Episode 402
Discover How to Develop Worthiness and Confidence in Daily Life with Yakov Smart
Have you ever felt like you're simply not good enough or that you're unworthy of success and happiness? Many men struggle with these feelings, but few talk about it openly. In this episode, I sit down with Yakov Smart, a man who's experienced the challenges of self doubt brings to all areas of your life and he's emerged stronger, wise, and more confident than ever before.
Yakov's journey from social anxiety and relationship struggles to becoming a successful entrepreneur and spiritual guide is both inspiring and relatable. The frustration of not seeing results despite your best efforts can be really frustrating. He shares how he overcame his inner demons, learned to love himself and discovered the power of self forgiveness. Yakov reveals how you can create an intentional operating system that can transform your self love, worthiness and success, both at work and within relationships.
Key Takeaways:
- The importance of self love and how it impacts every aspect of your life
- Practical tools for releasing negative energy and emotions
- How to create "operating systems" for peak performance in various areas of life
- The power of forgiveness in personal growth and attracting positive experiences
- Strategies for elevating your consciousness and shifting your reality
The key moments in this episode are:
00:11:00 - Recognizing Self Love
00:14:33 - Tools for Healing
00:15:17 - The Three Letters Exercise
00:25:25 - Shifting Energy and Attracting Change
00:29:26 - Releasing to Receive and Manifesting Change
00:36:36 - Consistency and Operating Systems
00:39:32 - Creating the Ideal State
00:40:49 - Using Music as a Tool
Connect with Yakov Smart
Website
https://www.linkedin.com/in/yakovsavitskiy/
https://www.instagram.com/yakovsmartsg/
https://www.facebook.com/yakov.smart3
Connect with Mike Forrester
Podcast Website
https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com
Coaching Website
https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/
Youtube
https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike
https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike
https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike
Transcript
Hello and welcome back my friend.
Speaker:Uh, today, Yakov Smart is joining me, and Yakov has helped a ton of people
Speaker:to find their finances and since then, he's, he's now helping them to like find
Speaker:their, their spiritual place, right?
Speaker:What vibes with us, where we're at.
Speaker:But Yakov hasn't always been in this place.
Speaker:You know, some of us look and go, dude, you got a silver spoon, you got it made.
Speaker:If only you knew the place I'm coming from.
Speaker:And you're gonna get to see where Yakov has come from.
Speaker:What he's gone through probably resonates and mirrors what you
Speaker:and I have gone through a lot more than you'd wanna believe.
Speaker:So we're gonna get into some, some of it where it's like, Hey man, I
Speaker:just feel anxious in social settings.
Speaker:You know, I don't feel worthy.
Speaker:Um, I just doubt myself.
Speaker:And, and the things where it's.
Speaker:You can even hit those points where it's like, I feel like I'm doing all the
Speaker:right things, but nothing's clicking.
Speaker:And you're gonna see for Yakov, he got to a point where it's
Speaker:like he hit kind of that, that dark night of the soul, you know?
Speaker:And, and things just went off almost like a floodlight on a football
Speaker:field, you know, really shed light.
Speaker:Made a big transition for him, so super excited to jump in here and and
Speaker:hear more about his story and how he brought about that change in his life.
Speaker:Yakov, how are you doing today, my friend?
Speaker:Amazing.
Speaker:What a pleasure to be here.
Speaker:Absolutely, man.
Speaker:So let's go ahead and we'll start off with what does life look like on the
Speaker:professional side of things for you?
Speaker:The
Speaker:professional side of things.
Speaker:I've been in the online space since 2015.
Speaker:Um, built different offers, different businesses.
Speaker:Right now I've got two different things that I'm focused on.
Speaker:The main business, which I think depending on when this time this comes
Speaker:out, I may already be transitioned out of, but I mean, in motion on
Speaker:that, that helps people raise capital for private equity and real estate.
Speaker:And then the other business is a project called Abundant Alliance.
Speaker:Essentially helps people live more abundantly, and we can
Speaker:unpack what that means as well.
Speaker:Um, and it's not just helping people make more money, it's about helping
Speaker:people truly experience abundance of time, relationships, freedom,
Speaker:satisfaction, and really living in a more alive and aligned way.
Speaker:And very different than, uh, than where things were.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's like, dude, that's like a, uh, opposite side of the coin.
Speaker:180 degrees there.
Speaker:Um, well, let's, let's talk about on the personal side, so more of
Speaker:the relationships and, you know, what is the abundance in that look
Speaker:like that you're teaching everybody?
Speaker:What does that look like for you in your life?
Speaker:How you brought abundance into the, the personal side?
Speaker:Yeah, so it's having a few really close friends where there's
Speaker:true depth of connection and one of those friends is female.
Speaker:And it's not someone that I'm dating, it's like a sister to me.
Speaker:But I think like for a lot of people listening, I don't think there's anything
Speaker:wrong with having woman friends actually think a man should have at least one
Speaker:or two female friends where it's like, and when I say female friends, it's.
Speaker:Vibe, right?
Speaker:It's like having a family member because there's a lot that men can
Speaker:learn from women and vice versa.
Speaker:Um, so I've got a few guy friends.
Speaker:Occasionally I'll go out to events.
Speaker:Um, actually I was dating someone or recording this here in early February.
Speaker:I was dating someone over the holidays.
Speaker:That relationship ended.
Speaker:It was short.
Speaker:Um, but having more abundance.
Speaker:I think dating is a topic that a lot of men like obsess over or think about,
Speaker:and I think abundance in that area, it doesn't necessarily mean that you
Speaker:have to go out and like date a bunch of women if you don't wanna, but it's
Speaker:coming from the place of worthiness and being enough and being clear on
Speaker:what you like and what you don't like.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That clarity on who you are and mm-hmm.
Speaker:What really fits with where you're going and, and how you see yourself.
Speaker:Man, I think that's.
Speaker:Just really puts a strain on the relationship and our internal
Speaker:conversations as well, man.
Speaker:You were in your late teens and you.
Speaker:At a point you start, you know, investing and really looking at personal
Speaker:development or you're wanting that growth to kind of figure out some
Speaker:things you're facing at that time.
Speaker:And it's like, I'm not satisfied with, with where my life is or who I am.
Speaker:Um, you know, you're looking for change for that key to bring
Speaker:about the transformation in
Speaker:to.
Speaker:You know, like, um, what brought that on to, to go looking for personal development
Speaker:and then, you know, did, did that search, you know, reading all the books
Speaker:and investing all the money, did that bring about what you were looking for?
Speaker:Well, if I were to look at it now, what really brought it about, and my answer
Speaker:would've been different back then.
Speaker:But the real answer is love, right?
Speaker:Self love, um, seeing my potential, having faith, having hope, having
Speaker:trust, um, seeing that maybe just, maybe there were possibilities.
Speaker:I think growing up, one of my core things that didn't really click
Speaker:till my late teens that I started the personal development journey
Speaker:was that I had some control.
Speaker:And the word is agency.
Speaker:I like to use that word over my reality.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And I think for a lot of people, um, growing up as men, especially
Speaker:if they're from small towns or more traditional families, where, you
Speaker:know, there's like a set path where you think that there's a limit on how
Speaker:many options you have in front of you.
Speaker:Or if you're not good at something that you then can't do anything about it.
Speaker:And my, one of my first breakthrough moments, I wasn't good socially growing
Speaker:up, and I wouldn't even say wasn't good socially is a way to put it, simple terms,
Speaker:but it's not that I was good or bad at it, it was just that like my self image.
Speaker:Created a self-fulfilling prophecy that that's what it was.
Speaker:Uh, I think we all have innate like skills.
Speaker:It's just like they were hidden under a pile.
Speaker:I mean, essentially right.
Speaker:Baggage.
Speaker:And so my first time dipping my toe into personal development water, I had a
Speaker:friend, this was back when I was 16, 17.
Speaker:I had a friend and he's like, Hey, you know, why don't you date anyone?
Speaker:I was like, what do you mean?
Speaker:He's like, well, you should talk to girls.
Speaker:Like what am I gonna talk to them about?
Speaker:That was my like, what am I gonna talk to them about?
Speaker:It's like literally that, that's, that's what I said, right?
Speaker:Because I, my self-image and self-image is so important, creating a reality.
Speaker:My self-image of a was a guy who didn't know how to talk to girls,
Speaker:who wasn't attractive to girls who, um, didn't have anything to
Speaker:quote unquote offer girls, right?
Speaker:These were all like subconscious beliefs, right?
Speaker:And he's like, well, you gotta read this book.
Speaker:And so he gave me this book, and I'm sure a lot of people listening have
Speaker:heard of this book called The Game.
Speaker:Um, by Neil Strauss.
Speaker:It was written back in 2005.
Speaker:And do I recommend reading the book as entertainment?
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:But it's not like back then I thought it was just how-to manual and they were
Speaker:like magic tricks that you could use to all of a sudden, you know, talk to girls.
Speaker:And a big turning point for me, I read it over the weekend.
Speaker:I absolutely just gobbled it up.
Speaker:The real reason why it resonated with it though was because for the first time in.
Speaker:Ever.
Speaker:Maybe I had this, like hope, I had this like, wait a minute, I have this problem.
Speaker:It sucked for so many years.
Speaker:Um, but maybe there's a solution that I didn't know existed.
Speaker:It blew my mind.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And oftentimes that's the start of what we call paradigm ship, right?
Speaker:My paradigm was X, Y, and Z, and all of a sudden I was like, wait,
Speaker:this other guy did this other thing.
Speaker:Maybe there's something I can do about it as well, because if it worked
Speaker:for him, maybe it'll work for me.
Speaker:And I think that was the first turning point of me actually
Speaker:doing something about it.
Speaker:And this is really, really important.
Speaker:I read the book, but it's not like I read it and just, you know, did a
Speaker:bunch of research and Googling and just like didn't do anything with it.
Speaker:Immediately on Monday, I came back to school.
Speaker:I went to the library during lunch.
Speaker:First girl that I saw sat down and started talking to her, and it went well.
Speaker:It wasn't like, you know, love at first sight and like, I don't think I ever
Speaker:saw the girl again, but it went well.
Speaker:It was a positive experience.
Speaker:It was positive reinforcement.
Speaker:I said, whoa, this stuff works.
Speaker:But it wasn't about the stuff.
Speaker:It was about me just boldly putting myself out there.
Speaker:And connecting.
Speaker:It's not, it's not rocket science.
Speaker:It wasn't about like the fancy routines or magic tricks or any of that.
Speaker:BS was like, whoa, if that works, then what else can I change?
Speaker:And so that's where I developed this sort of like love for personal growth.
Speaker:It's like that first win.
Speaker:I think oftentimes if you feel like you're stuck in a rut or you know, you're
Speaker:trying a lot of different things, that first win, that first breadcrumb for
Speaker:me and for a lot of men when we first taste that momentum, if something's
Speaker:really important to us, we double down.
Speaker:We'll do whatever it takes.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:So that led to this like almost obsession with personal development.
Speaker:Read so many books.
Speaker:All these different things.
Speaker:The issue though, the issue and looking back several years later, you know,
Speaker:after I had invested over a hundred thousand in seminars, events, coaches,
Speaker:books, all these different things, the problem was I still didn't love myself.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:That was, that was the problem.
Speaker:And the problem was there was still issues with self-image.
Speaker:And so I think the whole self-help world is a wonderful world.
Speaker:It's a big industry.
Speaker:You and I are part of that industry as well.
Speaker:And at the same time, what it doesn't talk about.
Speaker:Is this concept of becoming a match to your desired results on a
Speaker:deeper, on a quantum level, right?
Speaker:That's not talked about.
Speaker:And that is, if there's one solution to any problem that universally is true,
Speaker:let's say if you want a desired result and you become a match to it on a quantum
Speaker:energetic level, the result will show up.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And I think for anyone listening who doesn't have a result, they want in the.
Speaker:That's not debatable, whether you believe it or not.
Speaker:It's true.
Speaker:It's the most reassuring thing to know because that gives you the opportunity to
Speaker:shift things, gives you the opportunity to change, gives you the opportunity to
Speaker:transform like we're talking about here.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:So is you're sitting there kind of like coming to that realization like,
Speaker:Hey, I'm, I am not loving myself.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:There's that self self hatred or that self-loathing and.
Speaker:If we spilled something right, man, why can't you ever get it right?
Speaker:Why are you so clumsy?
Speaker:Is that kind of like self-deprecating, you know, talk that negative
Speaker:self speak, is that necessarily a sign of like the self-hatred or.
Speaker:Or like, how do you tell, hey, I'm not in love with myself, like you're talking
Speaker:about is the thing that's missing.
Speaker:How do you get there and realize that that's the boat you're in?
Speaker:Well, there's different levels to it.
Speaker:It's not a yes or no.
Speaker:It's more like, imagine there's like a thousand levels to it, right?
Speaker:And you may be on level 10 and like maybe your next level is level 11, right?
Speaker:And then level a thousand.
Speaker:Now all of a sudden there's 10,000 more levels.
Speaker:So there's, it's a limitless journey, and there is layers and layers of depth.
Speaker:As far as like how self-loathing shows up, I think the self-talk, if you
Speaker:can consciously hear, you're like, wait, what am I saying to myself?
Speaker:But I think a lot of people would just run on autopilot, right?
Speaker:We all have those moments.
Speaker:I'll tell you like, you know, my reality right now, my self-talk,
Speaker:and we all have our moments, right?
Speaker:I'm not saying every day is like just perfect, but my self-talk
Speaker:instead of saying like, oh, you know, you suck or whatever.
Speaker:It's more like, come on big man, get it together.
Speaker:Like that's, that's as as negative as I'll get.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And so that's something that's taken years and years.
Speaker:So the realization, um, where things really escalated was at about 25, 26
Speaker:years old, I met someone and I was in a relationship of almost two years,
Speaker:a very interesting relationship.
Speaker:This person was like a spiritual teacher and like she had this online business
Speaker:In a lot of ways, I think sometimes we date people because we have, they have
Speaker:things that we admire about ourselves in them, and we sometimes project
Speaker:things about ourselves onto them.
Speaker:And so we had this relationship and you know, it very much became like my.
Speaker:Like, I was just so immersed and it was fundamentally flawed.
Speaker:There was a big age difference.
Speaker:There were some other things that weren't quite aligned, like looking
Speaker:back and after the relationship, that's when I was like devastated.
Speaker:Like I remember just sitting on the couch like sobbing.
Speaker:Like it was just, it was like you could feel the physical pain, like
Speaker:you could feel, you know, the pain in, in the heart area and like just
Speaker:there was this heaviness, right?
Speaker:And I thought because we had a couple breakups before.
Speaker:Um, but we ended up getting back together and I had thought, you know, and I, I knew
Speaker:that this time was different, but I had thought to myself that, you know, if we.
Speaker:If we broke up, the solution would be go out and like date someone else.
Speaker:That was the last thing I wanted to do.
Speaker:I didn't wanna eat, I didn't wanna do anything.
Speaker:I just, you know, wanted to sit around and cry.
Speaker:And it was just like a lot of sadness and a lot of the sadness came because
Speaker:I, you know, I was telling myself I could have done this differently.
Speaker:I could have done this differently.
Speaker:You know, I messed that up.
Speaker:How could I do that?
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:And I felt like I really messed everything up.
Speaker:And so I found a book.
Speaker:And I think sometimes one of the most amazing things we can do is just like,
Speaker:follow our intuition, trust our gut.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And I think the more we do that, the more positive experiences we
Speaker:have, the more that multiplies.
Speaker:We do that more and more.
Speaker:And so for me, like I went on amazon.com and there's two books
Speaker:that really, really highly recommend.
Speaker:One is called The Breakup Manual for Men.
Speaker:Um, I'm sure it's still around, but like if anyone's listening to
Speaker:this and they're in the midst of a breakup, that was the first book that
Speaker:I read was really, really helpful.
Speaker:The second book, there's also one on dealing with grief, but like
Speaker:in terms of breakups, the second book that's really powerful, it's
Speaker:called Radical Self-Forgiveness.
Speaker:And so I, Amazon, I searched on Amazon.
Speaker:I was like, forgiveness, like what's gonna come up, right?
Speaker:Because I didn't know how to forgive myself.
Speaker:I didn't know how to forget.
Speaker:I didn't have a process, a tool.
Speaker:Or forgiving myself for forgiving others.
Speaker:I, I just didn't have a tool.
Speaker:Don't ever talk.
Speaker:They don't teach it in school.
Speaker:It's like, how do you forgive people?
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:And like religious, sometimes they'll say forgiveness is, well, how do you do it?
Speaker:Like, what's the process?
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:You can say it.
Speaker:And I needed a process because I had so much anger at myself.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:So much inner resentment.
Speaker:And so this book, which is worth reading, it has several exercises that it's a very,
Speaker:um, one of my favorite spiritual books.
Speaker:There's a exercise in there called The Three Letters.
Speaker:And so I'd write these letters.
Speaker:And so what it does is just to give you like a high, high level overview, and I
Speaker:recommend reading the book either way.
Speaker:But the first letter comes from the inner judge, right?
Speaker:So it's like you let yourself have it, right?
Speaker:I think sometimes there's a saying, what you resist, persist, right?
Speaker:Yourself.
Speaker:Have.
Speaker:You write the angriest, nastiest letter, all does.
Speaker:You let yourself talk, go as nasty as it can.
Speaker:You put that on paper, you type it out and you feel the emotions when, okay,
Speaker:and that's how start to release energy.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:The second letter is from the Inner lover, so that's where you are
Speaker:just like your own biggest fan.
Speaker:And sometimes that's a hard letter to write, right?
Speaker:Because if you're coming, but when you really start to transmute the energy,
Speaker:you're like, well, wait a minute.
Speaker:Maybe it was this, maybe it was that.
Speaker:And then the third letter is from higher self, right?
Speaker:It really puts things more like objective.
Speaker:Perspective.
Speaker:And so that exercise is one of these tools.
Speaker:And I finally, and I didn't find this in the self-help world, but
Speaker:these were essentially spiritual tools that helped release things
Speaker:on an energetic level, right?
Speaker:And so earlier, you know how I was talking about you have
Speaker:to be a match for it, right?
Speaker:So to become a match for something, there's only two things you could
Speaker:do to really simplify it down.
Speaker:You can release something or you can create something.
Speaker:And oftentimes releasing is the place to start.
Speaker:So that helped me release a lot.
Speaker:Um.
Speaker:Elevated my consciousness, elevated my self-love awareness, and it opened
Speaker:the doors to so many possibilities.
Speaker:So I think it's something that plagues a lot of men, is this
Speaker:self-loathing, this negative self-talk.
Speaker:And you know, the very first thing, it's not a binary thing.
Speaker:It's not like you're either a master at it or you suck at it.
Speaker:No, there's like, it's a range.
Speaker:There's levels and it's like working a muscle, right?
Speaker:If you think you can make your bicep bigger at the, at.
Speaker:So
Speaker:as you read the book.
Speaker:You wrote the letters.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And you're then beginning to, you know, forgive yourself
Speaker:to actually love who you are.
Speaker:Instead of having that self-loathing, self-hatred, you're having self-love.
Speaker:How did you continue to work that muscle beyond that point so that
Speaker:it's like, you know, you, you've got that foundation to build from?
Speaker:I
Speaker:keep writing the letters like even now, like if I'm, if I'm feeling
Speaker:like if I'm, if I'm feeling crunchy about it, I'll write the letters.
Speaker:It's good.
Speaker:And also there's a great book called Letting Go.
Speaker:Um, it's about teaches the technique for like releasing energy, right?
Speaker:Because all it is is just stuck energy.
Speaker:And you know that once that's released, you just feel so much lighter.
Speaker:So it's an ongoing practice.
Speaker:And also in the moment, if you can catch yourself doing it and switch in the.
Speaker:Ironically, I think there's a lot of negative self-talk around
Speaker:negative self-talk, right?
Speaker:It's like this meta thing where it's like, you know, a lot of guys are like, well
Speaker:know I'm talking negatively to myself, and they beat themselves up for doing that.
Speaker:It's like, you know, it, it compounds, it creates the spiral.
Speaker:So it's an ongoing practice.
Speaker:I think it's also reinforcing the image of who you'd like to become . Right.
Speaker:That's a really key thing.
Speaker:And understanding you're gonna make mistakes and that's okay.
Speaker:It's data, it's getting, getting data, getting data faster.
Speaker:Um.
Speaker:Just taking things a little more lightly as well.
Speaker:I think like sometimes it's easy to like dwell on things.
Speaker:I think dwelling is actually one of the worst things someone can do, right?
Speaker:I mean, let yourself process something, but oftentimes taking action.
Speaker:Raise the energy of something.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And that's really where, you know, if you go from that place to
Speaker:taking action, there's a framework called the Map of consciousness.
Speaker:Um, if people are familiar, they can, they can Google it.
Speaker:There, there's a lot of great stuff out there.
Speaker:And it's simply, you know, if you're in a place of sadness,
Speaker:sadness is a lower emotion.
Speaker:You're not, you're not gonna go to love necessarily in, within a minute,
Speaker:but you can go from sadness to anger.
Speaker:Anger has a lot more energy than sadness from anger.
Speaker:You go up to pride, right?
Speaker:And then the next level.
Speaker:So it's just managing that.
Speaker:Um, and again, I think there's layers and layers to it, but it's, I believe it's
Speaker:a skill set that more men need to know.
Speaker:It's, you know, it's working that muscle.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Do find as you've written those letters that like it becomes easier, like you're
Speaker:getting that clarity in what you want to say versus when you first did it.
Speaker:I'm assuming like when you first did the, the, the first one, was it like
Speaker:the self-love, was that the hardest one to write, like the second letter?
Speaker:Was that the hardest one to write at that time?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:The, the key thing with the letters is it can be, depending on how charged a
Speaker:topic is in the moment, like it's really important to like, feel the emotion
Speaker:out and just let yourself go there.
Speaker:That's the biggest thing to me.
Speaker:It's almost like taking a shower.
Speaker:Like sometimes I'm like, I feel a little heavy and then I, I'm like,
Speaker:oh, do I really need to sit there and write some letters or process it?
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Answer is yes, it could take five minutes, 10 minutes, doesn't have to
Speaker:be this long thing, but it's doing something in the 3D taking an action
Speaker:to release that and to feel better.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Um, so it's like, you know, people carry around so much emotional baggage
Speaker:and it's kind of like, you know, would you go days without shower?
Speaker:If you go days just like smelling and being dirty, of course not.
Speaker:And yet, very few people, you know, if you look at collective society, have
Speaker:the, have tools like this that they can use to cleanse themselves and feel
Speaker:better without numbing, by the way.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Notice we're not talking about doing drugs or getting drunk or anything like that.
Speaker:No.
Speaker:It, it's sitting with something, going through a process and showering
Speaker:off that low energy, that heaviness.
Speaker:So in essence, we're not supposed to do, like we see too many teen
Speaker:boys that skip the shower, that use ax and just, uh, kind of mask that.
Speaker:You're saying that's not healthy to do emotionally.
Speaker:Is that what I'm hearing there?
Speaker:I think, I think most guys do that emotionally.
Speaker:They, they, they spray on the ax to where they walk into the
Speaker:room, they wreak of everyone.
Speaker:Like who, what's that?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Oh man.
Speaker:Well, as, as you've, you know, you got to that point, post-breakup.
Speaker:You're coming into this point of, you know, self love.
Speaker:Did that then change your.
Speaker:Your image of your worthiness and and who you are as well alongside of it?
Speaker:Or was that something that you had to do different to, to find your worthiness?
Speaker:Yeah, completely went in tandem.
Speaker:It completely elevated that worthiness relationship with self, self love, all
Speaker:the things, all the things came together.
Speaker:Um, raised my standards for myself.
Speaker:Just gave me more confidence in being able to deal and process emotions.
Speaker:I mean, that's a, you know, a lot of guys aren't scared of physical altercations
Speaker:or doing like crazy stuff or like, you know, any of those types of things.
Speaker:But when it comes to processing emotions, that can be a.
Speaker:A scary place for a guy, right?
Speaker:Because it's, it's less familiar and it's not necessarily even having
Speaker:to do with the body, it's the mind.
Speaker:And even on a deeper level of soul, right?
Speaker:And this is more mysterious type of territory.
Speaker:So, and I'm not saying, just to be very clear, I'm not saying to be doing this all
Speaker:day, like, oh, you gotta process emotions.
Speaker:Go, I'm, I'm not saying that, but I am saying just like if you're
Speaker:starting at zero, get to one.
Speaker:That's the biggest thing, just like building a muscle, right?
Speaker:If someone's overweight or someone's like, you know, super skinny and
Speaker:they're going to the gym for the first time, you're not gonna expect them to
Speaker:be able to do big things at the gym.
Speaker:But you gotta start somewhere, right?
Speaker:So it's, it's having tools, right?
Speaker:It's having practices, things you can rely on, and also being
Speaker:there for yourself that, you know, you can depend on yourself.
Speaker:You need to take a moment, you can give yourself that space.
Speaker:Yeah, and I think the one important thing here to like really point out
Speaker:is it's, you know, you're talking about going to the mus, going to
Speaker:the gym, and working the muscles.
Speaker:You are not just learning, you are taking action.
Speaker:You have to, you know, it's like you're removing it from just the
Speaker:theoretical phase to the practical, Hey, let's, let's see if this works,
Speaker:and what kind of a impact does it have?
Speaker:And the world around me because it's like, dude, you can't move, you know,
Speaker:uh, like try and steer a parked car.
Speaker:Uh, we're in essence that car.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:And unless we're taking action, it's all gonna remain theoretical.
Speaker:You know, we stay the same as who we, who we are, who we have been.
Speaker:Um, it's putting into practice and trying it out.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:I'm assuming then, like the next step is giving ourselves grace, um, to like
Speaker:not do things correctly out of the gate.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:To, to, you know, like if, if we're figuring out an emotional bicep curl,
Speaker:we may not have our form in line.
Speaker:Is that right?
Speaker:Yeah, of
Speaker:course.
Speaker:Yeah, it takes practice honing it in different things,
Speaker:working with different people.
Speaker:There's different tools.
Speaker:But I love what you said about actions.
Speaker:It's like we go back to the metaphor showering, where if you think about
Speaker:someone showering, imagine you have a guy who's sitting there at the gym
Speaker:and he's thinking about showering.
Speaker:He's thinking really hard.
Speaker:He's reading articles about how to take the best shower, about, you know,
Speaker:the best shampoo, body wash, but he never gets in the shower and days
Speaker:go by, he is gonna smell terrible.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Same thing.
Speaker:It's better to just do the act and, and get that process moving.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:'cause otherwise it just stays in our head and doesn't transfer to who
Speaker:we are or the actions that we take.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:So as you like, start working through this, um, you know,
Speaker:like transformation, right?
Speaker:You're, you are totally changing, you're seeing yourself differently, you're
Speaker:feeling about yourself differently.
Speaker:How does the world around you change?
Speaker:Or does it remain the same or are you seeing like, um.
Speaker:Changes in relationships and career and, and different things like that.
Speaker:It's not just all internal, we'll say.
Speaker:Yeah, well definitely if you're not seeing changes in the outside
Speaker:world, you're not doing it right.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:So, and I don't, I don't say that everything's gonna change overnight,
Speaker:but it's in the quantum, we call it the five D and the 3D, right?
Speaker:So the five D is, you know, we can call it the universe, we can call
Speaker:it, you know, somewhere out there the 3D, you can feel it, touch it.
Speaker:Um, see it, you know, the, the five senses, right?
Speaker:So if you're just feeling better, quote unquote, but
Speaker:nothing different is showing up.
Speaker:There's still a missing piece and sometimes it takes a little
Speaker:while for things to show up.
Speaker:There's patience, grace, like you mentioned, but typically you're gonna,
Speaker:and you know, to get a little more metaphysical here 'cause why not?
Speaker:Um, you're elevating your level of consciousness.
Speaker:At different levels of consciousness, people attract
Speaker:different types of things, right?
Speaker:And so if you, you know, eradicate a pocket of lower energy, you're immediately
Speaker:gonna make yourself more attractive.
Speaker:I recorded a podcast episode.
Speaker:I was like the secret F word that makes you more attractive.
Speaker:Instantly like forgiveness, right?
Speaker:It's, it's the process for releasing energy, right?
Speaker:So definitely, you know, saw change at the time I had a big breakthrough
Speaker:in business, you know, re redefined my offer, redefined like my structure
Speaker:had, you know, bigger business and freed up more time at the same time.
Speaker:So like, you know, all that came though because of shifting
Speaker:my energy, who I was being.
Speaker:First, right.
Speaker:Didn't come from some crazy strategy or tactic first.
Speaker:It came from shifting my energy first.
Speaker:So that's a really big thing.
Speaker:And yeah, this was in October of 2021.
Speaker:Yeah, so like new revenue numbers, dating was just different.
Speaker:I found that I was attracting.
Speaker:In my eyes, a higher caliber of women, right?
Speaker:Um, women who are more aligned.
Speaker:I had more confidence in the value that I was providing, right?
Speaker:So all these different things would transpire, new
Speaker:friendships came about, right?
Speaker:So a lot of great things.
Speaker:Um, and I think that's available.
Speaker:I, the way that I look at it, and I think this is gonna be helpful for everyone, is.
Speaker:Imagine your current situation in anything like, let's say it's relationships,
Speaker:career, whatever the case may be.
Speaker:Imagine it if you think about like a swimming pool, right?
Speaker:You think about a water park knows water parks.
Speaker:They have like all these little pools next to each other, right?
Speaker:So you're in a swimming pool right now.
Speaker:You could be in the middle of the pool or you could just have one toe in.
Speaker:But your current reality, whatever it looks like in the 3D or your
Speaker:current situation, objectively, not how you feel about it, but
Speaker:objectively, whatever that looks like you are in some sort of reality.
Speaker:Right, and the very first step is understanding who's responsible for it.
Speaker:That's gotta be the person in the mirror, right?
Speaker:That's the first step to power, is more responsibility.
Speaker:Okay?
Speaker:So you're in this pool.
Speaker:Now, depending on if you're in the middle of the pool, depending if
Speaker:you've got just one toe in the water, there could be a pool right next
Speaker:to you where you're on the cusp of experiencing a whole different reality.
Speaker:And by shifting something, thoughts, words, and actions, typically combination.
Speaker:Now you're experiencing a different reality in that area.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And again, only two ways to do it.
Speaker:Release and create.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:When in doubt, release to receive.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:That's one of my favorite sayings.
Speaker:Release to receive.
Speaker:So if you're in a certain reality and like you shift energetically,
Speaker:now you're going to the next pool.
Speaker:But let's say you want something that's so, so far away, that's cool, but you
Speaker:just have to go to a different water park.
Speaker:So you're gonna head to the airport.
Speaker:Like, if I wanted to go to a waterpark in Australia, it's, it's
Speaker:available on planet Earth, right?
Speaker:I just think I need to go to the airport first.
Speaker:Probably need to take a connect flight.
Speaker:It's gonna take me a few days, but I can have my feet in that pool
Speaker:sooner rather than, it's just gonna take a lot more effort and energy.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Because it's a, it's a bigger bridge that I need to build.
Speaker:So that's a really important, remember that, um, anything that
Speaker:you want right now that's in your highest interest is available.
Speaker:It just may take multiple steps and the most important step is
Speaker:always gonna be the next step.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Again, we're going right back to that action and not just being sedentary.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So you had mentioned there like our thoughts are words, are actions,
Speaker:is you're making the change.
Speaker:Like how did your words change in that process before it led up to that action?
Speaker:Like what?
Speaker:If I'm seeing like the thoughts take root correctly.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:How is it going to show up in, in what I speak.
Speaker:And is that just verbal or is that also like what I think
Speaker:and I'm speaking internally?
Speaker:Well, it's both and it's also the tone of what you say.
Speaker:The tone, the speed, most communication people have
Speaker:heard this is nonverbal, right?
Speaker:So that's a big part of it as well.
Speaker:Um, I think a big part of being a man is honoring your commitments.
Speaker:So, and this is where a lot of confidence comes from too, because if you're, you're
Speaker:saying you're gonna do something and you don't do it, you start leaking confidence.
Speaker:It's just, uh.
Speaker:It's just the objective reality, right?
Speaker:So I started paying a lot more attention.
Speaker:I was like, if I say I'm gonna do that, I have to do that to honor that commitment.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Have to do it.
Speaker:You know, sometimes it can be, being on time can be an example of that.
Speaker:If you say, I'm gonna meet this person at this time, showing up at that time.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And is it always perfect all the time?
Speaker:No, but the same time it's adhering to that standard.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:Anyone listening, you can elevate your greatness, right?
Speaker:The standard that you hold yourself to.
Speaker:And now if you find yourself saying, I'm around, you know, toxic people or
Speaker:like, these people don't understand me, will elevate your standard first,
Speaker:and then the people are either gonna elevate also or they're gonna go away.
Speaker:That's just the way it works, right?
Speaker:So I think the actions.
Speaker:There is a cadence, there's a focus that can come there.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And also just like understanding what's the point of the action, right?
Speaker:Because how many things do we do when we go about our days on a subconscious
Speaker:level that we're not even aware of, right?
Speaker:It could be like scrolling on your phone, you're sitting in traffic, right?
Speaker:Did you have to think about doing that?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:So it's like these little things, your habit starts to change.
Speaker:You start to evolve.
Speaker:So it's.
Speaker:Being aware and then being intentional and taking action
Speaker:from that is what I'm getting.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:From what you're saying, because otherwise, if I just read it but I
Speaker:don't speak it or take the action, I'm gonna stay in the same place,
Speaker:continue to be frustrated and be like, that stuff didn't work like
Speaker:we've done with so many other things.
Speaker:So how long did it take for you to start.
Speaker:Seeing change in your life, was it like 30 days, six months, a year?
Speaker:Like, um, I know you had talked about when you got the, the book and you took
Speaker:action the next day and talking to a girl, it was like, Hey, here's some change.
Speaker:How long did it take to, to start seeing change?
Speaker:Immediately, like, you know, I started seeing little things,
Speaker:different people show up.
Speaker:I started, you know, doing different activities and then to really
Speaker:like that change in the business, that one took about three months.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:Um, so it can happen very, very quickly.
Speaker:Um.
Speaker:I think anytime we're going through transformation though, it's more or
Speaker:less zigzagged in a straight line.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:That's really important to remember too, because sometimes, you know,
Speaker:there's little bumps on the road.
Speaker:There's like, it's that transition type of stuff, right?
Speaker:So that's key as well.
Speaker:Um, I think the idea of overnight change is a little ridiculous.
Speaker:Although if someone is on the cusp of back to our swimming pools, if
Speaker:you're right next to another pool and you've only got your toe in the
Speaker:water and you make one shift, now the scale tips, now you're in a. So it
Speaker:is possible depending on how close.
Speaker:Um, just, I'm thinking of like, you know, practically where people are at listening.
Speaker:Like if they wanted to change something, the, the quickest way to change
Speaker:something is to release something else.
Speaker:It's the quickest, most powerful, most proven way.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And I think so many people are focused on creating, and we can talk
Speaker:about that too, what that looks like on a more quantum level as well.
Speaker:But you know, a lot of guys, if you've heard the word
Speaker:manifestation, for example, right?
Speaker:It's a very loaded word.
Speaker:The best way to start that process of shifting the current situation to release.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Can start with releasing attachment, but releasing energy.
Speaker:I think having a process for that, just like letting go,
Speaker:you'll be lighter, you'll be more attractive, you'll feel differently.
Speaker:It opens up the door for creativity, right?
Speaker:It's just like, you know, if you have a plate and you have a full plate,
Speaker:nothing else fits on the plate, you know, but you wanna put more food
Speaker:on there, you need another plate.
Speaker:Or you could just clear the plate and then put dessert on there, right?
Speaker:So that's a really, really important thing.
Speaker:So what actions bring about that release is this kind of like the forgiveness
Speaker:or like, what, what do you, what should we be looking to do to bring that
Speaker:release instead of creating things?
Speaker:So the three letters technique is a great technique.
Speaker:The letting go technique is great.
Speaker:There's some stuff in it.
Speaker:Neurolinguistic programming NLP tool that people can use as well.
Speaker:Um, the easiest way if someone, just like the most rudimentary thing,
Speaker:if you were to teach a child how to do this, either a laugh or cry.
Speaker:Okay?
Speaker:So you find something that makes you hysterically laugh.
Speaker:It could be videos.
Speaker:It could be a movie, and that releases energy, right?
Speaker:You ever notice how when people are nervous, they start laughing
Speaker:because they're releasing energy or something that makes you cry?
Speaker:And for a lot of guys crying, you know, I know men who haven't cried
Speaker:in 20 years, and that's, if that's a hard thing for you, that's okay.
Speaker:Just use a different tool, right?
Speaker:That that's fine.
Speaker:But crying is a way of releasing.
Speaker:There's guided meditations out there, there's hypnosis, there's
Speaker:all these different tools.
Speaker:Also movement, right?
Speaker:Like another easy thing is you go to the gym, you release energy,
Speaker:you've probably done it to de-stress.
Speaker:That's 'cause you're releasing stuff, right?
Speaker:So that's the key thing.
Speaker:It's like, so if you feel stuck, the very first thing to do is like, okay,
Speaker:let's release release to receive.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So what I'm hearing is go jump on a roller coaster and have that
Speaker:nervous laugh to release that energy.
Speaker:Right, is true.
Speaker:Because that's, I mean, honestly, it's like how many times do you go to
Speaker:like an amusement park and it's like you've got this crazy roller coaster
Speaker:and there's somebody that's on it laughing because otherwise they're
Speaker:gonna be screaming and freaking out.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Because they're, they're outside of their comfort zone.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So yeah.
Speaker:Another thing someone can do.
Speaker:Speaking of screaming, just like, yeah, let out a, let
Speaker:out a yell, let out a scream.
Speaker:Just say it feels good sometimes.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Just changing that, uh, the emotional state you're in.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:Um, so well.
Speaker:So as you've continued going along along the process, Yakov, what have you
Speaker:seen that's a, you know, given you that additional traction, um, to continue
Speaker:growing and, um, you know, loving yourself and finding that self worth?
Speaker:I mean, like what has built that foundation and continued to level up?
Speaker:I think the consistency is key.
Speaker:I think like just anything, like with investing for
Speaker:example, things compound, right?
Speaker:So actions compound, that's really key.
Speaker:Um, and anytime you slip up or you know, don't do something quite
Speaker:up to your standard, it's okay.
Speaker:It's like, like letting that go faster.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:And not ignoring, like, if you're feeling heavy, you're feeling like
Speaker:re you gotta release, gotta release.
Speaker:Don't let it drag out.
Speaker:And if you're busy throughout the day, do it at night, but do it in the morning.
Speaker:Release.
Speaker:Release.
Speaker:That's the the biggest thing.
Speaker:Um, I think for me too, like more recently, something that, it's a little
Speaker:nuanced, but I'll share this, is having operating systems for everything.
Speaker:Like literally I have Google Documents, this is my operating
Speaker:system for this thing.
Speaker:When in doubt, go look at the system, because what happens, and you mentioned
Speaker:different states, like if I'm in a, let's say I'm in an angry state, right?
Speaker:And I need to make a decision about something, that decision is
Speaker:probably gonna lead to more anger.
Speaker:It's not the best place to make that decision about, right?
Speaker:Versus if I'm in an, all I need to remember is, Hey, before I decide on
Speaker:this, or before I go and do this activity, let me look at the manual for it.
Speaker:Let me skim it.
Speaker:Immediately just so like it reminds me of that state and I make the operating
Speaker:system when I'm in a state that's of a higher energy in that thing, right?
Speaker:So for example, if I wanted to go on a date, for example, right?
Speaker:Just a really practical example.
Speaker:I have a document I can read.
Speaker:It reminds me of very important things, and then I go on the date.
Speaker:And it, and it sticks, right?
Speaker:Because I come from that place.
Speaker:And so I think, um, there's a lot of talk about peak performance, right?
Speaker:In this world.
Speaker:Like how do you optimize your performance?
Speaker:No one's talking about peak setup.
Speaker:How do you set yourself up to where you don't have to perform, where
Speaker:everything's rigged in your favor, right?
Speaker:So that's what I'm really big on, like setting things up.
Speaker:And I know you put me in a certain environment around
Speaker:certain people for long enough.
Speaker:I will sure enough, revert to a less than empowered state.
Speaker:And it's, it, it's, um, it's just the reality, right?
Speaker:So instead of fighting it, just don't put yourself in that environment, right?
Speaker:Set things up the right way.
Speaker:You know, that's such a big thing in any area.
Speaker:How are you setting things up?
Speaker:How are you setting up your day?
Speaker:You know, how are you setting up?
Speaker:How are you nourishing your body?
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:It's like having a operating, so you can always tweak the system.
Speaker:You can always refine it and adjust it, but when in doubt, stick to the operating
Speaker:system and set things up in your favor.
Speaker:Play to your strengths.
Speaker:So how do you go about creating that?
Speaker:So let's say somebody is getting ready to go to work.
Speaker:You know, that's, you wanna make sure you're coming in as charged as possible,
Speaker:you know, not charged in a negative way, like you're coming in, in anger with
Speaker:that, you've got that positive energy because sometimes work can be a drain,
Speaker:but how do you create that list to put yourself , consistently in the best place?
Speaker:So when you are, the key is to create the list when you're in a good place.
Speaker:If you to remember next time you're in a good place in that area, that's
Speaker:when you create the operating system.
Speaker:You don't create it in a neutral place, right, or a bad place, right?
Speaker:That's really important.
Speaker:So when you're in a good place, you recognize the
Speaker:patterns, you observe it, okay?
Speaker:What led to this?
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:That's a really, really big thing.
Speaker:It's like, okay, so this is what created this.
Speaker:And like you look for the principles.
Speaker:There's a great book by Ray Dalio principles, there's
Speaker:principles to everything, right?
Speaker:So what are the principles to you being successful at work in this situation?
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And what's the, what's the vibe that you wanna be in?
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Meaning like, what's the.
Speaker:Emotional state.
Speaker:And sometimes, you know, I think actors are great, like method actors are great
Speaker:at really becoming someone else, right?
Speaker:So maybe when you are, let's say your work is in sales, right?
Speaker:And like there's a certain, there's a certain energy to being effective at
Speaker:sales and depending on the sales role, the customer, that can vary, right?
Speaker:So one of the easiest things anyone can do is you pick a song
Speaker:that reminds you of that energy.
Speaker:And anytime you wanna get into that state, you play the song.
Speaker:Ideally, you loop the song again and again.
Speaker:So if you're driving somewhere, you loop it again and again, you remind
Speaker:yourself of those things going in.
Speaker:You're gonna be likely to be calibrating at that energy that you wanna be at.
Speaker:So don't look for a low energy song.
Speaker:No ballads,
Speaker:depends on, depends on what you wanna do.
Speaker:If you're, if you need to do something that's like manual labor, like if you're
Speaker:going to dig holes, for example, right?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You probably want something that's like a little bit like feisty.
Speaker:Like hip hop, hard rock, you know, if you're listening to classical
Speaker:music, digging holes, it's.
Speaker:It
Speaker:better be something very intense if If that's the case.
Speaker:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Well, dude, Yakov, I appreciate your sharing your journey, the challenges
Speaker:you were facing, and then how it's like, you know, that forgiveness, that
Speaker:self-love, letting go of that self hatred.
Speaker:And then just turning into how do I create plans, you know, these checklists and.
Speaker:You know, uh, operating systems as you called them, for setting
Speaker:myself up for success in different situations and different environments.
Speaker:Dude, I appreciate you sharing all that.
Speaker:And if guys are looking to connect outside of this podcast, how can they do that?
Speaker:Easiest thing, you can find me on LinkedIn Smart.
Speaker:I'm sure it'll be in the show notes.
Speaker:Um, also smart.com.
Speaker:There's a contact form you can go and that in social media, but I think it's
Speaker:also really important to not be shy.
Speaker:To reach out.
Speaker:And even if you're like, Hey, one thing really resonated, way to go.
Speaker:I think when you do that, that's also paying it forward, because
Speaker:then it's a mirror, right?
Speaker:Someone's gonna end up doing that for you, and I think it, it adds the party.
Speaker:So I highly recommend people.
Speaker:It's one thing to listen to a podcast.
Speaker:I love what you said about action and just like, listen to every episode,
Speaker:take a bunch of notes, but the action is paying it forward, right?
Speaker:You know, how can you add value to yourself and everyone
Speaker:who's sharing this with you.
Speaker:Yeah, hundred percent.
Speaker:It's like invest in yourself, not just with the knowledge, but with the
Speaker:action and keep things moving forward.
Speaker:I appreciate it.
Speaker:Thank you so much my friend.
Speaker:Thank you.
