at it and go.
Speaker:I need to grind Eli.
Speaker:Like if I'm not in here 60 80 100 hours in a week, I'm, I'm shorting myself or
Speaker:I'm shorting the company I work for.
Speaker:Do you see any kind of benefit in taking time away like intentional
Speaker:time away that when you are there, you're more engaged, you're more
Speaker:creative, you're more, um, effective at work when you get away from work.
Speaker:Is that something you see
Speaker:100? And 50%.
Speaker:Uh, I couldn't agree with that more.
Speaker:And I'm so passionate about that.
Speaker:And that's why I'm designated a whole day to it.
Speaker:Because when you show up for yourself, you show up way better for others.
Speaker:Every stakeholder in your life, whether it's showing up as a better husband, a
Speaker:better business leader, a better father, whatever that might be, you show up
Speaker:better if you take care of yourself.
Speaker:As we, I think that's pretty common knowledge at this point, but nobody really
Speaker:does As an entrepreneur, if there's any entrepreneurs out there, we start, we go
Speaker:into business for the freedom, ultimately the freedom of time you want to be able
Speaker:to control your schedule when you work, who you work with and where you work.
Speaker:So why are you working 100 hours?
Speaker:That's not why you got into this.
Speaker:I had this realization coming into this business as we started
Speaker:coaching like that is my whole focus.
Speaker:If I can make enough money to just pay my bills, live the lifestyle that
Speaker:I had to live, which is not crazy.
Speaker:My focus is time.
Speaker:And my focus is giving back time to myself for all of those hours and
Speaker:years that I poured into not doing anything on the weekends, you know,
Speaker:forgoing a lot of activities on the on the evening so that I'm just sitting
Speaker:there jamming and working, feeling like if I don't work on behind the
Speaker:eight ball and that notion is so wrong.
Speaker:It's so wrong.
Speaker:Um.
Speaker:My biggest realization that I had coming into this business is what I
Speaker:did to get here is not going to get me to where I ultimately want to go.
Speaker:And what I did to get here was grind all the time.
Speaker:And I did everything good.
Speaker:I'm a big trans all about transparency.
Speaker:So I feel like everything we've done in the past between Kyle and I has been good.
Speaker:But to get to that great caliber, I really needed to shift, create
Speaker:a paradigm shift in how I operate.
Speaker:And I need to get back to what are the things that I do to my
Speaker:core that gives me mental clarity.
Speaker:And for me, it's all about adventure sports, things where you're in the
Speaker:flow state because you can get into the flow state from, from work.
Speaker:When you get into the flow state from work, there's a set amount
Speaker:of time and typically a task.
Speaker:It's a little bit harder or challenges you a little bit.
Speaker:And that creates focus when I'm on the snowboard.
Speaker:And I'm ripping down the mountain and I all I'm looking at is the
Speaker:front of the tip of that board.
Speaker:Otherwise, I go, I'm assaulting down the mountain or if I'm rock climbing and I
Speaker:slip, uh, like that has consequences.
Speaker:If I'm mountain biking, I'm looking at the front of the wheel.
Speaker:Those things give me flow and it creates the best mental clarity.
Speaker:And I come back.
Speaker:A way better husband on top of a very creative individual that can
Speaker:guide our business and our coaching.
Speaker:And then I show up with amazing energy to any type of public relation thing
Speaker:because I take that time and I would highly encourage that life is too short.
Speaker:Um, everybody has these experiences.
Speaker:The one, two punches, like you said, Mike, that kind of set us
Speaker:back like, whoa, that could be me.
Speaker:And do I really want to do what I, what I, what I don't enjoy doing.
Speaker:These massive just paradigm shifts have changed the way I've been
Speaker:thinking over the last two years, and I've benefited a ton from it.
Speaker:Yeah, no, it definitely makes a benefit.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So when you hear guys, you know, whether it's, um, You know, ones
Speaker:that you're coaching or just guys that you're talking to.
Speaker:I mean, this is a pretty prevalent thing where they feel like a
Speaker:guilt for taking that time.
Speaker:Hey, I, I have too much else going on and I feel guilty when I get out on
Speaker:the snowboard or on the mountain bike.
Speaker:Like, what do you tell a guy who's struggling with that to be present
Speaker:and to actually, you know, not, yeah.
Speaker:Set it aside to, like, put it on the back burner, but to put it on
Speaker:the calendar, stick with it and, you know, not have that guilt with them.
Speaker:That's when they're doing it
Speaker:amazing question.
Speaker:Like, it typically starts with a question back to them, which
Speaker:is what happens if you do not.
Speaker:Do something for yourself where you don't take control of, um, the
Speaker:small times in life to be present.
Speaker:What happens if you don't do that in like 1, 3 and 5 years for yourself?
Speaker:What happens to your, your mental health, your physical health,
Speaker:your relationship with your kids, relationship with your, with your spouse?
Speaker:What happens?
Speaker:And then let them talk.
Speaker:And then I throw it back and say, what happens if you don't take that time
Speaker:for yourself to reset to, you know, become the person that you want to
Speaker:become to all of these stakeholders?
Speaker:And then how does it relate?
Speaker:What is that relationship look like to all the stakeholders?
Speaker:If you aren't taking time for yourself and you're eating hamburgers and
Speaker:drinking coke all day, If your kids are watching that and then you in five
Speaker:years, you have some diabetic issue and now your kids might have that as well.
Speaker:And they're looking at you as this guiding light, but they just see
Speaker:eating hamburgers and coke all day.
Speaker:That's not gonna be a good look.
Speaker:So you need to make some change there.
Speaker:Um, we typically put it in a fear perspective and that's
Speaker:what motivates a lot of people.
Speaker:And when they come to us, yeah.
Speaker:If they're looking to go on a three day solo retreat, they
Speaker:typically are at their wits end.
Speaker:They've maybe tried other things.
Speaker:They've tried diets and they just have no self discipline or they've tried to
Speaker:meditate and they have no self discipline.
Speaker:When they come to us, it's like, I'm going to be real and very transparent with them.
Speaker:Dude, you're You're gonna your, your kids are following you.
Speaker:Like, do you want them to end up like you?
Speaker:And it's just these really raw, open the Komodo conversations.
Speaker:And that's what we typically do with when a, when a, when a guy
Speaker:approaches us with, um, with that.
Speaker:And it's always starts with permission to yourself.
Speaker:That revelation that mindset shift happens when you give yourself permission saying
Speaker:I am taking Wednesday morning from 7 a.
Speaker:m.
Speaker:to 10 a. m. for myself and then the stakeholders I believe they start to see
Speaker:the ripple effect and that's when they get behind and support them because as a
Speaker:man we want to hold that we want to go out of the cave and go bring back the food.
Speaker:If they can start to see the positive effects of the time for themselves, I
Speaker:think that motivates them to continue to do that because they're going to
Speaker:show up with more energy as well.
Speaker:Yeah, and the powerful thing that's like unexpected.
Speaker:It's almost like this side bonus that you didn't see coming.
Speaker:Um, is that your worth?
Speaker:In giving yourself like you talked about the permission and setting
Speaker:aside the guilt, like you now place yourself in a different position with
Speaker:a different value, a truer value, and it catapults you in what you do with
Speaker:your life and how you come at things.
Speaker:Um, and honestly, even how you.
Speaker:Accept or allow people to treat you.
Speaker:It's
Speaker:100 percent agree with that worth is an interesting is a really interesting topic
Speaker:because I believe that it relates a lot to self confidence and how you believe in
Speaker:yourself and like shifting that identity.
Speaker:Like who am I and why am I the way that I am and what makes me tick?
Speaker:What are my triggers and self worth to me is all about that identity.
Speaker:How do we re identify who we are?
Speaker:Am I just a dad?
Speaker:Am I an entrepreneur?
Speaker:Am I an outdoorsy guy?
Speaker:Like, let's help define that because that proves self worth.
Speaker:And we all, we all need to feel that we all need to feel that, especially today.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And it, it, it is so visible to people around you and whether you believe
Speaker:that people are seeing it, uh, you see it and it will impact you and
Speaker:your self conscious, your perception.
Speaker:Like you talked about your identity.
Speaker:Um, let's remember.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So from this, I'm going to transition back to, the boxing match within two weeks that
Speaker:you went through and where many people, guys, women, you, you know, it's like
Speaker:their identity would have been rocked to the core because there's so much that
Speaker:changes in such a short period of time.
Speaker:Um, you found out your wife was cheating and got divorced.
Speaker:Um, yeah.
Speaker:You ended up, uh, almost losing your business.
Speaker:I think you had like 1.
Speaker:50 in the bank.
Speaker:That's not even a cup of coffee anymore.
Speaker:Just to, you know, really keep perspective and go, okay, where were things for Eli?
Speaker:Um, And then like your guiding voice in life, the person that you
Speaker:really, um, you know, cherished and upheld your uncle passed away.
Speaker:And it's like, you know, when we lose a family member, that
Speaker:can be devastating enough.
Speaker:But when it's the one that it's like that rock that's there for you, I don't
Speaker:think there's words to express that.
Speaker:If you would take us back to kind of how you felt what was going through
Speaker:your head at that time, because you'll see a lot, you know, that kind of
Speaker:thing, either becoming the defining moment of, Hey, I'm taking off or
Speaker:like you've done rising up and going, I'm, I'm choosing not to tap out.
Speaker:Absolutely, man.
Speaker:I, uh, I think we're all blessed and there's these things that
Speaker:happen in life that help school.
Speaker:But I was thinking like myself is like this little chunk of clay
Speaker:on a spinning table and all these different things that happen kind
Speaker:of carve who you are in resilience.
Speaker:I think.
Speaker:Is the baseline and the foundation for how I was able to get through that
Speaker:my curiosity in learning a lot about resilience and a lot about personal
Speaker:development, I didn't have quite the acumen that I have today around it,
Speaker:obviously, but, um, I had enough to be able to know a couple key points.
Speaker:And so, yeah, going through that.
Speaker:It was, um, five years ago at this point, uh, it was, Yeah.
Speaker:If you guys have heard the song by Luke Combs called when it rains,
Speaker:it pours just everything continues to just pour on top of each other.
Speaker:And you just can't get up for air.
Speaker:So as I was going through this, um, and that all happened in
Speaker:the span of a couple of weeks.
Speaker:And my empathy is a leader.
Speaker:I'm a very empathetic leader, and I care almost more about putting
Speaker:food on the table for my employees families than I do about for my own.
Speaker:I've shifted that.
Speaker:But My empathy came from my, uh, parents got divorced a long time ago when I was
Speaker:right about seven or eight years old.
Speaker:And that led to this deep empathy of if I'm with my dad, I'm
Speaker:thinking about my mom being alone with my dad, think about my mom.
Speaker:I'm with my dad being alone.
Speaker:And I had this thought of always being this like, yes, man.
Speaker:And that always started to come up and I never was present.
Speaker:I was always thinking about the other individual.
Speaker:And I think that led into some positive traits about being an empathetic
Speaker:leader, but I think out of all of those things, I mean, being cheated
Speaker:on is is horrible, especially when you're married to that individual.
Speaker:But I think.
Speaker:You know, and I had red flags that came up in that relationship so long ago, and
Speaker:it was like, damn, I think this is a sign.
Speaker:I look at everything very spiritually like this is a sign.
Speaker:This happened to me for a reason to either build that armor stronger
Speaker:or like Eli slapping the head.
Speaker:Dude, you should have listened to those red flags along the way.
Speaker:And you didn't, and people were telling you, and you didn't, and
Speaker:I'm going to drop you a bomb.
Speaker:And you're going to go, you know, I kind of looked at it like that.
Speaker:That was helpful.
Speaker:The one that hurt, I think, I mean, you can't even put like what one hurts the
Speaker:most, but I had to Kyle and I had to lay off 12 people in one day before payroll.
Speaker:Um, and we didn't take pay either because there was nothing in the account.
Speaker:And the reason that happened was COVID was a great opportunity for our business.
Speaker:And then it just.
Speaker:Just completely crumbled and we didn't see it fast enough.
Speaker:So laying off 12 people who crumbled me to my core, um, knowing that they are
Speaker:not gonna be able to support the family and they were completely blindsided.
Speaker:I had to sit them all on a table.
Speaker:I remember it vividly, sit them all on the table and tell them guys we're
Speaker:done and hand them all their letters.
Speaker:And that hurt.
Speaker:And then the next day I found out my uncle passed who, like I, like you
Speaker:said, my guiding light in my life, military veteran, incredible accolades,
Speaker:amazing things in different wartime.
Speaker:So, uh, back to being curious, how did I get through it?
Speaker:I heard something a long time ago, um, I played golf, very competitive golf, uh,
Speaker:growing up and there was always a saying that said, somebody is always going to
Speaker:be better than you, like, no matter how good you get, there's always going to be
Speaker:somebody better than you, whether it's cumulatively or whether it's on that day.
Speaker:So I kind of took that perspective as me.
Speaker:Well, somebody is probably going through something way worse than I am.
Speaker:There's probably somebody out there that they found that they have cancer
Speaker:and or whatever that might be for them.
Speaker:The worst thing that's happened to you is the worst thing that's happened to you.
Speaker:That is all that you know.
Speaker:So I took that perspective and that really helped me get through like,
Speaker:man, like I'm going through some, some deep, dark, dark stuff right now,
Speaker:but I believe that there's somebody out there going through worse.
Speaker:And how did they get through it?
Speaker:They, you have two paths at that point.
Speaker:And it's very binary.
Speaker:It's take the red pill and you.
Speaker:You you go off the deep end and you go deep depressive state or potentially
Speaker:or you take the blue pill and you turn it into something you use this as part
Speaker:of your story and I'm very passionate about every decision or things that
Speaker:happened to me larger scale things.
Speaker:I think about is like I'm writing my book.
Speaker:I'm writing a chapter in the book and that one in particular was an amazing chapter
Speaker:that I wrote and I look at it as man.
Speaker:What if this chapter turned into something amazing for somebody else?
Speaker:What if I became the streetlight to illuminate somebody's path that
Speaker:went through the same thing, if not worse than what I went through?
Speaker:And that has fired me up to build the program that we've built because
Speaker:now I can actually engage and you.
Speaker:Interact with those style of individuals because our program we work with people
Speaker:in transitional new chapters of life and we do get some divorced people come
Speaker:through our program and it is the perfect person that I can speak with because I
Speaker:can show them that the glass is half full.
Speaker:And that's how I live life.
Speaker:I'm a peer optimist and I always will be.
Speaker:And that's how I got through it.
Speaker:And being curious, I keep coming back to that.
Speaker:I was really curious.
Speaker:So I started reading a lot and trying to get my mind out of what was happening.
Speaker:And I read an amazing book.
Speaker:Actually, I reread it again called The Gap in the Gain.
Speaker:Then Ben Holliday and Dan Sullivan.
Speaker:And to me, that was an amazing book because my You and I were talking
Speaker:about in the, in the pre chat, it's like we have these ideals or these
Speaker:kind of horizons that we think we should be at in certain times of life.
Speaker:Like I was like, man, I now I feel like I'm behind the eight ball
Speaker:because I don't, I spent all these years developed this relationship
Speaker:with this person and now it's gone.
Speaker:Now I'm behind the eight ball with having kids and I'm going to get older.
Speaker:I have to redo this process all again.
Speaker:So I had this kind of feeling behind the eight ball.
Speaker:And then I read this book called the gap and the gain.
Speaker:And it's about, um, where do you start, where are you at today?
Speaker:And what does that ideal horizon look like?
Speaker:And if you're in the gap mindset, you're looking at where you started and you're
Speaker:measuring it against where your horizon is, where your ideal is, and that
Speaker:point is always going to move forward.
Speaker:You're never going to be happy when you reach that.
Speaker:A gain mindset is when you look at where you started.
Speaker:From where you are today, and then you look backwards, you
Speaker:look backwards and you chalk up.
Speaker:What are all the wins that I've done?
Speaker:And look at all this success that I've had up to up until this point.
Speaker:And what did you learn from that?
Speaker:And that was what I took away was man, like, I know what to look for.
Speaker:And I know what not to look for.
Speaker:Like, I mean, it is a, it is checkboxes.
Speaker:Like I want this kind of a person with this kind of speaking about the divorce.
Speaker:And I was able to find the absolute love of my life relatively quickly.
Speaker:And it just kind of happened because I had that experience and I
Speaker:chalked that up as a massive wind.
Speaker:And then I looked forward and it just opened up so much opportunity for me.
Speaker:And now I found the person that is just we got married in August and
Speaker:I just couldn't be happier, man.
Speaker:It's just the coolest thing.
Speaker:And the last point I'll say.
Speaker:Not trying to be too, too long winded, but for other people out there,
Speaker:I've mentioned community before.
Speaker:My community is one of the tightest things that I have.
Speaker:Um, we, uh, I had a very tight group of about 15, uh, 17 people in northern
Speaker:California where we went to school.
Speaker:We very, we camaraderie.
Speaker:We went through very hard things.
Speaker:We're in this fraternity together, hard stuff, And it brought us closer
Speaker:than anybody, almost close to the members of my family, and we moved
Speaker:up to central Oregon and I was able to bring all 17 people up to Oregon.
Speaker:They followed me and they followed this, whatever it was, I brought
Speaker:them and sold them on the place.
Speaker:Guys, look at this.
Speaker:Like, what if we're all here?
Speaker:So I've basically brought this little community around me.
Speaker:And when I went through all that stuff, the one thing I
Speaker:could lean on was my community.
Speaker:And I leaned on them very, very hard.
Speaker:Everybody that was in that Kyle was a huge part of that all 17 people.
Speaker:I leaned on every single one of them individually and that
Speaker:helped me get through it.
Speaker:Um, and I, and I, I, I really, really, really feel that that is
Speaker:such a huge part that we all need to focus on, especially out of covid.
Speaker:It's hard to build community.
Speaker:And the only places you typically could build community is bars.
Speaker:School and church and don't go to any of those or whatever or work works a big one.
Speaker:It's gonna be hard to build community.
Speaker:So, Mike, that is a long winded answer, my friend.
Speaker:Um, but that's how I was able to get through that, um, really dark, dark time.
Speaker:But I turned it into the biggest positive and this program.
Speaker:If that didn't happen to me, there's a good chance this program wouldn't
Speaker:have come wouldn't have come through.
Speaker:Yeah, it's almost almost like, uh, You've been on a rocket ship, right?
Speaker:You, you had to stop kind of step back and then things have been in this fast forward
Speaker:moving direction that with where you were, there were certain things that would
Speaker:have allowed you to go that direction.
Speaker:Um, and so often, I think in the minute.
Speaker:You know, just in that moment, we can't see the opportunities, but you've
Speaker:mentioned something a number of times.
Speaker:Eli is curiosity.
Speaker:How do you bring about curiosity if you don't have it in life?
Speaker:And what does that really look like?
Speaker:Other than going?
Speaker:I wonder what tomorrow is going to be.
Speaker:I mean, what is what is true curiosity in the way that you're describing it?
Speaker:You've been using it in your life.
Speaker:Yeah, I think we all have curiosity.
Speaker:I think I've heard that before where it's like we don't have curiosity,
Speaker:but as we go back and we look at like how we grew up, we were all infants.
Speaker:We all watched our parents speak, touch things, open things, um,
Speaker:walk like we're curious as a child, like, and that imagination is there.
Speaker:Why can't we go back?
Speaker:Like, why are we tainted?
Speaker:Once we start getting older and we start all these different
Speaker:stimuli start hitting us.
Speaker:So I, I think everybody is curious.
Speaker:You just have to do that deep inner work to kind of zoom back and be in
Speaker:the moment and say, yeah, let me re let me think about that differently.
Speaker:There's always a way to get there.
Speaker:Now, how can I get there?
Speaker:There's all these different routes and I, I'm just an analogy guy and
Speaker:I put a lot of pictures in my head.
Speaker:When you're on a hike, you see the peak.
Speaker:There's so many different ways to get there.
Speaker:You can take a very common path.
Speaker:You can take more of a rugged path.
Speaker:There's always a way to get there, but it's about how curious are you?
Speaker:Are you wanting to take a little bit more of a metrics route?
Speaker:Or do you want to just go with everybody else?
Speaker:We all have those choices, but I think if you have.
Speaker:A little bit more time, at least you're cognitive of the time and you're aware
Speaker:of it and you have self awareness.
Speaker:Curiosity man is it's I think it's really something that
Speaker:a lot of people are lacking.
Speaker:I would agree with you there, but I think it's deep down.
Speaker:It's somewhere in there and you just have to find it.
Speaker:And these solar retreat programs that we do, it helps people recalibrate and do
Speaker:the deep inner work in a very deep way.
Speaker:Um, in solitude, right?
Speaker:They're in a very focused environment and that's when curiosity actually comes back.
Speaker:We've seen a lot of people come back from our program and that's why I keep
Speaker:using the term because we do all these debriefs and I just keep hearing people
Speaker:say like, man, I like refound something.
Speaker:And to me, that's curiosity, but they needed that space and that permission
Speaker:that they've given themselves that gift of solitude to find that inner curiosity.
Speaker:So in the way you're talking about curiosity, is it like, Hey, I
Speaker:discovered something about myself now.
Speaker:I want to dig in and understand why it's there, why things have been that way.
Speaker:And is this really who I want to be and to be identified?
Speaker:Is that kind of how curiosity you're describing it?
Speaker:Yeah, how I'm how I'm that's exactly how I'm describing it and
Speaker:kind of rewind to recalibrate your core values along with a purpose.
Speaker:If you can kind of get those in line and be because I think we do lose
Speaker:that as we go through life, we lose like what are our core values and some
Speaker:people don't know them and a great way to do that is to, you know, sit
Speaker:back and do some deep inner work.
Speaker:But yes, that's exactly how I'm describing it is,
Speaker:um,
Speaker:is
Speaker:almost that to a tee.
Speaker:I can tell you that values like working through and, and
Speaker:discovering and, and deciding, I guess, is the, the word for it.
Speaker:What are the values I want to be known by?
Speaker:Because it's like, unless you kind of set that engine, like if you're on a boat,
Speaker:what direction do you want to set that?
Speaker:That prop to, to move you forward, unless you make that decision
Speaker:as the hero, it's just kind of willy nilly going through things.
Speaker:Um, and I mean, we're not, I guess the one thing that too many of us come to
Speaker:the table with in looking at our values is I can only decide now and it can
Speaker:never change and there's freedom in it.
Speaker:I mean, let me ask you, you know, see if, see if the way I'm seeing
Speaker:it is the way you're seeing it.
Speaker:Um, Is that as I go through and I'm beginning to practice that
Speaker:curiosity to figure out who I am, because many of us have lost our
Speaker:identity along the way, um, is okay.
Speaker:I decided upon these like three to five things that I want to
Speaker:be the values that define me.
Speaker:And as you begin to determine who you truly are, those may change
Speaker:along the way that it's not like a set in stone kind of thing.
Speaker:Is that the way you look at it as well?
Speaker:Yeah, they should be pretty fluid and you shouldn't set them.
Speaker:I think really, really rigid.
Speaker:I think you should give yourself a little bit of flexibility.
Speaker:I heard Matthew McConaughey talking in an interview the other day and they
Speaker:said, yeah, like, um, he said something about change and, you know, me and
Speaker:my wife have changed over the years.
Speaker:And he's like, yeah, of course I changed.
Speaker:Like everybody should change.
Speaker:Of course I'm, I'm seeing more experiences.
Speaker:Of course I'm changing.
Speaker:So I think there's some room for fluidity, uh, between your core
Speaker:values and it's all shaped by.
Speaker:Um, for me personally, it's shaped by the experiences that I have, the people
Speaker:that I meet, the things that I do.
Speaker:I'm really passionate about travel, um, simply for the reason
Speaker:of broadening my horizon and not staying in my little bubble.
Speaker:I want to see other perspectives and other cultures and customs and
Speaker:how do they live so that I have a better wholesome perspective on life.
Speaker:So my values will change over, you know, when I, when we do have a family, my
Speaker:values are going to likely change, but there's a, I think they're all, they're
Speaker:always going to come back to some core and my values typically stem, at least
Speaker:how I determine them is about legacy and trying to look at those last couple
Speaker:of moments that we have on this earth.
Speaker:And what was it that you brought to the table?
Speaker:And what is your legacy and your core value should be somewhere in there.
Speaker:At least you should be able to illuminate your core values
Speaker:from what you've done in life.
Speaker:And the big thing that I, that I, um, really focus on is regret.
Speaker:Like I don't want to live with regret and my core values again,
Speaker:they, they spill into that.
Speaker:I don't want any regret in a lot of those things.
Speaker:Yeah, regret is a thing that will be like the acid that undermines like your
Speaker:confidence, your worth, your belief.
Speaker:I mean, it's not to say you won't have regrets, but being able to make those
Speaker:choices to where they're intentional.
Speaker:They're purposeful.
Speaker:They're aligned with who you decide that you are.
Speaker:And who you want to be going forward, dude, it sets you up for such a
Speaker:different like, uh, second season, I guess we might say, you know, later
Speaker:in life where it's like, oh, okay.
Speaker:Hey, I'm happy with who I am and where I'm going.
Speaker:So with
Speaker:that more man, I love that.
Speaker:I really love that.
Speaker:And I think for the listeners to like speaking on legacy,
Speaker:we all have a gift.
Speaker:We have a very unique gift.
Speaker:Uh, your retinas are different.
Speaker:And you'll have the only retina of that and your fingerprint will
Speaker:be that the entire life, right?
Speaker:Like there's nothing ever going to be like, I think it'd be like Eli.
Speaker:So we all have a unique gift.
Speaker:And I feel if you can find that gift.
Speaker:And if you're holding it back from the world and what you can
Speaker:offer it again, looking forward at that final moment, you're holding
Speaker:something back from society.
Speaker:You're holding your, your unique value and unique gift from everybody.
Speaker:So I focus on that when I day in and day out is very intentional
Speaker:on that we're doing is our gift.
Speaker:It's our calling and it's our core values aligned And we're
Speaker:trying to give that to everybody.
Speaker:Yeah, let's close off here with one thing.
Speaker:You and I had kind of talked in the, you know, just before we were pressed record.
Speaker:Um, we can see things in our past that we've experienced, right?
Speaker:Like you talked about your empathy coming from your parents divorcing.
Speaker:And then when your wife cheated on ex wife cheated on you and you went through the
Speaker:divorce, sometimes similar situations, we can carry beliefs from one to the
Speaker:other and be like, oh, this must be true.
Speaker:And then that's kind of like a domino that sets off another thing.
Speaker:In looking at it, how did you kind of dispel those those falsehoods?
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:The things of like, Oh, this happened to my parents.
Speaker:This must mean I'm here.
Speaker:How did you not let those things take root?
Speaker:Because I'm sure you've seen this.
Speaker:I know I've seen it where it's like those.
Speaker:Those things that then take root become a foundation when they're not true, and
Speaker:then you're kind of having to rebuild, um, how everything else stands upon it.
Speaker:How did you push aside and go?
Speaker:Nope, that's not true.
Speaker:And move forward the way you did with resiliency.
Speaker:Such a good question, man.
Speaker:Um, I have an amazing relationship with my both my parents and
Speaker:they're both very, very cordial.
Speaker:So I look at the divorce is actually.
Speaker:You know, as I was going through that and this really good document of
Speaker:personal development and why things happen, I didn't look at their divorce.
Speaker:I never have.
Speaker:Even when I talked about being an empathetic leader that came from this,
Speaker:you know, want to satisfy both parents.
Speaker:Um, so the divorce was actually never a negative thing in my head.
Speaker:And I'm lucky that my parents were so cordial and they always have interacted.
Speaker:They've been in the same room.
Speaker:It's not toxic.
Speaker:So yeah.
Speaker:I don't think my perception of divorce is as bad as a lot of people's perception of
Speaker:it was, and I'm very grateful for that.
Speaker:I've seen a lot of opposites in that.
Speaker:So when I went through mine, I leaned on my parents actually a lot.
Speaker:I said, you know,
Speaker:this did not.
Speaker:I didn't intend for this to happen.
Speaker:I really don't want this to be my story, and I don't want it to be Something
Speaker:that creates roots and creates this gap mindset that I could never move forward.
Speaker:So leveraging family there was a really impactful part.
Speaker:And then again, back to just being an optimist, like I just thought that
Speaker:it was part of my story and there was a reason that that happened.
Speaker:There's a reason that there's somebody else out there.
Speaker:I don't know when I'm gonna meet them.
Speaker:I don't know who's gonna be.
Speaker:I don't know where I'm gonna meet them, but I'm gonna meet him somewhere.
Speaker:And that was again, like the sculpture that's being formed with these
Speaker:chapters that are being written.
Speaker:I was really, really passionate about that and not creating those roots.
Speaker:That's not who I am.
Speaker:My identity is not wrapped up in a divorce.
Speaker:Yeah, it's part of my chapter and my story, but it's not my identity.
Speaker:That is not how when people think of Eli.
Speaker:It's not.
Speaker:Oh, man, he went through a divorce.
Speaker:He was cheated on.
Speaker:No, it's not that it was he.
Speaker:He's become this incredible leader because of these things
Speaker:that have happened in his life.
Speaker:And now he has rolled out and built this program to support people that
Speaker:are going through the same, if not worse, and showing them that there's
Speaker:a glass half full and doing it through solitude and deep inner work.
Speaker:Dude.
Speaker:Yeah, I love that because too many times we pick it up almost like snow
Speaker:snow on a snowball going downhill.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Um, so Yeah.
Speaker:Eli, thank you so much for sharing about like community to the value and the change
Speaker:that it can make in a healthy community.
Speaker:Let's clarify with that.
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:Those people are going to, you know, make up who you are and
Speaker:you 7 people that empower you.
Speaker:And that's what I would recommend.
Speaker:Yeah, that's a hundred percent.
Speaker:They will, they will change, um, how you go through life and how
Speaker:you're able to show up and fight.
Speaker:Um, dude, I love the fact of, again, the community, the curiosity,
Speaker:looking at yourself, how you got there, where you want to go.
Speaker:Asking questions more so than making statements until, you know, you've
Speaker:kind of fed that curiosity, it's length and making those statements, but
Speaker:understanding you still have space to grow and change as you go forward, do the
Speaker:optimistic aspect that it's like, this is a chapter and there's stuff that's
Speaker:better yet to come that it's not final.
Speaker:And you know, it's not defining.
Speaker:how your future goes forward.
Speaker:It's going to impact, but it's not setting the nail in the coffin.
Speaker:So Eli, I so appreciate everything you've shared, dude.
Speaker:How can men connect with you outside of this podcast?
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:The best way likely is going to be through email.
Speaker:It's Eli at peak fulfillment, coaching.
Speaker:com.
Speaker:Find me on LinkedIn, Eli Libby, or just go to peak fulfillment.
Speaker:co. And you guys can search a little bit more about.
Speaker:Who Kyle and I are, what the program is, and then reach out to us there.
Speaker:Perfect.
Speaker:And I'll put all that information in the show notes and, uh, Eli,
Speaker:again, thank you, my friend.
Speaker:I really appreciate, um, everything you've shared and, and just
Speaker:encouragement, man, the tools that you've given us, man, because it's
Speaker:like, we're not stuck with where we are.
Speaker:There's so much more that's available to us.
Speaker:And you've pointed that out so well today.
Speaker:So I appreciate it, my friend.
Speaker:Amazing.
Speaker:Thank you, Mike.
Speaker:Thank you.
